Ukraine, Russia, Mr Putin and the West

 As an ordinary chap in the UK who over the years has been writing a rather erratic diary which admittedly has at times been a bit strange. I feel it is time for me to write something about the present situation in Ukraine. Mr Putin has blamed Nato, The EU, Britain and the US for his actions in sending troops into the country. On the grounds that they are threatening Russia. Now I'm sure there are folk out there that will say  . . . Yes its True . . . but I dont agree because it's not true. You see Mr Putin does not always work in the interests of Russia, but does work in the interests of Mr Putin. He is reputably one of the richest men in the world and those around him, his long standing circle of oligarchs have also become incredibly wealthy too. I mean if you can afford a 6oo million pound yacht and 100 million pound houses then we are talking serious money. So the truth is that Mr Putin and his friends have milked the Russian economy for many many years. Not really the actions of a great leader although sadly a course taken by other world leaders over time. Power as the old saying goes corrupts. 

Many have even called Mr Putin and his little gang Russian Mafia something I am unable to comment on, but will say as an ordinary chap in the UK it does look a bit like that might be true. However I have little trust in the UK Government at present either and it appears the Tory Party have been happy to take Russian money for ages and also seem a bit slow on sanctions of  Russian individuals.

As things stand Russian forces are using what are regarded as classic Russian fighting methods to slowly destroy towns and cities using long range artillery and missiles destroying houses shops and the general fabric of society. Mr Putin firmly puts all this destruction down to Extremists, Nazis and Western Powers. And his own troops are saving the Ukrainian people. If you live in Russia and read this well that is not true. OOoooooo No I'm afraid Mr Putin is destroying Ukraine. 

Here in the UK I can safely say that I think our present Prime Minister Boris Johnson is rubbish and I'm sure he thought the whole Prime Minister thing would be one big Jolly for him and his pals to make money and get knighthoods before retiring. If I openly suggested such a thing about Mr Putin in Russia I would probably vanish. What this means is news reported in Britain can be far more critical and subjective than in Russia where at a time like this reporters report what they are told to report or else. So many ordinary Russians just dont realise what is being done in their name or just how many people both Russian and Ukrainian are dying because of one man's deluded ambitions. Not for his country but for himself. To protest in Russia you have to be very very brave indeed.

What Mr Putin thinks the outcome of all this will be I just dont know, it is very likely he will be unable to travel outside Russia in the future and will end up with more weapons pointing at him than he could shake a stick at as the west gets as paranoid as he is. He has made a terrible error and it is not one that can be undone.

I will return to this but right now it is late and time to sleep. I am lucky I have a bed and a safe home unlike so many in Ukraine. 

THe Big Question. . . . Jeremy Corbyn and the Labour Party Leadership Contest

Every now and again I enter the world of politics, and I am also well known for answering Big Questions of our time, so today (if I manage to get this written in time) I will merge these two themes and deal with the upcoming Labour Party leadership Election.  As it happens I have no say in this as I am not a member of the Labour Party or any other party for that matter due to my bitter cynicism of all things political.

Now everyone here in Britain is well aware that there are four people standing for the leadership one of whom is called Jeremy Corbyn, but in other countries this news may not be important and therefore unknown. If you live in the USA where politics is generally a lot more to the right than in Britain then you might see Mr Corbyn as the child of the Devil and President Putin, this is not correct. He is it appears a rather principled chap but on the left of the political spectrum. The important point as far as I can see is that he is man of principle and stands up for what he thinks is right, OK I don’t know for sure if all his ideas are right, but he says and does what he believes is in the greater interest of the country.

Now it is interesting to ponder why he is standing for leader but I have a theory, you see Labour being Labour likes to be seen as fair, so there are four candidates for leader two women and two men.  Of these four, three are fundamentally main stream, a couple politically in the centre of the Labour Party one is to the right of the Labour Party (remember this is the part of the left. . . I think) and then there is Mr Corbyn on the left of the party. It has been said he was only proposed as a token candidate to keep the left quiet and that no one would support him and he would vanish into obscurity again as an old idealist maverick with his foolish ideas. Sadly for the establishment of the Labour party everything has back fired big time.

