Part Five of Hogwarts v Jurassic World . . . . The Life of a Pirate is Something to Be

Link to PART FOUR

Forty Foot up on the feeding platform Professor Franklin F F Frankenzompire is preoccupied with his continued fight with the coach party of pensioners. Even Harry Potter, Hermione and the others from Hogwarts are impressed by the feisty nature of the little old ladies.  Harry pointing out to the others that even Muggles can put up a good fight when they need to.

Meanwhile way over on the other side of the vast pool Captain Silver is chatting to our small band of hero’s lead by The White Rabbit and Alice.

Well Young Harrison Ford-Cortina you appear to be Half Tyrannosaurus Rex now how did that happen

Harrison Ford-Cortina growling and waving his hands (claws about) and adding the odd roar.

Well you don’t say that’s terrible who did that then

Harrison continues to growl hiss and wave his arms about in big gestures

Well you mean Professor Franklin F F Frankenzompire, but hes a wizard he will be in big trouble doing stuff like that.

At this point Master Higgs butts in and says excuse me Captain but do you understand what Harrison is saying.

Well of course I do?

Harrison then joins in with various growls and other noises and yet more gesturing before finally pointing towards the Professor on the other side of the pool.

AH DAMN says the Captain.

What, what did Harrison say enquires Master Higgs.

Well he said that the Professor just disposed of the last little old lady and is about to try and destroy us now as part of his mad evil plan.

As they all look towards the Professor he is laughing hysterically and holding his wand high above his head, but before he can cast his terrible spell a flock of Wild Mutant Ravens swoop down on him making him lose his balance and slip. The Professor finding himself hanging by his finger tips off the edge of the feeding platform with his wand held between his teeth.

Harry turns to the young student wizards of Hogwarts and says . . . You see I said that turning little old ladies into Wild Mutant Ravens was not a good idea and this is worth remembering for the future. You see you need to think ahead and make sure that your magic does not backfire on you.

As the Professor attempts to pull himself back onto the platform a rather large Plesiosaur emerges out of the water and grabs the professor in its mouth pulling him down into the water. Where deep in the depths of the performance pool the two of them struggle in a fight to the death.

Well that was a stroke of luck HAR HAR HAR says Captain Silver, Harrison Ford-Cortina adding several growls and pointing at the masts.

You’re Quite right Young Harrison its time to sail. . . . . Here do you fancy a life as a pirate sailing the seven seas, working part time as a taxi for Hogwart Students and having adventures as we chase sea monsters and stuff. . . . it’s a grand life.

Harrison Smiles and nods before vanishing up the mast to set the sails. (Those long claws are rather useful if you are a pirate)

AH that’s not fair say several of the young Hogwarts students to Harry . . . . .  why cant we be pirates, just because Harrison Ford-Cortina is half Tyrannosaurus Rex.

Well says Harry That is fate even a wizard cant change fate.

As the pirate ship returns to sea Master Higgs, Alice and The White Rabbit slip below deck where a large mirror stands in the captains Room. Time to go Home says Alice and the three of them leap through the mirror ready for the next great adventure.

Back by the pool Harry, Hermione and the others are watching the big fight underwater, but just as the professor comes up for air a large smiling cat appears and says

Beware the Jabberwockysarus my friends

Hermione and Harry look at one another and say. . . YICKS Time to get the coach back home I THINK . . . Leaving Professor Franklin F F Frankenzompire in a tricky position with a large Plesiosaur hanging onto one leg and the  Jabberwockysarus licking its lips on the side of the pool.

The END 

Part Four of Hogwarts V Jurassic World . . . Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Rum

Link to Part Three

As our heroic heroes arrive at the large and impressive outdoor performance pool for the Aquatic Dinosaurs of Jurassic World they spot Harry Potter, Hermione, Lily Luna and an assortment of young student wizards from Hogwarts. Lily Luna hanging over the side of the pool saying

dad dad dad dad  dad dad dad dad can I have a plesiosaur as a pet. . . . . I promise to look after it and clean outs its straw every week.

