THe 2019 A to Z Challenge . . . Letter U

U

Remember that famous race between the Mallard Duck and the Mallard Train I have mentioned on previous letters of the Alphabet. The one on the 3rd July 1938 where the Duck lost in a photo finish. Well it is a very little known fact that in Holland a few years later a very similar race took place only in that case the Duck won. Which is why it was all hushed up and removed from the history books. At the time it was a total embarrassment for the Dutch Railways and passengers waiting on platforms would often make quacking noises if trains arrived at the station late, much to the annoyance of the railway staff. So the Dutch decided that they needed to undertake a plan to deal with this and so they adapted Plan U (U was a hint at the Duck problem)

You don’t believe me do you; well Google Plan U and see what Wikipedia has to say about Plan U  (go on try it) you will be surprised and you will probably stop and think . . . Maybe he is not mad after all. 

After all that’s what they said about Rumpelstiltskin and look what happened to him . . . . . . .

DAMN

I cant remember why I drew this 

But is was rather a long time ago

The large Mechanical ADDMAN ANDROID SUIT and other Engineering Projects

The strange world of cyberspace, well when I say the strange world of cyberspace as it happens most of it is not in the slightest bit strange which is a DAMN shame because the potential for strange is enormous. On the good side though is that my bit of cyberspace is strange OK a bit strange (a tiny bit strange). Let’s face it do folk want to read the diary of an ordinary chap unless he is a so called celebrity and even then its fickle what actually is a celebrity I find most of them rather annoying (yes I am probably just jealous). Anyway back in my own little (AND STRANGE) bit of cyberspace I sort of said as a passing remark in the playground before we went into the engineering class that I would draw, I mean design and build an ADDMAN Android Suit as worn by one of those really obscure super hero’s or was it obscure villains although I may be getting my super hero’s and villains mixed up with ancient myths from far north.

Once in the engineering department however it was decided that making a reconstruction of the mechanical monster known as The ADDMAN controlled from within by the Mad Mr Addman would be a jolly good project for all, so the class focused on the task at hand and made a large silvery technically and aesthetically brilliant mechanical master piece.

However Esmeralda had told her mum of our work and so Esmeralda’s mum turned up at the end of the day with a large blue Knitted Addman Cosy (like a tea cosy only bigger) and Esmeralda insisted that our large silvery technically and aesthetically brilliant mechanical masterpiece wore her mums knitted suit. It did sort of change the whole appearance of our masterpiece; however it was certainly very blue in its blueness. Esmeraldas mum then insisted we all had cake and biscuits even the Headmaster had to eat them, but I really wish she had not turned up with Jammie Dodgers, I hate Jammie Dodgers . . . . . . . . . . . .  Still it could be worse the door to get out of the large Mechanical ADDMAN ANDROID SUIT could be jammed with wool meaning I will be trapped in here for the rest of the day  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . AH DAMN.  

I have a feeling mum might say IDIOT when I get home….  

The Last day of school, the Foreign Legion and sandwiches

The Last day of school of the school year before the big holiday. The pupils are gutted it means no homework maths, Latin, geography, history, English or watching the goat majestically heading over the school as it heads towards the out of town supermarket.  Most of the teachers spent today leaping about in the playground shouting and waving their arms about. However the science teachers have locked themselves in the science block and are laughing hysterically and refuse to come out. They say they are now free to do proper science with glowing things, laser beams and goldfish?

 

The headmaster spent most of the day arguing with parents telling them that it was no good bribing him to cancel the holiday as it was out of his hands. It can be a difficult holiday to get through firstly it is well long seven or eight weeks which is more that six or seven more weeks that most pupils have interesting things to do.  Then of cause the summer holidays happen right in the middle of summer and as we all know this is the time of year when the weather is at its worst.  Anyway that’s it the end of another school year, dads says that if I like I don’t need to go back and I could join the French Foreign Legion and trek over the endless sand dunes eating scorpions and sand castles. Dad said it is where a man gets true grit from, but I have told dad I can get true grit in my sandwiches on the beach at Barmouth.  I was told at school that the sandwich was so called because no matter how hard you try if you eat them at the beach they always get full of sand…….