Yes you see society has been steadily getting more unequal over the last few years and although some will say the poor are not any worse off than they were; the point is the rich are getting much richer and gap between rich and poor continues to widen.  Well many ordinary folk who are not well off have seen a chance to vote for someone they can relate too, so many have paid their three pound to join the party in order to vote for Jeremy Corbyn the idealist left wing Maverick, which has now made the rest of the party who are all for maintaining the status quo in order to woo the middle classes and business to vote for them come the next General Election. One could argue at the cost of the principles of the Labour Party, but they say it is important to be in power or principles are pointless.  However thousands of ordinary folk are saying HANG ON if power is more important than principles then exactly why should we vote for you, I think we will all vote for that  Jeremy Corbyn the idealist Left wing Maverick.

We appear to now be getting to a point where suddenly certain folk are saying Mr Corbyn is a devil worshipping android monster from the planet Mars and keeps bees in jam jars. And once met a man who ate fish from Harrods.  So far the efforts to discredit Mr Corbyn have back fired and looking at it all from a long way off, it is not doing the Labour Party any good.

My advice is everyone stick to principles and tell those who will be voting what you stand for rather than worry about being in power, that will happen if you are a decent person and folk believe you.

Don’t politicians realise folk just don’t trust them to look after the masses rather than themselves. . . Well it appears at present there is one politician folk are prepared to trust. . . .     

Rob Z Nostradamus. The Predictions of 2015 . . .

What would be a good way to start a new post in the New Year, well I think the best thing I could possibly do is to give you all some predictions for the year ahead. That bloke Nostradamus was a bit of a one for doing this and it never did him any harm. Well I say never there was the one incident when he did not see that large bus coming and it did sort of kill him.  

So I will firstly predict the news that the election on the 7^th May here it Britain is going to be long and very boring, because all the politicians and various media think it is very exciting. It will not be. The Liberal Democrats will loss all but 1 or 2 seats if they are lucky and it will all end in a huge muddle with the Scottish National Party and UKIP winning enough seats between them to stop either the Labour or conservatives forming a government. Which in turn brings about a shock coalition between Labour and the Conservatives for what they call, a short term government of convenience.  And confusing the masses who finally realise that you just can’t get rid of those dodgy old establishment politicians even if you don’t vote for them.

The next prediction is the sudden death of the Queen which if nothing else will take the mind of the masses off the endless bickering of politicians. However after four days of solemn music and royal life and death stories on the tele and radio some folk start demanding the return of Eastenders and Strictly Come Dancing saying it is rather depressing on the tele and hey folk die.

I was planning to predict other shock horror royal stories but it may be too late now so we will ignore the other stuff.

I am predicting a heat wave this summer, but followed by heavy rain and storms in September and October that will cause problems on the railways. Yes I can see a mass rush to the seaside this summer as the sun shines for weeks on end leading to hosepipe bans and fighting in queues to buy ice cream.

Yet another well known high street shop will bite the dust claiming that it has lost out to online shopping and an unpredicted heat wave. . . (sorry but I have predicted that so no excuses).

Man will not get to Mars.

President Putin will shock the world with news that will see him wearing a large pink wig and singing Karaoke in a dodgy bar in a large naval Black Sea Port. However it will turn out to be a hoax and President Putin will look even more angry than normal at the following G20 meeting as other leaders snigger a bit.

I am also predicting world peace . . . . . .  OK I am lying I am not predicting world peace in fact I predict that the Middle East will become even more unstable and lead to further political turmoil between the East and West. Not helped by the pink wig incident.

China will go into a deep recession causing infighting among its political elite, although it will all look the same to us ordinary folk over here.

Another well known celebrity will fall from grace as their terrible habits are revealed to an unbelieving public.

The next International Environmental Summit will end in failure, but we be told that some issues have been dealt with.

The life of seagulls will not change. . . . much.