No Lily Luna I think you might be thinking of the wrong dinosaur.

But I want A PLESIOSAUR IT’S not fair.

However before the conversation continues it is interrupted by the arrival of Professor Franklin F F Frankenzompire  who is looking flustered, and is desperately attempting to un-jam his large and very scary machine gun. He is now being pursued by a large group of irritated pensioners who have chased him all the way from Customer Services.

Unfortunately for the professor while he was threatening the queues (who had amassed at Customer Services) with death for demanding a refund, he ended up with a jammed large scary machine gun. Now as anyone who has ever had to deal with the public will know . . . . you will never get away with threatening a coach party of pensioners if they think they are entitled to a refund or discount. And so any sign of weakness and they will attack like ferocious and totally irrational killer Zombies, so a jamming machine gun means you are a goner for sure.              

   

As the Professor passes the group he sees Harrison Ford-Cortina and throws his still jammed machine gun at him shouting things before leaping onto the edge of the pool still being chased by the coach party of pensioners.

Meanwhile as everyone else watches the rather strange spectacle of a gang of little old ladies hitting the professor on a small feeding platform forty feet above the pool the White Rabbit is focused on the distant horizon of the large bay beyond the pool.  Then as his packet watch chimes the hour he fires a flare gun high into the air, after a few seconds a flare is seen far off out at sea in response. Slowly but surely and generally unnoticed by most, a ship can be seen sailing towards Jurassic World, a ship with distinct sails flying the skull and crossbones.

By now Harry, Hermione and the young wizards of Hogwarts have settled down in the tiered seating of the vast performance pool to watch the grand finale.   Professor Franklin F F Frankenzompire having now resorted to using magic to defend himself from the relentless onslaught of little old ladies

Ooo the Grand Council of Wizards will not approve of that says Harry as another little old lady is turned into a Wild Mutant Raven.

Daaaaaaaaaad can I have a Wild Mutant Raven as a pet

No Lily Luna they are particularly aggressive and a bad choice by Professor Frankenzompire.

On the other side of the vast pool Young Higgs, Alice, The White Rabbit and Harrison Ford-Cortina are pushing the seriously enormous lock gates open that connect the performance pool to open ocean via a grand canal.

Now you have all seen the film, you all know that the large ocean going aquatic dinosaurs actually live out at sea and have been trained to enter the performance pool to do a few tricks like leap forty feet out of the water to get a tasty treat such as say a pensioner from a passing coach party.  What do you mean you have not seen the film (DAMN how was I to know it has not been released publically yet. . .  Sorry Mr Spielberg).

As the Lock gates open a large pirate ship sails into the pool its captain at the wheel laughing HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR shiver me timbers it be Master Higgs and Harrison Ford-Cortina . . . .  You are looking a bit different young Harrison since I last saw ye HAR HAR . . . . . . .  

Lily Luna turns to her dad and says that’s Captain Silver of Silvers Water Taxi’s who takes us to Hogwarts each term what is he doing here.

It is, and I don’t know yet, but I think that is a Plesiosaur over there too says Harry

Lily Luna claps her hands and says this is dead exciting I like Jurassic World.

 

To Be Continued.

Yes the Story has yet one more part to it as it reaches the grand finish where all will be revealed. 

Link to PART FIVE

Part Three of Hogwarts v Jurassic World. The JABBERWOCKYSARUS eats an ice cream van

Link to Part Two

Professor Franklin F F Frankenzompire having run out of ammunition and discovering that the JABBERWOCKYSARUS is one of those rare spell immune beasts, heads quickly back to his main office. But as he enters the phone rings and a young girl at Customer Services is panicking.

You need to come to customer services quick Professor Frankenzompire the puplic are here on mass demanding refunds.

