Tyrannosaurus Rex, A Goat, A Dog and Pizza and Pancakes

After yesterdays rain and grey skies today started well with sun and lots of it. . . It was to put it bluntly, Jolly nice. Yes that is what being a quiet middle class chap is all about, just being a nice sort of chap and saying Jolly Nice not ****** ******* ******* ** nice. Anyway after much smiling and pointing at the big fiery beast in the sky and using my Ache Build Your own Sacrifice to the Gods kit to sacrifice the 3D cardboard Goat on the supplied Sun God Alter I leapt about a bit. We then collected one of our cars from the garage as the bonnet (hood to those in the USA. . . I think) refused to open and the screen washers were a bit broken. It is not a good time of year to not have screen washers as folk in trucks tend to kick mud in your face (OK on your windscreen) and it can get tricky driving if you can’t see a damn thing.  Now I could have fixed these minor issues myself, but those garage chaps are good, even if one of them is a bit mancky.  NO he really is, he is only young and his family make him sleep in a caravan in the garden and refuse to let him in the house as stuff falls off him. This might sound a bit unfair but he is happy and he is a rather good (if mancky) mechanic.

However after having a Pizza for lunch, apparently it is Pizza Day although none of us knew this until a short time ago so PHEW, it started to rain again and got all grey like yesterday.  This was not right I had even used the Ache Build Your own Sacrifice to the Gods Kit to sacrifice the 3D goat, but it has been suggested to me that I should have sacrificed the 3D cardboard Tyrannosaurus Rex not the goat and that I used the wrong Alter. . . This is quite frankly rather embarrassing because The Ache Build Your own Sacrifice to the Gods Kit is a product of my own design and I was planning to pitch it at that Dragons Den lot on the television.  But I now feel I need to refine it a bit or I will be laughed at and ridiculed if I make it rain instead of being sunny, I mean this is Britain we seldom need more rain than we presently get and I don’t see any of that Dragons Den lot keen on investing in a way to make the weather even more rubbish than it presently is. No they look like they need some sun and warm weather to me.

Yes its another one of those quiet days again.  Or as Laika the first day in space would say. . . Hey this is cool. OOOooooo by the way how did you say I am getting back home?

OOooooooooooo yes I have not long eaten some pancakes. . . . YUM, that’s me not Laika I don’t think she was given pancakes she got special space gel . . . YUCK. 

Politics and Religion and the Islamic State

Every now and again I get all serious and have a little rant about the world and its weaknesses and today is one of these days.  As we know an American photojournalist became the victim of what was called revenge by the people that killed him, who are part of the so called Islamic State.  What this has done is highlight the barbaric nature of what the group say is a religious quest for their own state.  However by saying that the death of the American was revenge says much. Revenge is not high on his list of aspirations for mankind by any god even a strict Sunni Muslin one I suspect.

I am no expert on religion but the most successful ones are those that have tolerance of others fairly high up the list, and I have long said that in my own opinion the world of Micro Gods offers the best option to a better world. The Sunni jihadists of the so called Islamic State are probably the least tolerant bunch of them all.  I suspect in the end the total lack of compassion and tolerance will be their downfall.  It amazes me that they have been able to get  funding,  but the general opinion appears to be that it comes from some of the Sunni ruled gulf states who are playing tactics with the Shia Muslim ruled Countries.  This in turn has just helped to further destabilise most of the Middle East, and as I have said before these events can not be managed they are subject to the principles of Chaos theory.  The West itself has found that out when intervention in these countries has only made the situation more complex and more violent.

It appears as far as I can tell that the Sunni jihadists of the so called Islamic State are very likely the puppets of people with their own political agenda using the religious fanaticism of this group for their own political ends. It is just very sad that the feelings and lives of the ordinary people are lost, and a man who did his bit to help the ordinary folk of this region is killed in revenge or as I suspect more in a case of spitefulness. The only thing I can hope is none of those involved in the financing or fighting of this group will ever meet their Gods.  In fact I'm fairly confident they will not.

So what is the solution, well to tell the truth I have absolutely no idea? . . . . . .But the world would be so much better if everyone showed some respect for their fellow man and tolerated the views and ideas of others.    

The Forth Wise Man and other things

I had a thought earlier today about writing a tale based on the baby Jesus and the four kings or wise men or the like, but then I went off to do things for a charity shop which I appear to have volunteered to help in. I am not sure how that happened, apparently I have filled the forms in and the like but I don’t remember doing that, and with it being voluntary I don’t get paid or dinner or tea breaks and am chained to a huge pile of stuff that I have to sort out before I am allowed home.  It is run by Mrs E the former Miss Issy who is now my new boss while I am there and I am not allowed to play with stuff or make Zombies out of old clothes and electrical equipment or use the till or talk to customers or loads of other stuff.

Anyway as you might imagine working in a charity shop helping the poor and needy and the like is not an easy subject to sneak the baby Jesus into along with the four wise men or kings or shipyards (sorry Sheppard’s) or the like into so I am forced to head off on a slight tangent  . . . . . . . yes I know I really should stick to the point and keep my diary clear and concise, but I think I am allowed the occasional meander such as today.

