Monday, 31 March 2014

The A to Z Challenge 2013 Reflections Post . . .

So Tomorrow is the 1st April and the start of the A to Z challenge; I sort of see myself as an old hand at doing this partly because I have been known to do it even when it is not April, because I am silly.  So I thought . . .  What can I say today, and then I thought I know I will repost last years A to Z reflections post, partly because it saves me writing loads and partly because I suspect no one else will do it. 

So here we have it the 2013 A to Z reflections Post of Rob Z Tobor     

As we all know the internet has a group of creatures living in it called Bloggers, these creatures live in the dark tapping away at keyboards looking at little monitors, creating a little world for themselves in the open spaces of cyberspace. Like they did in the early days of the Wild West when the homesteaders would create a cosy home and chase cows.

But here in cyberspace there are no cows to chase so folk (The Bloggers) get all confused and lose their way and fall through a huge black hole, something that I don’t think happened in the Wild West. However one day a wise man had an idea, he was one of the Bird men and as we know ideas hatch in the minds of Bird men; his idea was to have an alphabet letters chase where the Bloggers could chase a different letter each day. So now each year in April a new herd of letters from A to Z are released and we all chase them like demonic typists in a typing pool (not one with water in).

Once we catch all the letters, there is an A to Z for everyone we cheer and make merry and have hotdogs and hot chocolate with march mallows (well I do) and tell stories of how we almost caught this huge Y but it escaped and we just ended up with regular Y’s like everyone else. And how the B hid in the undergrowth and you almost missed it, and we all laugh HAH HAH AH HAH HA HAH HAH AH hah ah ah ahahah hahhah ha hahah ha ha ha ha ha ha

But it is May  now (OK it is not May but it was) and the letters need to be put away again which is what I am doing today, you see this idea having been hatched is still new to many of the Bloggers and of course we all know that a young Hatch is called a Hatchet. And there is a very old and well known saying created for disposing of young hatched ideas once there are not needed again (until next April . . .TOMORROW ) which goes . . . . . . . . . To Bury the Hatchet . . . . . .

So outside in the garden while doing other things of which I will speak in a minute (No I wont), I have been burying the alphabet in the veggie patch to see if later in the year I can get a really good crop of Peas  ……..

HAH HAH HAH HAH AHH HAHA HAHH HAH ah ah ha hahahh ahah ah ahahah hah ah ahah hah hah ah hah aha hahah ha

I need a cup of Tea . . . . HAH HAH HA hah ah hahh ahah h ahaha hah.

So I have now disposed of all my letters so if you wish to see them, (mine were fairy tales) they are now part of the Blogging Underground, a place where RATs live . . . . . .   The Radical Abstract Thinkers . . . membership by invitation only, and rather exclusive to boot (to boot . . . . .where did that little saying come from, very odd).

 . . .  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . .. 

However, it is 2014 now

OK I never went  

Sunday, 30 March 2014

Greenwich Mean Time, Body Clocks and Seagulls

It is a well know fact of nature that all creatures have an internal body clock; it is what ensures that nature does not fall into a state of chaos and is a key feature in the survival of life on Earth. It is what allows birds to migrate at the right time, animals to have young at the right time and it dictates the work and sleep patterns of all life on the planet.  It is also a well known, OK slightly less well known, but true fact that the internal body clock of creatures on Earth is slightly different to that of the present length of a day and year.  This is because the planet is slowing down, OK I might be wrong maybe it is speeding up I can’t remember, but slowing down is more logical as it looses energy.  In short nature and life has adjusted to the natural cycle of the planet, in nature a seagull can not look at its watch and say OOOOOOo is that the time, I should be on the cliffs doing my courtship dance and stealing Puffin eggs.

However one creature on the planet is stupid enough to mess about with the natural cycle of the universe with clever mathematics and light bulbs so that it can pretend that it controls not only nature, but time itself. . . OK one guess which life form we are talking about. . . . . . Correct, us, mankind. Here we are all peering at clocks (unlike seagulls) or iPhones going Ooooo is that the time I must go shopping and buy some puffin eggs for my evening meal.  We now have twenty four hour shopping, working, or leisure and strawberries in the middle of winter (although in general they are rubbish).

