Saturday, 30 April 2022

Steven Spielberg, James Bond and the destruction of the world. A to Z

 


As we all know at the end of March on the A to Z practice run myself, Tim, Esmeralda and the massed forces of class 5-ZZ-B2 re-enacted the slightly less know although rather exciting movie “ James Bond and the Zoo Zombies of Zanzibar”. Personally I think of it as one of the all time classic movies in the Bond series.  At the time I wrote: - TO BE CONTINUED:- (30th April) unless I can think of something better? And as it happens I can’t so we will return.



James Bond and the Zoo Zombies of Zanzibar
Staring
Rob ZILLION Tobor as ………… James Bond (Hero)
Tim as ………………… ZORRO the evil arch villain
Esmeralda as…………… ZELDA the arch villains Floozy
And everyone else as……. The ZOMBIES of ZANZIBAR

Directed and produced by………The Dog

So after briefly escaping and stumbling through a forest of letters consisting of almost everything from A to Y Mr Bond is faced with a huge overpowering Z. The secret headquarters of Zorro the master criminal bent on world domination and pointing large Lasers at rather important places, and with menacing demands for lots of Gold (Yes Yes the usual plot Yawn Yawn……… DAM we are not doing Y now).

After stupidly walking in the main entrance dressed as the Pizza delivery man Bond is caught with ease by a scary guard with pointy metal teeth made with an empty cat food tin; and thrown back into the Pit of Doom where the ZOMBIES of ZANZIBAR continue to moan and grown a lot. So yet again we join the conversation as James Bond fights for his life.

 Zorro ……. ZO Mr Bond, Mr ZERO ZERO ZEVEN I have ZOO TRAPPED in ZEE pit of ZOMBIES yet again  HAH ha hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hhahaahahah hahahh hah     

Bond…… You forget Zorro I am Bond I have signed my contract already with the film company for the sequel.

Zorro ……. ZIS time ZOND (Bond) I have spoken with ZEE very nice Steven ZIELBERG (Spielberg) and he says ZOO are a boring ZART

Bond…….. Boring ZART?

Zelda……. Fart Mr Bond AH HAHAH hah hah hahahahah hhah hHHAH AHH HAHAHHAHAH.

Zorro…….. Yes Mr ZOND (Bond), My ZELF and ZELDA ZAID  we will ZIGN a contract and do a ZOMBIE Movie with monsters, Aliens and all sorts of ZINGS

Bond…….. ZINGS?

Zelda……  Things…. Mr Bond are you an IDIOT. Yes the very nice Steven ZIELBERG (Spielberg) was easily persuaded once we had spent the night together in the best traditions of a sexist Bond movie. He says you are boring; a has been, and it is time for you to phone home.

Zorro…... So to make sure Mr ZOND that you die ZIS time. The ZOMBIES of ZANZIBAR are not alone and we have obtained help from many others from ZEE alphabet  HAH HAH HAHH HAHH HAH HHAH HHAH ah hah hhah ha hah hahh hah a

Zelda………. HAH HAHAHH Hah hah hah hah hah haah hhahh hah ahahahahh ha

Bond was not worried he is after all a smug smart arse (OK ass in the USA), but he had not anticipated the arrival in the pit of doom of the following; all determined to put an end to the madness of blogging from A to Z

An AUTOMATED ALUMINIUM AND ANTIMONY ARTICULATED ARMOUR plated ALBINO ARANEOMORPHAE (SPIDER SORT OF THING) ANDROID.

The BANSHEES

A CARNIVOROUS CAVE CRAB of CAMBODIA

The DEMENTED DEADLY DORMICE of DOOM

The ELITE of the EUROPEAN ELLIPTICAL EARTH ENGINE Club

The FIERY FIGHTING FISHERMEN of FISHGUARD.