My blog in Dynamic View 
for those who wish to see it in Dynamic view

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Tiny sophisticated nano robot flying communication devices and the the world wide weds of spiders

It has been a cold grey day and not nice so we have lit the open fire and are watching flames. Esmeralda did this at school only school does not really have an open fire, well it didn’t. I will admit if did keep us all nice and warm right up to the point that both the headmaster and the fire brigade insisted that we all went outside while they fought the blaze. Just out of curiosity what makes green flames, it is not something you see very often.

The mushroom box is certainly showing signs of life but not much in the way of mushrooms, but it does look rather encouraging that something might leap out of the soil very very soon. Interestingly I too now have small flies scurrying about and I think this is all part of the Strange Alien Mushroom Creatures from Venus communication system. What better than a small nano technology flying communication device to travel between the world wide web of mushroom boxes, Sort of sophisticated homing pigeons (flies). I am sure it was Miss Fionaski the Famous Russian Spy who had seen insect spy bots or the like.

Anyway I suspect like all the best laid plans of alien invaders these tiny sophisticated nano robot flying communication devices travelling their world wide wed of communications between mushroom boxes will fall foul of something simple, something that the mighty minds of the aliens will have not thought off. Yes you are well ahead of me on this; the world wide weds of spiders. An entire invading force brought to its knees by a thin sticky thread created by the humble spider, a creature that can’t even get out of a simple bath without help

Other things of interest today. We have a cunning plan to put solar panels on the roof of our classic nineteen seventies bungalow. As it happens it already has some that heat the hot water system but these will help produce power so that dad can fly a kite high into thunder storms and create huge Mushroom clouds created from the antimatter trapped in the fireballs created themselves by lightning. He is planning to confuse the Aliens from Venus but mum says he is an IDIOT (that’s dad not the creatures from Venus)…

The Angel of the Norse in its new home

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The International Olympian and the footprints in the snow of a large multi limbed herringbone beast

Sometimes I forget things and the other day I forgot to mention that I have been asked to make a cardboard robot model of an International Olympian as part of an exhibition to do with the Olympics. Not the trendy  modern Olympics but the ones before that when they did art and poetry, music and needle craft, bell ringing and things like tortoise obedience skills. So I have until the beginning of June I think? to have it finished.

I thought I might make a lean mean muscular super fit robot poet capable of breaking the 4minute read, leaping over tall bookcases in a single bound (volume of the complete works of Wordsworth or was it Woolworth). Faster than a speeding train of thought and more powerful than something else.  Well that’s what I think I might do, but I am fickle and may change my mind, Still I never thought I would be part of the Olympics, I have asked mum if it means I need to take drugs but she said IDIOT, and hit me with the armadillo toaster. I will inform you all of progress as and when I progress.

I have taken a photograph with the sturdy and faithful Box Brownie (not the one with mushrooms in), I will say it is not easy to get photos uploaded off an old Box Brownie, it took ages to find the USB port. 

Sorry I was distracted, the photo is of strange footprints in the snow this morning of what appears to a large multi limbed herringbone beast. Which I am reliably told by the dog is a nocturnal water dwelling herbivore called Midgarðsormr that can be easily disorientated by snow and ice as it sort of thinks it is scurrying about on the foreshore. According to the dog there is one in our pond, but having said that mum has called the dog an IDIOT and we all know what that means.

The strange white thing that I think will be a Strange Alien Mushroom Creature from the Planet Venus is a bit bigger today, well OK not that big or I would point the BOX Brownie at it and shout CHEESE. Why cheese ? I don’t think it is possible to smile while eating cheese is it, I tried it once and took a picture of myself and is was not nice I looked like a mad rat

We have just found a dead shrew but the cats have pointed at one another and said HE DID IT, they did the same this morning with a Blackbird although the dog recons it was the Midgarðsormr thing from the pond  

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the first snow of winter, the Yeti? and the The Angel of the Norse

The day started with snow, well cool although not enough to make a snow man or use the jet powered sledge in the field next to the house but the dog said he saw a Yeti or a Big-foot or something like that. And mum said something shot past her really fast this morning and vanished out of the cat flap. Would a Yeti get through a cat flap?

Sadly by the time I arrived at school the snow was just a wet soggy mass on the ground (OK I know that is what snow is, what I mean is it was slushy and YUK).  School was a bit slushy and YUK too today but that happens to the best of schools it can’t be helped, I did tell the headmaster it was not his fault the school was slushy and YUK today but he said IDIOT. That is hardly a friendly response is it.