Here in Britain we can proudly boast that time on Earth was standardised throughout the world and fixed to a line in the ground at Greenwich, so called Greenwich Mean Time. The entire world with the exception of a few countries such as Ethiopia who insist on working eight years behind everyone else (I have discussed this before)  now use the time as set by Britain.

So what did we all do in Britain last night at two in the morning, we moved all our clocks forward by one hour making today twenty three hours long and messing with my head and internal body clock. Oh yes typical, Britain has moved to British Summer Time and in doing so has shifted us one hour away from the time that every other country (almost all)  bases its own time on. This is typical of us Brits although ironically it has no effect on Seagulls.

I will suffer for days now and will be wandering about in a haze looking like an IDIOT shouting . . . . Where are my Puffin Eggs and probably getting told off as folk miss hear what I say . . . . .  

I even took a photo of a tulip that has opened up today as proof that nature does not need man made clocks.

Friday, 28 March 2014

The Elephant, the Ballerina and the Politician

It is a well know fact that almost all the odd saying that we use, and as many of you know I have used many of them in my diary over the years to great effect and have estimated my use of these strange saying has increased my readership by almost one person.  Of course I can only use British sayings as my knowledge of other languages is almost zero, OK I lie, it is zero. AH right, OK back to the point almost all of these sayings have deep rooted origins based on hard fact, such as  . . . . Raining Cats and Dogs . . .  which started back in 1543 when a huge storm passed over Battersea cat and dog rescue centre sucking thousands of animals into the air and dropping them on the royal palace in Highgate during the annual royal garden party for the Ambassadors from the colony’s.

In fact it was about the same time when the saying . . . .  A Pig in a Poke . . . . started. A result of sciences conflict with the Catholic Church at the time, when the Pope refused to accept that the world was round and travelled round the sun. The church was sticking to the view that Earth was the centre of the universe, anyway after a long and hard argument between Galileo and the Cardinals, Galileo told his fellow scientists waiting outside trying to get the church to accept the truth was like trying to get a Pig in the Pope.  It stuck as a saying, but was changed a bit after the Spanish inquisition intervened and stretched rather a lot of people, proving that it is entirely unpractical to try and get a pig in anyone, oblivious of the fact that, that was Galileo’s point.  

However one saying has always remained a mystery because of the sheer stupidity of it  . . . . . . . . Don’t mention the Elephant in the Room. . . . . .  OH well that is entirely the right thing to do, a huge animal half the size of your house chewing grass and wandering about in your living room. OH better not say anything folk might get upset, maybe they will not notice. I’m sorry this is an Elephant; people will notice and will probably scream and leap out of the window assuming the Elephant is not standing in front of it.  Elephants don’t roam about in rooms if you have one in your room I suggest you tell everyone you can including the police and fire brigade and maybe the local vet. . . . DO NOT pretend it is not there…….

There is an old saying that sums this all up in a useful little phrase . . . . . . A Ballerina can become a Politician, but a Politician can’t become a Ballerina . . . . . . Enough said I think . . . . . .  I will go now.       

Thursday, 27 March 2014

A very short Post to Scare People


HAH AH HAH AHAH HA HAH AH HAH AH AH HA HAh ah h haha hha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha a ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha a ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha a ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha 
ha ha ha ha ha haha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha  ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha a ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha a ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha a ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha  ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha a ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha h
a ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
 a ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
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 ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
 ha ha a ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha 
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
 ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha h
a ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha  ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
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a ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha a ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha h
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ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haha 
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha h
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
 ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
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ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha 
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
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ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha 
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

 ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
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ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
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ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha 
ha ha

