A Fairy Tale about Politics and Pointy Sticks

A fairy tale

Once upon a time there was a princess who lived high in the mountains in a posh castle and did many things for the people of the kingdom, she was quite left wing which is rather unusual for a princess and she did many good deeds, like make sure all the children in the kingdom had school books and were looked after. Then one day the King (her father) increased the taxes and there was much grumbling and discontent. The princess was not happy, what with being a bit of a lefty and the like so went off to see the king in his private chambers.

Why have you put up the taxes she asked as she entered adding AND what is that THING?

AH yes its my new 58inch television with a 3d option and cinema quality surround sound . . . its well cool.

Well I hope you have not put up the taxes to pay for that monster of a television said the princess

MMMM well it was very expesive you know replied the king

A few days later when the princess was in town she met Mr Larkin the Butcher and she told him that her father (the King) had spent all the taxes on a huge new television.  Mr Larkin was not happy and shouted leapt about and moaned and said he would lead the masses to form a free independent state. Then when she got home she told the King (her father) that she had told Mr Larkin all about the television and he was talking of forming an independent state. The King was not happy and he shouted leapt about and moaned, but he did then say he would reduce the taxes if it was making life difficult for folk and he was not keen on the idea of a folk forming a new independent state  

The following day the princess went into town to tell Mr Larkin the good news because she was also not keen on the idea of independence either.  Knocking on his door she got no response, but she could hear the voice of a man who sounded just like that Jeremy Clarkson chap from off the tele. Keen to pass on the good news to Mr Larkin she entered the house and found Mr Larkin sat in front of a new 58inch television with a 3D option and cinema quality surround sound.

AH he said I know I said times are hard but it is a very good television and I added a few pence onto the price of sausages so folk never noticed anyway.  

As the princess left she met several of the local villagers and told them all about Mr Larkin (the leader of the Independent Movement) and how he had increased his prices to buy a huge new 58inch television with a 3D option and cinema quality surround sound, and they all shouted and leapt about.

As darkness fell that night there were folk shouting at Mr Larkin and folk shouting at the King and the King was shouting at Mr Larkin who was shouting at him and folk said it was all the princesses fault for being on the political left when she should know her place as one of the well off elite and that no good comes of trying to help folk. Some folk were still demanding independence and some wanted a 58inch television too.

Meanwhile the princess had gone into the forest to stab a pointy stick into a large wasps nest, she did this sometimes because she always said no one is perfect. As the wasps swarmed and flew about manically being grumpy and shouting she headed off home past all the grumpy folk shouting at each other and running about manically. Smiling to herself as she watched the fleeing massed crowds flapping their arms about and running as fast as they could from an angry swarm of wasps. The princess you see was a very good princess but she did have a bit of a devilish streak in her and could never resist prodding things with a pointy stick. Well we all like pointy sticks don’t we.

The End  

The Rocket, the Ghost Writer and the Vampire Ghost Wasps risen from the dead.

It appears that the Ghost Writer was in his big office today, the one that he will be moving out of very shortly; in fact he now has a date to leave this office which is about three weeks from today. He says this is all very well but there is loads of stuff in that office and he has this huge pile of paperwork that he has ignored since 2001 sitting in the middle of his desk, which will also be going (the desk and the paperwork). He thinks he will have to be a Ghost IT Man as he will no longer have an official desk in the new office, but he will get a shelf and draw to put things in, as he says the powers that be do not really understand all the baggage that goes with an IT man even a part time dodgy one.

Oooo yes the Ghost Writer is also grumbling about his car which is sulking with an unspecified electronic fault, you see an old fashioned steam powered car would not do that.

Yesterday I mentioned that I had been having a little bonfire burning some of the old fir tree in the garden, well unbeknown to myself while I was doing this I was being attacked big style by unseen beasts. Now clearly there are not that many unseen beasts that can attack chaps so that later on you realize that the unseen beasts have in fact stung and eaten half your body leaving you in a state of delirium and pain. I can only think of one group of unseen beasts that would be keen to do this as revenge for the destruction of their nests, and that is Vampire Ghost Wasps risen from the dead and out to give me hell for being nasty to them. It was nearly launch time before I was OK . . . . . . . 

