Monday, 30 June 2014

Serpents at the seaside

Today involved a trip to the beach to a place called Barmouth, so called because it is the where you find the mouth of the Bar. A huge serpent sort of beast with a large mouth that eats things as is traditional with huge serpents.

It was a nice day although there was the one cloud that insisted in hovering about between us and the sun, but it was OK because in general it was quite warm.  Anyway that was about it nothing else happened so I am off to draw the Bar now . . . time permitting as a picture of it will give it far more street cred, than me just sort of saying we saw this huge thing that ate folk and scared the donkeys. They did not look happy donkeys having to spend their day giving small children rides up to a post and back, It was not very far even for a small child or bored donkey. Still the Donkeys cheered up once the serpent ate the children and the parents ran about screaming, I’m sure the next high tide will remove all the blood and bits.

The sand dunes appear to get bigger every time we go there too, but it has been a while even the falling down barn has been repaired. . . . . .when did that happen.

I know this is very boring but I have Writers Block and I have been out all day (at the beach). . . . 

Sunday, 29 June 2014

The Story behind the 2014 Brazil World Cup (An exclusive and shocking story of power).

The complex story behind the 2014 Brazil World Cup is finally starting to unravel, but it is a complex story and I need to return to the past for it to make sense. Back to the very origins of the creation of the first Androids by the unknown genius Augustus Von Androidus (which I have discussed previously), you see it appears that he was a member of the Knights Templar’s. He built the Androids to recover the legendary Holy Grail, the gold cup of Jesus and his mates, because by then the number of members of the Knights Templar had fallen to a handful.  Well they had a bit of a hard time historically people sort of set them on fire.

As the Androids continued their mission to find the grail, it became clear in more recent times that there was a certain gold cup that was worshiped by millions of people from all over the world, and they needed to find out if this was the gold cup they were searching for. Why would all these people worship this cup apparently awarded for winning a game called football, it made no sense to the Androids and so they have assumed that this is a crude cover story to protect the grail.

In 1966 the Androids even got hold of the cup briefly, but before they could examine it properly some pesky kid called Dan Brown and his dog Pickles (on his way to a fancy dress party dressed as Leonardo Da Vinci . . . that’s Dan not his dog) stumbled across them and the Androids had to vanish into the undergrowth of Beulah Hill. They managed to steal it again in 1983, but by then they were convinced that a switch had been done, and so the Androids are now pursuing the new cup. They are sure that this time they have the right cup.

However an evil genius who has been aware of the Androids long hunt for the Holy Grail has built his own androids to ensure that he will win the World Cup and obtain the Grail which he knows from watching that Indiana Jones Bloke and Monty Python will give him eternal youth and ultimate power.

This genius has even persuaded a certain player to bite people to convince the powers that be that the world cup is riddled with Vampires, but Mr Suarez is not a Vampire merely a Red Herring.

So what is the name of this Evil Genius who will get his clutches on the World Cup? Live for ever. Rule the world and make folk eat ice cream. . . . . . . He is called Rob Z Tobor.

Hang ON that’s ME

HAH AH Hah ah ah ha ha h hah ah ha hah ah ah ha ha ah ha ha ha ha ha hah ah ah ah ah ah ha h hahha hah ah ha hah ah ah ah ha h hah ha ah ha ha ha hah ah ah ah ha ah h ah hah hah ah ah ah ah hha h ha hah ha

HAH AH HA HA ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hah ah ah ah ah ah ahah ahah ahha ha ha ha

AH DAMN I may have revealed my plan a bit early.

Friday, 27 June 2014

The Quirkiness of the Long Distance Blogger

As a long term slightly quirky blogging diarist, I have to give myself little goals to achieve. Not goals like in the world cup where you have to kick a small round thing into a sort of fruit cage affair.

One of the primary objectives of any blogger is does anyone actually look at your blog, are they friendly, will they send you large sums of money, will the very nice Steven Spielberg make your very very long diary into a block buster film or films, (it is very long).  If the answer to all these is no then you have to find odd little glimmers of hope from other things.

