Thursday, 30 June 2016

The Strange fable of the Beast and the Mirror

For many years mankind had worried that the world was doomed and that it would come to an end. There had been many predictions of its demise from meteors from space to the Environment. But no one actually knew what would finally bring the End of the World and so no one knew what they should do to stop it, because by the time they knew it would be too late. 

However in a dark cave deep in a forest in a wild and seldom visited land lived a beast, a very old and very wise beast who it was said knew of all things. So a party of great leaders and scholars from all around the world ventured into the forest of the seldom visited land to find the mythical beast of legend.  And after many many weeks of hunting they finally saw the strange beast watching them from the entrance of an unassuming cave.

The beast looked and said to the party of great leaders and scholars you have come to ask me a question about how the World will end and what you can do to stop it. The great leaders and scholars from around the world were very impressed and said we have indeed.  The beast thought and pondered for a long time and then said.  Only one thing will destroy the world but to find out what it is will involve a task, a task where you will all have to work together in order to complete it. You will need to make a mirror, but not just any mirror but a huge mirror so large that all of mankind can look into it. It will take many years and require many skills, but once complete it will reveal the terrible truth.

Well the great leaders and scholars from around the world returned home and for many years worked together to make the huge mirror, and because they were all working together there were no wars and much prosperity until one day it was finally finished.  The world’s population admired their work and then slowly and apprehensively moved forward to look into the mirror to see what terrible thing was going to end the world, but when they all looked all they could see was themselves looking back.   

Wednesday, 29 June 2016

Poetry for Ned the Sub-Aqua Beast

Ned was a Sub-Aqua Beast
With lots of legs
And a crusty Head
Who scurried about
In the semi dark
With his all-seeing eyes
To avoid
The Tiger Shark
And he once tap danced . . . (so he said)
With Fred Astaire
Who got very wet
But did not seem
To care
And while nibbling Seaweed
And a cuttlefish bone
Will talk to the fish
In a superior tone
About Science and Maths
And Shakespearean plays
Which he will do
Not for hours
But for days and for days
But fish are easily distracted
By stuff in the sea
Which is very annoying
Both for Ned

And for me

Yes Ned I quite agree now why dont you go and talk to the fish. No honest they are not bored. 

Tuesday, 28 June 2016

The Strange World of Professor Vatis Brexit . . . A Poem

The strange world of Professor Vatis Brexit
Is full of in’s and outs
Where people Stay 
And people Leave
And some just sort of sway 
It’s a land were leaders shout I’m in charge
But are chased by lots of other folk
Who reply very loudly No you’re not
And then throw them off Big Ben just for a joke
And others shout I am right
And you are quite plainly wrong
Where Icelandic folk
For reasons not known
Sing a happy happy song
Of course Professor Vatis Brexit watches bemused
As turmoil continues day after day.
Looking up from his desk
Winking at his colleague Professor Britstay
And saying
These British are as mad as a box of Frogs
In an Eccentric British
Sort of


Monday, 27 June 2016

The Frustrations of a Leave Voter

Here in Britain there is still a certain amount of bitterness in the air as folk get to grips with the implications of the Leave vote. It is now plainly clear that the leave vote was not meant to win and the public (some) have done what the public have a habit of doing from time to time and that is screwing the entire thing up big time. Some are looking at ways of saying . . . HANG ON that vote was not valid due to the wrong sort of voter voting, As a slightly middle-class chap who owns his home and is a bit leftie in a quiet middle class way I can sort of sympathise to some degree with that thought.  After all what seems to have pushed us over the edge so to speak, is the fact that the poorest and most isolated who tend to be less well educated and dare I say it racist along with the elderly who are often more racist than they will admit all voted leave for the wrong reasons.

Now despite the present state of chaos in the government I still think that Britain in the long run will be better out as I firmly believe the EU is not economically or politically stable and has many problems. However I was not expecting the government to fall apart at the seams as politician stabs politician in the back, and it is deeply regrettable that some have seen this vote as an excuse to be openly racist in public.  These are very sad events indeed.  I can’t help but think the level of racism we are seeing has been lurking under the surface of society for a long time, but the manor of the campaigning and the result has brought it to the surface for all to see.

As a leave voter I would be happy to see an agreement with the EU where the free movement of people is part of any trade deal, similar to those countries within Europe who are not part of the EU accepted as part of any deals they have; to me it makes sense to pursue something similar. The problem with this is that I may be part of a very tiny minority who would be happy with this as an outcome.  But I would rather stay in the EU than be part of a country that has oppressive immigration controls with racist undertones. There are some things in society that are just not acceptable

I guess the one thing all this has shown us is, Britain is a fragmented society where there are poor, badly educated and inward looking communities, all the way through to the super rich.  Each different group isolated from the others. I suspect the problem is not that fact we voted leave, but that we have created a society where suspicion,  racism and poverty  has been allowed to flourish and now all leave voters seem to be tarred with the same brush.

