Eyeballs, Headaches, Halloween, Harry Potter, Andy Warhol and House Signs

Well all is quiet here and misty, very misty which tends to make it even quieter. We did not get any Halloween visitors last night but I think our long drive with no lights to guide small folk towards our front door until they are almost there is a factor.  No one likes to go to the strange folk in the last house in the village right at the edge of the woods where beasts howl and banshees scream even in the movies, so doing it for real in the real world is not really going to happen.  And I am not sure Halloween is like it used to be in the old days, it was always a bit impromptu with small gangs of small children scurrying about haphazard at one time. Then when we lived in the previous town there was a not so nice gang of older children who would scare little old ladies and demanded money.  It seems to have all got a bit more corporate and organized now or has vanished behind the hidden doors of those of whom we will not speak.  

I did finally get the new house sign attached to the post at the other end of the drive today which is good so next year at Halloween we will be the strange folk with the strange house sign who live at the edge of the haunted woods full of howling and screaming beasts. . . I’m sure that will encourage a few to risk all for a chocolate eyeball. On the bright side I do have a load of chocolate eyeballs to eat now although they are a bit sickly, but I guess eating real eyeballs in a bit sickly although not entirely in the same way.

After fitting the new House Sign I did feel rather ill as it happens and I have not eaten any eyeballs yet and was forced to take to my bed with a rather bad headache, luckily I have now recovered from this terrible ordeal but it is somewhat later and rather dark. Well that was a chunk of time of which I will never know anything about, I am not convinced losing bits of time is altogether a good idea bearing in mind the uncertainty of knowing how much we have in total to mess about in.

Well that is it I’m off now to chill and eat chocolate eyeballs or a raspberry sponge and cream, I did what I thought was a rather good picture of Harry Potter at Halloween in the style of Whats his Name. . . . Andy Warhol for the internet yesterday that I thought was OK but it vanished into the blackness faster than a small child on our drive at midnight. It is little things like this that eat away at the mind and make me ponder the futility of doing what I am doing here at times. . . . Never mind I will battle on.

Maybe its a bit  more Sargent Pepper meets Harry Potter at Halloween 

In the style Andy Warhol 

   

An upbeat tale for Halloween . . . . .

Once upon a time in the Grand Imperial Empire of BartaBiska there was a strange little old lady called Cropella Clipclop who without fail every Halloween would head off as darkness fell to go trick or treating.  Well in most parts of the world this would seem rather normal but not in the Grand Imperial Empire of BartaBiska. You see the Grand Imperial Empire of BartaBiska was run by a single and incredibly wealth family called the Hozzam-Blushfolds who as we all know are the owners of the famous Blushfold International Folding Company. 

Well we all need things to have folds in them or have things that need folding from Christmas cards to car components and as you might expect this has made the Hozzam-Blushfolds rich beyond the dreams of the average man.  However they were not a cheery bunch and banned Halloween many many many years ago and nobody dared to go Trick or Treating. . . . . . . With one exception, a strange little old lady called Cropella Clipclop who every year without fail would go to every house in the kingdom and shout . . . Trick or Treat. . .  No one knew how she managed to get to every home, but she did and everyone would give her a small treat.

It was all very odd because although the Hozzam-Blushfolds had tried many times to stop her she always managed to go out and visit everyone and she always said to them all . . . . I’m ninety five you know. . . . Although some thought she must be older as she had visited some houses for over eighty years saying the same thing.  And she always finished the night at the Hozzam-Blushfolds huge mansion where they would reluctantly give her the small treat she expected.

You see another rather odd thing about  Cropella Clipclop was no one ever asked her to do a trick, no one knew why but they knew that it was something you just did not do. . . it was one of those little mysteries of life that folk except.  And it was even odder really, because her hat and wand were cheap ones she had got from Woolworths years ago, so she was hardly that scary.

