The arrival of Doomsday . . . . . The Coronavirus known as Covid-19

SO I guess you are thinking Hey this diary is very quiet plainly there is nothing much happening in the world. Well that is not entirely true because sort of out of the blue . . . (well out of a Chinese fish and wild animal market it appears) . . . has arrived the doomsday virus (Covid 19). Actually it is not a proper doomsday virus unless you are old and frail or have other health issues, but folk in general like the idea of doomsday so have decided to runabout panicking and waving their hands about or I should say washing their hands more than they have ever done before.

It is a curious thing this virus because it seems to spread faster than something very very fast indeed like for example a cheetah tied to a rocket.  The result of all this is economic Armageddon as stock markets crash (well that’s my savings a bit messed up) and an entire world panic buying anything they can stash away to eat that will keep them going when they have to lock themselves into their homes for several months to avoid becoming Zombies or worse.

There are of course always odd things that happen when folk panic on mass like an obsession with panic buying toilet rolls, something which ironically in not in short supply as manufacturers have upped production to meet the public’s desire for them. Although the public have decided you just cannot have too many toilet rolls. Or bars of soap now; I understand that one let’s face it half the public never washed their hands much until the coronavirus (covid 19) turned up so they have discovered a whole new thing to master.

Now you may think that there can be no upside to any of this as it’s the nearest thing to doomsday the world has experience in years, yet there are a few. Suddenly one of the most environmental bad things us humans do has plummeted. Yes flying, aeroplanes, no the aeroplanes have not plummeted but they are really bad environmentally and now they are not allowed to land anywhere so can't take off.  The Chinese have banned wild animals markets (again) so that is great as they were eating animals kept in terrible conditions or in danger of extinction. This time I suspect the ban will remain permanent. China will not want another virus entering the life of all humans on the planet.

Finally here in Britain the one positive thing is no one even mentions Brexit now, it is all but forgotten and by the time it crops up again the world could look very different indeed.

Well I may be back again soon I mean we are all locked up in our homes and listening to the news at present which is not very cheery.  

And as some of you know I have had a long running battle with Zombies as they try to sneak into the garden and at present they appear to be smiling at me through the windows . . . . . MMMmmmmmmm That’s not meant to happen.

THe 2019 A to Z Challenge . . . Letter U

U

Remember that famous race between the Mallard Duck and the Mallard Train I have mentioned on previous letters of the Alphabet. The one on the 3rd July 1938 where the Duck lost in a photo finish. Well it is a very little known fact that in Holland a few years later a very similar race took place only in that case the Duck won. Which is why it was all hushed up and removed from the history books. At the time it was a total embarrassment for the Dutch Railways and passengers waiting on platforms would often make quacking noises if trains arrived at the station late, much to the annoyance of the railway staff. So the Dutch decided that they needed to undertake a plan to deal with this and so they adapted Plan U (U was a hint at the Duck problem)

You don’t believe me do you; well Google Plan U and see what Wikipedia has to say about Plan U  (go on try it) you will be surprised and you will probably stop and think . . . Maybe he is not mad after all. 

After all that’s what they said about Rumpelstiltskin and look what happened to him . . . . . . .

DAMN

I cant remember why I drew this 

But is was rather a long time ago

The Truth Behind Scottish Independence finally revealed

Well as voting takes place I can finally reveal my cunning plan as it is now too late to stop it. You see me and my evil assistants, henchman Mr Alex Salmond and Nicola Sturgeon (there is something a bit fishy about their names. . . . . HAH AHHAH AH aha hah ahah ha ahha ha hah a ha hah ah) have been working tirelessly for several years on our very own Flag Business. Everyone likes flags and here in Britain folk just can't resist a wave at a royal person or a parade or hanging them in Windows.

But we hatched a plan to make ourselves a small (a very big) fortune by persuading the people of Scotland to leave the UK resulting in the need for millions of new flags from big posh ones to cheap plastic ones for the massed masses of Crowds-R-Us to wave at Queens and the like.

Now some of you will be thinking well you wont make that much money flogging a few flags, well its not just a few there are millions of them because Australia, New Zealand,  Montserrat,  St. Helena & Dependencies and many many others have the Union Jack as part of their own flag . . . . . . . . . so we will be rich very rich . . .HAH HA HAH AH ha ha hah ah ah ha ha h ha ha hah ha hah ah ah ha hahah ah ha ha hah ah ah ahah ah ah . . . . Yes we have this flag market well and truly Stitched Up. . . . . . . ..  Stitched Up . HAH HA hah ah a haha ha ha ha ha ha hah ah ah ah ah ah ahah ahah ha . . . . .

If our plan succeeds we plan to work for Chinese Independence which will mean the removal of the small print  . . . MADE in China. . .  from the corner of the Chinese flag.  If that cunning plan works we will be rich beyond are wildest dreams and we (OK I do) have some wild dreams indeed.

All we need to do now is get official approval for the new Union Jack design from the White House . . . sorry I mean Parliament.  . . . . . . . . AH DAMN I may have made a slight error in the design. 

Medieval Defence Systems and shouting OOO YUCK DRACO LUCIUS MALFOY IS A ZOMBIE at a Partridge

Today saw the arrival of Chris the Builder who is making the final part of the Zombie defence system. This extra fence will cut off the entire back of the house recreating the old medieval defence system of having a stockade within a stockade, layering the defences. Modern Zombies are rubbish, a result of watching too much television although they seem to have turned out as the underdog among the many monsters as the likes of Vampires are seen as COOL these days. Zombies are not cool no one wants to be a Zombie anymore. Even Harry Potter and his mates would shout OOO Yuck Draco Lucius Malfoy is a Zombie then scurry off and hide in the forest; YES OK he was a Zombie but that is not the point. . . . . . Talking of which I appear to have wandered from mine a bit.