And for reasons I cant remember all this started with bones and as we all know one of the gifts that the baby Jesus was given was a small dinosaur carved out of a bone given by the forth Wise man after the other three had given Gold Frankincense and Myrrh.  Of course it was not received as well as the Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh on the grounds it was worthless and no one knew what a dinosaur was anyway. It was then the forth wise man explained that Dinosaurs were the product of natural selection and that a very clever man called Charles Darwin was going to write a book about it. And did the baby Jesus know that the world was round and that the Earth goes round the sun and time and space are bent and not to go near black holes in space because they are well strange. . . . .  This confused the other three wise men who thought hang on surely the world is flat and so they thought, we will ask the baby Jesus he will know as he is the son of God and if anyone knows stuff like this it is God. So they looked at the baby Jesus for a sign, but by then he had chewed the head off the dinosaur which was as good enough for them; so they said the forth wise man was mad and decided it was best not to say a thing, after all the only way man was ever going to make it into space to prove things one way or the other was through constant war, deforestation and the excessive misuse of the worlds limited resources. . . . And that was not going to happen now as the baby Jesus had turned up to sort all this stuff out….

So it was that the forth wise man wandered out into the forests and made effigies of Micro Gods and all sorts of strange things out of bones and did magic conjuring up the spirits of the past, and so it was, that the man ( the wise man) discovered the world of the Micro God . . . 

The diary, the Turkey and the Christmas presents

Hello all I am here with a diary entry as it has been a few days since I told you all the news, but as it has been a few days I have forgotten most of what happened. You see this was one of the main reasons for starting this diary in the first place, and one of the reasons I write it most nights. So now I am going to have to remember sort of what has happened.

I do know that we took Miss Jane from one place to another place and one of those places was home as Mr Charlie had gone to France to do important things. Then other stuff happened like………………. It has been windy and wet, seriously windy and wet round here and some of the trellis that was put up in the summer started to lean a bit so is now secured with a couple of props. You can’t beat a bit of triangulation to stop a thing blowing over in the wind, it is rather windy yet again.

Mr P who had been in hospital for an entire year finally made it home and he gave us a ring to say he was home and everything finally worked; that is in his house not in him, as bits of Mr P do not entirely work as designed by nature, or as some would have it, the Micro God of human bits. In fact a Christmas card from Mr P arrived this morning.

I have also finished my Christmas shopping; I always have serious problems Christmas shopping because I buy things and then hide them so folk will not find them, but then forget what I have bought and where they are hidden. Or worse still entirely forget I have bought them which is fine until you find a present for someone in June wrapped in snowmen paper  with Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas written on it . . . . And I am serious about this I have done it more than once.

I have done loads of other stuff but I can’t remember what so that will have to be that. . . . . .     OOOOOoooooo yes, just to say the Ghost Writer got his car back yesterday and it had to have a new clutch and stuff, well that sounds expensive I am glad I don’t have to pay for it . . . . . . . . . . . . . . AH DAMN apparently I do, it appears that he says it is due to excessive ghost writing due to me rambling on about stuff no one is interested in like the three headed Seagull I chased away from the pond the other day or was it a Heron. I can remember but it did have three heads, or was it three legs

Oooooo I also saw a frog the other night too

I will now end with another Christmas Poem to cheer you all up

The Christmas Turkey has dug a tunnel

To avoid its terrible Fate

That goes under the perimeter fence

And under Bernard’s Gate

But the Turkey is a greedy bird

And now a huge big Beast

And will not fit into the hole it made

So will be our Christmas Feast

YUM

HAH HAHAHHAHHAH AH HAH AHHAH AH HAHHAH AH HA ha hah ah ha ha ha ha ha ha  

   

And finally Hello Charles and Quentin at GCHQ, you have done it again chaps, made the news yet again; I notice I don’t get a mention on the BBC typical and me your friendliest snooped upon cyber-person, there is no justice. 

Cars, Cold and the Dangers of the Amazon

It appears the Ghost Writer is having a bit of a car problem at present as his clutch will not disengage when his car is cold, this is OK in the summer but not ideal when it is cold in the winter. As we are now in December what it means is his car is sulking and it will be heading off to the garage some time next week to be looked at. He has tried sacrificing leaves to Gearboximus the Micro God of Car Parts but to no avail. It does mean all the leaves got cleared off the drive, so dad was very pleased although it was dad who told the Ghost Writer that sacrificing fallen leaves was a sure solution to the Ghost Writers car problems, I was sure it was furry mice you were meant to sacrifice or was it furry dice?

While on the subject of things that are happening at present I have a word of warning for you all that you need to take heed of, particularly if you are a young eccentric child of cyberspace like myself when I remember, I am old I forget these things . . . . . .(DAMN that’s a slip up). Anyway back to the present and my warning, you see I have been looking at Amazon the rather well known online shop of everything (well here in the UK it is) for presents and made a serious mistake. While looking for presents for Dad and the Ghost Writer I made the mistake of typing in Men’s toys as you do, lets face it men like playing with toys loads; it a sort of men’s thing they remain about aged 10 deep down in their DNA and I know these things I’m a chap.

