THe Ghost Bi-Plane, WW1 and the Mole

Yesterday I mentioned that I had put a load of moth balls down into the Moles run in order to shift him out of our lawn. It is said that Moles hate the smell and will head off to pastures new, well it sort of worked, it did move all of three or four feet further into the middle of the lawn. However luck was on my side because after a quick trip to the Castle of the Bishop to get provisions I noticed on our return a new mound in the lawn since we had been out. So I grabbed a spade a pair of gloves and the hose and leapt into action. First I dug in behind the new mound and then turned the hose on to full blast to fill the Moles now limited run. 

Within a few seconds the Mole appeared on the surface of the grass to escape the flood where I grasped it in my gloved hand and put it in a plastic container. It was then transported to a place where Moles can run free (dig Free) . So it is one happy Mole . . . . . I say happy but do Moles do happy?

We also had a visit from Miss Vicky then we had a visit from Miss Jo and Charlie Junior who hid under a pile of large umbrellas.

Then after everyone left and we were clearing up a very strange thing happened, an old Bi-Plane flew over head, but rather than head off into the distance it turned round two or three times and then proceeded to do a fancy aerial display.  So we stood outside for a while watching the Bi-Plane doing loop the loops and barrel rolls and the like before it eventually headed back to where ever it can from. What is particularly strange is that it is exactly 100 years to the day since the start of world war one (WW1) and why a Bi-Plane would do such a display over a tiny village in the middle of nowhere is a mystery. I am assuming it was probably a Ghost Bi-Plane and will return again in one hundred years time.

Ooooooo yes I will be drumming tonight too.

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I would also add, I was not impressed by the closing ceremony of the Commonwealth Games in Glasgow. . . .Typical Glasgow Night Out had so much scope and they did a packet of chips and Whatshername singing. . . . 

The Closing Ceremony of the Glasgow Commonwealth Games, a Mole, A Chainsaw, and Aliens

So what have I done today I hear you are say as if with the single voice of silence. . . . Well I am glad you have asked, sort of asked, thought about asking, OK no one has asked. But I know you need to know, well it started with the a view of our front lawn in a state of minor disarray and when I say minor I really mean miner because the lawn has small humps on it. Yes it can only be a Mole (not as in the spy but as in the small cute but annoying furry beast).  I am trying to be nice to the mole, he is after all only doing what moles do which is destroy lawns in the pursuit of wisdom (sorry worms) and in general no one is friendly to moles so it only seems fair to be nice.  So tactic number one is Moth balls dropped down the moles labyrinth of runs. . . . . .  To tell the truth I am not optimistic in the slightest, but we will see.

I have also had a large bonfire burning to clear a big pile of stuff which needed to be moved before next Saturday when we are expecting Digger Chris rather than Builder Chris who will be coming to do another job soon.  I have also had a bit of a play with the chainsaw and cut a few things down that need cutting down. One thing I have not ventured off to see is the Dancing Sheep, I am sure they must be good but I suspect someone will tell me all about it at some point.

Tonight is the big grand finish of the Commonwealth Games and what can I say I am really disappointed that I never got to see an Alien maybe they are still in the chip shop eating deep fried Haggis. It is quite possible as this is a treat seldom seen outside Scotland yet alone a far distant Alien world.

Anyway I did catch a brief comment on Radio four that seem to say that Lulu the well known Scottish singer from many moons ago was going to recite the Kali Monologue well I think that’s what they said. I am looking forward to hearing the lady famed for her shout reciting

सर्वमङ्गलमाङ्गल्ये शिवे सर्वार्थसाधिके । शरण्ये त्र्यम्बके गौरि नारायणि नमोऽस्तु ते ॥ॐ जयंती मंगल काली भद्रकाली कपालिनी । दुर्गा क्षमा शिवा धात्री स्वाहा स्वधा नमोऽस्तु‍ते . . . .Everybody Shout Now  सर्वमङ्गलमाङ्गल्ये शिवे सर्वार्थसाधिके । शरण्ये त्र्यम्बके गौरि नारायणि नमोऽस्तु ते ॥ॐ जयंती मंगल काली भद्रकाली कपालिनी । दुर्गा क्षमा शिवा धात्री स्वाहा स्वधा नमोऽस्तु‍ते. . . . . . .

I suspect the Hindu community of Glasgow will be very pleased and somewhat surprised.