I therefore have achieved something this month that is very positive indeed, this month has seen the best month ever for Page Views with close to seven and a half thousand as we approach the end of June. Now I have no way of knowing if that is good or not and I am aware that certain things can distort those figures, so I do not use those dynamic view design options they add thousands of page views that don’t exist, I learnt that very early on. I also do not count my own views of my blog or that would just get confusing and I do not allow anonymous commenting that just attracts automated web crawlers and they are well annoying beasts.

I suspect folk are going to say . . .  is that all HEY I get that a day . . .  but I just don’t know what is good or bad in the world of blogging, it is full of smoke and mirrors and a lot of hype so I just keep to my own goals.  Strangely if there is one thing the football teams in the world cup hate it is own goals, but as a blogger it is what keeps me striving to bigger and better things, well that and the dream that the very nice Steven Spielberg will stop burning the manuscript to the film of the diary of the book of the blog

The world of blogging is a fickle world but there are some good folk out there, Mr ESB, Miss Laura, Mr Addman, Mr H, Miss Lily and Master Meglos, Miss Hannah,  Mr Flip, Mr B, P Von P, Mr G to name but a few. And so you may ask yourself why do we do this, what drives us in our guest for fame fortune and celebrity without moving from the comfort of our armchairs. The answer is simple we are all IDIOTS……….

Thursday, 26 June 2014

One small bite for man, one giant leap for the goalkeeper

As many of you will know I have been revealing some of the lesser known facts about the World Cup in my ever popular Blog (I use the term ever popular loosely). Telling the world about the news that the world cup is full of Androids and now Vampires and various other creatures and beasts of a non-human based life structure. But I have come to believe my blog has upset the powers that be somewhere in the voids of cyberspace. I don’t think it will be Quinton and Charles of GCHQ as my blog apparently is the only light relief they get as they trawl through the myriad of websites and blogs involved in social media.

The reason for my suspicion is that if I Google for news of Androids and Vampires through the rather popular Google search engine (I am a great fan myself) playing in the Brazilian World cup my own blog comes in at about page 25 million. Now we all know this could only happen if someone somewhere wants my blog kept quite, suppressed and out the way.

I have even protested outside the local Google Office, a small wooden shed in a field just up the road.  Where a spokesperson said the following

Does not compute
Does not compute
Does not compute     
Does not compute
Does not compute
Does not compute
Does not compute
Does not compute
Does not compute
Suarez is a vampire
Ban the vampire     
 Bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep  bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep
On the head. . . . Back of the net

Anyway I am suspicious now that there are more folk about in the greater world as a whole who are androids than I thought. And a useful tip to spot one (so I am told) is that they clutch small touch screen devices where they obtain their instructions from, using discrete thumb and finger movements to communicate with their great leader,

In late news (for me) it appears that Luis Suarez has been banned for four months.  He stated afterwards My solicitors Amstrad Amstrad and Amstrad were rubbish and seemed to favour the Androids. But as a Vampire I am planning to hang about for a while. .

Wednesday, 25 June 2014

Brazilian World Cup Latest . . . Luis Suarez innocent claims Harry Potter

Football continues to astonish the watching masses around the world when we learnt yesterday that Uruguay have been playing a Vampire as their leading striker (for legal reasons we cant mention Mr Luis Suarez . . . . .DAMN). Of course since the ruling that players do not have to be human Uruguay are quite within their rights. It has to be said though that biting is certainly not permitted normally, even by Vampires while on the pitch and the worlds press have been quick to condemn the player. The condemnation is not universal however and a large lobby group, led by Zombies, Ogres, Banshees, Giants and Demonic Beasts has argued that it is unfair and he was merely finding out if the Italian player was one of those Italian Androids as he was convinced it(he) was making mechanical noises. They further say that Mr Suarez’s leap to the ground clutching his teeth proves emphatically that the other player was full of Ferrari made mechanical parts which is going to result in expensive dental work.

Even Mr Harry Potter in a surprise statement said. . . . . . He’s innocent. . .  Its totally unfair Vampires and other terrible beasts of fiction are being discriminated against by the international corporate world of Capitalist Football who prefer the android because it’s placid and can be turned into profitable merchandise novelty toys and the like . . . . . . Hey I sign autographs if you want me too, £20.00 pound a go.