If you voted Stay and you think I'm a fool well I cant change that, but at least we live in a country where we are allowed to vote (OK we did)

I really need to get back to writing some poetry and a doing a bit of art; this EU thing has messed with my mind. What ever happened to a bit of simple humour, and I cannot even smile at folk on the bus any longer.       

Saturday, 25 June 2016

Poetry for the Leave Vote

It appears voting out was a terrible sin
And we should have all voted in
Because voting leave means
You are just not nice
And the sort of person who will
Bite the heads of mice
Whereas voting stay means you
Are wise and knowing
And smile, and are good
With a Halo glowing
But I have to wonder
As turmoil reigns
And we try to sort the
Divisive pains
If we were meant to all sing
The same chromatic note
Why on earth did the Government
Allow us all to vote.

I mean surely the Boaty McBoatface vote should have warned the Government that letting the public vote is a risk and a half if you really only want one outcome.

Friday, 24 June 2016

OMG . . . . We Voted to DO WHAT . . . . .

OMG. . . . WHAT?

AH yes it appears that my assessment of the situation yesterday was entirely wrong, well not entirely as it was a very close vote. So us Brits, well about a half of 70% of those who can vote voted to leave the EU. What this means is that somehow last night I became the me in the alterative parallel Universe . . . . I hate it when that happens. . . . .  I have to say there was much shouting on the internet this morning and the News channels are having a great time, with more news than they can shake a stick at.

Many are saying terrible gloom and doom things, but I feel that is wrong it is not gloom and doom it is a new start and something to be embraced. Leaving the EU will only work if we meet our fellow Europeans half way and smile and hug each other, what we don’t need is the inward little Englanders getting their way and turning their back on the rest of Europe. To me there is nothing wrong with hugging a few Europeans but then saying . . .  we like you, but that bureaucratic Economic machine of yours is rubbish. . . .  Ok there will be a bit of a bumpy start to this great new adventure, but I do believe that in the long term it will be for the good.

 Of course I could be entirely wrong, but one thing for sure is we cannot undo what is done, well not in this Universe so whether or not you agree with the leave vote it is important to do our best to make it work as well as possible.  I am starting by drawing more pictures of a friendly nature. My granddaughter did her bit the other day by defending two Spanish students on a train who were being given a hard time by a passenger. She is a feisty young thing and will take no messing and will defend the rights of others. She voted to stay and has been on social media rather a lot today moaning at folk. . . I think she needs to go into politics before she gets all cynical like me.  She would probably shout at me too, but I play gaga these days. . . . and do it rather well.    

Thursday, 23 June 2016

The predictability of the predictable and parallel universes

I know it has nothing to do with the subject

As the British all head off to vote or have voted or are not voting, I was just thinking this is one of those points in the history of a nation where a parallel universe would be damn useful. You see one of the great dilemmas of the stay/leave EU referendum is that no one for sure will ever know exactly what the outcome would have been if instead of stay the leave vote won (or visa-versa although I suspect stay will win by a whisker). You see which ever option wins folk will say in a few months or years . . . . There you go I told you so. . . .  But you can only do that if you know for certain what would have happened if the opposite thing had happened, only it didn’t. . . I hope that makes sense, sort of.

History is scattered with events where a small decision here or there changes the course of world history.  Sometimes it can be something where the consequences of a simple choice cannot be predicted either way. To me the EU referendum is such a choice. We can say many things and make many assessments but if ever there was a good example of Chaos theory in practice it has to be the workings of the European Union. It looks like it is an organised structure but under the surface are a million individuals all doing there bit to make a decent living, pay all the bills, look after their families while trying to hold the whole EU thing together while the politicians and the public complain. Some are honest some have their fingers in the EU till some are efficient and some are completely incompetent, that is the way life works when lots of folk all work together in one organisation. Just look at the National Health Service. I have had more than my fair share of being poked about by the NHS in the past stitching me back together and I can say with some certainty the staff are an eclectic bunch of mixed abilities from the brilliant to the terrible.

Anyway back to the point tomorrow as we wake up and think. . .  OMG we voted to do WHAT?. . . .  don’t worry because in a parallel universe somewhere there is a you that voted the opposite way and has woken up and is thinking. . .  OMG we voted to do WHAT?. . . .  An for a brief moment in time the two universes will converge before heading off in opposite directions never to be the same again.