Yes I know what you are thinking Men’s Toys we know the sort of thing that turned up with that search and to some degree you are right but you are also wrong because there are things there that plainly confused me, so I will try and list a few.

My Little Pony Rainbow Dash All Over Print Lounge Pants

Mens Shrek Gingerbread Warrior Costume

Mens Fishnet Tights (Black)

Meerkat Costume - Kigurumi onesie animal suit

BLACK ROADIE BEARD HEAD HAT NOVELTY MENS CHRISTMAS BIRTHDAY GIFT PRESENT

Donkey - Adult  Costume

ADULT ANIMAL ONESIE,PENGUIN... FANCY DRESS COSTUME

Mens Funny Dorothy Comedy Wizard Of Oz  Costume –

Now when it comes to dressing up in a fifteen pounds Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz costume there must be a limited customer base among men, yes I know she is a bit of a gay icon (I think?), but I really don’t think even the gay community will buy a cheap plastic Dorothy outfit in order to look a bit like an escaped Zombie from Oz.   And what is even more worrying is much of this is made in China and what on earth are they going to think, we may be attracting entirely the wrong sort of tourist from this vast land and they may be very disappointed.

Anyway I have abandoned this idea now and they may have to be content with socks . . . .

It was another rather cool looking sunset tonight but is now cold, what I need to keep me warm is a Shrek Gingerbread Warrior Costume  . . . . . . . . OK its not that cold yet.

Micro Gods, Raffles and Nelson Mandela

Today has been a bit of a stressful day well it was a stressful morning anyway, and it has to do with the well known saying . . . . God moves in Mysterious Ways . . . .  And as I have adopted a religion based on Micro Gods and there are millions of them this saying means things get seriously Mysterious. You see I was abandoned in the local village hall Friday market to sell raffle tickets to the public for the local church; well that is all well and good but it involved writing telephone numbers down while taking money and giving change, plus remembering names.  I am not good at things like this, it can be hard enough to remember who I am myself and I don’t know my telephone number yet at home, even after two years and as for my mobile telephone number I have had since I was knee high to a grass hopper and I don’t even have a remote clue. To me knowing your mobile number is silly since I never ring myself.

 I am not entirely convinced that the local vicar approves of Micro Gods and sacrificing sausages to Barbaqueuesium the Micro God of village raffles and charcoal on a temporary alter in the vestry. Anyway I got well confused and called everyone the wrong name, but I did buy someone a woolly cat (sorry hat), ate bacon and bought three small cakes, well one of them has vanished now (I ate it) so two small cakes.

While on the subject of things vanishing I notice Nelson Mandela died yesterday, he was a well thought of leader which in this day and age is rather unusual.  He had a long tough battle to get to where he was, and as far as I can tell seemed like a fair chap who did not hold grudges or put his own interests or fame and glory first, in other words much like myself. Of course my chance of becoming a countries leader are even less likely than would have seemed possible even when Mr Mandela was locked up in prison, this is how fate works. I will just have to battle away at the world in my diary and hope that the very nice Steven Spielberg chap finally gives in and pays the one hundred and twenty two pounds and fifty pence for the film rights; yes it seems like a lot but he is quite rich.

Ooooo I have played with the new camera and can take pictures that make no sense . . . . Much like myself. . . . . WELL COOL, actually it is rather cold.

Oooooo (again) the flooding was not as bad as it was predicted although if you have a flooded house it is still not nice although it is probably even more annoying when all the press turn up to photograph your home when has slipped over a cliff, poor old Mr Richard I hope he recovers . . . . . . . . Mum has just shouted IDIOT? 

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Sand Circles. Aliens and a Wet Sunday Afternoon

Having been away on a secret mission at the coast for a week in Pembrokeshire where it was warm and sunny, yes that is a bit of a shock but luckily I managed to make Whalesimus the Micro God of Sunny beaches and holiday homes and his trusty Horse of the Sea. However he is not the Micro God of Home and so it is raining today somewhat, more that somewhat really.  I did say I would tell of some of my adventures and as today is cold and damp and I am doing very little in the tradition of a cold damp autumn Sunday, now is a good time to start.  I am sure you will be interested to know that there was much communication with aliens using the old classic Sand Circles method as favoured by many of the less aggressive aliens. Sadly Mr Jones was unable to visit us, but he did send the Ghost Writer down to help interpret messages and supply us with a suitable pointy stick to reply.

I also at one point had to save a dog fish from a rather aggressive seagull, I should point out all seagulls are aggressive even the friendly ones (this was not a friendly seagull). The poor old dog fish was stranded on the beach, I suspect left there by a dog who was annoyed by a fish pretending to be a dog. So the dog was sort of saying OK then Mr Clever lets see you do walkies, which the dog fish failed at rather badly allowing a mad seagull to attempt to eat it alive, not a nice thing to do.  So I returned the dog fish to a deep rock pool where it appeared to recover a bit although I will never know for sure if the dog fish managed to recover and make its way back to the safety of the sea (the world is full of such unknowns)…

I also met a talking telescope which demanded money or it was not going to tell us a thing, I told it that was extortion and I refused to pay him so he just sat there pretending to ignore us. Talking telescopes it appears are unsociable beasts who spend most of their time looking blankly out to sea in a grump.