  Mr Suarez himself has been quoted as saying . . . . . I'M a Vampire, I bite folk it’s what Vampires do, I have it under control most of the time, but playing against Androids just made me see red. . . .  I like red . . its my favourite colour particularly if it is dripping out of a neck.  

Please NOTE since the writing of this diary entry a spokesperson for Mr Harry Potter says he has not made a statement of any sort and this is rumour and vengeance by a person called Rob Z Tobor who is bitter and twisted because of his lack of success at writing and he is just jealous that Mr Potter is a great wizard and stonkingly wealthy. . . . . . YA SUCKS BOO.

Monday, 23 June 2014

Further Shock News From Brazilian World Cup

After the shock news the other day of Germany’s disqualification for playing an Android, the world of football today has been turned upside down yet again by the news that Germany has won its appeal. It has been decided at the highest level that the rules do not say that players must be human and so Germany have been reinstated.  But shortly after that news was announced at a press conference in Brazil early this morning, further new conferences were called that have rocked the world of international football further.

Shortly after Germany were reinstated America announced that their first true international Soccer star, striker Dell Drone was in fact entirely made of carbon fibre and operated by Nano-technology designed by NASA. This was closely followed by the news that Italy’s Fiato Florentine was a Fashion Mannequin with Ferrari built mechanics.  Then Japan admitted that their entire international woman’s football team are Androids.

Even here in Britain, England has confessed that the last full member of the England Football Supports Club Mr Tim (the Spectrum) Sinclair is in fact a modified Reliant Robin. . . . . Come on Tim. . . .

Later when interviewed at his home Roy of the Rovers, one of the last living members of England’s 1966 squad said. . . . . . . Its disgusting they are all a bunch of big girls Blouses, that Tommy Dorsey would be turning in his grave. . . . . . Call those football boots they are rubbish. . . . . . Here I met that Diana Dors once . . . . . didn’t she marry that Benny Dorm bloke. . . . . . . . .

Sunday, 22 June 2014

The Curse of Cars

Yes its a Man and a Fish and has no link whatsoever to the words 
but they do this in ads on the television all the time so it must be OK.

Yesterday was the longest day as in loads of sunlight and it was still hot, it was also a long day indeed as we went out in the evening to have a curry with our good friends Mr Charlie and Miss Jane.  This was grand and I even had something new after a very long time of having the same curry. As always we were the last to leave, we are always the last to leave, even when we all turned up earlier than normal to avoid being the last to leave.

We waved Mr Charlie and Jane farewell and set off into the sunset (night) in our trusty Fiat. However about halfway home one of the front tyres sort of gave up and fell apart, Not sure why but one minute we are driving along all chilled and the next the car is rattling along like it has a square wheel.  But its OK we can fit the spare or phone the nice man at the RAC if all else fails, only it turns out the spare wheel release mechanism is dead, we have since found out this is common on this car and folk are advised to keep the spare in the back.. . . . O DEAR . . .  OK then phone the nice RAC man only it appears the mobile phone battery it too low to make a phone call and it is now 11.00pm on a dark road with no one about.

So we decide to limp along the road for a bit, luckily we had a lead to charge the phone so after a bit we were able to phone the nice RAC man who did have to drive for almost an hour to get to us . . . . The joy of life in the country.

Anyway we arrived back home just after midnight on the back of a large tow truck, so it did turn into a very long day indeed.

So we now have a three legged car and we (not the car) will be heading off tomorrow to attempt to fix our beast as it appears to have a few problems and is bleeping at us.  It is not quite the old faithful machine it used to be in the old days.   

Saturday, 21 June 2014

Germany disqualified from Brazilian World Cup. . . Android Shock News

In what is said to be one of sports biggest ever shocks, Germany have been disqualified from the 2014 Brazilian World Cup. It appears that one of their leading players, I think his name is Muller Cogs Lightberg or something similar, has turned out to be an Android and not human.  

How ironic when only the other day I was discussing the origins of the term Android and its forgotten inventor Augustus Von Androidus. But it appears that the Great Great Great Great (or something like that) Granddaughter of Augustus Von Androidus still had his original plans and drawings and someone hit upon the idea of recreating one of the Androids to become the heroic leading striker of the German National Football team. 