I would love to see the outcome of both in and out in ten years time so that I could go . . . . well I did not expect that to happen but I don’t think I will. . . Well not the same me anyway and the other me will not tell me a thing (he is as grumpy as I am)   

Ooooooooo sorry damn I got slightly distracted by things so my post is a bit late and it appears the voting is done and the win for stay now predicted . . . . . don’t you just hate the predictability of the predictable. Still in the end a bit of chaos theory will have us saying . . .   OMG WHAT?. . . . but maybe not tomorrow.        

Wednesday, 22 June 2016

Poetry for the EU Referendum Vote

We have reached that day
Which seemed so very far away
The dreaded EU referendum vote
Which if we leave
Will cause some to cheer and some to grieve
And some to dress up as Horatio Nelson
While others will pretend to be pirates
Or spacemen or a pantomime horse
Which the rest of Europe
Will look upon baffled and confused
And tell each other . . . .
Well they are British of course
And we have never understood them
With their terrible Eurovison songs
And their silly cricket balls
And what kind of nation
Would throw wet sponges at vicars
Or play splat the rat
Amongst the village fete festive stalls
And why do they tolerate all that rain
Then complain about all of us
I mean have you ever been on their trains
Or their inter-city bus
But if they do vote to leave
Well it will be a rather sad sort of day
But it could be so much worse

They might decide to stay. 

Well who can tell
Not Me

Tuesday, 21 June 2016

A Pictorial Guide to the EU Referendum

The Sea represents Europe

The smoke represents the EU referendum debate

The Ship represents Great Britain

The Seagulls represent the voters

The iceberg represents the result

Monday, 20 June 2016

The Man of the Sea

Behold the Great Man of the Sea
The heroic swimmer of Cromarty
Who swam all the way to Aberdeen
The greatest feat of swimming
There has ever been
And to astound onlookers
And stop them in their track
The next day he waved farewell
And then swam back
But he is a modest chap
And made no fuss

And after a cup of tea
At the harbour café
He set off home
On the local bus

The End   

Sunday, 19 June 2016

Never trust Angels that drink red wine

Never trust Angels that drink red wine
And I’m sure we all think that listening
To some old blues is just fine
Never trust those who think the answers
Are all clearly black and white
And maybe the grass is greener
On the other side
And we all think a large brown box
May be a good place to hide
And I for one would rather see a big silver moon
Than a man flying in a large polka dot
Hot air balloon
And we all love a bit of magenta
Stirred into our pea green soup
And everyone has hidden in the garage
A vivid bright pink
My pen is black
My pencil grey
A bit like the weather

We had today

Sorry my poetry is struggling at present due to my declining mind. DAMN those minds they seem to just start wandering about At all the wrong times. 

Friday, 17 June 2016

The Consequences of 24 hour News and other News Stories

I have been pondering what I should write about in my humble little blog tonight and my mind remains blank. You see I try to write a light-hearted blog with the occasional bit of personal insight on the world and a few mad poems about odd things. But I also feel when particularly types of sad news hit the headlines it is at least slightly respectful to be a bit aware of those events and how some may feel.  

We now live (here in Britain) in a world of 24 hour news and multimedia comment and the result of all this is a situation where on TV and in cyberspace, news of terrible tragedies sit side by side with odd little stories like a cat doing a Rubik’s cube or mermaids sighted offshore in the North East of Scotland.  Our media eat these stories both big and small, important and of no consequence with equal ferocity so that with time they all blur into one thing. If you add the adverts of commercial news media then the blur can create even more extremes. I just sometimes wonder if those much younger than myself ever become desensitised to events unless they have some sort of personal implication.   I can get entirely perplexed at times when say the final of a talent show will swamp the likes of Twitter and a terrible earthquake killing hundreds on the same day can pass almost unnoticed and folk tweet OMG because a sword swallowing parrot that can sing The Ace of Spades has won X factor and not the young woman from the sausage factor. I suspect that young woman may have been daydreaming a bit and missed a certain death sausage . . . . . . . . Yes that was a major story for me and that’s for sure.

Well that’s it a little ramble from inside the mind of Rob Z Tobor. You will notice this is a small story of little consequence, but I’m waving my pointy stick at the world a bit, but in a friendly and non-aggressive way, life is too short and precious to be wasted on aggression.

As a final passing point do please try to help and be friendly to you fellow man. Remember if there is a God he will I suspect forgive mistakes but not hate, and if you think that is not right just wait until you meet God, by which time of course it may be a bit late to say sorry,           

Wednesday, 15 June 2016

The EU Referendum why I am not a Nasty Chap

A Seagull in Scotland

I have decided to return to the rather spiky subject of the great EU referendum debate again, bearing in mind the hour grows closer and those of us with postal votes will be doing our bit very soon. You see some time ago here on the blog I explained why I plan to vote to leave, but sadly due to the rather bitter mudslinging match that continues and gets worse by the day it appears saying you plan to vote to leave now turns you into an evil bigoted and racist fool. I don’t really see myself as a  an evil bigoted and racist fool, well I hope I’m not.

