The pylon protest, the pylon, the physics teacher and the mind ray..

Because there is a big meeting today in the Smithfield (The Cattle Market) about Pylons with Powys County Council and all the protesters and some sheep and a few cows who were hiding in the cupboards from the cattle sale on Monday. The physics teacher is making us make a scale model of a pylon and is teaching us some Structural Engineering.

He says it is good to be topical and thinks that if we understand the internal dynamic stresses in the steel and how heat and cross winds interact with these dynamic stresses to create fluctuating loads on the structure. We will then come to like pylons and think of them as cosy friendly giants in the countryside. He went off to one of the protest meetings once with a flyer to explain all this and said we should all hug a pylon but they all shouted BURN THE WITCH so he had to run away rather fast. Pirate Pete did try to hug a pylon having read his flyer but he hugged the wrong bit so his hair got a bit singed and his eyes glowed for a while.

Anyway I think the teacher had read my notes on making pylons in the shape of interesting things in the past, so he said the class should come up with something new and inspiring so that he can cover the world in pylons and cables and rule everyone as the great emperor of all things. Covering the world in light and mind bending rays that would turn all into mere puppets programmed to obey his every whim. He had a little sit down then and said he would be alright in a minute.

So the class made a half scale model of a Headmaster Pylon, with the headmaster holding his famous large club of punishment with the sharp pointy bits in the end which he uses to club the first years with when they get their spelling test wrong. It might sound a bit cruel but the school has the best spellers in the area. And although at times mine might look a bit bad you should see the other schools; their rubbish.

We did have to remove part of the roof to finish the model because it stands seventy five feet tall ,the physics teacher is well impressed and says it is not only a good likeness but would withstand the one hundred year storm. Which is just as well as The Joules Verne Pocket Oracle and Prophecy Machine still predicts one in the autumn. The physics teacher is also rather pleased we have given the Headmaster Pylon a mortarboard hat thing on his head as he says it will be a perfect platform for the mind ray he is working on.

Still generally it was a very quiet and sunny day in Mid-Wales and all is well sort of. I haven’t seen the pylon protesters yet so you never know. And the pylon protesters have not seen the pylon emerging out of the school roof yet with the mind ray on it. Mum said the Physics teacher has not been the same since he invested his savings in Scottish Power in order to be able to retire early and said that he might be clever but he was an IDIOT

Minibus Royals, charades and Boolean Algebra.

The day after the day before, and the day before tomorrow and exactly a week from a week ago. The Fun Fair has gone the voters have gone all the cars have gone and all the people appear to have gone too. The town has gone from the hustle and bustle of a small market town to a ghost town with no ghosts. Actually that last bit is not true there are a few ghosts in Montgomery.

Even School was very quiet and we all had to do charades and point at things and wave our hands about. I have never done charades in Maths before and although we could all count up to ten very easily; we found doing Boolean Algebra a bit awkward. Well trying to understand what the teacher was saying or not saying while he balanced on one leg on his deck doing what looked like the front crawl was almost impossible. The dog says that was easy, it was minus infinity and we should have got that dead easy.  Still charades in maths makes more sense than charades in music and not being allowed to make any noise what so ever. The music teacher did say it is the best I have ever played the violin and gave me a gold star but I didn’t actually make any noise? Mum said she will give me a gold star too if I don’t play the violin which is easy to do at home because we don’t have one, well not any longer not after dad attacked it with the flame thrower after my recital of Born in the USA by that Bruce Springtin bloke. He said I was scaring Fluffy the Cat. I don’t know how as Fluffy was back home in Mr Jenkins sleeping at the time and the dog howling on the landing was much louder than me I’m sure.

We are returning to a period of normality again now as there are no holidays or bank holidays or Royal Wedding or solar eclipses or events of a similar  nature for at least three weeks after which I’m sure another Royal might be getting married and there is another bank holiday. The two events are not connected by the way as it might be one of the minivan royals getting married this time or is it the queen? Mum just said IDIOT. I suspect she might not mean the queen so it is either me or the minibus royal person.

A BIT LATER

Well I have time tonight to write a bit more in my diary  as Heavy Harry the Cat is outside somewhere so I can get to my desk. There are two police cars opposite and the police have just wondered towards the main square, they are not wearing stab jackets or carrying coshes so they are not after the cat.

The cat went to the vet today to get an annual jab, he was not very happy but was somewhat confused so was in and out before he had the chance to attack anyone. I was somewhat amused by a big sign saying Flea Awareness Month, the dog has just said I don’t have flea’s so I will go out and find some or in other words I have to start from Scratch. He has fallen over laughing again now, he might be clever but he is rubbish at jokes. I might take that back because I heard a growl.  Dad is grumbling about it costing more to get the animals sorted than humans I think it has something to do with charging by the leg.