I also believe that the plan is to recreate a classic night out in Glasgow so I will be watching as this could be my last chance to spot Aliens at the Commonwealth Games as they devour a Deep fried Mars bar and a fish supper washed down with an Iron Bru and a Whiskey chaser as they shout  . . . . . . . . . Whit’s fur ye’ll no go by ye  before returning to space to return soon

Maybe not today, Maybe not tomorrow but soon in a woodland near you. . . . .

Keep Watching the Skies  . . . . .

The Fickleness of the Public and Cats and Popular Blogs

Last month my blog had a new record page view count of just over 7,500 and I was a well snig (sorry Smug) little blogger dropping this into conversations with the cats as they demanded their dinner. They pretended not to care until I pointed out if they did not look pleased they would get no food, O yes they soon changed there minds then and meowed loads until I fed them after which they lost interest.

Anyway this month I have had just under 9,500 page views, yet another record for me and I have warned the cats they better look pleased or it is lean times ahead for a few days. I have been trying to work out why this has happened and yet again it comes down to the one thing . . . . . . . Sport.  Yes sadly if I mention sport suddenly I get more page views and of course after the world cup I was forced to comment on the Commonwealth Games a bit. I say a bit because I have not done very well doing this and so far have not spotted a single Alien, just that huge spaceship that no one is mentioning that is perched right in the middle of it all. When I say perched I mean landed or it would be a large alien bird of some sort and I think folk would run away screaming rather than pretend it’s some sort of sports complex or some such other silly idea.

Only I am not sure I have any sporting events left to comment on so I may be forced to make up something that sounds like it might really be happening such as the World Ice Juggling championships or the International Scientists Mathematical Cascade Race.  Personally I prefer Aliens and Zombies and the like but the public seem to have abandoned their love of these fine critters and prefer sport. . . . .  It makes you wonder what the world is coming too, before long we will all be fighting each other or dropping dead from strange tropical diseases. . . .

AH DAMN . . . . Still it will soon be Christmas.  

The Strange Tale of the Vampires Head, the Commonwealth Games and the Elephant in the Room

Yesterday saw the strange arrival of a vampire (OK a bit of a vampire), it is a strange vampires head made of stone and plainly prove that vampires must exist. Lets face it no nobody would spend loads of time making a stone head of a vampire unless they had seen one, it would be silly.

It was made by Mr M our old friend who sadly died last November and it used to sit just outside his back door to remind him that Vampires are sneaky beasts and will turn up in the middle of the night with their huge white beard, big sack and big red coat shouting Ho Ho Ho I just need to bite youR neck a bit . . . . .  No I DON'T like carrots, OK yes a Special Brew will do for now . . . .

Now I said the Strange arrival because as I said Mr M died in November last year and when we arrived home after doing good deeds again (a man can do too many good deeds) there it was sitting on the patio smiling at us. Now it was not there when we left and so it must have untold vampire powers that we have not been told about because Stone heads don’t normally just turn up on the patio smiling. I feel this will go down as a great mystery in years to come once I embellish the tale a bit more and add wailing, screams and creatures rustling in the hedge (that’s the noise not stealing sheep or cows).  

I also visited five local villages or towns yesterday so a vampires head turning up is very significant

Today I did some plastering and a bit of painting. . . . I am good at plastering. . . Well when I say good I tell folk I am good at plastering because it's one of the skills folk always go OOOOOooooo No I DON'T do that. . . only I do. People often come into the house and say O MY GOD I can see why you need to re-plaster look at the state of it . . . . . .  

Anyway that is it for news; I keep on keeping an eye out for aliens at the Commonwealth games but with no luck. I notice there is a huge alien spaceship that appears to have landed right in the middle of the games but it is not being mentioned, I assume it is what we would call the elephant in the room. . . . . That’s stupid because it’s plain to all that it’s a spaceship, I wonder if there is a link with the Stone Vampires Head. . . .That nice Mr Steven Spielberg might fancy making an Alien Vampire Sports Film full of men in kilts eating deep fried Mars bars and throwing Neeps and Tatties at the English  

Commonwealth Games and Flower Shows

DAMN I forgot about Rod Stewart, I am not really a great fan of the man but I will say that at the opening ceremony of the Glasgow Commonwealth Games he did a much better job of it that Paul McCartney did at the Olympics. And I was particularly excited by the array of giant Tunnocks Tea Cakes as they ran about all over Celtic Park.  Actually what I thought interesting about that was the rest of the world will not have a clue what a Tunnocks Tea cake is.

