The Pitfalls odd Speed Typing and Booed spelling

I am learning to speed type

zdiwarf jcas jciasrifd –rg9tufw fshvjsjgqq-w- f fjkjvsdfpdpipivx bv nbvm nbdf ksjfh fjssoaosffhfhdshfuh fh shfusdusoe chickens dfskjdfsdfjk k  k pink jf ha jhaj ha uawe hg gh  hjhjhuwyufuf ushfj  and they refused to get up skjflskfjlsfh hfjsfjhsjsdjhsdjffjf pointy stick sfsfjhaeyteqwyuqegdf hfsj sj shfgsjfh hfsyyryg roasted fsshfj  Yum uertywyey Ym dfhsjfwwqyetysdfjfvxvhgjgjgfgjggj with maple syrup sjfjsfj jfurueieuryurp pfmvnmnm mdgdhjhfojdjdj  a red hat dkfl f;s lfeoefkjgghoxzmnbfwererikfjkfjk locked granny in treasure chest lvkjlkdjlfkls sfjhfjgoteyuyrueeurpppf sfh  forgot  fddf iwe cbnvzxzp u u two weeks fslfhlhgjgtruyreertywteyety  ti I iaudfgfg a bit decomposed fsdhfjfhjueeyu g nbnbz nbfsd AH DAMN. . . . . YUCK

I don’t think I’m goint to get the hang of it . . . . .  I will type slowly instead it’s oozier?

The END and New Beginnings . . .

As I battle away in cyberspace in a rather disjointed and odd fashion this year I have come to notice the fickleness and frail nature of what we are all doing (OK what I am doing). In fact I guess this is much like the real world of reality where we bang into things and hit our fingers with hammers and it hurts, I really need to use a hammer less or keep my eyes open while I hit stuff.  As the many of you who have viewed my blog lately will know, I have written several rather quirky Harry Potter based stories and a couple of poems, but they have not been received well. I can tell this from the page views I have been getting lately and from a high of a tiny bit under 10,000 page views in one month back earlier in the year it has now dropped below a figure I was getting back at the beginning of 2012. This decline in pageviews matching the exact point where I first started writing alternative Harry Potter stories. OK we have had our disagreements over the years and I know he is not out to get me personally and stuff, but my own stubbornness to say OK everyone so you didn't like that, so here is another one then YA SUCKS BOO to you has not helped matters.

So I can hear you are all thinking, what is the point you are trying to make in your usual long winded way that means we all get confused and don't understand a thing. Well the point is why do we actually do this, why do folk blog. What exactly is it that makes us tick and decide that we need to write our various blogs. Well for some it is self promotion maybe writing books and hoping that the very nice Steven Spielberg or someone of a similar nature will pluck them from obscurity.  Lets face it trying to climb over his electric fence drug the guard dogs and avoid the men in uniform is harder than I thought (sorry I mean a foolish idea). Some folk use their blogs to sell stuff, some to meet new friends in cyberspace and others as a way to leave a small marker in the grand master plan of life, the universe and everything. In fact this is how this blog first started when a very clever young Russian woman died having spent the last couple of years of her life meeting folk through cyberspace and Facebook. It made me realize that it is good to write and good to have a blog even if everyone else thinks your blog is entire rubbish, the point being these are my words and my drawings and my blog is unique to me. So now as folk come and go I grab my trusty pointy stick look at the impassable mountain range ahead and head off into the great unknown.  Knowing that out there in that great unknown is stuff I don’t know about, a future of as yet unseen bloggers and other such people.

So I hear you say, what has brought about this reflective pondering about what all this blogging is all about in the first place. Well and it’s a shock but the Great Bumferry Hobart creator of the blog Thoughtless Gibberish is hanging up that QWERTY keyboard of his and cyberspace will lose his quiet British wit and charm that we have all come to love. . . . It’s a great loss and a blow as he represents almost twenty five percent of my followers.

Farewell Mr H and a Merry Christmas I hope your retirement plans are like that Frank Sinatra bloke and you have a few comebacks before you finally go.

You will be missed. 