Then one year she said . . . I’m ninety five you know. I have decided that this will be my last year going out trick or treating. . . . Well that was a shock to everyone, but they gave her a small treat as they had always done but were very sad. Then as always she arrived at the Hozzam-Blushfolds huge mansion last, and said . . I’m ninety five you know. I have decided that this will be my last year going out trick or treating . . . .  Well they were very pleased because it was Cropella Clipclop’s last ever visit, but the now very elderly Arch Duke Hozzam-Blushfold VIII sniggered and said. . .  OK . .  TRICK THEN . . . .  (OOoooooo well that was a big mistake).  Cropella Clipclop replying . . .  I thought you would never ask. . . .  Raising her plastic wand from Woolworth's and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  

Well no one for sure knows what happened that night but in the morning the entire Hozzam-Blushfold family fled the Grand Imperial Empire of BartaBiska never to be seen again and left a message to say that the good folk of BartaBiska could now go out every Halloween. They even made sure that each Halloween their now deserted huge mansion was turned into a theme park for all the people of the nation to have a big party and lots of fun, which they did.

As for Cropella Clipclop, true to her word she never went out trick or treating ever again although she did have lots of visitors every Halloween, until one year Cropella Clipclop and her large Black Cat called Broomstick vanished. No one knows where they went, although it is said a large black cat is seen smiling in the shadows sometimes on Halloween.

And so with that I wish you all a Happy Christmas . . . (sorry Halloween) . . . It’s the shops I’m confused.    

House Signs, Halloween and untold tales that have not been told.

Yesterday was quite busy which led to the repeat of an old poem. Today has been fairly chilled which means that really I should not repeat an old poem or post but I might just repeat one of the old Halloween stories, because that will save me loads of extra work.  Sometimes towards the end of a lazy-ish day the last thing you fancy doing it writing clever stuff or leaping about, not that I leap about while I write my blog that would be stupid on many counts. One of which is my old PC can not leap, it is too old and Knackered and another of which is I am too old and Knackered, you see I and my PC are in harmony we are as one.

One small Job I did get done today was to finally finish the new House sign, remember I did say that DIY works on an exponential time curve so that last tiny bit has taken a while. I still have a wedding present to finish and there are tiny bits of painting to do in the kitchen.

There was a village hall meeting in our kitchen last night and folk nodded approvingly and said things like Oooooooo that’s very shiny red and stuff like that so it means folk seen to like it. It is good if folk like what you have done, there is nothing worse than then going O MY GOD have you been burgled or make comments like O dear who chose that colour still it matches that decomposing mouse the cat mauled that is rotting in the corner. . . 

I now need to fix our new house sign to the big post at the end of the drive securely so I may need to phone the very friendly builder to see if he will lend me his cordless drill as my drill has a cord and the end of the drive is a long way off. That sounds dead posh but it is not, we just have a very long drive. Mmmm that might still sound a bit decadent, but the keeper of the gate is allowed to wear informal clothes these days.

Right OK I will go and find a good Halloween post to repeat now. . . What about the one where the large man eating rabbit peers through the window of a mad android scarecrow that is making soup out of kittens and . . . . NO you are right that was not entirely kitten friendly

Well what about the confused Aliens who arrive on the night of Halloween and spent a lot of time trying to communicate with small children dresses as Zombies . . . OK yes it was silly

OK the eyeball lost in the Lollipop factory . . . . . Right I sense I am not doing well

The sea monster that ate fish fingers

OK that’s it I appear to have run out of words, I may ramble a lot, have you noticed I ramble a lot. I can imagine some professional publisher going why is he rambling, this is rubbish this is not how to write. . . .well YA SUCKS BOO is my response to tha,t no wonder books have a certain sort of uniformity to them with there covers and pages full of words and page numbers that increase in a rational logical fashion one after the other.

DAMN I may have got a bit distracted, did I say I finished painting the new house sign today. . . . .   AH DAMN again I did.

A short history of Halloween's Origins

Well I admit it this is a repeat of last years post for the same day but the thing is I am busy. . . . . NO really I am not lying, I am very busy . . . . . I mean I have tea to drink and cakes to eat and small things to point at and go OOOOOOooooo what is that then its a small thing, lets poke at it. So this is it; I have even used the same picture, just how lazy is that then. . . . HO HUM . . . And just before I hand over to last year I would like to add that I do have a new idea for an entirely new Halloween story for 2015 that is dead good although it is still in my head, not actually written down yet. Strangely they always seem so much better in my head than they appear written down which is odd. . . (Witch is ODD . . . . .  HA HAHAH hah ah a ha ha haha hah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha).