Right well for now that is about it as I may go and attempt to shrug off the grey cloak of a damp autumn Sunday far from the nearest IKEA.  I will show you conclusive prove of aliens breeding on the beaches of Britain in the next few days, it was a bit of a shock to me too but the camera can not lie.

The Ritual Feast of Autumn and the Evolutionary Development of the Pointy Stick.

Today has seen two major events to write about, well when I say major I am not referring to world events because at this point in time I have not heard the news today, so will assume that most world events are continuing as predicted (some good, lots of bad, a few happy and lots of sad)……..

No these events are in world terms Micro Events, another good reason for Micro Gods, they are more attuned to the smaller events of the individual. The first was the evolutionary development of the pointy stick; I have warned of such things in my diary in the past and how it can all end in atomic bombs and angry politicians. But this was an evolutionary development for the greater good of man. I have developed a pointy stick saw, a device for trimming trees and small branches out of the reach of mankind.

I have long thought that there is a market for a lightweight telescopic device that you could attach a wood saw or other such items to, in order to reach places that the human arm can not, but I am not aware of anything suitable. Maybe I should go on that Dragons Den TV show and show them my new pointy stick saw. I was able to use my pointy stick saw to trim a few branches that needed trimming that were hanging beyond the Zombie defence system, there is always the worry that one day Zombies will learn to climb trees or scurry about in ventilation shafts.  What ever happened to that Mr Shaft bloke he was the Mr COOL of his day before that annoying Harry Potter chap turned up.

The second major (Micro) event of the day was the Ritual Feast of Autumn where were all celebrate the success of growing our winter supply of food by having a huge feast and eating it all. . . . . . . . These events take place across Britain about now (well in rural communities anyway) and are one of the reasons for the development of the supermarket, since folk discovered they have eaten their entire supply of winter food in a celebratory feast.  Iron age man worked hard at avoiding this happening year on year by shutting down all the stone circles, but of course by then the convenience of convenience food and the rise of the supermarket had taken hold. Lets face it us humans would much rather pop into a nice store and buy stuff than all the agro of chasing a buffalo across a field with a pointy stick, even the revolutionary pointy stick saw…..

Ooooooo Yes Mr S. and Mrs I. came and helped eat all the food, which was good, and Mr S also helped me to establish North, apparently Northern Zombies are more formidable than those down South.  We now plan to chill and do the Sunday things of modern life, although it’s too late to go to IKEA.

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Dragonflies, Drums, Micro Gods, Religion and the Watchtower.......

At school today as the headmaster did his morning morale speech in the main hall to cheer everyone up there was a sudden ring of the door bell at the front entrance, this is not normal, folk usually wander in and wander about lost. So everyone looked to see who it was, well everyone except me as I was watching a dragonfly pottering about near the exit. Well the next you know was everyone running and screaming out of the hall and leaping into cupboards or hiding under tables, while most of the staff barricaded themselves into the staff room, leaving just me and the headmaster. As the headmaster peered at the two faces looking rather sheepish standing at the door holding a bible and a Watchtower (the magazine not a real one) he insisted that I could go and talk to them as I was expendable.  It appears as an unpaid part time student teacher I am surplus to requirements and my specialist subjects of Obscure Irrational Theories and Zombie Defence Classes are not core curriculum subjects. He also said that if I specialize in Zombie Defence Classes and had a pointy stick then I should be able to defend myself.

At the door I chatted to the two chaps who were dead keen to tell me loads of stuff about the bible, so I explained to them the major errors of large religions and told them all about the far better idea of Micro Gods. I was planning to show then Dragonflightimus the Micro God of Helicopters, but in the stampede Dragonflightimus the Micro God was slightly crushed to death.  You see this is what happens with religion, small things can get crushed in all the misunderstanding. So poor old Dragonflightimus the Micro God has flown her last fight but will luckily rise from the ashes next year to fly again, we are talking Micro Gods they do stuff like that, which apparently is what the two chaps with their bible and Watchtower say they plan to do also. . . . . .

Anyway tonight my drumming colleague and myself have had a well good drumming session to celebrate the local Micro Gods of Autumn, we then gave him pond plants apples and vegetables in order that he can go and offer them to his Micro Gods in the Castle of the Bishop. That’s my drumming colleague not the local Micro Gods.  

Ooooo I forget to say Mr Darren tinkered with our old range in order to make the central heating work before he rushed off after seeing two strange men on the road with an old bible who were looking into the sky for dragonflies.

Luckily I have this LP and this is one of my favourite songs....

