The Giant Steam Powered Bacteria

Quiet day at school today just Entomology, an experiment in Biology where we worked on a new designer bacteria to eat and breakdown thermoplastics while producing large quantities of propane gas so that the chemistry teacher can win a Nobel Prize for his work on the environment. And we played algebraic Hop-Scotch in Maths because the maths teacher likes jumping about in the sun.

  

So we all jumped about shouting AB squared equals C plus D, although the game got a bit confused when Frank stood on his own fingers and ruined the maths teachers equation, so that in the end B equalled six and two and two made five (again)

When I got home after school mum and dad were sorting the recycling out, dad says in the old days we had a big steel bin and everything got thrown in that it was great and as long as the bin lid fitted back on; the dustbin men would throw it on the wagon. Not now we have different coloured boxes and bags to take tin cans, aluminium cans, plastic types 1 and 2, plastic types 7 and 9, other plastics, milk bottle tops only, cardboard and magazines, white paper, coloured paper, glass separated by colour, and various other things like food waste but not garden waste as we have to take that to the local recycling point ourselves. Then anything left over we can throw in the waste bin and you are not allowed to cheat because the council have bin police who every now and again come and check your bin to ensure you don’t throw the wrong things out and fine you if you do.

Dad says it would be OK except that you have to wash all the bottles and tins out and he says we are using more resources making the recycling clean that we the energy we save by recycling it all. I told dad about our experiments in Biology to create a bacteria to eat all the recycling although it is not very effective yet as the teacher recons it will take twenty eight years for the bacteria to eat a milk bottle. Dad and Pirate Pete plus the dog and Rusty the dog have decided to make a steam powered giant bacteria that will eat everything in five minutes so the dog is doing all the calculations and dad has fired up the welding equipment. Pirate Pete has decided to it carve it a huge monstrous face in oak with titanium teeth and glowing eyes. And Rusty the dog is making it a tee shirt that says Bacteria have feelings too.

I have asked mum if she thinks their plan is likely to work but she said they were IDIOTS; luckily I am off drumming with my friends tonight I might even take a guitar so I can be noisy.