OK back to last years interesting and useful information  . . . . . . .    

Halloween what’s that all about then, is definitely one of the big questions of the moment and it is time someone answered it properly. If you search cyberspace you will be bombarded with loads of stuff, but it will all be a bit wishy washy (no not as in Pantomime but as in vague).  This is what always happens when paganism meets religion, but not here no, you will get to know exactly what’s going on.

Firstly it is important to take note of the time of year, and the weather, this year in Britain is a classic to explain why this all started up. We had a fairly good summer and the sun sort of held on over September and then October arrived and the weather has crashed big time, it is dull, damp and getting cold.  So way back in the days when we were all tribal and waved sticks and worshipped the sun and the like (the good old days) what did folk do to get themselves through the long hard winters, remember there was no central heating unless you were a Roman. Well they had parties or as we like to call them now Rituals, yes everyone likes a party but in general we need a reason for them stuff like birthdays, passing exams, catching your first crocodile and the like.  Back in the old days folk would associate these events with their local god and Halloween also got linked to celebrating the dead. Things were different then, death was not all gravestones tears and flowers, it was big fires feasting and dressing up.  Remember the old ancestors did not vanish they were and are still about and it was good manners to show some respect an maybe burn a huge effigy of an Elk and wear a big mask and go and visit all the locals, eat, drink, dance, cheer and wave pointy sticks.

However main stream religion got involved and said it was a Christian event in a cunning plan to get rid of all these other gods and effigies. But old customs are difficult to get rid of and before you know it small children were doing trick or treat all over the world. In particular the whole event appealed to the USA having arrived with the Irish and Scottish way back (they were good at this stuff) and the spirits of the dead were turned into monsters, mummies, vampires, huge things with pointy teeth, witches and the like. This allowed the corporate business world in the USA to make a killing (no pun intended) by selling all sorts of gruesome characters made out of China’s very best genuine recycled plastic. As well as packets of dodgy sugary things that are needed to give to the swarms of trick or treat children that turn up at your door sort of saying things like . . . . .GIVE US STUFF OR WE SET FIRE TO THE RABBIT HUTCH. . . 

These days with it all being witches and monsters and the like religion has got all funny about it and say it’s the work of the devil. They really should have just left it alone and let the pagans have a party for their long lost ancestors round a big fire and eating and generally having a good time, much like they do at Christmas. . . . . . . AH.

Anyway there you have it that is the Origin of Halloween . . . . sort of    

The Greatest Harry Potter Halloween Story Ever Told. . . . .Starring The Wicker Man

Once upon a time when it was trendy to send young wizards off to Hogwarts Academy, before the incident in the long hall with the cat and the large jug, a young farmer arrived from the mountains of Transylvania called Frankie Moon-star (yes it was the sixties the days of silly names). He was just an ordinary chap not a wizard so was mocked and laughed at by the pupils of Hogwarts and told to go away.  So he set up a smallholding on the outskirts of the magic forest growing organic vegetables and suitable canes for wands.  He was quite successful in business and this was resented by the young wizard pupils of Hogwarts because he was what they called a muggle. And they really thought he should not even be there.

He was left alone most of the year but at Halloween every pupil at Hogwarts would turn up as dusk fell and make his life hell. In particular a Mr Harry Potter and a Miss Hermione Granger would shout and scream all sorts of stuff at him (like Mimiosso Ayucky poous) and do stuff like turn his courgettes into pigs, tomatoes into bananas and turn all his clothes pink. They did this because they said Frankie Moon-star was a very silly name.

Then one year Frankie made a huge Wicker Man out of Willow from the Magic Forest in a desperate effort for a quiet time, it was dead scary to look at and he placed it at the entrance to his small holding.  What he did not know was that because it was made out of willow that came from the Magic Forest the young Wizards were unable to pass. O yes they tried all sorts of spells and stuff but the Wicker Man stood his ground. Every year after that Frankie Moon-star would make a new Wicker Man and no matter how hard the young wizards tried they could not get past.