OK I am a bit behind as I appear to be busy doing things although not things like making huge statues or solving fundamental mathematical issues, the nearest I am to that is helping move stuff for the local village flower show where flowers are put in the church and folk get tea and sandwiches in the village hall. It is not really me but I was sort of volunteered so being foolhardy and macho I have moved tables and pointed at stuff to help.

Last night we went for a curry with Mr Charlie and Miss Jane and the day before we had afternoon tea with Mr Ian the Musical Hat Maker and rock star and Auntie Karen where we discussed many many important things of importance.

Anyway during the Commonwealth games it is important that Scotsmen look like Scotsmen as everyone else is probably an alien. Although I have not seen many aliens yet but this is due to being busy moving things and pointing in a macho way at other things relating to a flower show.

How is a chap meant to be a wild scary Celtic warrior when I am now associated with flowers? 

Oooooooo and guess where I am just about to go to . . . . . . yes the village flower show. . . . . . . . 

Wish me luck . . . . . Tally Ho.

   

The Opening Ceremony of the Glasgow Commonwealth Games

Tonight sees the opening ceremony of the Glasgow Commonwealth Games, and it is hard to predict what sort of things we will see. OK yes we will see endless Athletes parade into the stadium waving and holding flags, in a short of Hey we are not aliens, we are from the Billybotan islands off Papua New Guinea. I know no one knows where that is and that is all part of the cunning trick used by the alien invaders.

Then it all kicks off with Commonwealth sort of based stuff, well when I say stuff I refer to the good bits not the bad bits from the past when folk did some seriously rotten things.

After that there will be much oooooing and Aahhhhing as Scotsmen leap about in kilts and huge inflatable Deep Fried Haggis float above the masses dressed in tartan and waving pointy sticks at the English (that’s the Scots not the inflatable Haggis) .

In fact the Scots are a friendly bunch and will be incredibly friendly to everyone saying things like You are my best mate, you are, or do you want another iron Bru and whisky, I’ve put a goldfish in it you’ll love it.

And there will be surprise visits as celebrity Scotsmen such as Sean Connery. . . Billy Connolly and the Krankies turn up . . . . . . Actually I think my invite may have got lost in the post, I can’t see them starting without sending a helicopter to get me.

Then there will be fireworks and possibly our first sighting of the huge Alien mother Spacecraft before the whole show winds down. Finally ending with free fish suppers all round and a fight (Glasgow is famous for the Glasgow Kiss so a fight is important). Then the Scots will shout   Yer bum’s oot the windae at the English and everyone starts fighting again

A useful Guide to the Athletes in the Commonwealth Games (sort of)

Tomorrow Wednesday sees the official start of the Commonwealth Games, a games which we now know will be infiltrated by Aliens from a variety of planets who have their own agenda.  Now I can hear you all ask well exactly how are we going to know if someone has been taken over by an alien? It is not as clear cut as it might seem. Lets face it you are not going to see a strange creature emerging out of the stomach of the winner of the one hundred metres as they cross the finish line. Waving its many arms about in celebration and demanding the National Anthem of the federation of Betamax three.

You see what you need to look for is very subtle, the best indicator that someone is actually an Alien will be the following, use this useful list to keep an eye out for suspects. When I say eye out DO NOT try and remove your eye, its one of those silly sayings again.

1          They will look entirely like an ordinary human being

2         They  are keen on tight fitting lycra or similar material  

3        They do like bling sporty shoes, if you see gold or silver then it’s a dead cert they are alien

4       The likelihood is they are faster longer taller shorter stronger lighter heavier than us normal human beings

5        They smile a lot because they know they are going to win

6        They will probably win. . . . . . When they win they will grab a flag and run about with it in a sort of HEY LOOK I'M NOT AN ALIEN . . . HONEST sort of way. They are Aliens for sure.

7     If things do not go to plan they may throw stuff about, shout a lot or eat passing officials, again this is a sure sign they are Aliens.

8        Some aliens have a thing about spots, if you see anyone wearing outfits with spots then they are ALIENS. The same is true of stripes but they prefer spots.

 So armed with this useful (short and concise) Rough Guide to Aliens it should be easy to spot Aliens during the Commonwealth Games and support your favourite.

And remember it is bad form to shout TAKE ME TO YOU LEAPER as the triple jumpers are just about to set off.

    

Somehow this made me think of President Putin