A REFUND says the Professor we never give refunds….

They are getting very restless and are complaining there are ferocious dinosaurs running loose all over the place.

I’ll be there straight away says the Professor reloading his large scary machine gun. No one gets a refund here he thinks to himself and I am not starting now, we will see what they think after I have fed a few of them to the Plesiosaurus.

Back near the monorail stop Alice, the White Rabbit, Young Higgs and Harrison Ford-Cortina emerge from behind a large wall and decide to head towards the main performance pool for the aquatic dinosaur exhibits. However as they head down the central walkway the   JABBERWOCKYSARUS appears chewing a large bus, but on seeing the small group it drops the bus and slowly walks towards them.

It’s a smelly beast says Higgs

Indeed it is . . . .  and rather big replies Alice.

Is the White Rabbit going to fight it and save us then, it usually does.

No

AH

But as the JABBERWOCKYSARUS gets to within a few feet of them Harrison Ford- Cortina  suddenly leaps forward (remember he is rather Tyrannosaurus Rex looking now) and starts talking to the beast (I say talking it is in fact growling) and pointing a lot. Then the JABBERWOCKYSARUS shrugs it’s shoulders and starts wandering off towards the main exit of the Jurassic World complex eating a small ice cream van on the way

WHAT ?????? WHAT DID YOU SAY says Young Higgs to Harrison Ford- Cortina. 

Harrison Ford- Cortina has a little look to haven and then repeats his growls and pointing.

AH Right says Higgs still none the wiser and slightly confused.

Our Small, brave, intrepid and possibly foolhardy band of heroes then continue their journey towards the main performance pool for the aquatic dinosaur exhibits where the White Rabbit apparently says he has a cunning plan. Well when I say he says, as we know the White Rabbit says very little but he indicates strongly in a way that is clear to the others that he has a very cunning plan indeed.

To Be Continued

What is this cunning plan I hear you ask. . . . well as I make these stories up as I write then and I don’t have a clue how they are going to end I may have put myself in a difficult position because I don’t know what the cunning plan is either so AH DAMN. . . . 

Link to Part Four 

Part two of Hogwarts v Jurassic World. . . . . Professor Frankenzompire gets angry.

Link to Part One 

As Harry Potter, Hermione and a motley collection of wizard students from Hogwarts emerge from behind the large fibreglass Ichthyopterygia, Professor Franklin F F Frankenzompire strides towards them. His long floor length black leather coat, designer wrap round mirror finish sunglasses and huge scary machine gun make the young wizards a little nervous as they hide behind Harry. Only Lily Luna saying WOW DAD can I have one of those guns that’s awesome.

No I don’t think so says Harry

AH Harry Potter . . .  I believe one of your students has accidently got mixed up in one of my experiments and has turned a bit Tyrannosaurus Rex said Professor Franklin F F Frankenzompire.

Indeed he is standing over there with that large White Rabbit, Alice from Wonderland and Master Higgs the son of Professor Brian Dumblecox . . . . . Have you come to turn him back into Harrison Ford-Cortina the popular wizard student from gryffindor.

O NO and with that he raises his large scary machine gun and fires a long burst at Harrison Ford-Cortina. NO SORRY BUT HE HAS TO DIE.

But in a blur of slow motion the Large White rabbit leaps in front of the slightly modified Wizard Student and picks the bullets out of the air and then has a close look at them before dropping them on the ground. Well as you can imagine Professor Frankenzompire is not entirely happy and pulls an old black twisted wand from inside his coat and shouts a terrible spell as a huge fiery thunderbolt envelopes the space where the White Rabbit and the others had been standing. But they have vanished and only a rather strange smiling Cheshire cat is there now, and as it fades it says. . . . . . . . .

Beware the Jabberwockysarus My friend . . . . . . . . . .

Beware the what? shouts Professor Frankenzompire at Harry Potter.