Wednesday, 26 March 2014

Computers, Hat Stands and Chaos Theory

The Ghost Writer has been in his grey office today looking at three new computers, he does not really like new computers because he is old and confused, slow and full of dents which means he has a natural affinity with old computers as they too are generally confused, slow and full of dents. He has also noticed that the company that he buys all the computers from have a habit of phoning him up and being all chirpy saying they will help. Now you might think that is very helpful and kind, but it is apparently rather irritating to log onto a site only to have a nice man phone you up fifteen seconds later, smiling (the Ghost Writer is assuming he is smiling) and offering to help.  It is like going into a large shop full of exciting and interesting stuff only to have someone sneak up behind you before you have even had a chance to look at the first thing rubbing his hands and saying OOOOOooooo yes sir this is a lovely Victorian Lemur hat stand and then saying things like Well yes sir the lemur is a BIT MOTH eaten but it’s eyes do follow you round the room….  As it happens a hat stand that has eyes that follow you round a room is not a strong selling point, nor is, I suspect is a group of Manky Stuffed Juggling Lemurs with a lingering look suggesting they may wish to hold your hat . . . .(or return to the jungle)

As many of you know the School Mascot is The Goat, which enjoys nothing more that being catapulted into the out of town supermarket for a bit of a run about in the fresh veggies before it escapes one way or another and returns to school well fed and perky after an exciting trip out.  However over the last couple of years many of you have been sceptical that a goat once catapulted in through the skylight of a huge supermarket could evade capture, escape and return back to the school without arousing suspicion. Well while listening to the wireless this morning I heard an article that stated Goats have been found to be far more intelligent that first thought. This I feel shows the world of Knowledge, Wisdom and Science that it needs to buck its ideas up pronto and read my blog more, the sooner the nice Mr Steven Spielberg makes the block buster movie the better for mankind is what I would say, well I would if it was not for the fact I am rather a modest genius who likes to keep his light under a bushel (I know it’s the English language, it is full of silly sayings).

I have also discovered that introducing a large lizard as a random element while working on the mathematics of Chaos Theories in the maths class causes chaos. The mathematics teacher did say that as a practical example of how The Chaos Theory works it was extremely good, but as an aid to a theoretic discussion of the mathematical principles involved in Chaos Theory it was rubbish, and a large group of screaming girls has fused his hearing aid.    

Sunday, 23 March 2014

A useful theory for dull parties and queues

I have been absent as a cyberspace diarist for a few days and there are many reasons for this, one of the main ones being I am a rubbish diarist and no one is remotely interested in what I say. I guess there is a possibility some of you might be saying . . . . .  NO NO its not true, well not entirely true, sort of. . . . . . . . .  But I have tested this idea on the cats and have read them various entries about Banshees, Mice, Zombies, Steam Powered Ducks and the origin of the entire universe. And guess what not a glimmer of interest in any of it.  Again some of you will say . . . . . . NO NO it just that cats don’t really like stuff like mice or Lemmings . . . . .  Which is clearly untrue, however I will not let two bored cats destroy the hopes and dreams of a diarist with a very long diary, who is convinced that £245.33p is a fair price for the very nice Steven Spielberg to pay for the film rights to volume one which seems like ages ago now. . . Phew time does fly….

So in order to attract the attention of the masses again I thought, what we need is a good theory about something; everyone loves a good theory about universal stuff bearing in mind the universe is where we all are, milling about in it, and prodding sticks at it in a random fashion.

So this is it a theory about life on planets . . . . . . . You see it is very clear that life on Earth started as a tiny cell based thing milling about in the sea or a hot pool, although at that time it did not prod sticks at things as it did not have hands. Then over millions of year’s life got larger and larger until we reached the dinosaurs who were really big, yes ok there were small ones but that is not the point the biggest were big, really big. 

Something happened that then destroyed all the big ones and life forms got smaller again until life recovered and things got bigger, but not as big as the dinosaurs, but there were some huge mammals and birds. But then man turned up and as sure as frogs are frogs all the big stuff vanished, and even as I type the not so big stuff is also on the route to oblivion. In fact I think we can say as we get closer to the end of the world life on Earth will get smaller until it becomes as small as it started. Man is not that small so it does mean once man is the largest critter on the planet we are doomed. Just look at Mars they are hopeful of finding tiny single celled life on Mars, which is not the beginnings of life on Mars but the End, as Mars once had a good thick atmosphere and back in the day was covered in very large beasts until some smart arse critter arrived and said  . . . . . Hay guys Look I discovered this stuff called Technology. . . . . That is the point in the life cycle of a planet where all the really big creatures vanish and it all starts getting smaller until the beasts get so small they don’t have arms and technology without an arm or nice clean shirt is like having a car with no fuel, or Father Christmas in a Coven.   