The years passed and Frankie got older and older, but he was happy now because the young wizards never came and annoyed him ever again.  Frankie often passed the time with Lord Voldemort who also complained about the young Wizards and said they were ruining his reputation as a Magic act for children’s parties and it was all that Harry’s fault.

Then one day just before Halloween Frankie died, but he was very old and life had been good, however all the pupils at Hogwarts led by an ageing Mr Harry Potter and a Miss Hermione Granger decided to take revenge. With no Wicker Man to stop them they set off through the Magic Forest (chanting Gump Gump Gump Gump) all the way to the house and formed a ring round it (The Wizards Ring of Fire), and then sent fireballs into the house using their wands, setting it alight. They laughed and laughed in a mad wizard way, but never noticed all the Wicker Men slowly creeping up behind them. By the time they did the Wicker Men had linked arms meaning no one could escape. All the young wizards screamed and shouted and ran about and Harry and Hermione hid in a water barrel but it was all futile. The Wicker Men slowly shuffled towards the house and as they did got hotter and hotter and started to burn.

The following morning there was nothing but a large charred patch of land all the Wicker Men, the Wizards, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger and the house had all vanished. Hogwarts of course never really recovered from the loss of all those young wizards and after the incident in the long hall with the cat and the large jug it had to close. It has been turned into a theme park now and it is perpetually full of muggles pointing at fake wizards much to the amusement of the Ghost of Freddie Moon-star who likes to pop by every Halloween to snigger at the waxwork of Harry Potter. Who unable to move says . . . I sugose you gink gats gunny. 

A hint of Harry Potters Terrible end. . . . Its the Wicker Man

Look out Harry Potter its coming to get you

It's the Wicker Man

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Catching up on things and stuff. NOT Harry Potter

We have almost come to the end of my own short Harry Potter season of posts and only have the big finale to go for Halloween which will be posted the day before because I suspect I will spend Halloween chasing horrible small children. Well I will if they turn up dressed as Zombies or the like shouting Trick or Treat. I find once you have a long pointy stick covered in blood and run after them shouting kill the Zombies they have a habit of shouting We are not Zombies we are small Children of course my response to this is That is what a Zombie would say but you cant fool me. . . . . Kill the Zombies.   But in recent years I have seen fewer small children at Halloween or any other time as it happens.

Yesterday I attempted to make a fake stained glass window and hammered some nails into some wood and sorted out some fairy lights for the fake stained glass widow (sorry Window). It was a long day and ended with an Indian takeaway . . .  A chicken dhansak, pulao rice and a huge king prawn butterfly.  The India always gives you huge amounts of food so tonight guess what I plan to eat for my evening meal.  I may have eaten it by the time this is posted as I have a drawing to do also. Today I have removed a bit of wallpaper with a steamer, this wallpaper is the most stuck on wallpaper I have ever come across, it is seriously stuck and has a lining paper which is just as bad. . . .PHEW. . . . Oooo I also moved some leaves but many leaves are still falling from the trees in the garden.

And last night at two in the morning the clocks went back an hour so two o’clock became one o’clock making today the longest day of the year in Britain by an entire hour. I hate this clock moving it just makes me jet lagged without being on a jet and for some time I will wander about like a Zombie groaning and pointing at clocks in a sort of angry looking way. I am already yawning and it is still early evening but pitch black outside.

Oooo I forgot to say yesterday I saw a lifelike Mechanical Hooting Owl that hooted most of the day until someone ran off with it in a bag saying . . . who’s a pretty boy then and Polly wants a rabbit. . .

I need to get back to my Professional Blogging and answer some of those Big Questions that folk are asking me, but I think that will be post Halloween now as I need to kill off Harry . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . DAMN I have ruined it for you all now and told you I kill off Harry and all his mates. . . . DAMN . .  Yes they are all goners and Hogwarts has to close . . . . DAMN . . . . I better go before I mention the cat and the large jug again. . . . . . . . . . . .DAMN. . . 