The GUILD of GROTESQUES AND GARGOYLES

The Ghost of HARRY HOUDINI

The IMPLUSABLE IMPLODING INTERLECTIAL

The legendary JURASSIC JIGANTICIUS JOLLISCARYIUS

The KING of the KELPIES

THE LEMMINGS OF PETRAGRAD

The MYSTERIOUS MUMBLING MUTANT MONSTERS of MESOPOTAMIA

The NEOLITHIC NEMESIS of the NIGHT

An OBSCURE Russian OLIGARCH

A PERPLEXED PINEAPPLE??

QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK …. Yes a Stream Powered Duck.

RUMPELSTILTSKIN

STEVEN SPIELBERG

Clever TREVOR

The UNDEAD

The VENOMOUS VOODOO VAMPIRE VULTURES

WEREWOLF WAVING WHALE parts

A steam powered XENURINE (species of armadillo)

And Professor YAFFLE although it is true to say Mr bond was not worried about the professor to much.

Of course such overwhelming odds resulted in the death of Mr Bond, but what the evil arch villain ZORRO had not anticipated himself was that with the death of our hero the entire Alphabet based world imploded and nothing was left. All vaporized in the blink of an eye …………………………………………. ………………………… ………………………

……………………..

So me and the dog went home singing a song

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Friday, 29 April 2022

Professor YAFFLE, the dog and the YORSH

 

The letter Y, which I should have thought about YESTERDAY; YET I didn’t, Why? Well YESTERDAY was YESTERDAY and like YOURSELVES I thought YOU will think of something, YOU'RE YOUNG YOUTHFUL brain will be like that of a Hawk….YARAK (in good condition for hunting). But instead it is YARLING (wailing; howling), I am sure tomorrow when I look back at YESTERDAY (today) I will think YES YOUR mind finally YIELDED a good YARN, but I am not there YET. The dog has just added “YO ho ho and a bottle of YORSH. O dear, if he is drinking that he will be well out of it.

The dog also says we could go and hunt YAPOK (an amphibious opossum of South America) in the YARPHA (peat-bog) with a YATAGHAN (a long curved knife) but I have said it might be easier just to YELL or YODEL in the YARD. As it happens Captain Flint the Parrot is already in the YARD shouting “Man the YARDARM I spy YONDER YAWL (ship's small boat; sailboat carrying mainsail and one or more jibs) Ooo no its just a YUPPY YACHT…. YAH……….. HAR HAR HAR HARDY HAR”

Dad is using YEAST to create a YLEM (in alchemy, substance from which the elements developed) and says if it works he can turn all the YOYO’S into gold but mum said IDIOT.............  YES true but rather helpful.



It also appears the YORSH has got the better of the dog and Captain Flint the Parrot because they are summoning up the dead (OK a deceased Norwegian Blue Parrot) with their new mate the YAFFINGALE  (a Green Woodpecker). They have named him Professor YAFFLE  after you know who, and the dog is telling him “YOU’RE my best mate in all the world YOU are”, but that’s YORSH for YOU.

I can see someone YAWNING now so I will go ……. YIPPEE

Oooo what's in the dirty old bottle........



Thursday, 28 April 2022

Do you suffer from XENODOCHEIONOLOGY.........


 AH yes we have reached X on the great A to Z jolly (or not so Jolly) and there are times when you think DAM why have I done it like this; but I have. So I asked the dog “Do you remember what we did in the practice run” and he said “ Well it’s your own Bxxxxxxy Yxxxxxx xxx Sxxxxh Fxxxxin Idxxxxxxxious Xxxxx Fault for trying to be a XXXXXXX total smart xxxxxxx xxxx x. So I not xxxxxx helping” ………. AH, I think he said something similar last time.


Since then however, dad has built a XYSTUS (covered walkway for exercises) in the garden for the dog, paid for with XU (former monetary unit of Vietnam) and even hired an XYSTARCH (ancient Greek officer in charge of gymnastic exercises). But the dog attacked him with a XYSTON (short pike used by Greek heavy cavalry), the dog has a reputation to maintain and can not be said to be XENODOCHIAL (Hospitable to Strangers) although he does suffer from XENODOCHEIONOLOGY (the love of hotels), so do I as it happens as long as they are posh ones.