I found out late yesterday that Napoleon Beelzebub’s Very Strange Victorian Curiosity Shop won the Montgomery Christmas window competition …… I thought that was good but Mr Beelzebub says it is all a bit suspect as the judging papers have been nobbled (that’s sort of changed to those of you who are international readers) and he says it was our turn this year as it is a done deal and we all have to win in turn and one of the little old ladies made a mistake, so the judging card was nobbled (adjusted due to a technical error as it was put). Still I get a prize as I made the Angel of the Norse, it is The Angel of the Norse and a jelly bean, only I made The Angel of the Norse. So I plan to bury the jelly bean in the garden just on the off chance that it might be magic and keep my fingers crossed it will not be eaten by Badges, Badgers like jelly beans so I have found out after that long fight in the Badger set.

We also got our Christmas tree and I finally found ………………..  NO not them, but the charger for the camera so I can take pics again.

Oooooo by the way the Indian last night was ….Well Cool or as it actually was, Hot, but it was rather Yummy. The dog says it is great substitute on the roads when the council runs out of grit when there is ice or snow, although you must never use the Nan bread as it only makes the roads even more slippy.  Yet another useful Christmas tip if you get fed up with Turkey curry after the big day.

Our Classic Seventies Bungalow

The Winning Christmas Window in Montgomery

The view this morning while eating Coco pops YUM

The Angel of the Norse In the Window of Napoleon Beelzebub's Very Strange Victorian Curiosity Shop

Ok this is it the last diary entry in the old house. An opportunity to put a few pictures of the Angel of the Norse on the Blog before I vanish deep into cyberspace to re-emerge elsewhere. I HOPE ................ Mr Beelzebub finally gave me six out of ten and said it needed larger horns....

You can't have too many Fairy Lights

The Angel of the Norse (Part 3) Stephen Fry and Gaddafi pie

Everyone is far more relaxed today. There is no denying that not knowing where you are going to live in a couple of weeks time it rather stressful and someone said that I should watch Stephen Fry’s Planet Word  in particular the episode that dealt with swearing as swearing can help us deal with stress.

So Mr Jenkins from next door very kindly let us watch it on this video recording apparatus it was very interesting and did in fact imply that by swearing you could blog (No sorry Block) pain and stress after an experiment where they emerged their hands in ice cold water.  So me and dad decided that we would try and see if swearing would help.

Me and dad started by swearing at the estate agents and then the owner of the house we are moving too, presently occupied by a nice little old lady. Then dad swore at a policeman trying to save a cat in a tree and then he swore at the cat. Between us we swore at loads of people but it did not really make a lot of difference; although we were both well puffed after running away from a large angry crowd who were swearing at us.

It took ages for dad to explain to the policeman and some of the massed crowd that Stephen Fry had said it good for us to do this, and that it was his fault. Mum said we were idiots but did say Stephen Fry would probably swear loads when he gets all the solicitors letters from all the people suing him for all the bother his program has caused.

Anyway Napoleon Beelzebub’s Very Strange Victorian Curiosity shop has opened up a new department, it’s a freezer section, he is not entirely happy about it, after all he is the devil and he said the old saying “When Hell Freezes Over” is likely to come up in conversation with smart arse customers. It is all to do with his latest product Gaddafi Pie which luckily was not on last night’s menu.

Today saw another small step on the road to a finished Angel of the Norse and the Angel does now have hands although Napoleon Beelzebub says they are not exactly the average hands for an Angel, more sort of Spider Monkey, and has given me two out of ten again. He can be hard to please but then he is the devil and he has a freezer full to the top with Gaddafi Pie and sabre toothed Tiger Prawns in Batter, as it happens the Gaddafi Pie looks a bit battered too. 

The Norse burial site, Viking Kings, Sven Blood Axe and the Angel of the Norse

It was a cold  grey day with heavy showers and in general not very nice, Captain Flint the Parrot says it’s times like this when he wished he was back perched on the mast of a trusty pirate ship in the Caribbean singing Sea Shanties and plundering  gold and Brazil nuts. So the day was very subdued, even when we all saw our first Christmas tree of the year. It’s a bit like swallows they fly south for winter.