Tuesday, 18 March 2014

The A to Z Challenge, Images and a small offer of Help . . . sort of . . .Maybe

Hello everyone . . . . . When I say everyone I of course refer to the small band of followers I have, which is not large, but they are a good bunch and mean well despite making faces at me behind my back and throwing kippers at vicars.  So why am I here?

 Well because just at present my diary has sort of gone entirely wrong, but that is due to a rather ambitious effort to draw a letter based picture for each letter of the Alphabet for the April A to Z Challenge.  If you are thinking what’s an A to Z challenge then some will say you are a jolly lucky person indeed, but I for one rather enjoy it for all the wrong reasons, I am not really a social chap and tend to shout BAH HUMBUG when folk turn up smiling.   I just sort of started as a way of adding a quirky twist to my diary forcing me away from the norm, and now I just think ooooooo what will I try this time. As it happens this time, as I have already mentioned, will be writing Aardvark Nonsense Poetry about an Aardvark and maybe a dog. . . It is possible a dog may be mentioned rather a lot also.

Anyway I digress from what I am here to tell you about. You see I have almost finished all my drawings with only X, Y, Z to go and I have said I planned to share all my drawings so that others doing the A to Z Challenge can use them. OK Only for the challenge as I did draw them all and if you wish to use them for other stuff you need to contact me. Yes they are rubbish and no one in their right mind (or left) is likely to go pinching them and make a killing putting them on mugs or the like.

So what I have done is create a little blog . . . . . (I know that’s four of them now). . . . And if you follow the link it will allow you to see them all where you can click on the image and then copy and paste them into you own posts. I am also not that worried if you would rather not add my name to the image as I know some of you would prefer it if folk did not know you had been visiting my blog, however I would be rather upset if you were to say the images were your own efforts. That sort of thing is not nice and I would sulk a fair bit.

Finally for those wondering what has happened to my diary it will return to normal once this is all over. . . . . . Or as normal as it can be. . . . . . . .   

So follow the link to my other blog (the forth one)


Sorry that Blog is now no longer in existence  (August 2015)

Saturday, 15 March 2014

missing Malaysia Airlines flight MH370 and the vote in the Crimea

I have noticed two bits of news of interest lately and thought I should make my own little observations and speculations on both. The first is the Vote in Crimea (secession referendum)  about whether they should join Russia, and the second is the very sad and strange case of the missing Malaysia Airlines flight MH370.

So Crimea is about to vote and decide its fate, at first glance you would say fair enough you either vote for option one .  . . . . Do you wish to rejoin the Russian federation . . . . .  Or option two. . . . . Do you wish to remain part of an independent Ukraine? You see that seems easy enough and a fair choice to find out what the people want and as most are Russian speaking it would be very likely that the pro Russian option would get most votes and the west would probably have to agree in the end.

However it appears President Putin and the Russians have panicked and just in case have given the people the following two options . . . . . . option one .  . . . . Do you wish to rejoin the Russian federation and enjoy economic success . . . . . . . . .  and option two . . . . . Do you wish to return to a state of limbo as was the case in 1990 when you were in political turmoil and had no money or friends within Europe and were running out of oil, and the rest of Ukraine will hate you. . . . . . . . Well I think once you sort of do that you make the whole vote a bit of a waste of time, it is like using torture to extract confessions and then saying there you go I told you they did it, it has no validity.

The other news is the missing plane, and there has been much speculation and both logical and mad theories about what may have happened and where it might has ended up, And I too have a theory about what might of happened.  You see I wondered if maybe it had hit a another aircraft head on and  partially destroying the pilots cabin ; in this part of the world there is always the possibility of unauthorized planes flying drugs about and the like.  It might then be possible that the pilots could have been killed or badly injured, the radio and communications destroyed but the aircraft still able to fly. Maybe the plane just keep going on auto-pilot until it ran out of fuel, or someone may have even tried to turn it back towards it takeoff point to attempt to get help somehow hoping it would be picked up on radar and alert people on the ground. But it was not spotted and just carried on till it ran out of fuel. If this was the case it may have turned more than once and may never be found if it crashed into the sea

Friday, 14 March 2014

The A to Z of made up, unlikely and ridiculous super heroes

N is for Non-existent Man

Have you ever had a quiet night watching TV and thought to yourself . . . .  I really do hope no one turns up unexpected . . . . . .  Well this is a job for Non-existent Man, he never turns up when he is not wanted.