You know who and the dilemma of popularity

As many of you will know (I say many I mean almost no one), I have been making up Harry Potter Halloween Poetry as a bit of a jolly before I post my Harry Potter Halloween Spooky story at the end of the month.  We are old mates from way back from the days when Harry was knee high to a grasshopper, he has never let me play with his wand since (if anyone sniggers or thinks rude thoughts then I suggest you go and stand in the corner). But of course he was allowed to head off into Hogwarts to become a wizard and become the hero to a whole generation through books films and various other media and the like. Where as I vanished into a small dark corner in the huge voids of cyberspace living on cake and hot chocolate and waving pointy sticks at Zombies and Seagulls, you see I am not a wizard.

So I have written several poems now about my old mate on my blog and it has had a rather interesting and profound effect, one I was not expecting. Now people think I write all sorts of mad stuff in a random fashion, but all is not what is seems, you see I use guile and cunning in an attempt to help each post stand some chance of being found by folk searching Google. Lets face it if I am heading towards the one million words mark it would be nice if it was read by as many as possible, although the small hardy group here do keep me going, and when that nice Mr Spielberg makes the film they will all get a mention and sneaky parts in the film like what’s his name did. . .  Alfred Hitchcock. 

Anyway back to the point, since I started my Harry Potter based theme it appears that pageviews on my blog have plummeted like a large rook (sorry rock). Yes rooks do sometimes plummet but not as well as rocks.  SO why has this happened. Have I lost my touch, are my witty words now just boring, has my typing finally completely fallen apart, am I a grumpy bloke lost in the dark of cyberspace and nobody cares. . . . Well clearly NO. This means it must be a Potter based effect and he is much less popular that I anticipated in fact he is now less popular than my first theory about the rise of the World Social Economic Structures and their connection with the insect colonies of the world.

This means that Harry Potter must be very unpopular indeed. . . It’s a shock for me but when I phone him up later in his posh house dragging him away from his ice cool drink by his swimming pool he is going to be gutted. I can imagine he will be in contact with that Sue Townsend (sorry JK Rowling) sharpish suggesting a new book and film where he returns to Hogwarts in order to restore faith after the incident with the cat and the large jug (AH DAMN that’s a spoiler from my Halloween story). . . . . .

Anyway as I have said it is a terrible shock that poor all Harry Potter is so unpopular and I feel it would be bad of me to linger on this point . . . . the one about Harry Potter being less popular than World Economics so I will go and think about a poem on a far more popular subject such as maybe a cat and an owl in a pea green sailing vessel with a plentiful supply of money and honey. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

AH DAMN

Harry Potter and the Halloween Poem . . . Part Three

Back in the days of Witches Banshees Ghouls and many an old warlock

A famous young wizard called Harry Potter roamed tuning keys in many a door lock

With his trusty wand and spells he did rid us of all such scary and villainous beasts

And everyone then celebrated with fires, lots of cake and big feasts.

Everyone did cheer and shout at this task in which Harry did succeed

Although one tiny voice did speakout  not noticed and not listened too, and no one did take heed

But what of Halloween the tiny voice did said questioningly who will now came and call

When all those strange and scary beasts have been killed off by Harry one and all.

So at Halloween when small children call in rubbish plastic outfits shouting Trick or Treat.

Remember whose fault it is that all these annoying children scamper about on your street

It is that damn Harry Potter and his mates and all their heroic film hero wizardly ways

Because there are no more decent man eating monsters and Halloween has seen much better days.

The Origin of Halloween . . Big Questions Answered

Halloween what’s that all about then, is definitely one of the big questions of the moment and it is time someone answered it properly. If you search cyberspace you will be bombarded with loads of stuff, but it will all be a bit wishy washy (no not as in Pantomime but as in vague).  This is what always happens when paganism meets religion, but not here no, you will get to know exactly what’s going on.