We also have a Bumble Bee nest in the garage at present and I saw a Leech this morning having a bit of a swim and two partridge shouting at Harry the Cat, maybe it was Malfoy impersonating a Partridge shouting at Harry the Cat thinking it was Harry Potter.  

And I did a bit more work on the door and I am sure there was something else I was planning to write about but I have forgotten so it was probably important. ... 

Ooooooo what is an underdog anyway, because if its under the dog it must be smallish as the term never crops up with a huge dog with loads of space under it . . . . . and what’s all this crops up stuff too are we talking about stealing carrots . . . . . the English language is rubbish.

And A Happy Birthday Miss Lily I hope your day has been OK. . . . . . .  

The Eve of Halloween in Rhyme.......... and the nice Steven Spielberg

It is the eve of Halloween

When scary monsters will be seen

And banshees scream into the night

To give small children a scary fright

And slimy clammy hands appear

Clutching bats and ginger beer

While gnawing red eyed rats attack

Eating the flesh from off your back

So tomorrow night on Halloween

When scary monsters will be seen

It’s best not to answer your front door

Better to read the diary of………

Rob

Z

TOBOR

HAH HHAH HAH AHH HAH HAH HA HAH h hha hah ah ha hah ah ha hah ah ha hahh ha ha ha hah ha ha ha ha ha ha……….

Yes I have written a scary tale for tomorrow  . . . . . The greatest (knitting) horror story ever told . . . . .almost.  An excellent film idea for the very nice Steven Spielberg.  

The shape of hospital cardboard and the face of Halloween and other stuff

The Big Storm has vanished off into Europe although there is little news of it now here in the UK, I feel over here is was a bit over hyped and so has vanished off the national news already. However my mind was focused on the more worrying thought of the dentist when I woke up this morning. Which was made even more scary by the news when we arrived at the dentist that our trusty family dentist of almost thirty five years has retired and run off. This was not welcome news and we did point out that turning up to see your faithful trusted dentist is one thing, but to arrive and be told Oooooo he has run off you will be see a totally new chap is as the old saying goes NOT CRICKET. Yes it is one of those saying again that makes no sense as it is plainly clear cricket and the dentist are not the same thing, even if both involve bats and drills.

I have to say my computers spell checker is very annoying tonight as it keeps informing me that my use of punctuation and comprehension is quite frankly rubbish, I have tried to point out that in fact this is part of the character of my diary, but it does not seen to comprehend that concept (a bit ironic if you ask me . . . .AH you did not).

This afternoon we ventured back into town to see Mr M who was looking a bit weaker today and was tired. He had a selection of cardboard things which as we know allow patients to do things like wee, poo and be sick in, or throw at seagulls should they venture in. So to cheer Mr M up I drew a whole selection of Halloween characters on these, as it happens the pee pots make brilliant heads and you can draw a smiley face on one side and a growling face on the other. I do have one useful tip to anyone else planning on doing this to cheer folk up in hospital, it is best to check all the various cardboard items before you turn them upside down to draw on them. . . . . . . . . . . AH DAMN.

All our trips out today have been conducted in a very very hot car, you see dad said that we need to dry out the inside of the car after yesterdays leaking sun roof incident in order to stop the car windscreen steaming up with condensation.  The car does have a very good heater and the car is almost dry again but it was hot in there for a while . . . . .PHEW.

As you can tell I am now home again and need to go and draw a quick picture for tonight’s diary entry, I will give myself half an hour and see what I come up with as a little challenge.

PHEW . . . . . . . . . .DONE

Tinker Tailor Teacher Spy . . . . . Media Studies and a Bat

One of the things about being a part time teacher and also a pupil at our rather grand modern academy, OK I say grand it has a grand facade on the main entrance, but that is a distraction; back to the point. At present school is like a spy movie, I am a bit like Sir Alec Guinness in Tinker Tailor Teacher Spy, if I walk into the teacher’s recreation room for a hot chocolate all the teachers stare at me and go silent. Some of them have been saying that specializing in Obscure Irrational Theories and Zombie Defence Classes are not real subjects, although I did upset the Media Studies teacher when I said Media Studies was even more useless that my subjects. And now I am starting to get the feeling that I may be being watched as I am seeing shadows lurking in corners and doorways.

In order to get into the full spy film feel I have put bugs in the headmasters office, mainly crane flies (Daddy Long Legs) as there are loads of them hiding in the hedge rows and playing dead in our house, when I say playing dead I mean dead but I was breaking the news to you gently. Which reminds me, this morning when I got up there was a tiny little bat on the carpet in our library (yes we have a library which sounds posh, but it is not really), the little bat was also playing dead rather well (again I am breaking the bad new to you gently)  . . . . . . . it was dead.  I don’t know how it got into the house or what happened to it, but some of the pupils at today’s Zombie Defence Class this afternoon said it might have been a remote control Vampire bat sent to spy on me by the Media Studies teacher who is probably a Zombie and that they will test their defence moves on him in class tomorrow. So all that had actually happened was the batteries had gone flat…… So best to think of the little beast as a Spy-bat with flat batteries rather than a cute little furry bat that is dead……. It’s a tough cruel world, I’m glad I have my trusty pointy stick……..

Surely spy movies are meant to have moles in them, not bats and media study teachers. 

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