Do you lie in the sun in the summer worrying that something noisy and loud is  going to ruin it all flying overhead. . . .  Are you thinking  . . . Is it Bird is it a Plane . . . . Well NO its Non-existent Man, he makes no noise what so ever.

Do you rely on an Express train to get to work on time and have concerns it may be stopped by some idiot in a cape and tights. Well you can rely on Non-existent Man he never stops trains or chases bullets.

Are you a struggling burglar attacking little old ladies and stealing their cute kittens and have worries that some bloke in a mask is going to ruin your fur coat business just as it is getting started. Well NO you can depend on Non-existent Man to leave you in peace.

Pestered by Super Heroes, then call for Non-existent Man he never comes to your rescue….

Tuesday, 11 March 2014

The creeping reality of Rob Z Tobor and other uneventful events of no consequence

In the last couple of days I have been busy, but not busy doing exciting things just busy doing the things that folk generally do to keep busy.  You know the sort of things.

Attacking a large beast that has eaten the local wild Aardvark, with a pointy stick deep in the dark of the woods.

Hidden a huge pile of rare Italian renaissance manuscripts in order to avoid major historical conflicts with the Pope, as they reveal an early religious war between the church and Aliens,  involving treacle toffee. AH hang on maybe I was not meant to say that…..

Talked the Lemmings of Petrograd out of an out and out attack on Mr Jones the Alien hunter, who has yet again disturbed them as he ran through their home naked pursued by the police and one of Freddie’s ferrets

Vanished off to watch at least half a million starlings as they settle into a nearby village and poo on everything.

Washed our car after it got covered in the poo of a huge number of starlings.

Chopped off one side of an apple tree in order to stop it falling over

Carried books

Played ancient African drum rhythms to the Micro Gods of nice weather

Fixed a fountain

Pointed at many things.

So there you have it (dead boring), it has hardly been the sort of days that are going to improve my chances of the very nice Steven Spielberg showing any interest in the film rights and as I am often told by his lawyer . . . .O NO its you again please go away. The little scally wags that they are (I know they don’t mean it).

Anyway in other news my design for the MK3 Mechanical Spy Bird has been approved by the Canadian Intelligence Agency (the other and slightly less well known CIA) and they are so keen they have asked if they could print the image and hang it in the main office where they sit and ponder things. They say it will help them concentrate and stop them slipping over the edge into the world of ludicrous mad ideas that are entirely crack pot; the fine line apparently between madness and genius.  

It is nice to know however, that the fine line between reality and cyberspace has got just a little greyer than it was as my work filters into the real world in far away places, and if Mr ESB prints any Rob based clothing in the heart of Texas (sorry that’s the heights of Texas) then before you know it I will be standing next to you in a queue complaining about the weather and smiling clutching a rather well made pointy stick.

Ooooo finally I am creating a slightly rushed A to Z of Zombie based drawings of erratic quality and was wondering (assuming I get them finished in time if anyone else would like to use them, It is useful to have a picture for each letter and I am not going to sue folk for copywriter infringement, as they are all rubbish. 

Saturday, 8 March 2014

A is for Aardvarks (its OK I have not really started the A to Z)

Roasted Aardvark and the brains of a fermented Gnu
Are the main ingredients of Aardvark Stew?
Adding some eyes from  . . . . . . .Tibetan Goats
And fresh Arctic Terns having first . . . . . cut their throats
And the acid from the battery of an old Submarine
And fluff scraped from the base of something very unclean
And the tail of a Lizard
And the feet of a Horse
And fresh mint licked just the once then chopped up rough and quite course
And seeds removed from the intestines of Mice
And fresh mountain snow that has boiled once and then twice
All stirred together
And then left to stand
Adding one last ingredient

The thumb

from an old

Mummified Hand.

Then serve with mash potato and fresh beans
Something new for the family, and ideal for Sunday Lunch…..

