The large metal post, a man, a one legged blackbird and two supermarkets.

This morning while at Tough Harry’s  Supermarket where we were purchasing stuff such as milk and fruit and veg (yuck) we arrived in the car-park to see an elderly chap in a shiny car pondering along with a couple of members of the staff a large yellow and black stripy post which he had attacked with his car.  It was one of a long line of yellow and black stripped posts that can be seen from a long way off, the particular post (a big metal post) in question was sort of tucked out the way making it hard to hit without going entirely the wrong way.

Interestingly it reminded me of shopping in both the Tesco at Inverness and M&S in Perth. Now folk in Scotland are well friendly, but for reasons I don’t know things have changed in supermarkets from the last time I was in a Scottish supermarket . . . . WOW it’s scary, a true dog eat dog affair like some sort of terrible computer game where only the death of innocent customers stupid enough to get in the way of your trolley will do.  No one smiles and although the staff are a chirpy bunch if you ask them stuff like where is the milk, AND can I get deep fried mars bars in the ready meals, the customers are demonic zombie killer beasts who hate everyone. 

Yet once they enter the street they cheer up and wave at strangers and tell you there were loads of dolphins in the bay last week . . . . . . . honest, and then tell you how to make spicy banana soup (AAAAAAaaaaaaauuuggghhhhh no YUCK YUCK YUCK).

One draw back in being of Scottish blood but having an English accent is that when you see a passing Scottish pirate ship and you wave and shout hello sailor at them they ignore you. Offering them deep fried dolphin on a stick does not help much either, even our tame one legged Blackbird did not impress them much, but he did tend to fall over quite a lot. 

X is for X Marks the Spot . . . . . . .

Link to Part One

Part Two

It was fast approaching summer, but for two days the rain had fallen relentlessly, folk scurried about with their heads down doing what they had to do paying no attention to the old man as he slowly walked up the street and into Big Bills Greasy Fur Ball Café. 

A waitress says hello and he replies It’s a terrible day, she says yes but is puzzled that his clothes are bone dry Can I get you something she asks.  . . . Bacon and Eggs and toast thanks . . . . But she is confused did you say X  . . .  No Eggs he says as he slowly slides open an old matchbox in front of him on the table.  As the waitress turns round she is confronted by two men . . . We are here for the X the shorter one says in a strong Russian accent. The waitress laughs and says you want X as well, do you want them fried, the Russian now confused says We want them in a plain brown paper bag  . . . . . . . . .  So a takeaway then, a fried x sandwich maybe said the waitress.  . . . The Russian still confused says to takeaway yes, we will wait by the door. 

As they wait impatiently looking at their watches, they fail to notice the Black Mercedes pull up, driven by Irene Van-Dagraph the singer from the night club; Boris sat in the back busy talking on his mobile.

As they get out the car into the constant heavy rain Irene turns to Boris and asks Do we know What this X is yet, he shakes his head, but gestures at the café window where the Russians are collecting a plain brown paper bag.  The Russians turn and head out leaving without paying, the waitress shouting Hang on you have not paid for those x yet.  But the Russians only get a few paces before several men surround them. Boris smiling and saying I think this time we have you. hand over the bag.

The Russians have no choice and Boris slowly opens the plain brown paper bag hoping to see X . . .   the secret which has brought two superpowers to the brink of war.  They all peer into the bag in anticipation of its contents, but as they do so the waitress arrives and shouts I hope they plan to pay for those egg sandwiches, Boris looks up and says Did you say X but the waitress laughs and says NO I said eggs, I don’t know what is up with everyone today and that’s for sure.

Boris looks into the bag at the Fried Egg Sandwiches and says DAMN that Spider, he has done it again.

Meanwhile the old man has eaten his breakfast and has decided to take a walk along the docks. Where a young navel cadet is shocked to see the periscope of what appears to be a Russian Nuclear submarine moving slowly in the water, the ripples of the tide forming a definite X marking its position.  X MARKS THE SPOT says the old man amusingly as the young cadet rushes past in panic.

I think folk are going to ask Y tomorrow . . . . . .HAH AH HA HAH hah a ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haha ha


And if you did not read yesterdays post then this is somewhat meaningless . . . . . NO its true you need to read yesterday first (AH DAMN you have just read all this) 

Link to Part Three

Boats, Moons and a quick Hello and Goodnignt

I am back at the helm I can say that because while I was away I made the boat the helm is attached to, so in other words I can take the helm with me.

This is a short diary entry because it is near as damn it midnight, and probably will be by the time I get this in cyberspace, but in short PHEW its hot . . . . And Hay that moon looks cool, I got a picture of it using my little telescope so WELL COOL indeed.

After saying farewell to Mr F and heading home Mr F came to see us and arrived just an hour or so after we did, so he is staying for a couple of days, but he has to head home to be in work Monday morning.

I will tell of our trip tomorrow but it is good to be back in the West among the rolling hills of the English Welsh borders . . . . . . . So for now GOOD NIGHT . . . .