Harry replying . . . It is always best to run when that cat turns up and then vanishes again saying weird stuff like that . . . and with that Harry, Hermione and the other wizard student’s head off sharp-ish towards a now empty burger café near the main performance pool. . . Young Lily Luna saying Can I have Fries with my stegosaurus dad and onion rings . . . .  I like this Jurassic World its WELL COOL. . .  

Professor Franklin F F Frankenzompire is very very angry now but as he watches Harry Potter and the other run off he feels the ground shaking and the sound of something Huge snarling and hissing behind him . . . . .. . . . It is the Jabberwockysarus . . . . What manner of beast is this he says to himself as he raises his large scary machine gun up to its well armoured head. Only to find the bullets bounce off the body of the huge beast who barely notices the professor unloading the entire guns magazine of bullets into him.

TO BE CONTINUED

Link to Part Three

Part One of Hogwarts v Jurassic World.

Due to a very very small increase in cyberspace elsewhere of Harry Potter based followers. I feel I need to write another short alternative tale of Hogwarts for these rather specialized punters. As they say in the docks of Tiger Bay, on the road to Mandalay from Bombay to Santa Fé, o'er the hills and far away . . .  A mans gotta do what a mans gotta do. . . If you are not a fan of Harry Potter, it's OK because the link is a little tenuous. 

All the young wizards at Hogwarts were getting rather excited as it was the day of the Christmas Coach trip to somewhere exciting. Well that is not always as easy at it might first appear because these are wizards and they tend to have a slightly more interesting life than most. What with all that flying about on broomsticks and hunting dragons and the like in the magic forest and the various other activities they get up to with frogs, snakes and owls. 

As they all climbed aboard the coaches the young wizards all muttered and complained and said why can’t we just fly there on magic carpets like last year it was much more fun. But the headmaster Harry Potter explained that Jurassic World was in fact a muggle attraction and they had to behave and abide by the rules of engagement when mingling with the muggle masses.  And anyway Professor Franklin F F Frankenzompires  Jurassic World might be a muggle attraction but Professor Frankenzompire was well and truly old school wizard (very old school) and would be rather annoyed if anyone started waving their wands about in public; to which several young wizards sniggered.

After what seemed like no time at all (I suspect there may have been a bit of magic going on) the convoy of old coaches arrived in the huge coach park of the Jurassic World complex where the young wizards immediately headed off to buy Pterodactyl Burgers and Chipiasaur Fries all covered in Cretaceous Sauce (YUM) . . .

As Harry and his daughter,  Lily Luna wandered round the various sights, Harry insisting that dinosaurs are not good pets and are rubbish at doing tricks, even simple ones like balancing chickens on their heads, they noticed a large flock of flamingos.  As they did so a voice behind them said

O god it Must be that Girl again I recognise all those flamingos, it must be Alice and Higgs and probably that stupid White Rabbit I bet. . . . .  The voice of course was that of Hermione.

But before Harry could respond another voice could be heard that drew Harry’s attention to something else.

Headmaster sir sir sir sir sir its Harrison Ford-Cortina sir sir sir he has sort of had a bit of an accident sir.

As Harry looks off into the distance he can see a huge crowd rushing towards him and behind that is Harrison Ford-Cortina only he is not his normal self, he is looking a little more like a Tyrannosaurus Rex than he did when he got on the coach this morning.

AH DAMN says Harry

WOW DAD can I have Harrison Ford-Cortina As a Pet says Lily Luna HE’S COOL.

Well Master Higgs the White Rabbit did say it would be fun to turn up here and see what was going to happen, I DON'T think anyone or anything has eaten anything or anyone yet said Alice who along with Young Higgs and the White Rabbit were standing on the roof of the monorail stop to avoid the stampeding crowd as it headed towards the main exit.

HELLO HARRY shouted Young Higgs at Harry who was now hiding behind a large fibreglass Ichthyopterygia along with Lily Luna, Hermione and several young wizard pupils as they attempt to avoid screaming muggles as they panic.