On the bus going to school we saw a sign in a car saying no to electric village. I think that is to do with the pylons only an electric village sounds really cool to me so I think they might need to change that a bit. Pirate Pete went to one of those protest meeting he had adopted one of the old classic sixties protest chants and changed the words a bit so when he shouted what do we want more pylons. When do we want them………. Now……  He realized he had got it slightly wrong but he did say he could only think of pro pylon chants as all the anti pylon chants were rubbish. The dog says it’s an omen and rather than think of them as pylons we should think of them as The Eiffel Tower. Dad just said the Awful tower and both him and the dog are rolling about laughing again. Pirate Pete is now in the garden shouting Maggie Maggie Maggie Hub Hub Hub; really it can seem totally mad here sometimes. Captain Flint the Parrot is still going on about gold stars and treasure chests too. I tried to explain but as he is a parrot and  he can get a bit single minded. I will go and feed him Brazil nuts that normally works. I think Pirate Pete must have taught him to say Polly wants a pylon.

Monty Pylons Flying Circus and a new Mountain

Mum and dad have been to a meeting tonight in the town hall all about the new pylons and the route they will take. Dad said it was all a bit of a circus because all the electricity people (I don’t think dad means they are powered by electricity) said well it has not been decided and it might be a green route or a light green or one of the other colours.

They were only there for a few hours so dad said it was a flying circus he said it was Monty Pylons Flying Circus.

That made the dog fall about laughing yet again and he kept saying we must ask Bwian because Bwian will know. Dad said they should add one more wafer thin pylon to the end and both him and the dog fell about laughing but mum said IDIOTS. Dad then said the electricity companies seem to think Monty Pylons are the holy grid and they fell about laughing again but Captain Flint the parrot said IDIOTS then.

Me and the dog have gone out exploring for the fabled Mount Gomery the legendary mountain close to the town square that is talked of on the side of old china mugs handed down through the generations in an old school ritual. This happened today in the local school although because I have accidently started my Easter Holiday on the wrong week I didn’t get one. Pirate Pete very kindly got a mug made for me but he unfortunately misspelt Mount Gomery and mine has Montgomery on it NOT FAIR.

Late but I made it in the end

Well dad has spent almost the whole day working like a demented Looney but although the new office is not finished it is now working. There was quite a lot of swearing firstly doing all the woodwork and then getting the IT network all up and running, but things are almost done.

I think there are just too many deadlines for mum and dad and first thing Monday morning the world famous Chris the Builder is due to turn up to do some work on the house. Dad does not do cement or brickwork since he concreted his feet into the foundations of his workshop while building a wall.

Anyway it was best to leave mum and dad to it so me and the dog went to the wood as it was yet again a very hot day, lovely. We thought if mum and dad were working to deadlines it can only mean somewhere there must be some live lines. We spent ages in the wood and even saw the Dodo family, we haven’t seen them for ages not since before Jim went off to America to train animals in Hollywood. He is coming back in the summer holidays to do a new documentary in the wood, I told the Dodos’ they could be on television but they thought that was a bad move because last time they got all friendly with humans the humans ate them all. I did say it was there own fault for tasting so nice but they said NOT FAIR and ran away again.

Anyway we spent a long time looking for some live lines but with no luck then on our way home se saw a sign saying Beware Live Lines but all me and the dog saw was a protest group with signs saying no pylons. Silly people fancy not spelling Pythons correctly.

Finally I am very sorry this is so late tonight but it is dads fault

Pylons and flying pigs

Not very far away there is a protest movement trying to get huge pylons moved out of the Severn valley to another place along with a hub which is like a sub-station with bristly electrodes and stuff on it and big transformers and it will make fizzzz sounds.

When I say sub-station I don’t mean subs like in submarines because we don’t have enough water for them and they don’t really make stations for submarines because all the people waiting would drown or float away. No it’s a national grid substation, and it has to be made because we are having wind farms with windmills on the hills, we will not see them from here which is a bit sad because I like windmills.  The windmills are then connected to the national grid and when it is windy all the kettles will boil water and we will all have cups of tea and cake and dance about and have parties. But when it is not windy there is no power to do anything so we have lemonade and cakes and dance about and have parties in the dark.

I don’t think anyone minds the windmills but no one likes the huge pylons. I did think they could make them in different shapes so a pylon shaped like the Angel of the North and one like a Pelican and one like a Pirate and one like the dog and maybe the Statue of Liberty and so on and so on. It would look really good and instead of everyone saying YUK they would all come to look at them and go WOW its Frankenstein’s Monster WOW. Then we could sell little models of the pylons to the tourists that would light up in the dark and make FIZZZZZZ sounds; WELL COOL.   Anyway having proposed my solution to both the powers that be in the electricity companies and the protest movement they both said IDIOT. That’s seems a bit unfair, I was only trying to help but at least it is a point of mutual agreement as mum put it and might be the catalyst that leads to a final solution and everyone will be happy. The dog  said OOOO LOOK A FLYING PIG and fell about laughing, NOT FAIR I missed it, I tried to ask it in which direction it went but if fell about laughing again.