A lovely sunny day and the rise of Zombie Mutantational LTD the decadent face of Western capitalist Zombies

OK I redrew this because the last time it turned out rubbish

Today was a lovely sunny day and so I spent part of it pottering about in the garden, as it happens I am not entirely sure what all this pottering is all about really. If I was standing on the lawn shouting Magicus cationum flybyx with a small pointy stick and a cat dressed up in a superman cape and mask then pottering would make some sense. As it would have back in the nineteen sixties when many folk lay about puffing away on dodgy substances; not something I did as it always seemed just to turn folk to mush. Folk would always say such things opened their minds to the weird and wonderful; I have to say I am not convinced as many of these opened minded folk now vote conservative, play golf and complain about the youth of today with their short hair and wearing clothes that look just a bit too small.  Then there was Bill and Ben the Flower Pot men they were about in the nineteen sixties and they were dead dodgy if you ask me.

Anyway I have lost the plot and need to return to the day which as I said was lovely and chilled. . . . . Well when I say chilled it was here but in the distance at various points things happened, yes OK stuff has to happen or the universe would fall apart and it will take ages to explain why so best just to glaze over the point quickly.  . . . . For NOW.

Yes as I was saying stuff happened, firstly those dragon flies were about again back and fore like dragonflies. Then the other Black Cat not ours got what I think was the slightly poorly pigeon, I was not happy pigeons are cool birds and although messy, are the friendliest critters you could ever chat too.  We chatted to Miss Jo and drank tea (Miss Jo is a person not a pigeon I’m not mad), I have eaten bacon and fried bread and I nearly saw two gliders. Then we heard the distant sound of some neighbours having a fight off in one direction while off in the other direction a chap was shooting at stuff well I say stuff it may have been his visitors, family and friends or pigeons, life in the country can have its moments. And our neighbours behind seem to have set fire to their chickens again, as its dark its hard to tell, but it smells like they are burning the chickens again, I think chickens must like fire.

Oooooo and I have invented a new word MutantationalS as in Zombie Mutantational LTD in others words . . . .  Mutantational is the decadent face of Western capitalist Zombies with their converse trainers and designer brain sandwiches and the like.

So no Big Questions dealt with today just a peaceful day in rural Shropshire.

Diaries and other words

So about this so called diary that you have not been writing lately, I can hear you all think. What sort of feeble excuse are you planning to palm us all off with this time with your rubbish pictures and so called paradoxes.  Which looking from our point of view just looked like an excuse not to write anything?

Well I can tell you are not happy since I have stopped writing reams of total rubbish that makes little sense I have noticed that the page views on the blog have plummeted like the Great Mechanical Zombie Bird itself. There I was boasting to the cats that the blog was just a tad fewer than 10,000 pageviews for the month of July and at the present rate it will be back down to a couple of thousand at best in August.  Of course I did mention my concern about the fact I would no longer be covering major world sporting events as my Football  World Cup coverage was very popular (particularly with folk who don't like sport).

Anyway back to the point excuses, I have been busy and I think I have reached that point where I am suffering from writer's block again. I have a feeling this is because I have written loads, 560,000 words not including comments and drawn loads of pictures. In fact last nights picture drawn last night was a right old game and I was far from happy with the result so I am worried I have Artists block now as well. Even the poetry was a bit iffy and bad nonsense poetry is normally dead easy.

So I need a plan something to revamp things in a good way but not an exhausting gosh this is hard work sort of way, something that will make people think Oooooo this is an interesting diary this chap should get that very nice Steven Spielberg to turn this into a film.  Luckily I do think I have a plan one that I hope people will approve of, one which will keep the basic structure of my diary intact so I don’t lose my loyal followers (you know who you are).

So what is this plan I hear you now thinking in a slightly excited way. . . . . . .Well I thought I might introduce more Zombies, Aliens,  Mechanical things, Goats, ferrets, Lemmings, Pointy Sticks and ice cream and do some drawings………

WHAT DID YOU SAY

What you are fed up with    Zombies, Aliens, Mechanical things, Goats, ferrets, Lemmings, Pointy Sticks and ice cream and rubbish drawings done with a ballpoint pen. . . . . . . . .