HAH AH HAH AH HA HAH AH HA Hah ha ha ha haha hah aha hah a aha ha ha ha ha ha hah ah ah ha ha ha ha ha hah ah ah ah ha ha hah aha hah ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Friday, 7 March 2014

Slugs, Explosions and a rather useful tip for the A to Z Challenge

As most of you know I am a pupil at the local Academy and due to an administrator’s error also a teacher. Now it has been rather a long time since I have told all of you of events with Freddie and his ferrets or Esmeralda or the school mascot, the School Goat, and with good reason. You see this is not the sort of school frequented by the likes of Harry Potter, it is not a school for wizards although Jimmy’s dad is apparently a wizard at accounts or so the high court judge told him. Jimmy is very proud, he said accounting gets a bad name and it is time someone recognized the skills involved. 

This however is all a distraction what I am saying is our school is a normal school we don’t have three headed dogs or huge blundering giants and the like wandering about; or explosions  . . . . . . . . OK yes we do have explosions but we are young keen and have access to the internet so science needs to be exciting and Maths, it is a little known fact but Maths is a key lesson in the making of explosions as it allows students to use a grappling hook to pinch some weed killer from the caretakers shed below the classroom.

Sorry distracted again . . . . . . Many of you will know that my main subject as a teacher is Zombie Defence Classes but as we approach spring it is a difficult subject to teach as the minds of Zombies turn to love, yes it is apparently the breeding season. As the young innocent slightly eccentric child of cyberspace I have no plans to teach the breeding habits of Zombies to anyone so I thought I KNOW I will do what they do in other schools use Frogs. I was sadly unable to find any Frogs so I have substituted Frogs for Slugs. And with the help of Freddie and Esmeralda managed to fill a huge tank with over 10,000 slugs . . Well it appears the lid of the tank was a little insecure and the slugs are breeding in the school at a rather alarming rate. The good news the breeding cycle of the Zombie and slug is plain for everyone to see; The bad news is I had to stay in after school and clean all the slime . . . . . . . . . .YUCK . . . . . . .

The up side to all this is I feel the very nice Steven Spielberg will be far more amenable to a film full of breeding Slugs and Zombies than one full of annoying British Wizards who just grow up and whinge a lot and anyway that has been well and truly done to death now.  

I will end this diary entry on the blog with a poem as a useful hint of how to do the A to Z when you can’t think of a single word for certain letters. . . . .

Arrim, aroo, addus, aboo.
And filly the aardvark in the arcline agoo
While aplit and acca are appy abzeeeee
And fettle the arra
And smile at the Zombie

Barrim baroo baddus baboo
And filly the aardvark in the barcline bagoo
While baplit and bacca are bappy babzeeeeee
And fettle the barra
And smile at the Zombie

So clever
So clever
So clever are weeeeeeeee
But you can’t claim you’re an Aardvark
To a hungry Zombieeeeeeee

It will eat you and ruin a good poem


HAH HA HAH AH HAH AH HAH AH H AH H H HA HAH Ha ha ha ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Monday, 3 March 2014

The Principles of War . . . A Conspiracy Theory

Have you noticed that throughout history from the very first days of mankind us humans have had a bit of a habit of fighting one another, at a local level we fight one another outside the local pub. But we also fight in gangs running up and down streets and we then move on to the big stuff where huge groups fight one another over countries and finally countries fight one another with pointy sticks and large scary things that make large bangs.

Have you ever wondered why, well the first reason is it is a DNA thing we cant help it, it is a deep dark basic instinct from the days when man was still a small sea based beast doing his bit to survive. But there is another reason, well certainly one linked to the reason counties seem to attack one another with great gusto every now and again on the flimsiest of pretexts. . . . . . YES we are talking conspiracy theories (I am rather good at these).  