It does explain the reclusive life style of the player and his constant clicking, grinding and hissing noises on the pitch which many other teams had officially complained about and which the German manager has always said was rather bad wind. And no one would have noticed if he had not pulled his fake latex chest up over his head along with his official team shirt after scoring the winning goal during their first World Cup game.  The Germans at first said he was not an Android but a cyborg (not the IKEA set of draws but the man machine thing) and mostly human; but after tests it has been found he is definitely non human in every respect except image and a strange obsession to kick a ball about for 90 minutes in a game of two halves.

There is talk of a German protest at the disqualification decision on the grounds that nowhere in the rules does it say players need to be human and it has been pointed out that back here in Britain in 1912 Scragend United played a duck in goal for two games.     Although it was done for a bet when the manager was drunk at Ye Olde Pig and Trolley Inn, and the duck let in 132 goals, But the Germans still claim it set a president.

Thursday, 19 June 2014

The Origin of the word Android . . . . A True Story to Tell at Breakfast . . . (sort of true-ish...a bit)

Many people enjoying a sci-fi film or book and reading of Androids will seldom if ever think about the origin of the Android, it is after all a funny old word and an idea that can be traced back to the ninetieth century. But the real truth about the origins of Androids has been lost to all but a small group of Scientists, historians and Android enthusiasts.

You see the ninetieth century was a time of much scientific advancement across many disciplines; it was also a time in the history of man of much insecurity and political volatility throughout Europe, where one army would march on another.

So much thought was put into ways and means of defeating the armies of your enemies as they jousted for supremacy. It was into this world that a young and brilliant scientist was thrust by his countries leaders in the heart of Europe

Young Augustus Von Androidus was a genius and a master of building Automata, but he had said that with the right resources he could make a fully independent walking, talking and thinking mechanical man. And so the great German leadership of the time gave him everything he needed to do this, they wanted   Young Augustus Von Androidus to build an invincible army of mechanical fighting men.

Using the very best designs for suits of armour Augustus Von Androidus build sophisticated mechanical structures and mechanisms into them powered by concentric vibration activated coil winders and multilayer bimetal ratchet drives, meaning his warriors were self powered and could operate forever in theory. Added to this the use of infinitely variable cam drive systems allowed the worriers to think for themselves and learn as they fought, so they would never lose any battle..

After many years a group (the number of which is unknown) of worriers now called Androids were finally complete and a battle against an elite force was arranged as a test deep in the heart of the Black forest in a large clearing.  The Androids lined up as the elite of the German Army prepared themselves to attack, both sides waiting for the other to make the first move.  But then the silence was suddenly broken as a small child skipped across the field picking flowers.

The small child curious at the small army of shiny Androids ran up to see them and offered one of them a flower, but as the android bent down to take the flower the men of the German Army shouted at the child to go away and threw a rock at it. This made the small child cry dropping all the flowers as it ran off home. It was at this point that the Androids all looked at each other and realised that fighting and war were futile and wrong so they dropped their weapons and vanished into the forest.

The German authorities covered the entire story up as they could hardly tell the public that they had lost a army of mechanical fighting men (Androids) which meant Augustus Von Androidus was never recognized by the world for his greatest achievement.  Then a few years later someone else claimed that they had thought of the term Android rather to the annoyance of Augustus Von Androidus.

As for his Androids they are thought to still roam the wild places of the world learning and watching. Which is why folk tell stories of strange mountain men or men of the forests and remote islands, unaware that they are in fact entirely mechanical sophisticated Androids.

Anyway that’s what they said at Ye Olde Pig and Trolley Inn when they refused to sell me the all day Full English Breakfast at quarter to twelve, adding that you can’t have a Full English Breakfast after 11.30 am.

Wednesday, 18 June 2014

The origins of old traditions, Goat murmuring, Charles 1st and a Large Cat.

We all wonder stuff, particularly when it is very very hot again today and our minds have melted slightly and are dripping out of our ears making our thoughts mushy as well as making passers by shout Oooo look YUCK.  So I thought to myself today, well to tell the truth I thought to myself about five minutes ago because I was thinking what will I write tonight.  Yes I thought where do all these strange old traditions come from that folk do, like the old Shropshire tradition of Goat Murmuring on the first Sunday of August where folk gather in the local tavern or hotel and murmur away to entice the local goats in. 