Firstly it is important to take note of the time of year, and the weather, this year in Britain is a classic to explain why this all started up. We had a fairly good summer and the sun sort of held on over September and then October arrived and the weather has crashed big time, it is dull, damp and getting cold.  So way back in the days when we were all tribal and waved sticks and worshipped the sun and the like (the good old days) what did folk do to get themselves through the long hard winters, remember there was no central heating unless you were a Roman. Well they had parties or as we like to call them now Rituals, yes everyone likes a party but in general we need a reason for them stuff like birthdays, passing exams, catching your first crocodile and the like.  Back in the old days folk would associate these events with their local god and Halloween also got linked to celebrating the dead. Things were different then, death was not all gravestones tears and flowers, it was big fires feasting and dressing up.  Remember the old ancestors did not vanish they were and are still about and it was good manners to show some respect an maybe burn a huge effigy of an Elk and wear a big mask and go and visit all the locals, eat, drink, dance, cheer and wave pointy sticks.

However main stream religion got involved and said it was a Christian event in a cunning plan to get rid of all these other gods and effigies. But old customs are difficult to get rid of and before you know it small children were doing trick or treat all over the world. In particular the whole event appealed to the USA having arrived with the Irish and Scottish way back (they were good at this stuff) and the spirits of the dead were turned into monsters, mummies, vampires, huge things with pointy teeth, witches and the like. This allowed the corporate business world in the USA to make a killing (no pun intended) by selling all sorts of gruesome characters made out of China’s very best genuine recycled plastic. As well as packets of dodgy sugary things that are needed to give to the swarms of trick or treat children that turn up at your door sort of saying things like . . . . .give us stuff or we set fire to the rabbit hutch. . . 

These days with it all being witches and monsters and the like religion has got all funny about it and say it’s the work of the devil. They really should have just left it alone and let the pagans have a party for their long lost ancestors round a big fire and eating and generally having a good time, much like they do at Christmas. . . . . . . AH.

Anyway there you have it that is the Origin of Halloween . . . . sort of        

A Cautionary Tale of Knitting . . . A Repeat of Halloween 2013

It will be halloween again soon I think so I thought I would be lazy tonight and repeat last years Halloween story. Yes I know no one likes repeats but they do it on the TV all the time and get away with it so YA SUCKS BOO is what I say. Anyway I am thinking about writing a new Halloween Story for this year, although just at present the mind is a bit blank, it would be fun to kill off Harry Potter and his mates in some sort of terrible method . . . . . Nothing personal Harry with your multi million pound film franchise, Potter world and smug ways; while me the Eccentric Child of Cyberspace find myself trapped in the head of a grumpy old scruffy bloke who complains a lot.  

A Repeat of Halloween 2013 

A cautionary tale of Knitting 

Once upon a time, in a smallish town in the heart of the big forest lived a little old lady, she lived in a funny rickety house near the forest edge pottering about in her garden and knitting. She was a very quiet little old lady who wore a big black knitted witch’s hat. She would always smile at passers by say hello and then continue to potter about in her lovely quaint garden which was full of strange little knitted cats and dogs and crows and butterflies and all sorts of things which seemed to move about almost every day to a new spot in the garden.

But come the evening of Halloween each year she would put scary life-sized knitted children in her garden that would make odd little squeaks and whines and jiggle about. They were very very scary looking knitted children, so scary that none of the children in the town would go trick or treating at the little old ladies house because they were frightened of the scary looking knitted children that squeaked and jiggled all night long. Then in the morning as the sun rose, all the knitted children were put away again in a large shed with a big padlock at the bottom of her garden until Halloween the following year.  

Then one year a small group of children who were dressed up particularly scarily thought to themselves . . . . . .We are very very very scary, even more scary that the knitted scary children in the garden of the little old lady, so they decided that they would go and see her and shout TRICK OR TREAT. They knew she would be surprised and were hoping that their very very very scary costumes would frighten the little old lady and they would get a really good treat.

So as it got dark the children sneaked into the garden and up the path towards the front door past the knitted children who squealed and jiggled and made lots of strange little noises. Then as they were about to run off in fright the front door opened and the little old lady smiled and said OOOOOOOOOOO TRICK OR TREATERS . . . . . WOULD YOU LIKE A TREAT and the children all shouted YES. But to get their treat the children had to pull a long loose thread from the nose of each or the knitted children. As the children pulled and pulled the threads, the knitted children squealed and jiggled even more until they were just a huge pile of wool on the ground and the sound of the squeals vanished into the wind.  In the middle of each pile of wool however was a large box of candy sweets, the children cheered and ate them, but it made them feel very sleepy and before they knew it they were all snoring. 