President Putin, NATO, Scottish Devolution, Spies and Ordinary folk

Yes sorry I have used an old favourite picture tonight

Well everyone . . . I spent the morning at the Village Hall Market, it’s a great market where everyone is happy and chilled we drink tea eat bacon butty’s and cake and catch up on local news. Now don’t go thinking O GOD NO LOCAL NEWS. . . no we are an interesting and cosmopolitan lot (I say lot but our numbers are few-ish) and so I was chatting to a chap who’s bride to be is a Russian woman and all was going well until a certain world leader said to his mates. . .Those Decadent Western puppets and their imperialist leaders are weak it is time to start retaking the empire. And besides, me and my comrades are very wealthy we can do what we like now. like fight bears, bARE chested . . . . . . . .  . . . HAHA HAH hah ah ah ah ahah Fight Bears, BARE chested . . . You are not laughing Igor I think it better if you do right away. . . . No I  insist. . . . .   

But events have lead to a cooling in Anglo-Russian diplomacy leading to difficulties if you are an Anglo-Russian couple hoping to marry and settle down in the rolling Shropshire hills of a tiny village.  Anyway the local chap said he knows a few people who know a few people and so he has pulled a few strings and managed to get a whole load of the Western Imperialist leaders together to have a chat and work out which one of them is going to be brave enough to go and see President Putin and explain to him that they are just a ordinary couple who what to drink tea, eat bacon butty’s and cake in the local Market on Friday Morning.  Not Spies with listening devices hidden in the wheels of wheelie bins outside the  secret NATO building hidden round the corner pretending to be a small holding, which in turn has bugging devices placed all over the Kremlin. . . . . . . Hang on it is probably best if I don’t mention that bit . . . . . . . AH DAMN.

Interestingly I note that the Western imperialist leaders say that the Ukraine, which was originally independent then sort of became part of Russian through force but decided to become independent should be left alone to make its own policies and decisions and the West and Russia should respect the views of the native Ukrainians. . . . . . . . Ooooooo it sounds just like Scottish Devolution . . . . sort of, but with less tartan.    

Malaysian Plane (flight MH17), Russia, Ukraine and Politics and Truth

its a small world

As we all know, yesterday a Malaysian Plane (flight MH17) was apparently shot down over an area of Ukraine held by the Pro Russian Ukrainians with what is thought to be a Russian supplied ground to air missile system. And although they deny it the overwhelming evidence supports this view.  One could argue it is foolish to supply such a weapon to a rag tag amateur army who have appeared to be somewhat trigger happy in recent times. The Russians however would argue that they are supporting their colleagues over the border against the puppets of the decadent western powers.

We would have to assume that this was in many ways a terrible accident and that they really did think that the plane was a Ukrainian Transport plane, but it is no less sad and appalling for that.  However what I find just as bad is that, even though Russia must know who did this they seem to blame the Kiev Government for what happened. They are saying that it happened because the Ukrainians who want closer links to the west are attacking the pro Russian Ukrainians.  Interestingly they are not saying that the Pro Russian Ukrainians did not do it, and to me President Putin statement yesterday seemed very chilled, I am glad he is not my leader, although I am not a fan of the one I have either or the potential future ones.

Wars are not nice, terrible thing have and will always happen, but it does not mean that people should not be brought to account for their actions when it is possible to do so. The innocent with no say or involvement should not die or be tortured because of the power struggles of others.  Maybe the people of power such as President Putin should consider morality a little more and be honest about events like this and tell the truth.  

I live in ever declining hope that one day the human race will be better than it presently is, 

The Return of President Putin

There is something slightly odd about a clock that has a rather flat battery, when I say flat I refer to the power of the battery rather than a squashed one. Clocks tend to be a device of certainty something we trust and rely on while they rotate. Of course every now and again we come across one that is stopped but that is OK because it is stopped and as we know a stopped clock is in general of little use.

However a clock with a nice big friendly face and hands that are ticking away as they should; should be correct, if it was correct last time it was looked at, not at least half an hour slow. So it was that our trip to collect President Putin from our friend, an artist and Member of Plaid Cymru got off to a slightly sudden start when every other clock in the house chimed a chirpy Half Past Ten. I have always been told it is not good to make President Putin wait, which is slightly unfair as I have a feeling he has a habit of doing that very thing to other important people at times.

