A short history of Halloween's Origins

Well I admit it this is a repeat of last years post for the same day but the thing is I am busy. . . . . NO really I am not lying, I am very busy . . . . . I mean I have tea to drink and cakes to eat and small things to point at and go OOOOOOooooo what is that then its a small thing, lets poke at it. So this is it; I have even used the same picture, just how lazy is that then. . . . HO HUM . . . And just before I hand over to last year I would like to add that I do have a new idea for an entirely new Halloween story for 2015 that is dead good although it is still in my head, not actually written down yet. Strangely they always seem so much better in my head than they appear written down which is odd. . . (Witch is ODD . . . . .  HA HAHAH hah ah a ha ha haha hah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha).

OK back to last years interesting and useful information  . . . . . . .    

Halloween what’s that all about then, is definitely one of the big questions of the moment and it is time someone answered it properly. If you search cyberspace you will be bombarded with loads of stuff, but it will all be a bit wishy washy (no not as in Pantomime but as in vague).  This is what always happens when paganism meets religion, but not here no, you will get to know exactly what’s going on.

Firstly it is important to take note of the time of year, and the weather, this year in Britain is a classic to explain why this all started up. We had a fairly good summer and the sun sort of held on over September and then October arrived and the weather has crashed big time, it is dull, damp and getting cold.  So way back in the days when we were all tribal and waved sticks and worshipped the sun and the like (the good old days) what did folk do to get themselves through the long hard winters, remember there was no central heating unless you were a Roman. Well they had parties or as we like to call them now Rituals, yes everyone likes a party but in general we need a reason for them stuff like birthdays, passing exams, catching your first crocodile and the like.  Back in the old days folk would associate these events with their local god and Halloween also got linked to celebrating the dead. Things were different then, death was not all gravestones tears and flowers, it was big fires feasting and dressing up.  Remember the old ancestors did not vanish they were and are still about and it was good manners to show some respect an maybe burn a huge effigy of an Elk and wear a big mask and go and visit all the locals, eat, drink, dance, cheer and wave pointy sticks.

However main stream religion got involved and said it was a Christian event in a cunning plan to get rid of all these other gods and effigies. But old customs are difficult to get rid of and before you know it small children were doing trick or treat all over the world. In particular the whole event appealed to the USA having arrived with the Irish and Scottish way back (they were good at this stuff) and the spirits of the dead were turned into monsters, mummies, vampires, huge things with pointy teeth, witches and the like. This allowed the corporate business world in the USA to make a killing (no pun intended) by selling all sorts of gruesome characters made out of China’s very best genuine recycled plastic. As well as packets of dodgy sugary things that are needed to give to the swarms of trick or treat children that turn up at your door sort of saying things like . . . . .GIVE US STUFF OR WE SET FIRE TO THE RABBIT HUTCH. . . 

These days with it all being witches and monsters and the like religion has got all funny about it and say it’s the work of the devil. They really should have just left it alone and let the pagans have a party for their long lost ancestors round a big fire and eating and generally having a good time, much like they do at Christmas. . . . . . . AH.

Anyway there you have it that is the Origin of Halloween . . . . sort of    

I SPY with my Little Eye

As tonight I have a frazzled Brain I have decided to play I SPY with an Invisible Makey-Up Person who for the rest of this diary entry will be Known as IMP

Me . . . . .   I Spy with my little eye something beginning with R

IMP . . . . A ravenous rampant Zombie

Me . . . . . No

IMP . . . . .A revolting rotten Zombie

Me . . . . . NO it is not a Zombie

IMP  . . . . Not even a rare midget Zombie

Me . . . . . . NO

IMP . . . . . .A Pirate

Me . . . . . . What?

IMP . . . . . . Pirates go Rrrrrrrrr HAR HAR HAR RRRRRRR a lot

Me . . . . . .  NO

IMP . . . . . . A Rhino

Me . . . . . . No

IMP . . . . . . A Rattlesnake

Me . . . . . . No

IMP . . . . . OK I give up I can’t see anything

Me . . . . .  LOOK it is over there it is furry, has long eyes (sorry ears) and pointy teeth and it hopping about it that field

IMP . . . . A Zombie

Me  . . . . . Look what are those small furry things

IMP . . . . .Gloves?