Lets face it, it is all very well with its strange rules and instant disqualification for using trails of peanuts, crisps or beer and everyone singing long into the night as they parade the goat proudly aloft if they have succeeded in the quest, in its gilded goat throne. But it is not the sort of thing you sit about thinking I bored today lets try Goat Murmuring. It takes years for such things to take hold and become a part of the local tradition, so that folk turn up from all over the world to take part.

Some say this particular tradition is from the days of Charles 1st, when he was being hunted down by the parliamentarians and he found himself cornered in Ye Olde Pig and Trolley Inn . . . . . (full English Breakfast available all day). They say that the sharp thinking inn keeper had an old goat skin behind the counter and dressed the King up as a goat.  The Curious but slightly stupid parliamentarians questioned the inn keeper who explained he was practicing his murmuring for the annual Goat murmuring competition. The King joining in by butting the parliamentarians and becoming docile and friendly when the inn keeper started to murmur.

That’s all well and good but traditions like that just can not get going these days, lets face it the old tradition of throwing grannies off the bus is not quite the same. Particularly as it happens every Friday night rather than once a year.

Ooooooo while I was away I saw a huge cat called Ben he was really huge, but rubbish at Cat murmuring and never caught a Dolphin.              

Tuesday, 17 June 2014

The Fish the Crab and the Hot Chocolate

It was very hot today indeed and I have been staggering about a bit like a Zombie, something that happens from time to time when my feet protest about the fact they have to be at the bottom of me while the head gets to be at the top. Feet find themselves in this position most days which is why they tend to be the grumpiest individual body part. Arms sometimes complain a bit at times but they can flap about, which feet cant without making you look like an IDIOT unless you are Fred Astaire . . . . I am not Fred Astaire; in fact I am not Fred Anybody of any sort. Although I may have lost the Thread a bit now as it appears no one is any the wiser about my day (including me) and no one knows what I have done (including me) . . . . . I hate it when you have days where you run about all day and then at the end of the day you cant remember what you did.

Actually that reminds me we went to the vineyard where I drank hot chocolate and ate a rather good slice of chocolate cake, and watched someone doing a wine tasting thing. It appears if you do it (vine tasting) with hot chocolate folk say you are an IDIOT particularly if you attempt your Fred Astaire impression at the same time. My tip of the day would be do not do this.

Anyway while we were away I draw stuff so tonight’s drawing is a Crab and a fish, I did see a couple of fish leaping in the bay, but not Dolphins and I did see a couple of crabs but they were slightly dead. . . .That’s seagulls for you, if you are a small crab all I can say is do not get lured in by the old . . . . .HAY show me your Fred Astaire Impression little crab . . . . .. . . . . it will only lead to misfortune.

Ooooo yes I put some sea glass in a glass bowl so I can now see the sea glass through the glass.

Well that’s it I’m off  . . . . . . I don’t think I have told you about the huge cat yet.     

Monday, 16 June 2014

The large metal post, a man, a one legged blackbird and two supermarkets.

This morning while at Tough Harry’s  Supermarket where we were purchasing stuff such as milk and fruit and veg (yuck) we arrived in the car-park to see an elderly chap in a shiny car pondering along with a couple of members of the staff a large yellow and black stripy post which he had attacked with his car.  It was one of a long line of yellow and black stripped posts that can be seen from a long way off, the particular post (a big metal post) in question was sort of tucked out the way making it hard to hit without going entirely the wrong way.

Interestingly it reminded me of shopping in both the Tesco at Inverness and M&S in Perth. Now folk in Scotland are well friendly, but for reasons I don’t know things have changed in supermarkets from the last time I was in a Scottish supermarket . . . . WOW it’s scary, a true dog eat dog affair like some sort of terrible computer game where only the death of innocent customers stupid enough to get in the way of your trolley will do.  No one smiles and although the staff are a chirpy bunch if you ask them stuff like where is the milk, AND can I get deep fried mars bars in the ready meals, the customers are demonic zombie killer beasts who hate everyone. 