Anyway we got to collect Mr Putin right on time and he never noticed a thing, despite going what is called here in Britain at least . . . . . The Pretty Way. . . . .  I am not sure if this is a term used in other parts of the world but it generally refers to either getting lost or taking the very long route to your destination.  This can happen when the driver of the vehicle goes into auto pilot and only realizes the error of his way when the passengers ask in a quizzical way WHERE ARE WE GOING? Ghost Writers make rubbish chauffeurs . . . and Ghost Writers as it happens.   

We have also seen Miss Jo who had her Birthday today and I ate fairy cake and ginger cake and another cake, so I have eaten three cakes today so that is quite good.

I sure you will all be pleased to hear President Putin in Hanging on the wall again now where he belongs. . . . . . .

A quiet day

I have had a quietish day today which involved two wheels, a long device that cuts things, but it refused to start,  a few hungry goldfish I am trying to turn into the longest goldfish in the world and a man who said I could have 17 tyres. 

However I am also somewhat tired (not tyred) so I have decided to do what I did the other night and recycle an old post. I have written over one thousand posts so a bit of recycling is a cunning trick. Lets face it at least fifty percent of all television is recycled and no one complains, OK yes everyone complains but it still happens so it will still happen here.

So here we have an old fairy tale one I wrote when I was desperate as nothing had happened that day and I just started typing as I do sometimes (OK always). . . Well I mean who really knows what they are going to write before they write it. . . . NO one  . . . . NO I dont believe you, you make it up just like me.

Ooooo yes I have to collect President Putin tomorrow.

Ooooooooo again. . . . It appears that while I have been typing this, a car has crashed and rolled at the end of our drive. I have just been up to see what happened but the fire engine police ambulance and all the neighbours are there so I have returned home.  I never heard a thing and only a phone call and lots of blue lights alerted us to the events. But there are lots of folk there and one more spectator is not required.  

My Trusty White Falcon 

 The Greatest Fairy Tale of all time

Icy Black and the Seven Giants

Once upon a time there was a grumpy young prince called Icy Black who would wander about the castle of his step-father the King muttering and complaining at crows and seagulls and some of the servants; who would say things like if you grump like that young master Black the wind will change direction and you will be grumpy for life and look like a big Frog. Prince Icy Black would always shout GOOD and stamp about until someone gave him ice cream to keep him quiet. His step-father, King Arthur had a large round table (a talking table) and each day he would ask it table,table in the hall who is the happiest of them all, and the table would always say KING ARTHUR.

Then as Prince Icy Black got older he started to really get on the nerves of everyone with his constant grumpiness and then one day when King Arthur said table,table in the hall who is the happiest of them all the table said Boris the Greengrocer, the King was shocked and asked the table why and of course it was because after nineteen years of grumpiness Prince Icy Black was making everyone unhappy. 

The King thought OK I have had enough of this and sent Prince Icy Black into the forest and gave the nod to the knights to sort of chop his head off. But once in the forest Prince Icy Black complained so much the knights forgot about killing him and stuck cotton wool in their ears and ran back to the castle.

Then as it got dark and prince Icy Black was moaning he was cold and hungry he came across a huge house, as he pushed the door open he was confronted by seven giants who looked at him and complained and grumped for at least an hour about strangers turning up and leaving doors open and not wearing matching shoes.

It turned out that the seven giants were even grumpier than Prince Icy Black which made him very happy so it was a bit of a shock several weeks later when King Arthur asked the round table table,table in the hall who is the happiest of them all the table said Prince Icy Black. Everyone at the castle thought O NO he might come back so a plot was hatched and an apple was laced with a magic sleeping potion and one of the knights returned to the forest where he made a tower of five apples outside the house of the seven giants. Of course Prince Icy Black could not resist saying he was going to eat the bottom apple destroying the tower, but as he did so he fell asleep and snored really loudly.

When the seven giants returned from their day job of guarding a small village from a group of Japanese samurai bandits they thought, we cant cope with all that snoring so put Prince Icy Black in a sound proof glass box in the woods.  As time passed everyone lived happily until one day a passing princess saw Prince Icy Black and thought Ooooooo I know I will kiss him, and all in an instant he turned into a huge frog and got in a right strop leaping about shouting, so the princess ran off. After chewing a few flies Prince Icy Black thought I know I will go and see King Arthur he will be pleased to see me.