Me . .. . . . . . NO NO NO its RABBITS, a whole load of ******* ***** RABBITS

IMP . . . . .  O yes, so it is

You see never play I SPY with Invisible Makey-Up People they are rubbish at it.

Ooooo mum just said IDIOT . . . . I think she means IMP?

White Rabbits, Harry Potter and the Rainbow

I am still in a bit of a rush, I feel like that white rabbit in Alice in Wonderland; you know the annoying one with his incessant singing of We Are off to See the Wizard, telling everyone he is late and stuff. It is no wonder that the big cheese Wizard Dumbledore turned him into a rabbit in the first place really. Still the White Rabbit is less annoying than that Harry Potter chap who appears to have just given up the ghost these days, I always thought the Cheddar Cat was the really cool one, totally crackers (Cheddar Cat . . . . Crackers . . . . . .HAH HAHAHH HAH hah ah hah ah ha hah ah haha ha ha ha ha hahah ah ha ha hah ah h hah hah ah ah hahh ah hah ah h ha ha ha ha ha.)

So for the moment I will continue The Slightly Eccentric Diary of Rob Z Tobor (volume three and three quarters) because I need time to start volume four which is just not about due to White Rabbit Syndrome (that’s time not about not volume four, which as it happens is not about either).

I did see a rainbow today so that was good in fact it stayed put for about 10 minutes, Oooooo while on the subject of staying put I noticed a big headline on the BBC internet news that stated that Russia and America were no Closer. Now call me a fool if you like, but is that really news after all they are both huge countries and are not going to suddenly move about. And yes we all understand tectonic plates and stuff but unless the end of the world suddenly pops up like a certain White Rabbit then I think we can take it as read that neither America or Russia are going anywhere.

Anyway I must go now as I have chickens to paint, the damned Rabbit escaped…. 

Oooo DAMN I forgot to tell you what I did today ….. O well such is life….

The Evolution of Fudge, Fish and other Critters

There is good and bad today, the good is that Miss I and Mr S called by with a chocolate bunny for us to eat, good for us bad for a chocolate bunny. At the time I was just about finished weeding part of the garden with a pickaxe; that might seem a bit extreme against the humble buttercup, but these are mutant buttercups and they eat all sorts of stuff from small fish to fudge and most things in-between. Interestingly genetically, if you look at the DNA of fish and Fudge you find that fish are higher up the evolutionary ladder than fudge and yet we are told that life started in the sea.  I asked the dog about this but he said “evolution is all a bit of a fudge” and then fell about in hysterics on the kitchen floor, I am assuming he might mean all life originated from fudge. It is certainly a thought to chew over next time you are in the sweetie shop.

Sorry what was I saying AH yes good and bad, the bad is the clocks in the UK all shift forward an hour tonight meaning I loose an hour in bed, I have looked in my bed for the missing hour many times but so far without any luck HAH HAHAHH HAH Hah ah hah ah hah ahhah hahh hah ah hah ahh ahah hahah  . . . . . . Mum just said IDIOT.

And it was sunny today but cold so I spent much of the day hiding clocks in what I am told is a futile effort to stop time. If only I had a pound for ever time someone has said that to me I would have about a pound (well 50p). HAH HAHHAH HAHH hah ahh ah hahahh hah hah DAMN mum has said IDIOT again……

OK that’s it for tonight I am off to chill and do stuff near a warm fire as it is chilly.

.

The Definitive History of Good Friday and Everything.

It is Good Friday today and I have to say I am a little puzzled by all this because although I am not a religious eccentric child of cyberspace I do know it was not the best day for Jesus (that’s Jesus as in THE Jesus and not Jesus as in Mr ESB’s friend in the diner in Texas).  So there must be an explanation as to why it is good. And bearing in mind it was not a good day in religious terms it is time to ponder other reasons why it might be good.  One lucky coincidence is that Good Friday is a national holiday in a huge number of countries which gives those who are religious the opportunity to go to church, if it was a normal working day (OK it is these days for many) it would be tricky. And it gives us in the west an opportunity to eat loads of chocolate in the shape of eggs and rabbits, although this is good it is also confusing, because I do know that rabbits don’t lay eggs. Ducks lay eggs but you seldom see a chocolate duck, although you might duck if someone throws an egg at you which would not be good.