Yet once they enter the street they cheer up and wave at strangers and tell you there were loads of dolphins in the bay last week . . . . . . . honest, and then tell you how to make spicy banana soup (AAAAAAaaaaaaauuuggghhhhh no YUCK YUCK YUCK).

One draw back in being of Scottish blood but having an English accent is that when you see a passing Scottish pirate ship and you wave and shout hello sailor at them they ignore you. Offering them deep fried dolphin on a stick does not help much either, even our tame one legged Blackbird did not impress them much, but he did tend to fall over quite a lot. 

Sunday, 15 June 2014

Sunsets in Scotland

As many of you will know because I did say I was going to be away along with the fact I have not been in the grand world of cyberspace in over a week . . . . Thus indicating that I have in fact not been here, but have been away. In fact I have been living in a wooden shed just a few feet from the sea about ten miles from the great metropolis of Inverness.  OK in world terms Inverness is not a great metropolis, but in terms of the North of Scotland it is.  Now many things happened (OK I lie) which I will tell of in the next couple of days assuming not much happens to interrupt the flow, such as the internet playing up seriously badly which it appears to have done since our return yesterday. I was told there was a huge storm locally and much lightning and huge bangs, so maybe that has caused the problems.

While away we obtained a treasure chest saw a pirate ship, fed a one legged Blackbird, found much sea-glass, went Ooooooooo at one of the most stunning sunsets I have ever seen. Did not see the famous dolphins of Inverness. Had a great meal in a place while driving. Went back and had another great meal later in the week. Bought a head from a man. Drew some pictures.  Pointed at snow on the mountains. Saw an oilrig and a jack-up. Went to a cheese shop that only sold Norwegian Cheese and was run by a Norwegian. Saw a huge cat called Ben who was huge. Tied a chair to a post as well as many other things along the way.

Of course how much of this adventure I tell will depend on whether I remember stuff, have time to write it all and the key factor, how much money Steven Spielberg will pay for the film rights to the story.

So that’s it I am off now having told you all very little indeed, but then my diary is a bit like that really in general, full of words which somehow avoid issues like England losing to Italy at football. I have added this because I only recently found out. Although I suspected as much as no one has mentioned it today

No it really looked like this at 11.00pm

Friday, 6 June 2014

A short Break

I am running off to join the circus (MI6) and will be back in a few days.

See you all soon

Have fun in Cyberspace. 

Wednesday, 4 June 2014

Name that Super Hero . . . . A lifetime opportunity

Have you ever thought cyberspace is boring, why don’t I ever get asked to name a Superhero that would be really COOL. Well yes this is your opportunity, a once in a lifetime chance to name that Super Hero.   Yes it is possible that your choice will not be chosen but who can tell, if you are the person to come up with a name for a Superhero that has not already been done to death by the various forms of media. From comics to books to films to anything else media sort of based the likes of which I can’t think of right this second because I just type and think stuff up as I'm typing.

Go on have a go Name that Super Hero, the masked man with a glove on his left hand and possible mechanical bits inside like that six dollar cat (hang on that’s not right?).

Suggest a superpower something new something astonishing and something that will entice the very nice Steven Spielberg to think . . . . . . . . . O God what on earth is that Rob Z Tobor up to now, will he not just give up and leave me alone . . . . . . . . . O NO I won't, I am persistent Mr S and once I have covered every possible plot option in the world I will sue when you make the next movie . . . HAH AH HA HAhah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ha ha hah hah hah ha ah ha hah ah hhahah hah ah ah ah hahahha ha ha ha ha ha hah ah ahaha haha hahahahahaha hahh ah  hah ah ah ha ah a ha

You have not thought of that have you Mr S . . .  

Anyway this is it this is your chance (thats everyone not just Steven Spielberg) to . . . 

 Name that Super Hero 

Tuesday, 3 June 2014

Medieval Defence Systems and shouting OOO YUCK DRACO LUCIUS MALFOY IS A ZOMBIE at a Partridge

Today saw the arrival of Chris the Builder who is making the final part of the Zombie defence system. This extra fence will cut off the entire back of the house recreating the old medieval defence system of having a stockade within a stockade, layering the defences. Modern Zombies are rubbish, a result of watching too much television although they seem to have turned out as the underdog among the many monsters as the likes of Vampires are seen as COOL these days. Zombies are not cool no one wants to be a Zombie anymore. Even Harry Potter and his mates would shout OOO Yuck Draco Lucius Malfoy is a Zombie then scurry off and hide in the forest; YES OK he was a Zombie but that is not the point. . . . . . Talking of which I appear to have wandered from mine a bit.