The End . . . . . . . . . . . . Or is it

The Curse of Twitter, the A to Z and World War three

Well doesn’t time fly, it is St Davids Day today in Wales although as I am one mile over the border now I don’t see him as much. Although I will be in Wales later doing things. . . . I am writing a bit of this diary early, so it is possible things I say I am going to do will already be done and dusted by the time anyone reads this in three weeks time.

Last night I did a foolish thing indeed, something I have not done before and I suspect will not do again, I attempted to join in with a Twitter group chat all about the forthcoming blogging A to Z event. Well what can I say except it entirely scrambled my brain and made me look a mad gibbering idiot who knows nothing? OK some will I suspect nod knowingly and agree. The reason for this is simple my diary is a flurry of jumbled words that hopefully some of the time make sense, I like words even though I cant spell, type, use punctuation correctly and possibly put them together in an odd order. But Twitter is not a friend of words and punctuation it is all about short concise little bits of text that are short and to the point, and I hate that. What would Shakespeare have thought if he was limited to 140 characters (not as in folk like Hamlet or Richard the Third but as in a space or a letter or a squiggly thing). You see for my diary or any other cyber location of myself Rob Z Tobor, to have the true essence of me I need far more words.  All I can say to those who witnessed my Who? What? Why? . . . . . . .Seagulls? What again? Help? attempts at keeping up with the flurry of tweets is, I just cant think that fast . . . . . . it was hell.

I notice in the real world folk are starting to shout at one another over a place called the Crimea (part of the Ukraine), I just hope they are not doing it using Twitter or it will all go horribly wrong. Now I don’t know about you lot but only a few weeks ago if someone had shown me a map of the world and told me to point at the Crimea I would have been at a loss as to know where it was. I might have pondered North Africa or the like but I suspect I would have put in entirely in the wrong place and got it entirely the wrong shape. 

Anyway as we all know Russia have sort of moved in to save it from the nasty westernised Ukrainians who are, as the Russians have put it, are all terrible right wing fascist extremists. Well; we are like that in the West, as is plainly clear from my decadent bourgeois diary here in cyberspace. Their decision to do this appears to have surprised the governments of the west who even as I type are protesting. This slightly surprises me after all Crimea is the main strategic harbour of the entire Russian fleet and well to think they would be happy to have it run by folk they used to think of as the enemy (us) is rather silly. It is a bit like American handing Pearl Harbour over to Japan and saying you can look after it as long as you don’t mind the odd ship popping in and out. . . . . . . .  Anyway what is the worst that can happen . . . . . .World War Three . . . . . . .AH DAMN.

Maybe we should just let Russia have the Crimea back even most folk living there would be happy with that, and the rest of Ukraine can join us and complain about the Euro and weather.

The Opening Ceremony of the Sochi 2014 Winter Olympics, President Putin and a Small Chicken.

The winter Olympic opening ceremony has been on the go today and it was rather a grand affair for a winter Olympics as in general they tend to be more friendly and low key than the summer ones. But of course because they are in Russia rumour have abounded that President Putin was keen to put on (Putin . . . . . .  Put on . . . . . . . HA HAH HA H HAH hah ha haha ha ha ha hah ha ha) a good show. And I would have to say some of it was very spectacular indeed as it showed the story of Russia through history, a bit like the London Olympics showed Britain. The odd thing with these though is that it sort of ended with the breaking up of the USSR and then came to an abrupt holt in a sort of AH . . . . . . .DAMN . . . . . I know we can have some Seagulls  . . . no hang on Doves, Doves is good or Swans folk like Swans …….. Interestingly it appears that Sochi (the place in Russia, not the Japanese seafood) is one of the warmer parts of Russia and has no snow which might make things a bit tricky.

Anyway as you know the chicken loves these things and only the other day said he planned to fly over and sneak in; and much like in London the Russians also would prefer not to have chickens running about, partly because it is already complicated enough with Seagulls, Doves and Swans all over the place. But the chicken is a resourceful beast and 40,000 armed troops and folk dressed as white rabbits were never going to keep it away from meeting the main man.