AH DAMN. . . .

What about a nude alien hunter and a Grumpy Ghost Writer.

O God you lot are hard to please, OK I will add some science and stuff from time to time if you insist and maybe some real news. . . . . . But that’s it. 

The Great Paradoxes of Modern Life Part 3

The Great Paradoxes of Modern Life Part 3

1. . . . . . . . . . .  Never Pander to the Whims of Others

2 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Save the Panda



3 . . . . . . . . . . . . .Zombies are  Masters of Disguise 

4 . . . . . .  .Zombies never choose the right Disguise

This Post does not Exist . . . . . No words have been typed what so ever

Having reached 1000 blog posts the other day and then saying that this now means that I will no longer be writing a daily diary I have decided to make today the first day of not writing my diary. Of course you may have noticed that I have probably not started not writing my diary rather badly as it already has more words in it than none. I hope you understand that (it does make sense honest).

It has been an odd day not to write about as someone told me Adam Faith died today but it appears that was slightly inaccurate as he died in 2003 so they were one figure wrong. It came up in conversation because Mr M once appeared on the Six-Five Special with Adam Faith and they were both being rebellious and refused to do the silly train shuffle walk thing.

I have also cleaned some windows today and have attempted to return to some arty stuff as part of the great world master plan. I wonder what happened to all those End of the World predictions, they appear to have ended. Talking of which I will go before it looks like rather than not writing a thing people will miss interpret this as writing, it is not and no words have been typed in the typing of the diary entry that does not exist. . . . . .    

Rotation biased management in the working environment and the life story of a chicken

I have spent the day doing practical things such as drilling holes with a drill screwing screws in with a screw driver and sawing stuff to the right size, when I say the right size I really mean it is righter than it was before I attacked it with a saw but it is not exactly accurate. You see accurate is an abstract concept, as different things need a different degree of accuracy and I in general try to stick with things where I can go OOOOOOooooo that’s about right, after a wave of a finger and making a few Guesstimates with a pencil. Do you know that in nearly half a millions words of writing my diary that is the first time I have used the word Guesstimate (OK twice now).

While doing all this stuff with Esmeralda and Freddie and his ferret and various other pupils from our posh (well the facade at the front is posh) Academy (school to us normal chaps),   I noticed that most folk are right handed and a small percentage such as myself left handed, but I also noticed something else a result of using power tools with long cables, there is another factor it appears we are also either clockwise biased or anticlockwise biased. If two clockwise biased people use the same power tool the power cable will get all twisted up which is dead annoying but if an anticlockwise person works with a clockwise person the cable will not get twisted because there is no overall rotation of the tool or the cable. So the perfect working relationship for doing DIY would be left and a right handed people, who are also clockwise and anticlockwise biased. I think this discovery is highly important to the workplace; and my observation of rotation biased management in the working environment should win me a Nobel Prize for sure, well it better or someone will not be happy.

One small thing has come to mind over the 500,000 words or so I have so far written in my diary, I am not including comments and my responses to comments that would be just scary, is I have used loads of different words.  You see yet another one used tonight (Guesstimate) and I have used loads over time, much more than that William Shakespeare chap who surprisingly used fewer than most people suspect,  and he made a few up. I believe it is said he used 31 and a half words in total and wrote a total of just under 900,000  in total, so I have used loads more words than he did and done it all in just one diary…..   

If anyone is wondering why the picture is of the chicken tonight he has also written his whole life story in 31 and a half words……. When asked how he felt about his publication he said . . . . . . . He was just a self of his former shell . . . . . . HAH HAHAHHAH HAHAHH Hah hah ah hahah hahah ah hahah ha hah ahhaha hah ha hah ah ahhah hahah ha hah ah hah ha hah ahahah a  

Music and the archaeological dig for shins

We are off to a little shindig tonight at a village hall with Mr Charlie and Miss Jane, I assume by the name it must be some sort of archaeological dig for shins . . . . AH mum has said IDIOT and that it is a musical shindig? To me that’s sounds even stranger if we are searching for shins I would like to know how we are meant to tell a musical one from an ordinary everyday one  . . . . . AH mum has said IDIOT again  . . . . . . . . Oooooooooo hang on mum is explaining. . . . . . . . . . . .WHAT?

