Fly (Wasp) tipping and the Urban Environment on the longest day (NOT) of the year

What a hot day it was today very hot and sticky, but not sticky as in glue as used to fix tongue and grove cladding to walls, luckily we are still doing combined lessons at school and so today it was Art and Social Studies. I say Art, we were in fact repainting the walls of the outside of the school as part of the cunning economy drive while we discussed the Urban Environment and the implications of fly tipping. To me and Freddie the first and obvious implication of fly tipping is it would annoy the flies loads, but the teacher said that me and Freddie were in fact IDIOTS and that flies like fly tipping.

Myself and Freddie were far from convinced and had plans to do practical fly tipping experiments but flies proved to be rather agile, luckily while painting the grand façade we stumbled across a wasps nest so conducted an experiment on wasp tipping. And as me and Freddie anticipated proving our point quiet strongly the wasps were very annoyed indeed. But having proved our point the teacher said yet again that me and Freddie were in fact IDIOTS, however the teacher then ran off pursued by a large number of angry wasps but no flies.

Today is also the longest day of the year, well that is not entirely correct it is the day with the longest period of daylight during the day, well only in the Northern hemisphere. As for which day of the year really is the longest day that is complicated, because is the world slowing down or speeding up. I think it is slowing down so the longest day of the year will always be last day of the year due to the deceleration of the planet. A point I was planning to make to the Social Studies teacher but she was rather pre occupied at the time trying to outrun a swarm of wasps who by now were blaming the teacher for their nest being eaten by the school goat who having spent most of his life being annoyed by flies was fairly oblivious of the wasps.

Oooo yes although today was very hot I also tried an experiment at home to create rainbows as it was a good way to keep cool and I thought if I made small rainbows I might be able to find a small pot of gold at one end of it. Something which appears to be yet another urban myth.

One other small thing that rather amused me this morning on the radio was that Russia think (a few Russians that is) that folk deliberately don’t vote for them in the Eurovision Song Contest and it is why (OK one of the reasons) President Putin looked upset during the recent G8 summit, Sorry but try being Britain in the Eurovision Song Contest, yes I know the songs are also rubbish BUT…..     

One man and his painted human silhouette . . . .

A mite on the cold side again.  . . . .DAMN

Just at present I feel I am staggering through a barren desert devoid of events and interesting things to write about; yes I know that we have a Pope and horses turning up in convenience foods, and Esmeralda has realigned the steam powered catapult so that the school goat landed in the large DIY store and became deranged from sniffing glue. I say sniffing I should possibly say chewing cans of glue. I don’t recommend letting a goat get deranged in a DIY store full of power tools and no frozen peas, I never even knew a goat could operate a chainsaw, I guess all those hours in the woodwork department have not been entirely wasted.

But the point is in the present state of limbo news and events are thin on the ground, and at this rate I will be telling you about Freddie’s new re-enactment of One man and his Dog, but who in their right mind wants to read about Freddie’s revival of the old show rounding up sheep and getting them into a pen at the bottom of a large field. Although in Freddie’s case he used his two best ferrets and the little old ladies from the Bingo bus and rounded them up into the trolley pen at the bottom of the large Supermarket car park.   

But you really don’t want to hear all about that, and I was a bit distracted anyway because I had painted a human silhouette on the car park near the disabled bays and was doing rather well making a few pounds doing the Richard the Third tourist trail reciting famous lines like “a trolley a trolley my kingdom for a decent trolley that does not squeak and pull to the left” and “Alas poor checkout operative I knew them well”.

AH right where was I OH Yes, the bitter cold long dark winter (ooooo yes “This is the Winter of our discounted Tent . . . 50% off”)  . . . . Sorry distracted again. I was saying the cold long dark winter where everyone has got their head down and nothing is happening and as a result has left me in a state of crisis with nothing to write about having arrived home late due to the escaped flock of Wildebeest that escaped from the processed food factory and were running towards the bypass holding up all the traffic including the school bus. And these new improved android bus drivers are rubbish, just because class 15AS set fire to Mr Harris the bus driver a couple of times.

Ok that’s it I will not subject you to the verbal equivalent of watching paint dry any longer and I will go and see if I can see that big hawk outside the house again, I was going to take a picture of it for you but in an act of defiance something that Hawks, Popes and Richard the Third are rather good at it flew away.  The pope does this too but Richard the Third takes a more Ostrich approach to defiance than a hawks approach to defiance. As Richard would say himself “An honest tale speeds best, being plainly TOLD BY Rob Z Tobor”

BYE

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The twelfth day of the twelfth month of 2012, the Montgolfier brothers and a rather nice curry

It is the 12^th of the 12^th of 2012 or 12-12-12 today (not as good as 12-12-1212 but I missed that date) which will not happen again for a very long time. As it happens I think it will if I remember correctly Ethiopia is eight years behind the rest of the world, I am not sure why and I have not checked to ensure I am correct because it is very very cold. But I am going to assume I am right because I am right almost every time I am not wrong, and I am only wrong when I am not right.  In other words it will not be 12-12-12 again for eight years. Next year we will have 11-12-13 (well not if you are in America because for some silly reason they do their dates wrong)…..

The Sun was rubbish today and looked a bit like one of these low energy light bulbs, it even generated about the same amount of heat as a low energy light bulb, I just hope that the End of the World is not going to be an eco friendly End of the World that would be a disaster.