You see if you run a large country full of folk and all is sort of OK-ish all that happens is folk start fighting each other. They can’t help it, it is as I have said DNA triggered and beyond control. If you are in charge, it is not good having folk fighting because they start to blame you, the weather, the buses, taxes, seagulls, or the state of the economy.  So to avoid the masses turning on you and making life difficult the solution is to point the finger of blame on another countries, this has advantages for the leaders of the other country too, who can distract there own folk by blaming  you back.  Have you noticed that at any point in recent history there has always been a bad guy, until the mid eighties the East and West could blame each other or both point at China. Then that all sort of fell apart we all became friends and China made all this cool stuff dead cheap, them we had Iraq, Iran, Syria and the middle east, but that has all got so complicated no one understands it anymore, there was Afghanistan, but it is rocky bleak place and the folk there have been fighting each other for over two hundred years and will be doing so for at least the same again whether we like them of hate them.  We have even all blamed North Korea but  . . . . . . and I mean no disrespect to North Korea as a whole  . . . . they are rubbish and run by a tyrannical despot who is a mad as a hatter (purely my own option and I may be entirely wrong).

So we have been put in a situation where the political leaders have been worrying for ages about who we should shout at and attack next, in order to keep the folks at home happy. Who could possibly be the next bad guy.  I suspect at the last big meeting of the G8, G10, G20 they were all talking about the good old days of the iron curtain when folk knew where they stood, and them over there were the despicable rotters and we could build big walls and spy on one another and march about and wave flags.

Then some bright spark thought Hang ON CHAPS I have an idea what about if we have a bit of a crisis in say Crimea . . . . . . . . . . And all the leaders cheered and said we could build walls again and point pointy sticks at one another and build huge scary things that go bang. However President Putin said I don’t suppose there is any chance if we CAN leave it until after the winter Olympics, I have spent loads of money building stuff and everyone agreed it would be for the best, but as soon as they were over it would be tally ho with all guns blazing . . . . . . . . .

Saturday, 1 March 2014

The Curse of Twitter, the A to Z and World War three

Well doesn’t time fly, it is St Davids Day today in Wales although as I am one mile over the border now I don’t see him as much. Although I will be in Wales later doing things. . . . I am writing a bit of this diary early, so it is possible things I say I am going to do will already be done and dusted by the time anyone reads this in three weeks time.

Last night I did a foolish thing indeed, something I have not done before and I suspect will not do again, I attempted to join in with a Twitter group chat all about the forthcoming blogging A to Z event. Well what can I say except it entirely scrambled my brain and made me look a mad gibbering idiot who knows nothing? OK some will I suspect nod knowingly and agree. The reason for this is simple my diary is a flurry of jumbled words that hopefully some of the time make sense, I like words even though I cant spell, type, use punctuation correctly and possibly put them together in an odd order. But Twitter is not a friend of words and punctuation it is all about short concise little bits of text that are short and to the point, and I hate that. What would Shakespeare have thought if he was limited to 140 characters (not as in folk like Hamlet or Richard the Third but as in a space or a letter or a squiggly thing). You see for my diary or any other cyber location of myself Rob Z Tobor, to have the true essence of me I need far more words.  All I can say to those who witnessed my Who? What? Why? . . . . . . .Seagulls? What again? Help? attempts at keeping up with the flurry of tweets is, I just cant think that fast . . . . . . it was hell.

I notice in the real world folk are starting to shout at one another over a place called the Crimea (part of the Ukraine), I just hope they are not doing it using Twitter or it will all go horribly wrong. Now I don’t know about you lot but only a few weeks ago if someone had shown me a map of the world and told me to point at the Crimea I would have been at a loss as to know where it was. I might have pondered North Africa or the like but I suspect I would have put in entirely in the wrong place and got it entirely the wrong shape. 

Anyway as we all know Russia have sort of moved in to save it from the nasty westernised Ukrainians who are, as the Russians have put it, are all terrible right wing fascist extremists. Well; we are like that in the West, as is plainly clear from my decadent bourgeois diary here in cyberspace. Their decision to do this appears to have surprised the governments of the west who even as I type are protesting. This slightly surprises me after all Crimea is the main strategic harbour of the entire Russian fleet and well to think they would be happy to have it run by folk they used to think of as the enemy (us) is rather silly. It is a bit like American handing Pearl Harbour over to Japan and saying you can look after it as long as you don’t mind the odd ship popping in and out. . . . . . . .  Anyway what is the worst that can happen . . . . . .World War Three . . . . . . .AH DAMN.

Maybe we should just let Russia have the Crimea back even most folk living there would be happy with that, and the rest of Ukraine can join us and complain about the Euro and weather.