Sun worshipping and the sacrificial robots, TV dinners and other things

So here we are the first day of 2013 and what a great start to the day because there was this large fiery ball in the sky known to all who are old enough to remember it as the SUN. Myself and the dog have decided that the lack of sun is a direct environmental effect caused by modern mans activity on the planet.  You see in recent times man has turned his back on many things and the introduction of modern technology and all its consequences, the desire for a nice easy lifestyle in front of the TV eating TV dinners and the like. At least now that TV’s are all flat panel TV’s they are easier to put in a sandwich, eating large wide scream cathode ray tube televisions was like trying to eat a hog roast on your own.

Hang on I was side tracked, I was saying that we need to look back to our past and both me and the dog think we need to reintroduce a bit of old fashioned sun worship, you never saw those Aztec's complaining about the lack of sun. Dad has said that human sacrifice is rather frowned on these days so we have decided to combine all the old ways with some modern technology and plan to build sacrificial robots. Dad is quite enthusiastic he thinks there might be a market for a sun worshipping kit, including a reusable sacrificial robot, which would make it very ECO and also make it sunny so a win win situation . . . . . .. WELL COOL.

It was a chilled start to the day pointing at the sun and testing sacrificial alters outside that would be suitable for a robot sacrifice, but then it was decided that after a game of Scissors Paper Stone the loser should go and fit a bit more tongue and groove panelling in the kitchen. Just as well I am good at this sort of stuff as I appear to doing it all, dad and the dog said they would work on a Sacrificial Robot and make sure it shouts a lot and puts up a bit of a fight and maybe has something red and gooey to trickle out of it at the appropriate time; and would not stain carpets or clothes.

I am also on a mission to nibble my way through Christmas bits, so every now and again I eat something that is a little unhealthy like meringue cream or jelly beans; I think I will need to work on this as a three week plan and I think I can count jelly beans as part of my five a day fruit and veg as they taste fruity. . . . . . Sort of.

Ooooo Yes . . . . . . . . we appear to have peanuts growing, I have had no luck with pineapples and although peanuts are not really the same I am going to give them a chance to produce some nuts, weather permitting 

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Boris in a wardrobe and the Olympics. And the fragility of life

Me and the dog spent the day attempting to perpetrate a particularly impenetrable part of the garden using a steam powered mechanical machete and a flame thrower. It was all part of our recording nature project for the school who are interested in finding rare and fragile species of plants, insects and animals. We spent a fair bit of time battling through the undergrowth but sadly found no life of any sort. The dog thought he glimpsed something of interest, but by then he was a bit trigger happy on the flame thrower, we were both convinced we heard a little voice go YICKS but I think the dog char grilled it to well done. 

But it was a good morning and loads of fun so no harm done (sort of… ok a bit)

The big orange room is starting to take shape, when I say take shape I mean we have almost finished all the painting; it is still the same shape as it was when we started just more orange.     

I then had a very unsuccessful bonfire this afternoon, that is not like me I can usually burn stuff really well and it was a sunny dry day too so not sure why that happened. It is like being a dead certain medal winner at the Olympics and then coming last in the qualifying section… That happens to me all the time in the school sports but then that is to do with betting scams that I am best not to mention ………AH DAMN. 

Anyway I was planning to redeem the situation by adding some wood from an old wardrobe (very old, no not antique just rubbish) but Boris the Spider has set up home in it and was in a bit of a strop when I ripped the door off. I have told Boris that I will leave him be for tonight, but he can’t go round setting up home just any place me fancies, although he was being very grumpy. With luck now he has no front door he will go and find a more practical place to live. Still it may explain the lack of life in our hunt this morning, Boris the Spider has eaten it all.

Ooooooo yes sorry the Olympics, I think we got sailing medals today or was that yesterday I cant remember………. COME ON TIM. People keep saying legacy now rather than I SEE A LEG ……………. HAH HAHHAh hah ah hahh ah hah hahah hah hah hhahh hahha 

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The extra bonus feed in tariff incentive for off peak night time solar energy

Chris the builder has been making some new steps for the front door the old ones were rather narrow and not very safe unless you were a cat or had four legs at least. But he has said we should not use them until tomorrow morning so I have dug a large pit in front of the new steps to ensure no one walks on them. The dog said the pit was rather ugly so  he added bamboo spikes to the bottom and we covered it with palm leaves for the purpose of aesthetics.

Mum has insisted we remove the palm leaves and the pointed bamboo posts before the Postman arrives in the morning. Apparently it is frowned upon to impale the postman on a post. Even if he is delivering bills, I did ask mum who Bill was and why did he get most of the post but mum said IDIOT. I assume she means Bill?

