Rev Oscar Overlap Oppenheimer . . . . The A to Z of Slightly Strange Unknown Victorian Inventors and Explorers

Rev Oscar Overlap Oppenheimer

An old fashioned fire and brimstone vicar the Rev Oscar Overlap Oppenheimer certainly knew how to keep the masses on the straight and narrow and no hanky-panky was going to be going on in his parish. But he also was a man of science and said that it was his duty to understand the finer detail of Gods greater plan. His own particular area of knowledge being optics, and he had a huge collection of prisms lenses and mirrors and was a fastidious recorder of data from his many experiments with light.  It was during one of his experiments that he realized that there was no defined scale for the levels of light and shade so the Rev Oppenheimer invented the Oppenheimer Christian Grey Scale.  It was known as the Christian Grey Scale of Shade as the Rev Oscar Overlap Oppenheimer wanted to ensure that his work was associated with the hand of God. Not some sort of deviant sort of scientific invention such as the Barometric Bellows which he condemned in his sermons on many an occasion.   

He carefully analyzed the many levels of light and shade for his scale and eventually settled at fifty grades of shade all with specific intensities and all given a simple common name and description as well as a scientific code reference. So for the simple layman . . . . WOW that’s black I can’t see the cat. . . . meant it was very dark, and . . . . . WOW that’s bright I can’t see the cat . . .  meant is was bright seriously bright.

The Oppenheimer Christian Grey Scale has fallen out of use these days and no one mentions the fifty grades of shade any more but it is said that the Ghost of the Rev Oscar Overlap Oppenheimer has started to appear in bookshops in the last couple of years at night and is not happy.  

Christmas Rooms and the achievement of not achieving great things

Mrs E and Mr S called in today to say hello and collect some things and I ate food and drank tea, in fact looking back on the day as a whole I think I did not achieve a great deal, something that I appear to be very good at. I am sure someone once told me that if you find something you are good at it is best to pursue it and get even better at in. However being good at not achieving is not seen as an achievement by the masses who will throw rocks and pointy sticks at me and my fellow non achievers as we achieve our goal of non achievement.  Luckily few of the rocks and pointy sticks ever hit us as those throwing them fail to achieve the satisfaction of hitting their target, proving that they too would be far better pursuing a life of non achievement too, after all it is one of the great truths of life that non achievement is a goal that can be achieved by all, we all have things we cant do and this makes us all equal and that is a truly great achievement . . . . . . .DAMN  that was not meant to happen…….

 I sprayed a bit more green on a thing today and put up a few more Christmas lights and sort of avoided the funeral of Nelson Mandela. I know that sounds rotten as he was a great chap and did much for South Africa and his people, but he did his bit and kept faith over the years fighting his cause. I do wonder as he was a modest chap whether he would have preferred to have a quiet funeral with a few friends and family without all the hype of the media companies chasing him to the grave. You can’t help but wonder if he will become a tourist attraction like Elvis as various folk look to make money one way or another. This you see is the down side of being one of the world’s great achievers, something us great non achievers manage to avoid, which many of us think of as a great achievement, which just goes to show the world is full of paradox’s and Elvis impersonators.

Christmas is getting closer. . . . . So things sneak out from the attic.....

Today was an interesting day because it was windy here seriously windy with stuff blowing all over the place and the house and the trees getting a good old battering (not as in a fish supper). That is fair enough there have been a couple of storms lately, and so far we have been lucky and missed the worst of them, only there was no talk of storms today on the BBC weather so it was a bit of a surprise. I think because we are sort of out in the sticks means the fact it was windy enough to blow the cat off into the distance, which it was not happy about, so is now hiding in a box next to the Christmas tree is not news of interest to the masses. I bet if it was the queen’s cat or even the queen that was blown off into the distance it would be an entirely different story.

Did you notice a certain two words in that last paragraph  . . . .Christmas Tree . . . . . Yes it is that time of year again; we got the Christmas tree out again, and yes we have a fake tree but it looks real enough and it is overall far more eco friendly than having a real one. No it really is, after many years of buying trees with roots on and planting them outside afterwards we discovered that they really hate being inside and have a habit of sulking for the next twenty years, and anyway most folk buy trees with no roots which sort of die.

Sorry I will try to get better pictures tomorrow

So today we decorated the Christmas tree and remade the home-made Christmas Chandelier, something I think everyone should make. On advantage in doing this today was that there was no need to venture out into the wild winds too far although I was sent off to hunt for the fairy lights (we have loads of them) as they were in a safe place in the garage. I am not sure it was that safe in the garage at the time of looking for them as it was a bit bouncy, still the wind has subsided a bit now and I am about to go off and eat food. Actually although I have written this before I eat my tea I will be posting after I finish eating so as far as you lot are concerned I have eaten, Hake and spicy potato wedges . . . . . YUM which returns me right back to where I started with the wind battering the house….. So I will go.

