The Magpie, The Wood Pigeon and the Huge Mutant Spider as predicted by Quantum Mechanics

OK you might also notice an Eyeball on the worktop 

Today has seen the arrival of a mancky and very battered Magpie in the garden, and a not quite so battered Wood Pigeon. Now I suspect they have not been fighting each other but if they have then the Magpie is rubbish at fighting, I mean wood Pigeons are not famed for fighting and Magpies are cunning birds that will cheat and use rocks.  I am not sure if either will survive and trying to help the Magpie in particular is almost impossible, Magpies don’t trust us humans for many reasons so getting close to one is a no no.  OK the don’t not go out their way to make themselves likeable but nature is a bastard.

However I have avoided stooping to the low depths that nature in the raw can plummet to by painting round a spider in the kitchen. Yes the little beast has laid its eggs not far from the hob and was going to defend them to the end even against a huge great human five millions times bigger than he/she was. I think it might be a she, a chap would abandon the kids in that situation and do a runner for sure, which as a chap would seem the logic thing to do.  So it only seemed fair for me to rise about the basic instincts of nature and paint round it and the eggs in order to give them all a fighting chance of making through the winter to a new life in the spring. I have a habit of saving wood lice and slugs and various other little critters at times so some might say I am a foolish idiot who is not prepared to face the basic facts of nature such as . . . . . Where does a bacon butty come from. . . . . .  NO NO fingers in ears and shout hum hum hum diddle ping hum a lot is my response to that one, bacon comes from the fridge in a packet and that is enough for me.

The painting has gone to plan and the kitchen is now 99.9% complete which I have worked out will mean next August will finally get it all done with the exception of a small area the size of a little spider and its eggs which by them I will have forgotten about entirely much as I did in the hallway. Something that was pointed out to me, as I carefully painting round the spider. I don’t think the spider in the hallway was the same spider although come to think of it I don’t know what happened to all the eggs once they hatched so maybe they are related. If I ever have to face a huge Mutant Spider in a Gladiatorial Roman Arena in the future I know I will be safe when I tell it of how I did not paint over his ancestors.  OK it’s a long shot but Quantum Mechanics says it could happen, so it just might.   

Painting Walls and Watching Lightning (or was it the other way round)

So what did I do today, I painted a bit and pondered a bit and turned all our computers on and off a lot due to the passing rumbling of thunder. Thunder in itself is not an issue but the lighting is; the computers here are old and a bit battered and a bolt of lightning would not do them any good whatsoever.   It is interesting that lightning is so damn noisy, why does that happen, sure there is a lot of electricity, but electricity is not normally noisy unless it is attached to say a large PA system a couple of miles away in the Castle of the Bishop. As is the case tonight meaning as the wind drifts in our direction so the distorted sounds of music float across the hill and through the trees. Interestingly these sounds can counteract each other and if the electricity of the lightning and the electricity of the loud PA system were to meet the result would be silence, possibly after a bit of a bang and a bit of a scream.  

I have also loosened the screws on a door and have done a small plastering repair job, it is good to do these little things, in fact I think when I look at the bigger picture of the world at present it is clear that the one thing I have control of (OK maybe not total control of) is what colour the walls are.  The world is a bittersweet place at present and there is a lot of anger, hate, war and sadness and I am lucky that I can change the colour of our walls and outwit Zombies, Aliens and Pirates in the woods.  I wish you all well and hope you also get to paint the walls the colours you like.

Please note the British spelling of colour not that odd American one.

How to Paint the Sea Blue and other Useful Information

I painted the sea blue today; not all of it of course because trying to do that would be silly, it would take a least a week and I would need some help doing all the edges, and besides I was not actually anywhere near the sea. No what I was painting was a box of sea, not a huge one, but one large enough for a steam boat and some sea beasts, although I have to admit waves are harder to paint that you think as they have a tendency to move about a bit. It like that old saying TIME and tide wait for no MAN, interestingly if you have ever been offshore one thing you learn (so I’ve been told) is that time offshore is different to time onshore and it can move faster or slower depending on all sorts of curious factors.  The same is also true too some degree of a box of sea, as time can be a bit subjective and the result was I have been able to paint the entire sea available to me…..

While on the subject of moving water the Zombie defence system has been refined and fitted with drainage pipes to allow water to flow through them, because Zombies hate moving water.  Its true, when did you last see a Zombie having a wash or a shower, they hate them, and Zombies are seriously bad swimmers and never paddle in the sea, which means that Zombies are no help when you are painting the sea blue. They are also fairly hopeless at painting straight lines so asking them to paint an undulating line that sweeps in and out in a lovely mix of curves and shapes would just confuse them.

Oooooo and we had roast potatoes tonight and runner beans supplied by Mr Kris who called by earlier, And I have just cleaned one of the patio door windows which appears to have been painted by a Zombie who was practicing painting the sea just in case he was asked to help. I am not sure how he breached the defence system; he must be a clever Zombie although his painting skills are as bad as all the others. 

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The 100m Olympic Games final and the legend of Chicken Bolti

It has been a wet Sunday, with lots of very heavy showers, not the sort of day you want at the beginning of August so I have been keeping my head down and doing a bit of painting. It is not a good summer for adventure so far, myself and the dog have hardly been out anywhere.

The painting it slowly progressing, the dog says I should keep in position just behind the leading pack keeping an even stoke and not splashing paint everywhere and avoid runs. He has been giving me tactical advice all day and I am now close to the final turn although due to bad light we have stopped. It is very annoying as instead of huge flood lights we are dependent at present on one of those stupid energy saving light bulbs. I can see how they save energy they don’t actually produce any light. It appears that whether or not I make it to the final will depend on how well I negotiate the edges, if I go wonky it will all be over, but that will now be in the next heat.

The Chicken ran tonight in the 100m final of the Olympic Games, as you might guess this was not official he ran down the side of the track, after all he is only small and in general was not noticed by most of the runners although he did put one of them off who was not happy with him (sorry Her). But the chicken has seen it all before and is not known as Chicken Bolti for nothing ……………… HAH HAHHAHHAh hah ah hahhah haha hah haha hah hhah hahahha hahha. 

Anyway the British Olympic plan is still going to plan, surely this can’t last even Andy won the tennis COME ON TIM……..

However I would like to add one very black and negative statement to all this smiling in Britain at present as we glory in the glory of actually winning stuff…………. I can not be the only person thinking this but may be the only one brave enough to say it………..

Will someone stop playing *********** ****** **** Chariots of Fire on loop at every opportunity in every dam venue all day long……. Dear God it may be OK as a piece of music in context but I for one will now burn every copy of this I ever come across now…….. I never wish to hear it ever again….  

Ooooo off to Brecon with the Ghost Writer tomorrow WELL COOL