I was able to capture the moment on the TV as out of the shadows the chicken moves in closer to see President Putin close up. The President gritting his teeth, but clearly unhappy that the massed security forces failed to get the chicken. Although if you look at the picture closely you will notice that he is cunningly using his third arm (not many folk know he has three arms) to try and grab the chicken and have him (her) dealt with.

Apparently loads and loads of money was spent on the venue and there is talk of legacy much like there was after the London Olympics . . . . . . . .HAH HA HAH HA HAH AH HAH AH HA HAH AH HA HAH AH HA HAH HA HA Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha 

A small Island of no interest . . . . (OK a bit)

DAMN its late again how did that happen, it seems those clocks have been sneakily going round while I did other stuff, such is life I guess. I noticed on the news that the G20 summit are meeting again, but this time in Russia in a room with huge chandeliers (a great place to hide bugging devices).  It appears the Russians are not entirely happy as no one likes them and poor old President Putin just seemed to get stared at by a load of grumpy leaders from other counties who were being very quiet due to the bugging devices hidden in the huge chandeliers. As someone once said President Putin is Putin on a brave face HAH HHAHAHHAHAHH HAH ha ha ha ha ha ha or a scary face. Then to make matters worse a Russian official said Britain was a little island where not much happened and was of little interest. That is a terrible thing to say does he not read my diary, we have Zombies, Monsters, the odd flood, more Zombies, Me, Rabbits, Cows and other things. I mean look at today there was a slight accident on the motorway where no one was hurt badly, although about 150 vehicles got a bit dented, and a very cool looking sky and a weird insect in a tent.

What is the nice Mr Steven Spielberg going to think if the Russians say Britain is uninteresting, he will never read my diary then. Oooo yes what did I do today, I looked in a box then I pointed at things and did things with bits of wire and tape. I am rather clever with stuff like that, much cleverer that say a Russian chap who is not interested in Britain.  

I will start The Slightly Eccentric Diary of Rob Z Tobor (volume four) tomorrow (maybe)…. I HOPE….

President Obama, Prime Minister Cameron, President Putin, The G8 summit (2013), Bovril, Kendal Mint Cake and Grizzly Bears.

Yesterday I happened to suggest that it was no coincidence that President Putin of Russia had turned up only days after my original President Putin picture had been shown in my diary in cyberspace. And many of you have said things like Run for the hills or Hide in the Patagonian Embassy for a few weeks till it is safe or Rob Who? never heard of him, he is no friend of ours. Now I know he has to pop over to Ireland to join fellow world leaders for the G8 summit to discuss important issues, which as it happens the leaders all have different views about. So some sort of botched statement will be put together to make it all sound like it was a useful meeting and worth every penny of the X million pounds it cost.

I think it all goes wrong because they call it a summit when it is plainly held in a posh hotel on the flat with no mountains anywhere near. Lets face it food is always much better on the flat rather than the top of a mountain where it tends to be bully beef, Kendal Mint Cake, and hot Bovril, not the food of world leaders, OK President Putin is the only one who might be up for it, climbing fearless up into the unknown chewing his bully beef and laughing in the face of Grizzly Bears.

OK yes where was I (again), President Putin and my picture, now what I would like to know and it is important; exactly where has he got to today because he seems to have vanished. There is talk in the local village of a huge bullet proof car sitting in a lay-by with a group of suspicious men in wearing dark designer sunglasses and drinking Vodka and feeding Caviar to the ducks in the duck pond.

I did notice in the news while I scanned for news for you know who that President Obama of the USA and Prime Minister Cameron of Britain have announced a multi-billion pound trade deal to sell each other loads of stuff. So America will make loads of stuff and sell it to us and we will make loads of stuff and sell it to them and everyone will be happy. Sorry call me stupid but most countries I thought were in debt and all the folk in the countries feeling the cold mountain winds and the smell of Bovril mixed with the far away singing of a Russian fighting Grizzly bears. . . . . . .  Who has all this money to buy all this stuff that we don’t need. Ooooooooo sorry I have gat all political again that’s not good for a witty block buster movie about an eccentric and sadly I now have no time to tell you what I did today as I need to go and make a cardboard Dragonfly, (part of a trade deal worth absolutely nothing).

