Wednesday, 29 June 2011

The pylon protest, the pylon, the physics teacher and the mind ray..

Because there is a big meeting today in the Smithfield (The Cattle Market) about Pylons with Powys County Council and all the protesters and some sheep and a few cows who were hiding in the cupboards from the cattle sale on Monday. The physics teacher is making us make a scale model of a pylon and is teaching us some Structural Engineering.

He says it is good to be topical and thinks that if we understand the internal dynamic stresses in the steel and how heat and cross winds interact with these dynamic stresses to create fluctuating loads on the structure. We will then come to like pylons and think of them as cosy friendly giants in the countryside. He went off to one of the protest meetings once with a flyer to explain all this and said we should all hug a pylon but they all shouted BURN THE WITCH so he had to run away rather fast. Pirate Pete did try to hug a pylon having read his flyer but he hugged the wrong bit so his hair got a bit singed and his eyes glowed for a while.

Anyway I think the teacher had read my notes on making pylons in the shape of interesting things in the past, so he said the class should come up with something new and inspiring so that he can cover the world in pylons and cables and rule everyone as the great emperor of all things. Covering the world in light and mind bending rays that would turn all into mere puppets programmed to obey his every whim. He had a little sit down then and said he would be alright in a minute.

So the class made a half scale model of a Headmaster Pylon, with the headmaster holding his famous large club of punishment with the sharp pointy bits in the end which he uses to club the first years with when they get their spelling test wrong. It might sound a bit cruel but the school has the best spellers in the area. And although at times mine might look a bit bad you should see the other schools; their rubbish.

We did have to remove part of the roof to finish the model because it stands seventy five feet tall ,the physics teacher is well impressed and says it is not only a good likeness but would withstand the one hundred year storm. Which is just as well as The Joules Verne Pocket Oracle and Prophecy Machine still predicts one in the autumn. The physics teacher is also rather pleased we have given the Headmaster Pylon a mortarboard hat thing on his head as he says it will be a perfect platform for the mind ray he is working on.

Still generally it was a very quiet and sunny day in Mid-Wales and all is well sort of. I haven’t seen the pylon protesters yet so you never know. And the pylon protesters have not seen the pylon emerging out of the school roof yet with the mind ray on it. Mum said the Physics teacher has not been the same since he invested his savings in Scottish Power in order to be able to retire early and said that he might be clever but he was an IDIOT

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