The terrible curse of the selfie

Yesterday or maybe it was the day before I did something terrible, I took a selfie. One of those things that folk do so much that some cunningly clever chap invented a stick so you could take selfies from slightly further away. Now you might be thinking WHY (no not the stick but me taking one of me) and I don’t blame you, but there is a reason. You see what with drawing more pictures and then admittedly tweaking them a bit with some rather basic and very old software, plus writing a bit of dodgy poetry I thought I need a suitable image.  Until recently I have avoided using images of myself as much as possible in cyberspace, but if I plan to be some sort of mad dishevelled cult artist poet, then image is important. So I dug out my Tesco prescription sunglasses pointed my little digital camera at myself and attempted to smile then pressed the button and hey-presto . . . .terrible. Yes no matter how much I try to look slightly cool and moderately chirpy I always end up looking dead grumpy, OK I am grumpy most of the time but not all of it.

Now one of the key things that has brought this to the fore is that my old pal Mr Charlie said I needed a manager so that rather than just drawing stuff and sticking it into the voids of cyberspace to be lost forever, My manager could manage me. Actually I am probably not an ideal candidate for a manager because I am grumpy and a bit maverick (as has been proved by photographic evidence).  So I said to Charlie OK then Charlie you can manage me, and then he went off and told folk I was drawing again and that he was going to organise me and attempt to get me to create enough work for an exhibition. HAHAHAHha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haha haha ha hahah a ha ha I thought; I am far to maverick to be organised into something that organised these days, surely such a thing is impossible. I suspect I am right but in order to help my new manager I have promised to create some hanging on the wall art so it can be hung on a wall and folk can look and say. . . . . . . . O my god that’s terrible, that is the worst art I have ever seen. . . .

I did say too Mr Charlie in a slightly enthusiastic way. . . I could add some of my poetry to the artwork. . . . But he looked panicked and said he thought that was a bad idea . . . that means I almost certainly will.

Now I don’t know if this will happen and if it does when, but if it does I will let you all know. What I will say is it will not be in a leading London gallery, for one thing London scares me to bits, it is full of folk running about and huge as in really huge.

In the meantime here is my selfie. . . . . . . . . . .

     

The United States of America, Presidential Election Result

I think I need to look at the ugly and sometimes down right nasty world of politics today, because today in the United States of America it is voting day. Because I live in a humble backwater of Great Britain this is not an event that will substantially change my life, but I can’t help but feel even if you live in the USA it will not substantially change your life. OK yes there are bound to be some directly affected by it all, but sometimes things do not always happen as you think they will anyway.

Interestingly both the candidates are keen to say that if you choose them then America will be great, now call me stupid but that is a bit vague to me, some folk think a rollercoaster is great and others a nice day out fishing for Steam Powered Goldfish in the garden pond. So when everyone says great they do not necessarily mean the same thing.  Maybe if instead of telling everyone America will be great they were to say vote for me and I will try to make everyone happy, have a pleasant as possible life and try and make it possible for as many of you as possible to do some stuff you want to do. 

You see all this great has overtones of the Roman Empire or the British Empire or all the other Empires (not the cinema’s) and as we all know history tells us they always end in tears and war and generally a lot a shouting and bad stuff.  

The other thing about a complex western society like the USA or even Britain is its very complicated, what you can do as a leader is a bit limited, in fact so limited that in the end one leader has no more choice than the next, and history will judge you not on what you did but on the circumstances that occurred while you we leader and that you could do little to change anyway. I think if America all turned round and said sod it we are all going to vote for Captain Nessman of the High Seas Cat instead at the end of four years things would look much the same. And I bet overseas visits would be much easier, Mr Putin is not going to get upset, and I bet he would go out of his way to be nice. . . . . . . He might even release Pussy Riot from jail (OK no he probably would not; he is not that sort of leader sadly).

So America as you all vote (you have a strange system of voting) I think you need to reflect on the fact that there are two candidates who really would make great leaders and be nice and friendly and loved by all, OK most, OK a few. . . . . .Yes OK nobody; who are not allowed to stand but might just have solved a few issues. One is a cat and the other is ME . . . . President Rob Z Tobor, you have to admit if nothing else President Rob Z Tobor of the United States of America has a rather cool ring to it.  . . . . . .. . . .. OK I accept   . . . . .. .AH mum says IDIOT.

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Pressure in hose pipes and pressure in the Olympics

I think I am on the mend for sure now I managed to operate the hosepipe correctly today and that is no mean feat, hosepipes are fickle feisty beasts with the ability to twist and turn and trip you up at the blink of an eye.  They also do that little trick where they nip their little sides together stopping any water escaping and if you are not careful will suddenly spray you with water….. Anyway as I said I managed it like a professional …………….. Not sure there are professional hosepipe users, the only ones I can think of are those who steal fuel oil and diesel from various places and that’s not entirely legal are very nice. Well that’s it that’s my day then, not entirely exciting unless you like nosepipes??? Sorry Hosepipes; lets face it when did you last read an interesting little blog about hosepipes……

OK while on the subject of hose pipes its time to reflect on the day at the Olympics in my almost day by day blow of what has happened, except for the days I missed and don’t know what happened.

Today a swimmer a woman from Britain we were told was hoping to win gold, in fact they said she would win gold, had to win gold, and that us the public insisted she won gold? But she won bronze and said she was happy she had done her best, but the media said no you are gutted the public are too blame, all that pressure from the ******* Public it is their fault, us the media are only reflecting your own disappointment. But she said she was happy I am sure I heard that and I am sure it is the ****** ******* ******** medias fault all this hype and pressure not me and the dog we are chilled about it.

As far as I can tell things are still going to plan with the Olympic Plan of Britain despite the swimming pool being all messed up by the public pressure, and we have loads of gold even more than China and the USA because theirs don’t count on the grounds that they are always winning stuff and its not fair, I mean that Michael Phelps has nicked a whole load of them, how fair is that……. COME ON TIM

Ooooo that’s reminds me we might win the tennis………. COME ON TIM….Sorry Andy 

The Empire of Rob and principles of equality

Time appears to be going faster than I have anticipated today, I think it is because it has been mainly sunny. When I say mainly, we did go to Montgomery craft fair day but it was raining there and parking was a bit of a problem too so it was not a long visit. However we did get to see Mr Michael famous artist and co founder of the 56 Group which I have mentioned previously I think a few days ago. And we managed to see a few folk before we departed back to home where it was still warm and sunny. We are still tracking down the cause of the electricity problem, we know what is working but there are a few things to be powered up yet. If we can isolate it then I will fix it with the flame thrower and a hammer, I find that is rather a good solution. I might have to use that idea on the squirrel who has mastered the art of removing the bird feeder from the tree and hurling it at the wall, like some sort of nut case.

The Empire of Rob

I am now the proud King (well sort of) of my own kingdom called the Empire of Rob it is presently very small but like all empires with some nutrients and care and attention it will grow into something much larger. It is in the care of the government of the Empire of Rob and its President Mr ESB, My own title is purely ceremonial I do not have a lot of power; that is very much in the hands of Mr ESB, Mrs ESB and Cooper. Luckily for Mr ESB, Cooper will always vote with him so they have a two thirds majority. Mrs ESB has complained of Bribery saying Cooper has been seen getting treats that have not been declared officially and should forfeit his right to vote, but this has been put to a vote and was rejected by a two thirds majority. This is the way of democracy; the Empire of Rob is a fair land with a young fledgling legal system based on principles of equality sorry I mean the pineapples of equality….  

Hang on it has just started raining now where did that lot come from

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