Now you may think when I said launch time I meant lunch time but no you see dad is testing his new project in the shed, as he plans to send a small eccentric and unsuspecting child to the moon soon to look for the space gecko, he has not told me who he has in mind yet, but they are either mad or an IDIOT…..

Anyway I am not allowed to either mention or draw the rocket as dad only has planning consent for a rainwater recycling tower not a huge moon rocket, so best I say nothing. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . AH DAMN

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Zombie Powder and Pointy Sticks

Today was a bit like the battle with the Wasps only bigger and with pointy sticks, but luckily I still had some of that powder we used to Zap the Wasps (sorry Wasps), so that sort of did the trick. We will not be seeing that lot again soon, But rather than bore you with a blow by blow description of the day I have just drawn a little picture instead which I think tells you everything you need to know; I tweaked it on the PC for dramatic effect too to highlight the battle at one of its more interesting points.

Oooooo yes it started to rain as well at about 4:00pm so that is summer over then . . . . . . . DAMN 

Micro-Steam Powered Electro-Mechanical Wasps and The Duchess of Cabbage.......

Last night after I had finished my diary entry I sort of mentioned I was off to do battle with the Wasps. I don’t mind Wasps normally, but with four nests all in close proximity to the back door; and as a result of the warm summer (so far) their numbers rapidly increasing, it was time to do battle. Now I thought the little critters would all be in bed but even after 10:30pm there was still some activity but I decided it was time to act. Dad had very kindly supplied me with a powder that he had bought from a shop which you puffed in the general direction of the nest and with its total range of about twelve inches meant I needed to be close up and staring the beasts in the eye so to speak. Easy enough with the ground based nest but no so easy up a ladder puffing the stuff under the roof tiles, PHEW I am glad we live in a bungalow.

So with my torch and powder I attacked the nests and WOW ZAP POW there were wasps all over the place loads of them (I mean really loads), because it was dark they were out to attack anything that was bright so the security light, the windows, and of course my torch which I very quickly switched off. Now these beasts were mad and out of control but I was OK because I just stood in the dark and listened to the massed swarms of wasps getting more and more confused crashing into lights and windows and then they all just sort of died.

I am not sure what is in that powder but I would not advice making dinner with it because just a small amount zapped an awful lot of wasps.

Dad has said he had got used to the constant buzz and attacks and it was too quiet so he is now making Micro-Steam Powered Electro-Mechanical Wasps to replace the real ones, but his are people friendly as they smile and can be trained to hum the national anthem, which he says will be very useful when that royal has her baby, you know the Duchess of Cabbage . . . . . . He is not really good with royals so a bit confused who they all are.

I would just like to point out No Wasps were harmed in the making of this Diary Entry . . . . . .  AH OK that’s not entirely true  . . . . . Sorry Wasps.

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Zombies, Hippies and Wasps

One of the things about writing a daily diary and also scribbling the odd sketch from time to time is that it all takes time to do, so very often I take a vague guess at what drawing I might need for the following day and quickly do the drawing at the end of the day. This is fine if I get it right, but sometimes I don’t or I start to draw something and the drawing goes seriously wrong. Last night was such a case because I really thought I was going to end up in a fight with a Zombie today. It turned out though that I ended up in a fight with a load of wasps instead having found a forth wasps nest, but on top of this my drawing was terrible as the Zombie turned out completely wrong, it is dead (excuse the pun) annoying when a Zombie turns into a Hippie. I really don’t know why it happened but it did. But that is the art game for you fickle and unpredictable, but it makes it interesting for the artist when you cant be sure the thing you start to draw is what will actually be what you draw.