One thing I am strongly in favour of is more immigration, Britain is a stronger and better country with people from other nations and I am all in favour of encouraging the talents of people from as many different cultures as possible. This I will accept is not the mainstream view of most of the leave supporters and campaigners who seem to fear the influx of thousands of undesirable immigrants stealing all our homes and jobs. This by the way is just not true they are in general nice folk, even the Polish woman who pushed right in front of me yesterday as I was getting a new key cut. This is certainly making the leave campaign look like the baddies. However being in the EU has not made us entirely immigration friendly. Just look at the hostility across Europe to the problems of the Syrian refugees. Many of these people are highly qualified professions who only want a chance to live in peace and provide a life for their families. Why can’t Britain do more to help them?

My main concern is still the huge bureaucratic machine of Europe which in my own humble opinion will at some point collapse like a pack of cards, but who can tell, I may be entirely wrong. I will still be voting to leave and I am still not sure if that is the right thing to do so I have a plan. You see in order to bring some harmony to a situation that is increasing bringing tension to ordinary folk across the country as each side shouts abuse at the other I am advising everyone to vote with a friend. Not just any friend but a friend with the opposite view so I will be voting with someone who is voting to stay in the EU. 

I think it is likely the stay vote will win; the fear of the unknown is a powerful force. But as a final thought just consider the latest football thing, the European Championships. A friendly competition between European countries where some fans get drunk and fight and kick each other so a bit like the EU. The fact is if we treated everyone equally with respect and dignity and helped our fellow man things like the EU would not be needed and football would be a much better game.  

As Shakespeare once said . . . . The fault Dear Brussels is not in your stars but in ourselves, that we feel underlings. . . . .  

Tuesday, 14 June 2016

Poetry for my trip to Scotland

A large Beastie in the wilds of Scotland

I have been away
But now I’m back
I have been
Exploring Scotland
With my haversack
I got to see a Polar Bear
A Seal, some Dolphins
And an Artic Hare
(Ok the Artic Hare was hiding)
At first I stayed near Inverness
Ten feet from the sea
Where I ran about on the beach each day
As that is the sort of chap
I tend to be
(Yes OK I say ran I mean stagger about)
I then headed off to Aberdeen
To visit family
And they cheered and clapped
And said many things
Like gosh it must be time for you to go
And we were going to phone
But then well you know
Life is so jolly busy
And you are after all a bit totally mad
But it is good to see you we are very glad
And my cousin Andrew said DAMN
You have discovered my new address
But I said it was just an educated guess
And then I headed home
But was made rather ill
By a Motorway service Death Sausage
Which was certainly
Not a thrill
But I am getting better by the hour
And I’m sure sometime soon
Some ice cream

I will devour 

You will be please (I hope) that I did manage to do some drawing of the things I saw. for the first few days I had the wrong type of pen and so I need to have a think about how to use my little cheap photo editing program to tweak the pictures to their best. Then about half way through my holiday I found some much better pens in Tesco, yes that was a bit of a surprise I am seldom in Tesco but it was near-ish to where we were staying. It is surprising what a difference a pen makes to the way we draw and write and stuff I am sure there must be some sort of science to all this. 

I will try and use some of these drawing in the coming days but I was very ill last night when we got home due to a death sausage bought in a well known independent motorway services up north a bit. I have not felt that poorly in a long time and due to a lack of sleep I am still a bit away with the faeries. 

you see I always tell the truth

Wednesday, 1 June 2016

Poetry for an Escapologist doing Handstands on a Police Car

Delilah was a contortionist 
And an accomplished escapologist 
Who to annoy her Ex-boyfriend
Police Sergeant Jim McDonald Scar
Would do tricks upon the roof
Of his much beloved police car
Much to the amusement of a certain
Miss Salome Bridgewater White
As she was regularly arrested
For being a lady of the night
But she was reputedly or so it was said
A rather good friend
Of a local man of the church
The very reverered
John Samuel Arthur Spiller-Birch
So every morning she would be freed
Because she had seen the light of God
And claimed it was a dusky pink
Which Police Sergeant Jim McDonald Scar
Thought was very odd
But then each morning as he left
To go out on patrol
Delia would be doing handstands
On his roof of his car
And sticking pins in a voodoo doll
And dipping it in hot tar

And when ask why she was so bitter
She explained that at their wedding
He ran off leaving her standing in the aisle
As he said he had villains to catch
And it was going to take a while
Then he discovered
Delilah’s Uncle George
Was making fake money in his garden shed
So Police Sergeant Jim McDonald Scar
Went to see Delilah and said
I will not marry into the criminal classes
So our love affair is
That seems rather hard

And after all Uncle George makes very good fake money