  

The following morning as the sun rose the people of the town were out franticly hunting for a small group of children who had all vanished. This had happened in the past a long long long time ago apparently; once during a previous Halloween all those years ago a small group of children had all vanished never to be seen again, but it was so long ago it was now just an old fairy tale that folk would tell on Halloween.

As the towns people rushed about they stopped to ask the little old lady if she had seen the children, she shook her head pointing at the knitted children and said I AM JUST PUTTING MY KNITTED CHILDREN BACK IN MY SHED. The knitted children squealed and squeaked and jiggled at the town’s people, who thought they looked even more scary than normal and also strangely familiar, but they turned to continue their frantic hunt for their own children.

They searched and searched but no matter how hard they hunted they never found their children ever again. And as the little old lady put the knitted children into the shed she looked at their little eyes blinking with fear and smiled and said I DO LIKE A GOOD TRICK; before going back inside to sit and knit, and spend all day laughing hysterically with a slightly mad glint in her eye, while stroking a large knitted black cat that almost seemed to purr . . . . . . . 

The Greatest Knitting Based Halloween Horror Story of all Time....

Once upon a time, in a smallish town in the heart of the big forest lived a little old lady, she lived in a funny rickety house near the forest edge pottering about in her garden and knitting. She was a very quiet little old lady who wore a big black knitted witch’s hat. She would always smile at passers by say hello and then continue to potter about in her lovely quaint garden which was full of strange little knitted cats and dogs and crows and butterflies and all sorts of things which seemed to move about almost every day to a new spot in the garden.

But come the evening of Halloween each year she would put scary life-sized knitted children in her garden that would make odd little squeaks and whines and jiggle about. They were very very scary looking knitted children, so scary that none of the children in the town would go trick or treating at the little old ladies house because they were frightened of the scary looking knitted children that squeaked and jiggled all night long. Then in the morning as the sun rose, all the knitted children were put away again in a large shed with a big padlock at the bottom of her garden until Halloween the following year.  

Then one year a small group of children who were dressed up particularly scarily thought to themselves . . . . . .We are very very very scary, even more scary that the knitted scary children in the garden of the little old lady, so they decided that they would go and see her and shout trick or treat. They knew she would be surprised and were hoping that their very very very scary costumes would frighten the little old lady and they would get a really good treat.

So as it got dark the children sneaked into the garden and up the path towards the front door past the knitted children who squealed and jiggled and made lots of strange little noises. Then as they were about to run off in fright the front door opened and the little old lady smiled and said Ooooooooooo trick or treaters . . . . . Would you like a treat and the children all shouted Yes. But to get their treat the children had to pull a long loose thread from the nose of each or the knitted children. As the children pulled and pulled the threads, the knitted children squealed and jiggled even more until they were just a huge pile of wool on the ground and the sound of the squeals vanished into the wind.  In the middle of each pile of wool however was a large box of candy sweets, the children cheered and ate them, but it made them feel very sleepy and before they knew it they were all snoring. 

  

The following morning as the sun rose the people of the town were out franticly hunting for a small group of children who had all vanished. This had happened in the past a long long long time ago apparently; once during a previous Halloween all those years ago a small group of children had all vanished never to be seen again, but it was so long ago it was now just an old fairy tale that folk would tell on Halloween.

As the towns people rushed about they stopped to ask the little old lady if she had seen the children, she shook her head pointing at the knitted children and said I am just putting my knitted children back in my shed. The knitted children squealed and squeaked and jiggled at the town’s people, who thought they looked even more scary than normal and also strangely familiar, but they turned to continue their frantic hunt for their own children.

They searched and searched but no matter how hard they hunted they never found their children ever again. And as the little old lady put the knitted children into the shed she looked at their little eyes blinking with fear and smiled and said I DO like a good trick; before going back inside to sit and knit, and spend all day laughing hysterically with a slightly mad glint in her eye, while stroking a large knitted black cat that almost seemed to purr . . . . . . .