 We could ask ourselves the old question . . . . . . . . which came first the rabbit or the egg, but that might confuse things even more so what is all this all about, why do we need to know and even more worrying why have I not got any Easter Eggs this year.

OK it appears we have overlapping stuff going on and history dictates that events of importance that are commemorated each year will over long periods of time be subject to clustering. So important pre Christian events and important Christian events will cluster to end up on the same day (its far more practical), thus the fertility rites of the ancient Celts leaping about in the early spring waving eggs, rabbits and hares about and the religious events of Easter end up on the same day, even if they originally were not. Then it all gets confused and no one can remember which bit of which ceremony is connected to which, resulting in loads of folk getting angry when they see chocolate Popes for sale and Druids being chased out of IKEA.

So there you have it Good Friday is an anomaly of Historic events from the Christian religions of relatively modern history right back to the old rituals of pre history, and spring is the start of the warm weather (well it should be) in the northern hemisphere, add some dodgy translation over time as a few re writes of both historic and religious books and the odd tweek  to stuff to suit the powers that be and you are left with only one certainty in life, The diary of Rob Z Tobor the definitive history of everything in the year 2525. 

.

Rabbits and Cows and The End of the World (again)

The poor old Ghost Writer has turned up looking like a zombie, he had to go into the office and look at a computer but the computer sort of responded in slow motion. This is something a computer can do at times and it is often connected to older computers, when I say older I refer to more than five years old as in IT terms five years is old. The result for the Ghost Writer was that what he thought would be a quick and moderately simple job turned into an epic all day long job which to rub salt into the wound so to speak ended when the computer crashed out meaning he has to start all over again after Christmas

He has just asked me if I have a piece of paper with a special security word on it because he will need it soon and knows I have it put away safely. . . . . . .AH DAMN . . . . . I was rather hoping he was not going to ask me that, but I have reassured him it is in a safe place.

Very kindly I have been made a safe place with a big sign on it saying Safe Place so I can put things in it that need to be safe, so as soon as I find them I will put them in there.

Yesterday I wrote  . . . ‘and cows when being stalked by rabbits (hang on that sounds wrong. This encyclopaedia might have been cheap but its rubbish)’ . . . .  Well today I was reassured by the Natural History teacher that in fact rabbits do stalk cows but the whole affair is far more psychological than simply cow sees rabbit, cow runs and rabbit chases cow. That you see would look a little odd to us humans, but it appears it is a battle of wits as the cow will hold its ground but the rabbit being a nimble beast will hop about slowly circling the cow. Sometimes a herd of cows will be surrounded by a load of rabbits (called a warren of rabbits) that will rotate round the cows in a hopping fashion. The rabbits trick is to slowly speed up as it rotates the cows, the cows will keep their eyes on the rabbit to ensure it/they is not trying to sneak up behind it/them so the cow is forced to rotate on the spot, as the rabbit gets faster and faster so the cow spins faster. Well as you would expect from an animal not designed to spin on its axis the cow becomes dizzy and faint and falls over; it is at this point the rabbit will move in for the kill.

But it appears that rabbits are vegetarian and after a small nibble of hoof realise they do not like cows and so the cow once recovered will stand up again. It takes a cow at least twenty five minutes to fully recover which is ironically the memory span of the rabbit that will then see the cow in the field and start to stalk it (again) by hopping round it.

The Natural History teacher thinks that the impending End of the World is the result of the cows contacting their far off intergalactic relatives to finally stop this continual cycle of giddiness and falling over and have requested that their intergalactic relatives destroy all the rabbits. But the cows have sent slightly the wrong message resulting in a slight error in that the entire world will be destroyed.

So in short according to the Natural History teacher the End of the World is all the rabbits fault……….. Mum says the Natural History teacher is in fact an IDIOT……

.