President Putin, Prime Minister Cameron, and the Fathers Day shock. A G8 summit of World Leaders, Steven Spielberg, children and cardboard animals.

As you know, well you do if you are a regular reader of my diary, and I am assuming that includes most folk across the entire world. You may consider that a little unlikely but an event has occurred that has made me think I am in fact more well known that I thought. You see, (and back to the point I was going to make) the other day I posted a picture of my original painting of President Putin in my diary, then today he turns up in Britain and it can only be that he wants it back so it can hang back above his desk in the Kremlin. So you see I am followed by world leaders, in fact I have reason to believe that several of the worlds leaders plan to meet in the next couple of days to discuss my diary to negotiate parts in the movie once that nice Steven Spielberg stops haggling over the fee for the manuscript.

Mum however says I am an Idiot and I need to remember two things the first is that President Putin is here to see the Prime Minister David Cameron and the second it that it is Fathers Day . . . . . Surely David Cameron cant be his father they don’t look remotely like they are related, just look at their hair styles. Well I have to say that is something of a shock to me I am surprised it has not be mentioned to me before, but it explains a few things I have never been able to work out.

As it was Fathers Day I said I would cut the grass and hammer in post supports and do men’s work so that dad could rest, he said I was very kind, but that he was planning on sending me out to do it all anyway so it didn’t count and that he would eat all my chocolate teacakes instead. I was a bit tired after all that grass cutting and was planning on having a quiet sit down, but dad very kindly reminded me that I still had things to do on those cardboard animal shapes for all those impetuous school children I am assisting in their art project.  Strangely there is more in common between the children in the junior school running about drawing pictures in a mad rushed way and a G8 summit meeting that you might realize, they are certainly both slightly out of control that’s for sure although I suspect world leaders are rubbish at making cardboard animals even if I helped them.    

Steven Spielberg, the making of Tinker Tailor Rob Z Spy, and monitoring social media

As my very long term followers will be aware I have had many run ins over the past nearly three years with forces that lurk in the shadows; dark forces that can sneak up on you and suck the brains out of even a fully grown antelope or brown bear, yes we are talking Zombies, Ooooooo no sorry we are talking Spies. Yes those men in the dark designer sunglasses who on a rainy day in Britain stand out like a sore thumb as they stumble about unable to see where they are going. Those of you who remember the Einstein Cube or the Jules Verne Pocket Oracle and Prophecy Machine will know of my many run ins with the CIA, MI6 and various other security forces including the KGB in the past. So I have to say that as the eccentric child of cyberspace using the world of social media to write my diary I must confess that the recent news that certain forces are monitoring the world of social media is not new to me. In fact I feel I may owe you all a bit of an apology for bringing them here in the first place.

If you think about it poor old Charles and his mate Quentin the back room boys at GCHQ, which if you Google tells you their address and telephone number, which is silly (hello chaps) who are monitoring all the chit chat of social media have a terrible job, just think how boring it must be to sit and monitor stuff without ever being allowed to make the odd comment on a Facebook page or follow the occasional blog making witty remarks or say even start your own blog chatting about life and stuff, Zombies and maybe take the cunning disguise of say an Eccentric Child and part time Pirate in the strange twilight world of Cyberspace, lets face it spies, particularly the back room boys will work much better if they are happy in their work, and a bit of interaction with the punters is just the ticket.

Anyway as Charles and his mate Quentin would say themselves if you can’t trust a man with an original portrait of President Putin, (a gift from the Kremlin) hanging on his wall then who can you trust. And as I have said elsewhere tonight when the nice Mr Steven Spielberg makes the film Tinker Tailor Rob Z Spy from my rather popular serialized diaries the security forces will deny everything, well everyone except Quentin and Charles who may be allowed to be extras in a dramatic scene where the hero and his trusty Lemmings confront the arch villain, a man called Moriarty who has accidently run onto the wrong set.   

