Aliens, Black Friday, 40 inch Televisions, Conspiracies and Professor Quatermass.

After many years it appears the so called Black Friday chaos finally arrived here in Britain yesterday, a place not used to Black Friday. And it has come to my notice thanks to the very informative Bumferry Hogart that all was not as it might appear from a distance. You see Mr Hogart or Mr H as we like to call him was brave enough to venture out into the wilds of sale land and found folk acting normally and even smiling. To those of us watching the news this was a shock as on the BBC news we got to watch massed crowds fighting in the playing fields of England . . . sorry I mean the aisles of Tesco as they fought to the last man over 40 inch television sets. This is interesting because (as I have already discussed with Mr H) a couple of years ago when the good folk of Britain in certain places (cities) rioted one of the main items targeted by the looters was 40 inch television sets.

In fact 40 inch television sets seem to have a strange effect on the public and the people who own them. So I have had to conclude from all the evidence that has been placed in front of me that the minds of man has been subconsciously manipulated by Aliens of a higher intelligence many millions of years ago to desire a 40 inch television.  Of course the Aliens have been waiting quietly for us to get to the stage where our own intelligence is good enough to develop the mass produced 40 inch Flat Screen Television. Which means mankind has now finally reached a point where we now sit and worship these 40 inch large shiny black monoliths in our living rooms. Now ask yourself does this remind you of something, a film maybe called . . . 2001 a Space Odyssey. 

You see these large black 40 inch screen technological devices are more than a simple television set they are the incubators of the dormant offspring of the Aliens who will at some point leap out of the screen and into the body and mind of the humans who have been sent into a comatose state by watching hours of talent shows and minor celebs doing stuff like dancing and eating armadillos or Dads Army. 

And once the humans have been assimilated and genetically realigned they will join the army of existing aliens who insist those of us who do not yet own 40 inch televisions should get one because it’s a must for every modern home. This way it is only a matter of time until we are all taken over and Mankind as we know it is changed forever becoming Aliens just like the ones you see on the TV. . . . . . .

I blame that Professor Quatermass. . . . 

ITV1+1, the Time Lords and Time . . . Mankinds big Questions

I was asked what at first appears to be a simple question about names yesterday. . . . . . . Why isn't ITV1+1 just called ITV2 . . . . . .  It’s an innocent sort of thought but under the surface lays a terrible secret.   You see ITV1+1 is in fact one of the time shift channels created to manipulate mankind, as a programme ends on ITV1 it suddenly turns up on ITV1+1. Very useful folk will think a chance to watch the programme you have just missed and were looking foreword too.

But this apparently simple and popular idea is a way to control time, ask yourself where does this extra hour come from that allows a TV channel to move programmes about like this. The fact is that these huge media companies have devised a way to bend time, allowing them to create the 25hr a day television experience.

Now just ask yourself this question what device do you use to check the correct time, is it granddads grandfather clock wound up religiously every two days that stands in the hallway out of direct sunlight. Or is it some sort of media device such as the radio or a mobile phone or a PC, are you planning to rush out and buy the new iWatch. You see all these devices with the exception of  granddads grandfather clock are under the control of Western imperialist corporate multinationals that are keen to turn us all into Zombies working long hours to produce more media devices so we can watch more repeated programming.

   ITV1+1 is just the thin edge of the wedge once +2 +3 +4 and so on arrive we will be so confused by the constant watching of the same soap or reality show repeated at what appears to be the same time our willpower will be destroyed.  We will then be Zombies forced to work as slaves eating 15minute meals and removing stains that no other detergent can shift. 

Remember the book, film, play and board game 1984, remember that saying that folk like to quote  . . . . . BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU . . . . .  and what is the device everyone plans to rush out and buy at great cost the minute it arrives in the shops . . . the iWatch . . . . . Exactly I rest my case (that’s the long case of Granddads grandfather clock which says it is midday exactly. . . . is it meant to be this dark?   

Television, Zombies and Sir Walter Raleighs Duck Pond.

As you know if you read last nights diary entry we went to see Mr M in his new hospital where he is much happier, and as I also said I got to play with the controls of his bed. It is amazing what shape you can turn a patient into with these beds and now I know how magicians do that trick sawing the lady in half, I did practice a few times at school for the school talent show but they banned me from using any more 1^st years.  Well it appears you don’t actually saw anyone in half after all.

Anyway this is all by the by (another saying that means if you are near something you are also by it . . . .Yes I agree silly) the point I was coming too concerns Zombies because I am concerned. What I noticed as I tried to make a figure eight with Mr M is that everyone else in his little ward were watching a television, even the visitors of the other patients and they sat there the entire time not moving or talking or even blinking and then a thought came into my head. Yes thoughts do that they seldom arrive anywhere else I have never had a thought in my foot or hand or at least I don’t think I have.

Hang on where was I  . . . . . AH yes, you see everyone looked like Zombies and then I realized that there must be Zombie scientists out there and they designed a machine so cunning in its ways that we have taken to it like a duck to Walter, Yes its one of those silly saying again, I have no idea who Walter is unless it is that Walter Raleigh the inventor of the bicycle who spent a lot of time floating about on his duck pond looking for potatoes.

Sorry distracted again; you see this cunning machine of the Zombies has taken over the world and is slowly turning skilled intelligent humans into Zombies, deskilling us so that when they finally attack, folk will be powerless to save themselves. Folk will just say things like ooooo look  its whats-his name from thingy on that programme on the tele, he looks just like a Zombie, only he will be a Zombie.

Yes I think you realize that I am talking of the television and I suggest that you all run off and turn them off NOW before it is too late, you can spend your evening doing things like sharpening pointy sticks, making model mice out of cheese to confuse the cat or even reading the incredibly brilliant Slightly Eccentric Diary of a certain person who will remain nameless (me) . . . .

Oooooo yes what did I do today  . . . . . . . . . . Ooooooo dear best not to tell. How come there is always a screw left over when you put things back together. 

Glastonbury and Rolling Stones, Zombies and Top Gear

I have been outside today strengthening a weak spot in the Zombie defence system as a smallish one managed to climb through a small hole and attack me; luckily I have recently done my Zombie defence classes at school so was able to fend the beast off. I say beast it looked a little like one of those Rolling Stones chaps who are playing music in a big field down South in a place called Glastonbury. Only if it was one of them, then they are smaller than they appear on the television and much older but not as scary. . . .  I managed to patch up the hole with hazel branches and some other bits and pieces but I can hear the faint sound of music from the dark distance past drifting over the fields which I can only assume is an old Zombie war dance of some sort calling the massed armies of the ancient Zombie hoards together. Luckily there is talk of a few showers tomorrow and Zombies hate mud they keep falling over.

While on the subject of terrible ancient things from the past I have just returned from watching Top Gear the rather popular motoring entertainment show, I know what you are thinking and I am very sorry, but we all have our little weak spots in culture and mine is Top Gear. I am always amused by the fact folk get so upset by them saying silly things and acting like small children but that is what makes it so popular. And as dad points out if we all drove like mad men we would go through a set of tyres every week which is silly and expensive.  And everyone thinks they can drive the Reasonably Priced Car faster than all the celeb’s who get to drive it, it is the human ego; but I for one know I could drive it slower than anyone else if I was allowed too because that is the sort of chap I am . . . .