Then as it gets quieter and the panicked crowd vanishes off into the distance and Harrison Ford-Cortina growls at Harry Potter in an attempt to explain it was nothing to do with him. The tall and terrifying image of a mad demonic Wizard appears out of a large cloud of wizardly cloudy stuff; it is none other than the awesome and imposing spectacle of Professor Franklin F F Frankenzompire himself, looking a little deranged and annoyed.

To be continued       

Steven Spielberg, Jurassic World and certain investment concerns about dinosaurs

As my few but loyal followers will know I have been cooking up brilliant ideas for the very nice Steven Spielberg now for about four years and in that time have thought of hundreds of them. Some of them probably even good ones, yes the law of averages states that I Rob Z Tobor is capable of thinking of good ideas, a bit like all those monkeys writing Shakespeare in the infinite voids of infinity.  So am I annoyed that the nice Mr Spielberg is doing a sneaky and churning out yet another dinosaur film, this time called Jurassic World well the answer is . . . . . . . . a bit.

And in order to understand just how improbable this film is it is important to go back to the beginning when some bright spark comes up with the idea of Jurassic World in the first place. So let us reflect on a man as he walks with purpose along the busy streets of Gotham City clutching his neat leather executive case heading towards the Gotham City Central Bank.

Hey hello Professor shouts a voice in the crowd as Professor Frankenstein busily pushes his way through the throng into the huge marble hall way of the Central Bank, its magnificent classical columns twinkling with the light of the halls chandeliers.

O hello Clark I am a bit late for an appointment at present so will see you later, I could have a great story for the paper. With that he waves and heads off towards the manager’s office, it is not good to be late when you want to borrow several million Dollars.

Professor Frankenstein you are on the dot please come straight in it is always good to see you. Says the banks Manager

Ah Thank you . . . you are very kind

Please take a seat and tell me how I can help you, although I have to warn you banking has changed in the last few years it is not like it was back in the good old days.

Yes I have a new plan. One greater than any of my previous plans and one that will make us all very very rich it’s a brilliant plan if I say so myself. But I will need to borrow several million dollars.

Well as I have said Banking is not what it was, but we are always keen to support good ideas tell me all about it.

Yes I want to build a world full of living dinosaurs and breed them in captivity it will attract millions of visitors and scientists from all over the world. . . . I thought I would call it Jurassic World.

AH . . . . Well Professor it sounds a bit like Jurassic Park to me and we know what happened with that and more than once I may add.

Yes OK it didn’t entirely work out as planned but this time it will be dead exciting . . . no pun intended. . . and entirely safe. . . . . Sort of.

You said that last time Professor and you told me that they would be small dinosaurs not huge things

Well they were smallish . . . . they just had big claws

Indeed and just how big will these dinosaurs be this time.

Welll mmmmmm maybe 70 to 90 feet long or so but with smaller claws.

Look I’m sorry Professor but the bank can’t afford to invest in more monsters we are not thought of well at present and your track record is a bit dodgy to say the least. I mean what happened to that chap you made with the bolt through his neck. And we invested in that King Kong which turned out to be a bad move, as did that bloke Indiana Jones and his Pyramid Scam. And if anyone mentions the creature from the black lagoon again I will hit them.

So it sounds like you are saying No

O what the hell we will give it a go what can really go wrong. . . . Sooner or later someone will get the hang of these dinosaurs, they cant all be super intelligent killing machines. I mean just how realistic is that,  After all even that nice Steven Spielberg would not be foolish enough  to make yet another of those films would he.

AH DAMN funny you should say that

THE END. . . . . . . . . . .   