The Return of the Curse of Harry Potter, Fantastic Beasts and Steven Spielberg and me

I noticed on the news last night that both Twitter and the Post Office seem to have decided to sell shares on the stock market, it somewhat amused me because it is a bit of a clash of technologies and philosophy. But I guess at the end of the day folk will rush out and buy which ever shares they think are the most likely to make loads of money, which in my humble opinion is neither . . . .  I guess that is not what they want to hear, but you would be far better investing in a rather strange film about a young slightly eccentric chap.

Which brings me to more shock news . . . . . . I also heard (rather ironically on Twitter) that there are plans to make a Harry Potter spin off film called something like Fantastic Beasts. I was in shock at first, I thought I had seen the last of Mr Harry Potter and His Wizard ways, sniggering at my humble steam powered spell machine. Just because if vibrated off the shelf and created its own hole in the floor to fall through before smashing to bits 15 floors lower when the boiler cooled down due to the air rushing past it as it fell. Him and all his Robsanidiotiosum Hahahaexplodious Excelentamusediam, Luckily it appears he will not be in the new film (O DEAR . . . . . . .HHAH HAHAH Hah hah ah hah ahha hhah ha ha ha ha hah ha ), poor old Harry. However,  I feel I have some good beasts right here in my own blog, what with Micro Gods and critters like the Dark Creature of the Undergrowth, The Banshees and the Lemmings of Petrograd.

If the nice Steven Spielberg had started making Rob Z Tobor the movie when I suggested we would have loads of beasts that are even better.  Still what can I say this is the way of the world for us simple ordinary folk living in the hills of the English Welsh borders, I bet I would not have this problem in Hollywood or Skegness…..

Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them  . . . . ..  Really, I think the answer is OVER HERE . . . . .. . . . . Mum said I am an IDIOT

Anyway I have told all the pupils in School to keep an eye out (no it’s purely a silly saying I have not told them to remove their eye, this is not Hogwarts) for folk on broom sticks, and if they do see any to test their Zombie Defence Skills with their pointy Sticks. Talking of which I can say that they are rather effective on Media Studies teachers, although it turns out the Media Studies teacher is not a Zombie. This was finally proved by Esmeralda after some vigorous interrogation which Sir Alec Guinness in Tinker Tailor Teacher Spy would be proud of which is rather ironic bearing in mind it’s the Media Studies teacher.

Ooooooo The Monty Cardboard Robot Club have started to make a rocket……..WELL COOL.

And it rained today….

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Hadron the Micro God of Timelines of Technical Enlightenment and Jigs

Today was hot; life in a south facing glass building with no air conditioning is tough, us Brits are just not designed for hot summers and high humidity. In fact it’s the high humidity that is the problem if it was a dry heat we would be better off you don’t see folk complaining in the great deserts of the world that the office is too hot. 

It is the last week of school and tomorrow will be my last week of teaching small over enthusiastic children for the year, next year they will all be a year older and just slightly less enthusiastic, sadly this does tend to happen as you get older so when folk shout at you  STOP ACTING LIKE A CHILD you can say it is in order to remain enthusiastic and create great things very quickly …….

 I have noticed that it is just starting to get darker in the evening now, so it means that we can put the fairy lights on again, as most of you know we have a simple philosophy  that says you cant have too many fairy lights.  Fairy lights of course were originally created as an offering to Hadron the Micro God of Timelines of Technical Enlightenment and Jigs and even to this day it is not unusual to see strings of fairy lights at barn dances, sadly however they are seldom seen in the old established corridors of science these days Science mocks the world of Micro Gods saying things like HA HA HA HA HA DRON. But  it is nice to know that he may be a Micro God but the largest atom smashing machine in the world was named after him (The Large Hadron Collider) even though he is a Micro God and therefore not large.

I know what you are thinking … . . . He is rambling again, is he going to tell us what he has done today or not after all this is a diary not a scrap book (I hope that was not a little mutter of O YES IT IS). You don’t see scrap books anymore they have been thrown on the scrap heap (HAH HAHAH HAHAH HAHHAH AH HHHAH HAHH Hah ha hah ahah hah ha ah ha ha ha ha ha dron) and you don’t see that smelly glue that folk stuck stuff in scrap books either.

OK yes today I . . . . . . . . . . . Hang on I have forgot but I have been drumming this evening and saw no Zombies….      

The Car, the RAC Man and Pgytis Manra the Micro God

AH yes last night as we went off for a meal with our Friend Mr F to The Sun we sort of broke down, I say sort of because after kicking the car a bit and hitting it with a large stick then phoning the man from the RAC who put us in the priority list; I explained that the very nice Steven Spielberg was making a movie and that a car braking down was rather a nuisance when there is a large film crew in convoy stopped on the main road. Which of course is true it would be, and will be, when Mr Spielberg gets round to making the film, but then dad and Mr F managed to get the car going again so we made it to The Sun (the inn not the big orange thing in the sky) so we phoned the RAC man and said that all was well.

Pgytis Manra the Micro God of Cunning, Stealth and  Small to Medium Machines

Today is seriously hot again and added to that the  grass strimmer was not working so I was sorting that out and discovered the spark plug was a bit rubbish even though the voltage to the spark plug was excellent, I also discovered that my heart works fine too and that a large voltage to my body has no effect to my typing ability which is sadly just as bad as it was before.