So exactly how can a shindig be a small musical event in a village hall in the wilds of the Welsh border hills, who came up with that name it completely misleading.

The point is though, I have very little time to write and may not be in a position to write when I return as it will probably be later and I will be tired. Not from leaping about because I fall over if I try doing that, and not from drinking as I don’t drink, what with being the Young Eccentric Child of cyberspace, more as the result of digging a long defensive trench between us and the wood to the side of our house as the zombies are moving about what with the first signs of spring and the like.

OK that’s it for now as I am not allowed to go to a shindig covered in mud so must go and de-mud myself. . . . . . . . . .

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A picture can tell the story of a thousand words and a seagull

I am rather tired and it is getting rather late so I have drawn a picture to explain the whole days events, after all they do say a picture tells the story of a thousand words. And it is possible to do a quick drawing,  much quicker that typing a thousand words, which would be spelt badly anyway, it is, you see easier to do a bad drawing that everyone understands that a bad story that gets confused.

However if you are reading the paperback and there is no picture then all I can say is it was one hell of a day and I told that ghost writer eating the seagull would only end in tears 

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Tarquin, the school goat and the seven (borrowed) stolen paintings and rabbit ears

It is amazing just how quickly things start returning to normal after a little holiday, even one as adventurous as a journey to the centre of the Earth, and except for the small incident with young Tarquin today it would have been almost as a distant memory to us all. But Tarquin did get to go home early today due to his mind being in a state of shock, after the incident with the School mascot (the School Goat). Remember only yesterday I mentioned just how good a goats  sense of smell was, and so the school goat got rather aroused by Tarquin’s aroma as a result of his incident in the Swiss Alps with the wild goats. But the school goat is a wirily old beast and more that capable of fending off 15 teachers trying to save Tarquin from a fate worse than death.  I know it was a fate worse than death because Tarquin who was sort of staring the incident in the face so to speak told us it was a fate worse than death and I feel he is the best one to tell us.

Luckily a large space capsule attached to a hot air balloon landed next to Tarquin and the goat, so the goat was distracted for a few seconds allowing Tarquin his chance to run (stagger) away

The art teacher yesterday was saying that there is no decent art work on the school walls at present and was looking rather depressed by it all, which was rather a shame so myself and the dog decided that we would give him a little surprise today and find a few pictures for him to hang in his classroom. The dog said he knew where we could get a couple and no one would notice (much), and dads friend Benny Neckbender said that he would help because he knows a man who knows a man who has a friend in the place that the dog thought might have a few spare pictures. So after a little trip in the dark in a white van on dodgy plates with a hidden chamber in the false floor I took the pictures into school. The Art teacher and the headmaster are very pleased and I would have got a gold star and house points if it was not for young Tarquin screaming distracting the headmaster. My favourite is a self portrait by Meyer de Haan who is wearing a hat with fake red rabbit ears. Someone told me that he often thought he was a rabbit from time to time.

And finally the Ghost Writer was complaining that he had to go to a meeting that lasted all day and was not very exciting

Ooooooo yes we had the electrician visit this morning as our strange fault is still strange so first thing tomorrow they are coming to fix it . . . . . . They have a cunning plan…

I remember seeing 10CC at Knebworth a long time ago

the pharmaceutical industry might be suffering some Unusual Excitement

Although not entirely back to normal my hand is getting better….. PHEW ……. So I no longer look like The Curse of the Claw, however I have been taking some tablets to help. In the old days when someone gave you tablets to take they would be in a small brown glass screw top jar with something like ‘Take three times a day’ written on the label and that would be that. No these days, they tend to come in boxes and so called blister packaging and acres of it too. But also inside these boxes will be a piece of paper in tiny print warning of the potential dangers of the pill you are about to take.  In general it appears that even the simple placebo has paperwork in small print that says the pill will kill you, either from a stroke or heart attack or some other option. However the pills (which are bright orange) also have listed on this piece of paper ‘Unusual Excitement’ …….WHAT? