Monday, 20 June 2011

The Music Teacher and the Cobra

There have been a number of sightings of fictional private detectives etc over the weekend. At first it was thought it was Mr Perkins the Mathematics teacher who likes to wear a deerstalker and has a big curly pipe which he points at people. Every lesson this year he has insisted that Harry Watson says to him What kind of maths are we doing today sir to which he says Elementary my dear Watson

Yes I know, I can hear you all moaning and complaining about yet another bad joke. Not like that Harry Potter he is rubbish at bad jokes as I’ve said in the past. Anyway you are distracting me again now

I have asked the Joules Verne Pocket Oracle and Prophecy Machine about the stories of Pirates and private detectives and it said they are in fact the CIA, MI6 and FBI  who have been monitoring my diary on the internet in my blog. I mentioned that myself I think. Anyway they are having another attempt and obtaining some of my more interesting items for investigation such as the Einstein Cube. They think by pretending to be pirates they will be able to infiltrate the inner sanction of our home much as Pirate Pete has.

I have never tried snake charming in school before the music teacher thinks that we all need an incentive to learn the recorder properly. She says that in all the years she has been teaching everyone has been rubbish. So in order to improve our standard if we don’t play very well the Cobra will bite us and we will all die. This might explain what the headmaster was talking about in assembly the other day when the music teacher was off sick; he said she was under a lot of strain as a result of thirty years of stress caused by pupils making an awful screeching din. Apparently it’s where the Americans got the idea of playing loud music to prisoners for days on end from. It is an effective form of torture on everyone except ex-music teachers.

After school I walked home because it was still sunny despite what the man on the wireless told me this morning, and I met Miss Marple only she had a patch over one eye and a pair of designer dark sun glasses on and was saying HAR HAR HAR ROGER AND OUT.

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