As it happens when I said I will go . . . .  that was ages ago now, but I really am going now….

I am

Fairy Lights and the Theory of Time

The year appears to rapidly heading towards its end, I always think it seems to speed up at the end of the year and I have a feeling I am not alone in this as it is quite common at this time of year to hear folk saying OOOOooo I just do not know where the year has vanished too, something more profound than it may at first appear. Because as time rapidly races towards the end of the year rather than vanish which seems unlikely (things never just vanish), all that time is still there, it is just we can’t see it as we have passed into another instant of time. That would mean that the point where I started to write this post and the point where I finished it would still exist equally just not at the same point in time. Although every point in time (OK time that has already existed) still exists.  Of course new time is different but where that comes from is a whole new ball game as the old saying goes, although it is hopefully not a game, I would be annoyed if I am trapped in a game, and it does not involve a ball (well I don’t think so).

Anyway what I was planning to say before time distracted me, something else I am not alone in having problems with, it is quite common to hear folk say Oooooo look at the time I must go. When I say they look at the time, as it happens they don’t, they look at a watch or similar device based on the basic principle of a fixed linear movement of a thing of some sort, so we say a watch hand takes one minute to travel from here to here? But that whole ideal as we can now see is in tatters, basing time on linear movement might be convenient but is probably totally wrong.

AH yes distracted again by time, what I was planning to say was I saw my first Christmas lights today  . . . . . . Phew time does fly  . . . . . . Yet another saying that if true changes even more stuff and I am confused enough already.  The one thing this does mean however is that the slightly modified old saying we use here of . . . . . Fairy Lights are for life not just for Christmas . . . . has more going for it as a statement of fact than it might seem to at first glance, in our case these lights mean we can see the front door to put the key in to unlock it to get in. Not always easy when you are dressed up in a large red coat with fur trim wearing a false beard and have spent the night grovelling about in chimneys and trying to keep a reindeer on the correct route because he cant use the SatNav (that’s GPS to those of you not in Britain).

OK what happened today . . . . . AH DAMN I have run out of time (well OK not entirely true please read above).

A day in the life of a Chicken

After a long stint on top of the Christmas tree in hiding the Chicken has finally got off after he/she was reassured that this was in fact a new world record for a chicken, even if the Guinness book of Records refuses to recognize a new world record for a knitted chicken on top of a Christmas tree. As the chicken says (OK SORT OF) it is not easy to roost on top of a artificial Christmas tree for long periods as there is little to eat, just a few glass balls, an angel, and fairy lights which is hardly ideal food to produce a decent egg.

The day has been remarkably peaceful starting with a bit of pointing and prodding at Tongue and Groove Panelling, then the nodding and shaking of heads and a final AH . . . . . Yes; before we all headed of to see family members who are having a bit of hassle with kitchen cupboards, once there we were all able to point and prod at kitchen cupboard doors then nod and shake our heads while pointing at tape measures and saying AH  . . . . Yes, metric measurements . . . . . . DAMN, we are you see deep down imperial people, and old sayings like ‘give then an inch and they take a yard’ are ruined in metric.

I have noticed that most of the Christmas lights around us have now vanished, we are one of the few houses in the area if not the world that think fairy lights are for life not just for Christmas. Lets face it given a choice of two or three glaring spot lamps on the front of the house or just over three thousand fairy lights, lighting everything up in a nice warm glow; I don’t think it takes a great deal of thought to decide which is the aesthetically more pleasing. Unless of course you are a security guard with a growling dog and you love your job so much you like to patrol your home long into the night on your days off.  Shouting stop who goes there as a bored pensioner with a Pekinese heads off to the park to chase pigeons and annoy the teenagers by sitting on the swings and waving their false teeth at them (that’s the pensioner not the Pekinese).

Oooo I had to unhook a finger from a hook today, it was a homemade hook, I am rather good at making homemade hooks……..

OK enough I am off again now to do other things which will also include eating FOOD  . . . . . YuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmMMMM. 

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Can I find the lost world before the end of the world . . . and fairy lights

I spent much of the day searching for the thing I could not find, and believe it or not did not find it, typical.  But being resourceful I was able to do an improvised option that is almost as good as what I was trying to do in the first place, so that was sort of good. However I then discovered that my trusty old hifi was using a fancy low profile power connector, something I did a long time ago to save on space in its cabinet, but guess what I can not find the other half of the low profile connector. O really this is very frustrating for a simple scrambled brain, I have seen it somewhere maybe it is in the safe place with the other item I have put in a safe place. One of the problems is that we have loads of stuff (no really I mean loads), we tend to look after it so as time goes by it forms large piles. I think one of the reasons that things do get looked after is no doubt the fact that for most of the life of the item no one knows where it is.

So I am now almost exactly where I was yesterday only the part I am looking for is a different part, please note laughing is not an option or when the aliens turn up on the 21^st to instigate the End of the World I will be giving them the names of anyone who sniggers.