Anyway in order to avoid further mishaps I have drawn Pgytis Manra the Micro God of Cunning, Stealth and  small to medium machines…… 

PHEW its hot  . . . . . . . .really hot 

Erifa the Micro God of Deserts and Hot Places

Today has been hot very hot, I am not sure if it was hotter than yesterday but it was hot. I managed to do a bit of this and that and paint a very small wall Moroccan Blue and I appear to be slightly more reddish that I was, but after working outside in the sun for three days it is hardly a surprise……. Anyway did I tell you that is was hot today, because the one thing I remember as I crawled across the patio on all fours in a delirious haze of deliriousness was thinking DAMN it is HOT REALLY HOT…. And the vision of Erifa the Micro God of Deserts and Hot Places was sat on the summer house sniggering…… 

Erifa 

I see the Grumpy Scotsman won the win thing PHEW that means we can finally put that old sporting Ghost to bed at last after three thousand years.

 And Finally

For those of you who are happy I smile….:)

And for those of you who are sad, I am sad…. :(

Ooooooooo yes did I mention it was very very very hot today, no I mean it . . . . . . . . really hot.

Silent Zen Retreats and Dinner, Micro Gods, the Z to A and other things

It has been one of those days were much has happened, but in a sort of not doing much way, so it sort of looks like not much has happened, I think we all have days like that and just at present I am having quite a few of them.

First thing this morning dad went off to get two new tyres on his car, but he had made the mistake of making his car tidy a while back and in so going had left a big tool box full of stuff in the garage which included the lock nut bolts for the wheels which can't be removed without them . . . . .AH so after about forty five minutes dad arrived home to collect the lock nuts and me, and we went off to get two new tyres, they are much better tyres because the car is much quieter now. It is surprising how much noise some car tyres can make, particularly square ones made of stone.

XYTHIM the Micro God of Words

On our return Miss I and Mr S were at our house they had arrived for lunch and we then waited for Miss Kate, Mr S’s mum who was also coming to lunch. When we sat down for lunch Miss Kate told us she was off to a Zen retreat after lunch up in the wild hills of the Welsh countryside, apparently it is a silent retreat with no power and old fashioned soil composting toilets and healthy food and you have to get up at five o’clock in the morning and because there is no electricity once its dark its dark. I am a little worried about this because if you don’t know where things are and it is a silent retreat you can’t ask folk how to find things, and if someone came and woke me up at five in the morning I would shout at them a lot. I would probably also fall about at night in the dark saying “where the hell is the light switch” only to be told off silently.

So by the end of lunch Miss Kate was starting to worry a bit as we explained all the pit falls of a strange Zen retreat in the middle of nowhere surrounded by mad Zen monks with glazed looks and large axes who laugh in a slightly manic way but silently, and what happens if you do want more dinner you can't ask anyone.

Remember yesterday when I wrote Z is for the Zumtonians (sorry but not the Zubtonians, we don’t talk about them, well not in the silent retreat anyway)  as the start of my Z to A jolly and I said I had no plans to do Y today well its true so I have done X instead and I have drawn XYTHIM the Micro God of Words, the thing is the X is silent so it sounds like it should start with Y only it does not.  It seemed very appropriate to draw the Micro God of Words because I can say loads of them because I am not in a Zen Silent Retreat . . . . . HAH HAHAHHHAH HAH HAHAH HAHHA HAH HAH ah h hh ha hah ah ah hah aha hah ah ha ah ha hh ah hah ah ah ha ahhaha ha hah haha ha hahah HA HA HA.

OK I need to go it is getting dark (Oooooo luckily I have a light switch) HAHAhHAh hahah haahhah hahah hahhha………………. 

The Origin of Life, a Mug of Tea a very Dark Office and a Super Moon

Late last night as it was getting dark I thought I really should have a go at seeing this Super Moon the one that is huge so huge that a cow would not be able to jump over it in one go. Well those cows next to us would not, they are just strange cows. But as is the way of things there were also super clouds so seeing the moon seemed almost impossible, however dad said he would pull a few levers and twist a few knows and see if he couldn’t create a  gap in the clouds. He did but it was directly above the house which was very impressive to look at but it was not exactly where the moon was, so after some more tweaking to create an angled isothermal atmospheric anomaly we finally got to see the Super Moon and I took what turned out to be a really super rubbish picture of it, but at least it shows I did see it.

 We have had the Ghost Writer pottering about here today instead of being in his grey office, he says when he arrived at the building (his office is in up on the second floor) it was not so much a grey office as a black office due to the absence of light. It appears that over the weekend a pipe had become detached from a tap up on the second floor and the water, keen to use the powers of gravity to its advantage to reach the ground had managed to find a convenient shaft to run down. Unfortunately the convenient shaft for the water was the main route for all the power cables for most of the building, water and electric do have a habit of not working together all that well. Or they do work well together, but not always as us humans would like. They are both fundamental key elements of the universe without which it could be argued life itself would not exist, there is a theory that God, one of the big Gods not a Micro God was experimenting with stuff when a huge bolt of lightning hit the large copper sphere on his laboratory roof which then accidently took the easy route to Earth through his mug of tea (99.7% water), creating small wiggly things which he looked at and went YUCK and threw into the sink from there they (the wiggly things) then ended up in the sea. Plumbing back then was rubbish, well a few Gods and a big universe don’t really need good plumbing, I guess the ironic thing is that if the plumbing was good now the Ghost Writer would not have got today off, but had the plumbing been good back in the days of the Gods there would be no Ghost Writer (or anyone else).