It is interesting how our parallel worlds work; here I am making the Angel of the Norse for Napoleon Beelzebub’s Very Strange Victorian Curiosity Shop on the dining table when it is not full of food. When on the news on my rather nice 1935 Ecko AC76 valve wireless they said that a Norse burial site has been discovered in the North of Scotland. They know it’s a Viking King because they were buried in the Viking long boat.

They used to do that with the King so he could get back to his home among the spirits, although they never supplied a crew or even a parrot so apparently quite a few got lost according to Mr Beelzebub in the early days of the Vikings. During this early period of Viking History Sven Blood Axe turned up several years late too see Mr Beelzebub who promptly torched his long boat as a warning to all the other Viking Kings. Who took note of his warning and from that day on all Viking long boats were fitted with radar and satellite navigation. This was quite an innovation in those days and lead to the Viking dominance of the sea, its funny how things work out.

I was explaining all this to the history teacher at school today and he said IDIOT well that is not nice; it is one thing mum saying IDIOT but entirely different when a teacher says it. I told him I was off to she my friend after school to tell him what the teacher said about his tale and that Mr Beelzebub’s tales should always be appreciated or else.  Strangely I did notice that when I left school the History teacher’s car had been mysteriously buried in a burial mound in the car park and there was a large crowd of policemen scratching their heads. What has made it worse for the history teacher is that it is now classed as a Site of Special Scientific Interest and will need a proper archaeological dig which will take a few months to do. And the History teacher has lost all credibility by jumping up and down shouting sod the bloody ********* ******** archaeological dig I want my ****** car back

I told mum about the History teacher and she said IDIOT 

The Monty Cardboard Robot Club and Robo Santa

There is a bit of a question about the reality of reality and whether cardboard and art and the rather obscure Monty Cardboard Robot Club or even the world famous Napoleon Beelzebub's Very Strange Victorian Curiosity Shop are real ........... SHOCK HORROR. 

So to alleviate such worries I have found a couple of pictures of previous cardboard things we have made in the past. including last years Christmas window with little Norwegian Bruce and the cardboard Norwegian Spruce which ironically took ages to make and is quite a simple shape too.   

Robo Santa also Known as Santa Claws and his mate the Robot from Village People

The Christmas window 2010

the Easter Bunny 

The Easter Bunny in the window

The Cultural Olympian 

a sculpture made for the cultural Olympics 

Olympic Art (close Up)

It maybe this is not really art but we have loads of fun, a bit like my diary really, it is a diary but is it? 

The Angel of the Norse, The Monty Cardboard Robot Club and the Christmas Window

I have been working on The Angel of the Norse today for the Christmas window. It is best to be prepared in advance because if the house move suddenly happens it will be chaos. It is made of cardboard (the angel not the house) which may sound a bit odd but it will be OK in the end (I think).

Me and the Ghost Writer are the only members of Monty Cardboard Robot Club now which means one of use has too make it because the Monty Cardboard Robot Club always do the Christmas Window at Napoleon Beelzebub’s Very Strange Victorian Curiosity Shop, its traditional . Mum used to be a member but she said the rest of the members were IDIOTS although at that point there was just the three of us.  Anyway the Angel of the Norse is starting to take shape although it still has no head yet. Napoleon Beelzebub popped in to see progress and gave me two out of ten so far. I think because it still has no horns and is not scary yet. But it is early days it will be good in the end.

I am sorry I am late tonight but we have all been at a family party for the Ghost Writers granddaughter Miss Elle who is sixteen tomorrow and who has to spend almost all of tomorrow in a car going to a place so she can come back again.  

You see its all this modern western society it really is not efficient, we go places and then return from them when in reality if we couldn’t go to them we wouldn’t need too. We have created a whole structure of society dependent on the ability to get to places we should not be able to get too and one day it will all end in tears or so mum and dad say. It is why they want to be more eco; although dads huge steam powered things are not very eco I’m sure, but he says they are steam and  that doesn’t count because steam powered things have soul not like all the modern plastic rubbish.

Anyway we are home now and once I finish my diary I an going to go and Chill (not as in getting cool but as in relaxing).  I Hope everyone is well in the big wide world. see you tomorrow hopefully a little earlier.

The angel of the Norse still has no head, no wings, no hands and loads of other stuff to be done yet. But it is worth making the point that people underestimate just what can be done with old cardboard boxes

To See the Angel of the Norse finished please select the Angel of the Norse link below.