Dad got his letter from the electricity company about the Solar panels which said something like WE KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE, so stop attaching the national grip to your dam lightning experiments if you wish to clear pigeons off the lines then there are simpler ways. And we begrudgingly will give you the extra bonus feed in tariff for those solar panels of £5:00 a unit between the hours of 10:00pm and 6:00am.

OK that’s it; I’m off now to do things.

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looking at the ISS with a goat in a wet suit breathing oxygen on the top of a pylon.

I have abandoned looking at the International Space Station tonight. That sounds like I plan to have a little tour round it which would be cool but no I merely refer to its fly over, no not the road type fly over but the ISS flying over head. And by that I don’t mean it was planning to follow my head about although there is no reason why it could not do that?

Anyway all I am saying it that it is very overcast AGAIN and so the chance of seeing it is remote. I think tonight is the last night it passes us for a while too. Which is just as well as Esmeralda was planning to catapult a goat at it

She is not being cruel by the way she has fitted it up with an oxygen bottle borrowed from her Granny and a wet suit to protect it from the UV radiation.  

I have just looked outside to be sure and believe it or not there was a small break in the cloud and we did see a satellite. But before anyone could inform Esmeralda that it was not the ISS, just one of mums Russian spy satellites there was a huge ping sound and the goat was on its way to space.

Well of course it was never going to get there was it, Esmeralda’s maths are rubbish and it is now safely back on the ground, well it is on the top of a large pylon at present. Why is it when you phone the emergency services to get the fire brigade to come and rescue a goat in a wet suit breathing oxygen, from the top of a pylon, you get shouted at. They say I am wasting the time of the emergency services with stupid calls NOT FAIR if I said the cat was stuck up a tree they would come and save it, and the goat needs them more than the cat does. As it happens the cat is up a tree, he was freighted by a goat in a wet suit shouting Geronimooooooooooooooo oooooooo ooooooooo AuuuuuUGHHHHHHhhhhhhhh.

Interestingly at school today the History teacher asked us what can we learn from history and I told him if your name is say King Harold you should not go out looking up at the sky for the International Space Station it will only lead to trouble………… The History teacher said IDIOT.  

We have started an ECO warrior experiment today involving chilli seed. If you buy a packet of chilli seed it will cost £2:85p, well it did round here and you get 6 seeds in it. That is nearly 50p a chilli seed O MY GOD that’s weight for weight more that the price of gold. So we have also put the seeds from half a fresh chilli from the shop (much cheaper) in a similar pot in the same compost and we will see which one grows the best. We got 15 seeds from half the chilli too.

I was convinced this morning today was Saturday?

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The warriors of the Electricity Conspiracy Organisations (ECO) and a USB memory device

As promised the Ghost writer did take me to Brecon, but all did not turn out as the Ghost Writer would have hoped, in fact it looks like he will be making another trip to Brecon next week only without me. Not that I did anything wrong and the only person I electrocuted was being muttered at by the Ghost Writer anyway so he didn’t notice much as he thought they were leaping about for being told off.

The Ghost Writer, as you all know is an IT guru and so we got to play the old game “find the pea” only instead of shells we got to use USB memory sticks and the pea was in fact a Trojan, not the lot that made the big horse, but a virus. Anyway the Ghost Writer got very angry and grumpy because his own USB memory device not only got the virus but it had all its files zapped.  

Well he has warned them about musical USB devices and this is what can happen, I said he was going to be grumpy today. He thinks the result of all this will be everyone moaning at him when its not his fault as there are strange things happening on that particular network that even the Great Guru of IT at the end of a phone cant sort out so the Ghost Writer stands no chance. He actually disagrees with that because he says he will hit things with a large stick, where the Great Guru of IT at the end of the phone relies on just techy stuff and sometimes that just does not work.

The Solar panels are all on the roof and working just in time for the sunset so it appears we have generated forty three pence worth of power so far WELL COOL and we have a very shiny roof. Dad also thinks he has a cunning plan to store power to batteries during the day so that he can run outside lights in the summerhouse and his workshop at night on a twelve volt system. It is all part of our new ECO warrior lifestyle.

The dog says that ECO stands for Electricity Conspiracy Organisations, who are various groups of people who have a wide range of views about power companies, generation of electricity, and the use of electricity in general. Everything from All power companies are Total ****** ******* *********** B******* ******* to  trying to be green, when I say green I not only mean saving power and not using non renewable power sources. But I also refer to Mr Clarks organization who dress up as Martians and are waiting in the woods at night for the event they call The Event which will involve lots of electricity and marsh mallows. It could happen any day they say so be prepared, or as they say in the movies KEEP WATCHING THE SKIES. Mum by the way says Mr Clark is an IDIOT and the dog says Mr Clark’s from Kent ……… HAHHAHAah ahh ahahahah ha hah hah hah hah hahah hahahahh hah hah ah hahhhhahahh hahahahah  

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