We also have a Bumble Bee nest in the garage at present and I saw a Leech this morning having a bit of a swim and two partridge shouting at Harry the Cat, maybe it was Malfoy impersonating a Partridge shouting at Harry the Cat thinking it was Harry Potter.  

And I did a bit more work on the door and I am sure there was something else I was planning to write about but I have forgotten so it was probably important. ... 

Ooooooo what is an underdog anyway, because if its under the dog it must be smallish as the term never crops up with a huge dog with loads of space under it . . . . . and what’s all this crops up stuff too are we talking about stealing carrots . . . . . the English language is rubbish.

And A Happy Birthday Miss Lily I hope your day has been OK. . . . . . .  

Monday, 2 June 2014

Demonic Demons seen in Brecon

That Hugh Jackman is rubbish with his rusty nails and grumpy face
Not like Joan Hackman she is great? 

You go all the way to Brecon as part of the Rapid Reaction Zombie Defence Force armed with pointy sticks and a cheery song only to find its not Zombies but Demonic Demons summoned up by rouge (sorry rogue) Druids for reasons that are too difficult to explain as they are all in Welsh.

Anyway the point is the Rapid Reaction Zombie Defence Force doesn’t deal with Demonic Demons that is the specialist area of Demon-Rod with their rather devilish coloured vans and pressure horses (sorry hoses); Demonic Demons hate water.

I would write more, but it is late and it has been yet another long day. Brecon is a fair distance to go for the wrong kind of scary beast. . . Folk really should buy the . . . . .  AaaauuuuggghhhHHH  Zombie Guide Book  . . . . . . Available as soon as I write it both as a hardcover or paperback. CD included giving amazing details of feet claws and forked tongues.  The ideal gift for Christmas or Fathers Day.

OK I better go it's late   

Sunday, 1 June 2014

1 Bugatti, 24 goldfish and 1000 coat hangers

Yesterday as I told a handful of folk well maybe two. . . . as all the other folk were busy apparently they had hair to wash and paint to watch dry, or a an ant to race in an ant race through the maze of eternal confusion at 25 to 1 odds on; I was too tired to post because of the Bugatti and the 24 goldfish.  Today as you might expect those folk are keen to know exactly what I was up to that involved 24 goldfish and a Bugatti, well you would expect that only they are not really interested at all. This is no reason though not to tell you what I was doing and why I was very tired.

It started with a mad rush to help Miss Issy in the charity shop in the great Metropolis of Welshpool where I was allocated the cellar as it was felt I might be better down there away from customers. OK a couple of them did peer down and say OOOOOOo she’s right there is a monster in the cellar, I never saw it mind you?

Then I found the Bugatti, not the car but the clothing, I never knew they did clothing, but it seems they do and it (a jacket) fitted rather well so I bought it. So I am now the proud owner of a Bugatti WELL COOL. I also threw out about 1000 coat hangers . . . . . NO its true that place is overloaded with coat hangers.

After that Auntie Karen and Ian the Musical Hat Maker and Rock Star called in to say hello so we all stopped for tea and coffee and said rude things about certain politicians with a vague link to the local area and then all tried on clothing, Mr Ian finding a rather nice Dinner jacket for himself enhancing his rugged cool rock star image. . . .

Then after the shop closed I had to save 24 goldfish from the Ghost Writer who had received them as an early Father’s Day gift. He was discussing the options of fried or curried so it was felt he may have got the wrong idea about the gift and they needed to be rescued from his oven pronto. He had named them all either Pi, Cake or Supper so the fish are now safe but may need to talk to a therapist for anxiety.

Anyway after all that it was no surprise I was tired, I was better today as it was rather a nice day and so I was able to introduce the fish to the Steam Powered Duck and attempt Leech juggling  . . . . . . . . . Don’t try Leech juggling I don’t recommend it.

Ian the Musical Hat Maker
(A US N01 in its day)