In other news we noticed tonight that the house on the little hill across the road a bit, appears to have gone into competition with fairy lights, well sort of competition as they have one long string of lights (say 150 to 200) that flashes and does other things where we have just over 3000 so no competition there me thinks. OK ours are white and just sort of stay on, glowing at the world but then 3000 plus fairly lights flashing might mean we get confused with the aliens on the 21^st  and that would never do. I was rather pleased to see that at least one of two mainstream media companies have finally taken note of the 21^st,  and so far it appears that the worlds most authoritative expert of the events that are due to befall us all on that date is me.  I have written down everything in great detail about the End of the World in a special notebook and put it in a safe place so it does not get lost . . . . . . . . . .AH DAMN.

Oooooo and I have just saved someone I think from a dodgy solar panel salesman who wanted to charge loads for solar panels that would end up pointing north, why do some folk have no consciences and will con people, even little old ladies.

Craft Fairs and Napoleon Beelzebub’s Very Strange Victorian Curiosity Shop

When Napoleon Beelzebub closed Napoleon Beelzebub’s Very Strange Victorian Curiosity Shop he left us a selection of stock, a fair bit of which was aimed at the Christmas market. He told us that down in the eternal depths of Dante’s Inferno which he prides himself on keeping snug and warm for his guests, he says that he has never had a complaint that anyone is feeling cold. OK he did just the once when one of the guests made the mistake of being sarcastic so he moved then to a warmer room until they agreed that humour was not conducive with damnation.  Sorry distracted again; He says that Christmas much like sarcasm and humour is not good for the general ambience of Hell and it would only lead to trouble if the punters started to like it. I think that is something we can all agree about, hell nice that is totally wrong. OK what was I saying; yes we have all this stuff so today we were at a craft fair in Marton along with our good friend Miss Sally of The Sun (not the big glowing one in the sky that someone has nicked).

Tonight picture was drawn on a carrier bag which explains why it looks a bit odd. . . .Sorry 

The weather was to say the least rather rotten but despite this several of the old customers of  Napoleon Beelzebub’s Very Strange Victorian Curiosity Shop turned up to see us and say hello, including Mrs Baker the headmaster (not my headmaster as he is mad, Mrs Baker is not mad, she is well cool for a headmaster). Anyway it was lovely to see some of the old regulars and it turned into a very successful event for us.  It was rather wet heading home and we appear to all be vanishing under water in the UK at present, still the long range forecast this morning was predicting minus fifteen and loads of snow. I am not sure just how long term that forecast is as it sounds like the next ice age to me . . . . . . . . . . .WELL COOL.

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Running through the piles of leaves, Fairy Lights and British Winter Time

Today is Sunday and in the old tradition of a Sunday fairly chilled and peaceful, OK chilled and peaceful here, there are many places that are not.

I have not done a great deal today mainly sweep leaves as the leaves in Britain are falling off the trees on mass at present and if they are not swept up will cause chaos. If you live in other parts of the world you will be thinking leaves cause chaos surely not, but only a couple of years ago the entire rail system was grounded by leaves, although as British Rail pointed out at the time they were the wrong sort of leaves. We have the wrong sort of leaves in our garden because they only appear to fall in the wrong places so I was dispatched to sweep them into tidy piles and deposit them in the recycle bin. Luckily I did not suffer one of the great problems of sweeping leaves into piles, the one that all sweepers hate. This is passers by running through the piles of leaves kicking them into the air in a jolly happy way. This impulsive almost subconscious act is something from deep in the mind when we were very little and insisted and knocking down the brick tower that an adult spent many painful hours building for you. The pile of leaves is a sort of flash back and everyone just has to knock the pile down again, of course the consequences are very different, in one the brick tower is rebuilt with a begrudging smile in the other you are chased by a mad screaming man waving a bristle yard brush at you while you try to loose him in the shopping centre at the perimeter of the park.

OK enough about sweeping leaves up, there is only so much any man can write about sweeping leaves up while still making it interesting and I think I may have passed that point some time ago. Although I will add what was really annoying is I would sweep up all the leaves then look back to admire my handy work only to discover a load of new leaves had fallen out of the trees so everything was covered in leaves again.

I have also put up a few more fairy lights at the front of the house today,  I have always said you cant have too many fairy lights although it might just be that we now have so many plug in fairy lights connected that the solar fairy lights will just think it is day time all the time, even in the middle of the night so never come on.

OK that is about it for today I need to try and get my body adjusted to the fact all the clocks were themselves adjusted last night so what was 6.00pm yesterday has become 5.00pm today (I think) resulting in a lighter start to the day but a very dark end to it. In principle its fine only my body hates all this and I get well confused. And tomorrow we are off to IKEA and it is not a place to go to in a state of confusion, what with the one way system round its cunning rabbit warren of stuff, subconsciously making you buy things you never need, and instilling an urge to run through the huge pile of cushions, kicking them into the air and laughing hysterically.

  

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