The Concluding Part of Harry Potter and the Dark Clouds of Doom . . . . (Part Four)

Link to Part Three 

If there is one useful tip that everyone should know about Godzilla it is that He/She gets bored very quickly. This is not something the wizards of Hogwarts are aware of, but everyone is hiding anyway with the exception of a small girl called Lily Luna who is shouting

Look I have now named you Wally and I would like you to wear this pink ribbon round your neck so that everyone knows you are a pet Godzilla. And stop making all that noise you are scaring the cat.

Well as you can imagine the huge Godzilla is not going to wear a pink ribbon or eat a carrot so with little else to amuse it in the Academy it wanders off deep into the Magic Forrest, where it suspects there might just be a large Gorilla called Kong. Apparently the Gorilla has been telling the very nice David Attenborough that it is King of the jungle and that the big lizard is a so called has been.  And that the old Gypsy is rubbish as it told him he was going to fall off a big building while being shot at by biplanes. . . Those old Gypsies will tell folk anything for a few coins and an ice cream. . . .

As Lily Luna headed back to Harry Potters office annoyed that her new pet has wandered off she stumbles over a small strange creature and she decides there and then that this will be her new pet. She has no idea what it is but looks it up in the rather useful book . . .  Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them . . . . .  it turns out to be a Loopisaurus. Without reading about it she heads off to the office to tell her dad.

look what I got dad, its a Loopisaurus she says as she enters the office . . . . . . . What are you doing under the desk dad . . . .with HagriD?

As they emerge they look at the beast and Harry says

Is that a Loopisaurus . . .  I have a bad feeling about this I can sense those Dark Clouds of Doom again

Why dad . . . .  it’s my new pet

Hagrid butting in and saying the Loopisaurus makes time go in loops its, its defence mechanism it confuses its enemies until they get a headache and run off.

That’s silly she says, and with that she runs off out of the office to play with her new pet

O Dear says Harry I can feel those Dark Clouds of Doom I think it is time to hide under the desk again…

But just as Harry and Hagrid vanish under the desk the door opens again and in runs Lily Luna

look what I got dad, its a Loopisaurus she says as she enters the office . . . . . . . What are you doing under the desk dad . . . .with HagriD?

As they emerge they look at the beast and Harry says

Is that a Loopisaurus . . .  I have a bad feeling about this I can sense those Dark Clouds of Doom again

Why dad . . . .  it’s my new pet

Hagrid butting in and saying the Loopisaurus makes time go in loops its, its defence mechanism it confuses its enemies until they get a headache and run off.

That’s silly she says and with that she runs off out of the office to play with her new pet

O Dear says Harry I can feel those Dark Clouds of Doom I think it is time to hide under the desk again…

But just as Harry and Hagrid vanish under the desk the door opens again and in runs Lily Luna.

look what I got dad, its a Loopisaurus she says as she enters the office . . . . . . . What are you doing under the desk dad . . . .with HagriD?

As they emerge they look at the beast and Harry says

Is that a Loopisaurus . . .  I have a bad feeling about this I can sense those Dark Clouds of Doom again

Why dad . . . .  it’s my new pet

Hagrid butting in and saying the Loopisaurus makes time go in loops its, its defence mechanism it confuses its enemies until they get a headache and run off.

That’s silly she says and with that she runs off out of the office to play with her new pet

O Dear says Harry I can feel those Dark Clouds of Doom I think it is time to hide under the desk again…

But just as Harry and Hagrid vanish under the desk the door opens again and in runs Lily Luna

look what I got dad, its a Loopisaurus she says as she enters the office . . . . . . . What are you doing under the desk dad . . . .with HagriD?

As they emerge they look at the beast and Harry says

Is that a Loopisaurus . . .  I have a bad feeling about this I can sense those Dark Clouds of Doom again

Why dad . . . .  it’s my new pet

Hagrid butting in and saying the Loopisaurus makes time go in loops its, its defence mechanism it confuses its enemies until they get a headache and run off.