In School the wood work teacher said he would help (wood help HAH HHAHAH HAH hahhahha h) and had us learning XESTURGY (the process of polishing) after first doing a bit of XYLOGLYPHY (wood carving). The woodwork teach also told us he has spent many a happy hour studying XYOLOGY ( the study of Wood), buying some lovely bits of wood from his local XYLOPOLIST; and showed us his prized XYLOMETER (instrument measuring specific gravity of wood).

Esmeralda is not happy as it is raining STILL, what has happened to the British weather this month . She was moaning to the headmaster about it but he said she should remember that us humans are XEROPHILOUS  (unable to survive drought) and need rain. But Esmeralda said she was a lover of XEROTHERMIC (dry and hot) weather and hit him with her umbrella. 

Dasypus bellus Armadillo

Back at home after school dad had made a steam powered XENURINE (species of armadillo) which he had scurrying up and down the XYSTUS and mum is making XIPHIAS (swordfish)Pie for tea YUM, and it is still raining.


Wednesday, 27 April 2022

The Werewolf Waving Whale parts in Wales

 The Ghost WRITER spent the day WEAVING his WAY to Ystradgynlais to repair computers and then WEAVED his WAY home. There are few straight roads in WALES, a WISE if slightly WICKED WAY to make the English WANDER into little WELSH villages to purchase stuff like WOODEN Love spoons and WARTHOGS and WATERPROOF coats and WELLINGTONS as WALES is WORLD famous for its WET WEATHER


The Ghost WRITER is here now eating and WHINGING after driving at the WHEEL of his vehicle for WHAT he says felt like a WELL long time. In fact it is a WONDER he made it, WHAT WITH the WHISPERS of WILDCAT strikes by tanker drivers and WEREWOLF’S in busses WAVING WHALE parts at him.    

From the Movie
The Last Strangle in Paris 
AHHAH HAha hah hah hhah hah haha ha 

 Did you all know that K, Q, V, X and Z do not exist in WELSH so really I should not be doing them but I have. As for today WELL it started badly the old WAGON, (I refer to the school bus) was driven by a WEREWOLF with WENSLEYDALE cheese and WORCESTER SAUCE sandwiches. His driving was a bit WHACKY but he happily WHISTLED into the WIND and WOUND up the other drivers by WAVING WHALE parts at them and WINKING.

It appears the Universal Bus Company drivers have gone on Strike again and WARFARE now exists between management and the WORKERS even the tanker drivers have WALKED out in support. So the Buss Company have got round the problem by employing a new workforce of WEREWOLF’S (WHO are prepared to do a bit of moonlighting)  
     
WHAT makes it WORSE for the WORKERS is WEREWOLF’S WILL WORK for WOEFULLY low WAGES and one night off once a month WHEN they go and WILD in the WOODS and WRESTLE with WITCHES and WARLOCKS and hunt for WHALE parts in WOOLWORTHS or W H Smiths.

Look, I’m distracted now as I was saying the WEREWOLF WAS WINDING his WAY to school WHEN he WAS stung by a WASP.  So after WEAVING all over the road WRITING off a WHEELBARROW and a WIRELESS set WE ended up going the WRONG WAY and getting lost in the WOODS. Remember what bears do in the WOODS, WELL so do WEREWOLF’S……… YUCK, that made the WOMEN on the bus scream and cry (those WESSEX Girls).  Mums just said Sexist IDIOT. 
                                                                                          
Damn it this is getting VERY WORDY…not a WISE thing.  I have told the WEREWOLF WHO was driving the bus if he keeps driving like that by tomorrow he will be an EX-WEREWOLF

I don’t know about the rest of you in the A to Z jolly but I have decided I am doing three more letters then that’s it no more. I still have this sculpture to make for the Cultural Olympiad……….YICKS  

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