OOOOOOOooooooo yes it was a WELL COOL sunset and now it is dark I plan to sneak up on some wasps so . . . . . . . TALLY HO CHAPS every man for himself…… 

The Royal Baby, The Alien, The Red Kite and Wasps

The Red Kite with the funny call has been circling round the house today, I don’t think I have mentioned it before but it is often about and has a really loud call, and for reasons best known to itself had decided the best bit of sky was directly overhead today.

We also have a wasps nest in a hedge as I mentioned the other day when I accidently hedge trimmed the nest a bit much to the annoyance of the wasps. I did try and get rid of them with some foam stuff, but it has not worked so today, and as they often say on TV when they do something that is not a good idea  . . . .  I do not recommend you do this at home . . . . . I turned the hose pipe on the wasps nest to sort of move them on a bit as wasps are not fans of water or people who spray them with hose pipes. This was a controlled experiment because I did know what I was doing, which was confusing a whole load of wasps while everyone else remained indoors wearing bee keeping equipment and shaking their heads muttering IDIOT. Now just in case anyone is thinking poor old wasps I don’t mind them a bit further away from the house, but at present we have two wasps’ nests in the roof and the one in the hedge next to the back patio and that is a lot of wasps.

I also made the mistake of turning on the BBC news and as far as I can tell there is no news whatsoever except a small baby has left a hospital, surely that is not news, it is what babies do after a bit they go home to a huge palace and become king. However Mr Jones says that he was sketching the baby as it left and from his sketch he is convinced that it might be an alien who from the advantage point of being the king of the world will be able to summon his alien battle fleet and eat everyone. Sadly Mr Jones efforts to tell the royals of his thoughts have not gone down well, nor has his drawing which one BBC royal correspondent called an abomination, apparently it does not have webbed feet (the baby, the alien does).  Still as Mr Jones said they did have its feet well covered up when it left the hospital and one reason for this could be webbed feet….

He has a point we need to see its feet…………

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Fly (Wasp) tipping and the Urban Environment on the longest day (NOT) of the year

What a hot day it was today very hot and sticky, but not sticky as in glue as used to fix tongue and grove cladding to walls, luckily we are still doing combined lessons at school and so today it was Art and Social Studies. I say Art, we were in fact repainting the walls of the outside of the school as part of the cunning economy drive while we discussed the Urban Environment and the implications of fly tipping. To me and Freddie the first and obvious implication of fly tipping is it would annoy the flies loads, but the teacher said that me and Freddie were in fact IDIOTS and that flies like fly tipping.

Myself and Freddie were far from convinced and had plans to do practical fly tipping experiments but flies proved to be rather agile, luckily while painting the grand façade we stumbled across a wasps nest so conducted an experiment on wasp tipping. And as me and Freddie anticipated proving our point quiet strongly the wasps were very annoyed indeed. But having proved our point the teacher said yet again that me and Freddie were in fact IDIOTS, however the teacher then ran off pursued by a large number of angry wasps but no flies.

Today is also the longest day of the year, well that is not entirely correct it is the day with the longest period of daylight during the day, well only in the Northern hemisphere. As for which day of the year really is the longest day that is complicated, because is the world slowing down or speeding up. I think it is slowing down so the longest day of the year will always be last day of the year due to the deceleration of the planet. A point I was planning to make to the Social Studies teacher but she was rather pre occupied at the time trying to outrun a swarm of wasps who by now were blaming the teacher for their nest being eaten by the school goat who having spent most of his life being annoyed by flies was fairly oblivious of the wasps.

Oooo yes although today was very hot I also tried an experiment at home to create rainbows as it was a good way to keep cool and I thought if I made small rainbows I might be able to find a small pot of gold at one end of it. Something which appears to be yet another urban myth.

One other small thing that rather amused me this morning on the radio was that Russia think (a few Russians that is) that folk deliberately don’t vote for them in the Eurovision Song Contest and it is why (OK one of the reasons) President Putin looked upset during the recent G8 summit, Sorry but try being Britain in the Eurovision Song Contest, yes I know the songs are also rubbish BUT…..