President Putin and the Spy Rock incident, or Rock Spies and the Micro Forensic Geologist

Listening to the news this morning on the wireless I noticed that the British government has admitted to the Spy Rock incident of a few years ago and putting two and two together I realized on my way to school that Spy Rocks are all over the place, even in our own garden. So when I got to school I went to see the Micro Forensic Geologist, Mr Norman a sad and bitter man because no one takes the Micro Forensic Geology exam option these days.

He has long complained that students all do Media Studies now because when they leave university they know they are guaranteed a job serving the customers in Starbuck’s and as Mr Norman himself says in a slightly mad scientist way Geology does not rock any more HA HAH HAH HAHAHHHAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHAHAH HAHAH HA. Mr Norman had heard the story of the Spy Rocks and said that he had indeed come across them while doing research in a park in Moscow. He was particularly angry because it was made of plastic and he says his job is difficult enough without fake plastic rocks being left all over the place by MI6. 

Anyway he confirmed my suspicion telling me that you can tell a spy rock as it will have small solar panels on the top to provide power and some even have a small light in to help observe who ever is under observation by the secret services. These bugging devices are openly sold in garden centres as Rock Lights for pools and Patios and are particularly popular amongst diplomats, the foreign office, Prime ministers and government leaders. President Putin is said to have given the Queen several to light up the throne in Westminster Abbey. Even NASA found them a very economic option to light up both the launch of the Space Shuttle and the runway at landing. We even have one in our garden which was here, sat in a quiet corner of mums office next to her secret short wave radio that I am not allowed to mention…………… AH, Mum has said IDIOT again now   

The dog by the way is making a Rock Spy; it is a life size granite Elvis but the eyes are small cameras and his ears are electronic listening devices or as the dog calls them ears. Personally I don’t like it because the eyes follow you round the room, No they really do follow you round the room.

Oooo by the way I remembered to take a picture of the bird table I made; the first thing on it was Sooty the Cat (typical). He was after the kippers (Smoked Herring to those of you not in the UK) as you can see the kippers worked and I managed to attract a Gannet. Or maybe its a Wood be Gannet as we are some way from the sea.

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Four poster beds, Mr Putin and Rastafarian dominos

One of the draw backs to sleeping in a big four poster bed with drapes and stuff is when they need to be taken off and put back again it takes ages. I know it’s not that normal to sleep in big grand four posters with drapes but mum insists; mum and dad’ as I have said before have one from the Imperial Palace in Moscow.

Not sure where my one came from but if was not Moscow and when ever I ask Mum and Dad why they were given theirs by that Mr Putin bloke they always say DON’T ASK and dad says its best if I don’t put that in my diary anyway AH I did it again I think, SORRY. We have a picture of Mr Putin hanging in our dinning room, apparently it is the only one in town, well almost because Napoleon Beelzebub has one in his Very Strange Victorian Curiosity Shop but I don’t think that counts because he has loads of stuff no one else has.

We are all off for a family get together tomorrow at some point for Mothers Day. Auntie Karen won’t be there because she says she will be crowd surfing while playing both the saxophone and ukulele at the same time, not many people can do that although dad had a friend who could play the piano and a guitar at the same time. Somewhere in the house we have a cassette tape of him doing that but our house has a lot of stuff in it and even the stuff has stuff in it so it could be anywhere.

As it was such a nice day me and the dog went for a walk in the woods once we got near the clearing in the middle we found all the Banshee’s practicing playing domino’s, I think mum keeps beating them and they are trying to get better at it. They play it the same way as the Rastafarians do where they crash the dominoes onto the table it is well cool to watch but a bit noisy. Me and dad don’t play domino’s any more because at Christmas Granny would always cheat so no one else could win not even Mum or Great Great Great Granddad so we stopped playing but mum likes Rastafarian dominos as it reminds her of snow ball fights?      

I have remembered to use paragraphs tonight; my proof reader says I need to use more paragraphs, but I get paragraphs and parachutes mixed up all the time. The English teacher has told me to stop taking paragraphs to school because her cupboard is now full of them and she hates heights anyway. I still have not got the hang of English yet.