It’s a funny old world.

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the Micro God of Impetuousness

While I had a few spare moments this morning waiting for the school bus I drew Fligh-toff-anci the Micro God of Impetuousness, just because the idea sort of came into my head.  As we were going to school I showed Fligh-toff-anci the Micro God of Impetuousness to the bus driver who was very interested indeed. Then as we started heading towards the school having picked up a gang of little old ladies who had decided on the spur of the moment to do a runner from their home (nicked named The Prison on the grounds that the food was rubbish;  they were planning to hunt down a Lions Cafe and eat scones and cream tea), the bus driver decided he would go to Shrewsbury. He just sort of thought why not its a showery but warm day so sod it; we dropped the gang of little old Ladies in the centre of town and they went on their cheery way heading towards a MacDonald’s to get their scones, cream and strawberry jam and a nice pot of tea and they had no intention of being palmed off with polystyrene cups and vending tea like back in the home (Prison). I don’t know how they got on because the rest of us went to B & Q the large DIY store as the bus drive said he fancies making a patio, it was also rather lucky as I need glue to make stuff and try and do a bit of work on the cardboard animals of the children of Whirl and Whizz (that rather makes it sound a bit like Wizard School like that Harry Potter went to, only it is not and that Harry Potter is rubbish at Art.

I showed Fligh-toff-anci the Micro God of Impetuousness  to the DIY store manager who said to the bus driver “go on then help yourself we have ripped enough folk off today” so we loaded the bus up with things and took the pretty route home. OOooooooo yes have you ever tried using one of those self service checkouts that talks to you and then gets all confused and keeps demanding you get an assistant, they are rubbish, I can see why the manager let us have our bits as we left he was attacking one with a chainsaw (WELL COOL).

At home I spent some time moving blocks in an attempt to make the great pyramid but I only had ten blocks and dad said it was rubbish. I have not drawn the Micro God of Rubbish I am sure there must be one, I will keep an eye out for him, I don’t mean I will keep my eye on the mantelpiece or the like, I mean I will keep watching for him. When I do finally find the Micro God of Rubbish I will be able to ask him/her where they have Bin . . . . . . . . .HAH HAH HHAH HAH AH HAH HAHAHH AH HAH HAH ah hah ah hah ah ah hah ahhah ah ahhah ah ah hah ah hah ah hah ahah hah ah hah ah ah hah ah ha hah ah ha ha hahahha hahahhah ah ha ha ha ha . . . . . . . . .BIN . . . BEEN.

  

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Artists, Micro Gods and Zombies

After the whirl and whizz of young children creating art faster than a speeding bullet yesterday, or is it a speeding express train, I am not sure but I think it is one of them that Spiderman can go faster than. Quite frankly in artist’s terms either is somewhat stressful when you have the teaching ability of a small unknown furry creature that has never taught anyone anything before.  So I have created a new Micro God to help us artists on the fringe of artistry, us working bodger Artists who battle on regardless of the insurmountable obstacles that folk throw at us like blunt pencils or cheap rubbish ball point pens that sulk or even the slightly more serious problem, a total lack of talent. However I have never let such things get in the way so far, they are thrown aside with a Ha HA HA and a nonchalant wave of the hand like a small thing of no consequence.  However Duluximus the Micro God of Artists (and yours for a small fee of £3.75 plus p&p, no refunds allowed . . . batteries not included) is just the thing to sort all this out and I am expecting a new slower art to take hold any time now.

I am sure I was planning to tell you all something before I got totally distracted but it may be too late so I will tell you that interestingly earlier today I dug forty small holes in the ground looking for a leak. Later on though it turned out I had been tricked because after digging the forty  holes I was given forty leeks and told to hide them in the forty holes, presumably to stop them getting eaten by Zombies . . . . . . Do Zombies eat vegetables? 

The Micro God of Beaches, ropes and locks

It has been a funny old day, the weather here was very overcast and sort of OK but not like yesterday or tomorrow (I have kicked the weather machines side panel) hot and sunny, and my day has sort of ticked along with the usual quantum physics and woodwork plus the rather more useful lesson of locksmithing,  and the skills of unlocking locks that prefer to remain locked. Of course this is a huge area of expertise because not only does it include the humble padlock but of course there are many unseen mathematical locks, things that appear to be physically locked to something by forces unknown.  

For example Miss I and Mr S have told me that they were unable to collect a huge rope from the beach because if was locked to the beach by fate and the Micro God of Beaches, and apparently it was also very heavy.

But using the great skills of Locksmithing it would be possible to untangle the forces that held the huge rope to the beach and transport it many miles to me, where I would look with wonder upon the huge rope while the massed masses looking would say WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THAT . . . . . . . . . And I would reply AH?

People do things like this all the time when folk stumble on artefacts of wonder which are of no practical use what so ever, they ask but what do you intend to do with it. But you see this is what makes us humans what we are, the ability to appreciate the great possibilities of completely useless items. Would my diary exist if it was an item of pure functionality with no need for the frivolity of imagination and unpractical reams of gobbledegook, you see my diary is just like this huge monster rope (Note Mr S’s shoes by the rope) of no practical use and frayed at the end. Well when I say of no practical use I lie as it is my long term memory,  well when I say long term I mean more that three days ago.

Farwell rope I hope the world treats you fairly and does not just string you along . . . . . . . . . .HAHAHAHHAH hahah ah ah haah hahha hah ah hahahhahah hahahah hahahahhah ahhah ahahhahahahaha

it’s a joke but Knot a good one  HaAHAHAHAH ah hah ah ah ah ha hah ah hah ah ah ha hah ah ha hah ah ah ah ahha a   

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Cyberblogamus the Micro God of Blogs

The Weather today is cold, sometimes a bit sunny with some hail and rain. So not a great day really as it feels I have time warped back to February. I am in the process of creating and establishing a series of Micro Gods in the school grounds to get feedback as to the viability of making my fortune as the Mr Big of Micro Gods. My attempted meeting with the powers that be in Lego started badly when they saw me went AAAAuugggHHHH a lot and threw bricks at me (luckily they were Lego bricks) . It ended badly as well, as the chairman’s desk which I swear was a bit wobbly before I touched it fell apart and then the chairman’s arm fell off, I always thought Meccano was much better using nuts and bolts, lets face it Frankenstein’s Monster was held together with bolts and his arm never fell off. Just image if  Frankenstein’s Monster had been made with Lego, poor old Professor Frankenstein would have been a laughing stock.

Sorry a slight distraction, I have made the school mascot, the goat the Micro God of unsociable animals, Freddie the Micro God of Ferrets and Esmeralda the Micro God of part Steam Powered scary girls with chainsaw attachments. They all seem very pleased but the goat is demanding a shrine and offerings, in particular chocolate chip cookies and ice cream plus fresh vegetables from the out of town supermarket, maybe living Micro Gods is not such a good move.

We are off out tonight to a talk in Monty town hall about artists from the area and to see one of the founders of the 56 Group; a group of artists formed in 1956 and who are now starting to be collected nationally. We are hoping Mr M E will have a signed copy of his book for us tonight so that will be WELL COOL.  We have a couple of his pictures in the house and have known him for quite a long time now, he is getting rather frail these days but then he is one of the founder members of the 56 Group, so mathematically that makes a lot of sense.

And I have drawn Cyberblogamus the Micro God of Blogs in order to bring good luck and fortune to my blog, although someone said that very nice Steven Spielberg is not keen on snakes . . . . . . . .  DAMN . . . . . . Maybe I should make it look more horse like.   

Religion and Micro Gods, A Master Plan.

It can be a right old game writing this diary at times what with the surrealness (which apparently is not a real word, very surreal) of a life half in cyberspace and half in real life. Because it is important to log events in the real world to complement those of cyberspace, if I just made stuff up and wrote nonsense it would turn into complete gibberish that no one could make head nor tail of. . . . . . . AH DAMN. But sadly things in the real world are not always nice, well to tell the truth most items classed as newsworthy are in general events of death or destruction, war or a group of bankers and high fly capitalists running off with all the money.  I told my teachers that I was planning to be a high fly capitalist and run off with all the money and they said there was a long queue and I may need a better plan and also would need to be neat and tidy.

Anyway as a result of yesterdays news in the UK I have decided that Religion needs a bit of a shake up (again), I appreciate that the so called religious\political protesters of yesterday were in fact deluded nutters , but to quote several politicians over the years, we should not look at the crime but the causes of crime….

So I return to the subject of Gods again tonight, and the fact there are just not enough of them; when large groups all start saying we are right you are wrong all that happens are fights, there is even fighting and killing within the same religion at times which is stupid and pointless, but a result of large groups. So I will again say we need lots of Gods, thousands, maybe millions so that there is no wrong God or wrong religion, and yes I have pointed this out recently and no doubt will do again in the future, but the world of the Micro God is the way to world peace.

Each Micro God would have its own Micro Religion (or Micligion) and folk could follow loads of different ones depending on how keen they are. Children would learn of the many Micro Gods from the incredibly popular game of Micro Religion, Top Trumps, folk rubbing their little Micro God for luck at the start of the game.

All this will lead to the unifying political party known to all as the Micro Party which will sweep the world by storm with its snappy slogan of “A big party of small ideas” and I will then lead this party to eventually rule the world and call myself Emperor Rob Z Tobor insisting that a large image of myself is placed on all main streets . . . . .  just before I run off with all the money wearing a nice suit.