That’s silly she says and with that she runs off out of the office to play with her new pet

O Dear says Harry I can feel those Dark Clouds of Doom I think it is time to hide under the desk again…

But just as Harry and Hagrid vanish under the desk the door opens again and in runs Lily Luna

look what I got dad, its a Loopisaurus she says as she enters the office . . . . . . . What are you doing under the desk dad . . . .with HagriD?

As they emerge they look at the beast and Harry says

Is that a Loopisaurus . . .  I have a bad feeling about this I can sense those Dark Clouds of Doom again

Why dad . . . .  it’s my new pet

Hagrid butting in and saying the Loopisaurus makes time go in loops its, its defence mechanism it confuses its enemies until they get a headache and run off.

That’s silly she says and with that she runs off out of the office to play with her new pet

O Dear says Harry I can feel those Dark Clouds of Doom I think it is time to hide under the desk again…

But just as Harry and Hagrid vanish under the desk the door opens again and in runs Lily Luna

Hagrid. . .says Harry

Yes Harry

I’ve got a headache I think we should run away

THE END 

A quick hello and goodnight and a badly drawn dinosaur

Hello I have absolutely nothing to write about tonight. I say night because it is, I tend to do my diary entry at the end of the day which I guess is logical. Anyway I was planning to draw a dinosaur but it all went wrong (again) so it is a rubbish dinosaur, 

So thats it thats everything, I dug up some plants, ate some food, fed the cats, looked at the sky, watered a hedge and made it longer. . . .  OK I did not make it longer with water I used the water to water the new plants in the hedge . . . 

I am now off to sleep and then in the morning off to the local village market to buy food, drink tea and eat a bacon butty.

So cheery O and goodnight. 

D is for Digging, Dinosaurs and Deep Space

 Today was rather a nice day and I was sort of acquisitioned to dig a small veggie bed for runner beans. But instead of the simple task of lift some turf fork over the ground add some compost and hay presto Uncle Fred is Uncle Fred, it got rather complicated. You see just under the surface a few inches was an ancient old cobbled surface that must have been really old. Mr Jones who can sniff out anything that might have alien origins was there in an instant, peering down at the surface of rough cobble and herring bone stone and declared that it was obviously alien as it was far to rough for a wheeled vehicle and was probably built by aliens in a hurry as long ago as the time of the dinosaurs.

His theory is that Aliens from Deep Space arrived on Earth and attempted to communicate with a huge Tyrannosaurus Rex that was doing its best to eat a large Aardvark. However Dinosaurs are not the best of communicators with aliens particularly when the aliens are using a huge Hammond organ to play songs at them.  Now as we all know the  Tyrannosaurus Rex is a seriously grumpy beast and even more so when strange folk from deep spacce turn up in a big silver disc playing music while you are trying to eat an Aardvark. So (and this is Mr Jones theory not mine, I’m not mad) while eating, the Tyrannosaurus Rex also tried to take a bite out of the large silver disc but ended up choking to death, they were stupid dinosaurs.   The Aliens then think AH DAMN We Better Scarper, but finding the ground too soft to takeoff are forced into making a large rough cobble and herring bone stone surface as a take off platform, to be able to effectively use their Magnetic Iron Particle Beam Anti Gravity Propulsion Unit to get away quick before someone thought they were trying to kill everyone and take over the planet.

It also explains why even to this day many aliens turn up inside huge scary mechanical monster looking things as they are all convinced they will meet a very grumpy Tyrannosaurus Rex based life form that goes around fighting and killing stuff all the time. . . . . . . . . HANG ON that last bit sounds familiar.

The Big Storm and the Inside of Dinosaurs

We have been out and tied down any loose things that are in the garden in readiness for the impending storm which appears to have moved in time slightly to Sunday night, Monday morning. Dad has not turned his weather machine on for a while so he is dead pleased as no one will blame him.  It is difficult to predict if it will be bad or not but talk of the 1987 storm has been cropping up on the wireless and the weathermen are saying things like NOT THE SORT Of STORM YOU SEE EVERY YEAR. But as we all know the weather is unpredictable even at the best of times.