In an effort to warm ourselves up we are going to descend on the Montgomery Indian Restaurant and meet up with friends, when I say descend I really mean we are going to walk in the front door like everyone else, it is one of those silly sayings which came about from the early days of hot air ballooning when the Montgolfier Brothers would say to their pals see you for dinner. They would then leap into their hot air balloon and vanish off in totally the wrong direction landing on the roof of some poor unsuspecting family and say to them we thought we would just drop in for dinner, the resulting conversation would then descend into a fight because the Montgolfier Brothers would always say the food was rubbish and what is for pud.

So that’s it I know I did stuff but it was cold and stuff I do when I am cold is not exciting and I am (that’s cold not exciting, although I am exciting) I am not as good at typing either so enough is enough, another little phrase that goes back to the days of the Montgolfier Brothers when the family finally thought it was time to throw the balloonists out on their ears. Yes, yet another ballooning term, those early hot air balloon baskets looked just like ears .. . . . . . .The END

Last one to eat a curry is a sissy AH HHAH HAH ah hah ahah ahahahaha haha hahahahahh aha hah ahaha hahh hah 

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Bradley Wiggins lookalikes, a huge ferret and a spider

It was the first day of the Michaelmas Fair in the Bishops Castle; he has always liked a good fair and lots of steam. In the past I have been known to play djembe but the old band of drummers has now dwindled to just the two of us and my colleague who lives in the Bishops Castle has run off to things more exciting for the weekend. So I have spent the day having a big bonfire, these things are very useful, it allows us to dispose of loads of garden waste, plus mum can dispose of old classified confidential papers from MI6 and the dog gets to toast marshmallows. As it turned out staying here and having a bonfire may have been the right move, as during the day three ambulances passed heading off in the direction of the Bishops Castle with lights flashing. Then a short while ago a police car with its lights and siren both going shot passed heading towards the Bishops Castle followed a few minutes later by an ambulance with its lights and siren going.  

  

And no one can blame me as I was not there so PHEW.

This spider was passed by a Bradley Wiggins lookalike but showed no interest

First thing this morning we took a trip to Monty (the place not the man) to get stuff on the basis that getting in and out of the Bishops Castle would be a bit manic, only it was manic in Monty, not sure why but it was. But we saw loads of people and chatted, leapt out of the way of a man in a motor home who was a bit confused and determined to eliminate things and people, and got the stuff we wanted. We then saw a huge beast on the way home that tried to eat a Bradley Wiggins lookalike just outside Monty, it was either a polecat or a ferret but it was huge, maybe twenty feet long. But it did help us get past the Bradley Wiggins lookalike when it ripped the tyre of his bicycle and he vanished off into the hedge, they both vanished off into the hedge as it happens so rather convenient. Then after that we were confronted by a few more Bradley Wiggins lookalikes plus Bradley Wiggins dad lookalikes and what appeared to be Bradley Wiggins Great Great Great Great Granddad’s lookalike; although I must admit none of us know what he would look like.  I think all the Bradley Wiggins lookalikes may be to do with Tour of Britain passing through Montgomery yesterday.

 In response I would Like to say........ OH no I dont 

Steven Spielberg, eye tests, cars and The Inland Revenue

Several things have happened today, OK not very exciting things bearing in mind this online diary in its various formats is the basis of a forthcoming Steven Spielberg film based on the block buster best selling books (yes we are getting towards the end of book two, sort of). The first thing is the weather has been rather wet, mmmmmm very wet, just think that only a few days ago we were all desperate for some cooler weather and today was like the worse day in December.  This is classic British weather at its best, love it or hate it (OK just hate it), but it is why we (us Brits) are so boring when we discuss the weather.

As you all know the paperwork for Mr Napoleon Beelzebub’s Very Strange Curiosity Shop has all been completed now and today it was delivered to the accountant in order to keep the Inland Revenue happy, To tell the truth it is better if the tax man is not smiling at you, dad always says if the tax man is smiling make sure the flamethrower  is to hand in order to defend yourself. Or get Benny Neckbender to make a load of money sharpish, which at present is not an option as he is on holiday with the queen, and some IDIOT accidently let slip about today’s escape plan in his diary (sorry Benny).

I went for an eye test today, everyone says that they can only assume I have really bad eye sight at present or I would not write complete rubbish and make so many mistakes writing complete rubbish.  The Optician says that my eye sight has not changed that much it is still rubbish; and without my glasses on I could not see the board with the letters on to tell him what the letters are. As it happened I could not see him either so it took a few minutes to realize it was him telling me to read the letters, not a passing stranger.  I have learn that what ever I do I don’t take my glasses off these days, because I cant find them again to put them back on in order to see them to put them on.  So my eye sight is OK with my glasses on.

Then we all went off to get dads prescription from the doctors, it is apparently something that happens as you get older, at some point a doctor will go AH you need to take one of these every day. Then by the time you get to great great grannies age you get a huge jar of assorted tablets that you pick and mix because you can’t remember what is for what or when you are meant to take them. It appears great great granny knows she has nine or was it nineteen pills a day but it appears that it is then pot luck it could be nine of anything, I am told that this is quiet normal after a certain age and most pensioners are downing an unknown assortment of pills with a glass a economy whiskey most evening all over the western world.

OK I better go but I also bought more stone effect paint today and went to see family members with a car that is OK but only when it is not moving. There are apparently lots of cars like this in the world that are a bit dodgy like great great granny and only any good when the don’t move much. 

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By the way I feel I should mention that this is post number 500 so I am personally quite impressed with that. As some of you know the aim to to reach a total of one million words and I think I am about a third of the way to achieving that. I then plan to stop but we will see, I need to get there first

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