A Jumble Sale, Archie and a Hedgehog called Voldemort

He is now called Voldemort

somebody has too since the Bear became Archie  

Yesterday I learnt several interesting things about human nature and jumble sales. You see a couple of folk in the village decided that they would have a jumble sale to raise money for the local church although I don’t know which church as there are a few scattered about.  It was this jumble sale that we did the name the bear for, which I will return to in a bit. (no I'm not religious but a chap must do his bit) 

Well on Friday afternoon after the market left the village hall, the organizers of the jumble sale moved in. Our little job was to get the tombola sorted, well that is easier said than done as I would not know a tombola if it bite me on the leg. . . . OK I do now, I learnt quickly . . . . very very quickly yesterday.

Anyway the key point was that when we arrived  at the opening time of the village hall on Saturday. There was a bouncer on the door holding back the masses. I really mean it, it was scary. You see opening time was 2.00pm and the whole event was due to finish by 4.30pm and the village hall was heaving with stuff loads and loads of stuff and most of it a bit dodgy, not as in stolen but as in O MY GOD what . . . that is YUCK.

Well as the clock hit 2.00pm the masses were allowed in and it was not a quiet sedate wander in no it was a rush like the Harrods sale at New Year on the TV. They all rushed past the tombola and Name the Bear and the raffle and folk just fought over stuff and I mean fought, I’m sure there must be some sort of reality show in what folk do in jumble sales if this is normal.  I thought it would be quiet and no one would show up but apparently a jumble sale like this will be stripped clean by folk who go to car boot sales where they sell it all again, in fact a lot of them will have been selling it today.

In the end folk settled down and decided to try the tombola and the Name the Bear and in the end the whole event raised about £850 so not bad for a tiny village. As for the Bear it turned out he was called Archie. . . It just so happens that at the weekly market there is a small person of about 18 months who sells rather good organic meat with his mum and he is called Archie, maybe it’s a coincidence but if so it’s a big one. I did not guess the name correctly by the way as Voldemort was not on the list. . . DAMN

OOOoooooo one final little thing we have what seems to be a fairly chilled sort of half tame young hedgehog in the garden who is eating the birds peanuts so I took a picture of him early. A cool little beast he/she is too and he is now called Voldemort 

I could say so much more about that jumble sale but I don’t have time which is a shame,  it seems they bring out the worst in folk and that’s for sure and I may never go to one ever again. 

Never discuss Politics and Religion on Sunday

There are things they say that should never be discussed such as politics and religion, but as you know I do sometimes discuss politics although not very often. However I am sure I have not discussed religion in my diary yet, well not until now (OK I might have I can’t remember), you see this morning we were asked to nip across the road to the village hall to say farewell to the Bishop (he is retiring), not something we would normally do as I don’t know the Bishop.

Living in a small village though means we all have to do our bit so we went to have tea and biscuits with the Bishop and several other vicars and the like, to tell the truth I didn’t know who most of them were and as it turned out none of them knew who I was. And we all drank tea and ate biscuits and complained about the weather, it appears even a Bishop can’t change the weather. I did say that dad can change the weather but unfortunately most of the time it goes wrong because of the intervention of cats causing agro in the works of the weather machine.  One of the vicars said that may explain the small print at the bottom of the church insurance policy which had a disclaimer saying certain things may be regarded as an act of cats….

Anyway I was telling the Bishop that one of the drawbacks of modern religion is that there are only a few Gods left and the result is war and violence as each religion condemns other religions as blasphemous, and the solution was to employ the early Roman idea of having loads of Gods for all sorts of things and adopting everyone else’s gods as well. So our little village could have our own Gods to help with various local issues as can all the other villages and towns. The result of this would be an end to religious wars because there would be so many different Gods that the best army anyone could muster for a holy war would be Bert and Jim from the local pub and maybe Jim’s sheep dog.  It seems very logic to me but the Bishop did not seem entirely convinced, so I was unable to get him to approve of Zombus the God of Zombie Defence Ditches and Soakaways  which was a shame and will mean I need to go down a deep hole again soon . . . . . . .DAMN.

God moves in mysterious ways it appears, much like our soakaway.

Oooooooo Miss I and Mr S came to visit today and I can now say Mr S likes Madras Fudge and Miss I does not, this may turn into a man thing like Bangers and Mash with loads of Fried Onions.  

Beef, Pork, French Fries and Fizzy Drinks

Today in our little community it was the valentine’s lunch and we all go, it is less about Valentines Day and more about lunch and there is always loads and loads of food as one would expect from a very rural farming community. One thing I have learnt is that rural communities in general eat better than those in towns, Ok we don’t have all the fancy restaurants but let’s face it the masses do not eat in such places the masses eat thing burgers in well known food chains with skinny little dried up French fries and fizzy drinks.

The bulk of the people at the valentines lunch had beef (real beef from a cow), I have never been a beef fan so I opted for the pork option with roast potatoes, boiled potatoes, stuffing, peas, red cabbage and various other things followed by lemon cheesecake and ice cream with loads of double cream, and it was jolly good too there were seconds and thirds of both courses but I think my towny genetic background let me down so I was unable to keep up with the true locals who polished off several main courses and a few puds.

 However the valentine’s lunch did mean that I was expected to look less dishevelled and scruffy and was told that even in the wilds of the country in general it is not good form to have bits of stuff falling off you at local events. And the odd mouse peering out of your hair during second helping of pudding is a sure way to get banned next year, I have to say that seems rather hard but it did mean I was required to be sort of clean and tidyish.  So that was the morning well and truly used up.

After the meal it is traditional to have a raffle, everyone takes a prize along which is also traditional and so there are loads of prizes, however for some reason I did not understand I did not manage to win any of the prizes even using my cunning trick of increasing my options of winning by rearranging the numbers on my tickets. That has always worked in the past but this time round it seems I just did not have enough fives to cheat (sorry win), next year I may buy my own book of raffle tickets that way I will have all the options ready and will be able to win all the prizes HAH HAHHAH HAH Hah ahh hah ahhah ha hahahhah hahahahha ha hahaha

OK that’s is it for now I am off to have supper some cheese and crackers, a pork pie and various other things  . . . . . . Maybe some twiglets, we all like twiglets YUM.

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