Earlier today we went to see Mr M in hospital although we did venture up his track to his house first to ensure everything was as it should be which it was. Hopefully the storm will not do too much damage to his rather frail barn complex and house which is a bit like being inside the body of a dinosaur, I am guessing about that as dinosaurs are thin on the ground these days (that’s thin as in not many . . . . not thin as in like a snake).  As it happens I get a bit annoyed by dinosaurs, or at least folk who are experts on them, because just lately there has been much talk that birds are the direct descendants of these beasts . . . . . . . Well I have said this for years and years and no one, what so ever was interested, the best I go was a smile and a nod from the odd person in the street who thought I was mad. There are several reasons for this (that’s why I think birds are dinosaurs not why folk think I’m mad) which would take a seriously long time to explain, but if I say LEGS some of you will see my point . . . .NO I don t not mean they both have legs either, it is to do with the way that both dinosaurs and birds legs are jointed and the way they walk, it is plainly clear to everyone (well me) (and OK creationists would say YA SUCKS BOO) that these beasts are very similar indeed just looking at their legs. As I said there are other things, but I would bore you, but the point is when some scientist says we have finally proved a link between these two critters just remember I was saying it was as clear as mustard years ago. That may be the wrong saying as it happens. I really should have written some of these theories down a long time ago, still I’m OK now I have a diary HAH HAHAH hah hah ah hah hah ahha hah ha hah ha hah ahha ha  ha ha ha

AH DAMN I got a little distracted again…….. sorry about that.   

And don’t forget that here in the UK the clocks get turned back one hour tonight in order to confuse our European Friends, making them miss the ferry. And it has got rather wet outside…..

The First Yeti of Spring and the last Dinosaurs of History

Last night the weather got a bit wild for a time, it started to snow, really nasty snow which was very wet and icy and would cling onto you if you ventured out, unfortunately I had to venture out with the cats as they were scared. It was also windy and so the snow was very wild indeed the cats ran about a bit and then headed for home where Sooty the Cat made it in through the patio doors, but Heavy Harry sort of went the wrong side of the door frame and hit the glass at speed. He then panicked and ran off into the wild snow and wind again arriving through the cat flap at the back of the house several minutes later looking like he had just seen a yeti; a wild wind sweep and snow covered yeti………

This morning started a bit calmer here but the weather has decayed as the day has progressed and as I type there is heavy snow and I notice on the news there are power cuts and all sorts of problems due to snow, rain and flooding, and the forecast is that it is going to get worse tomorrow.  Apparently it was 20˚C warmer on the same day last year. (I will check my diary)  . . . . . . Ah apparently I had roast Unicorn for tea, it was all part of a practice run for the alphabet A to Z blogging thing which unless you are also a blogger will be a bit confusing.

One slight advantage in the snow this morning before it all got horrible again was I discovered evidence of the famous Sparro birdyfootisaurs, a small dinosaur that people said had died out over one hundred and fifty million years ago which is said to be one of the missing links between the reptile like dinosaurs and the chicken pie (sorry I meant birds). And it is plainly clear from the photo that this was a creature with a lot of legs because these footprints went on for ages. 

Mum and dad also decided during a small break in the weather (another saying that makes no sense) they would head off to the Castle of the Bishop to do some panic buying and get a loaf of bread and a bottle (I mean one of the plastic non shaped things that wont pour correctly) of milk, but they had to buy the posh organic stuff because all the Bishops minions had already panic bought almost everything there was. Even the cute puppies in the pet shop were selling like hot cakes or should I say hot dogs, apparently fresh hot dogs are very popular when the supermarkets run out of food.

Ooooooo yes I’m sorry about the quality of my diary lately but I need some sun and heat it will now continue to decay in quality in proportion to the weather, so at present both are rubbish.       

   

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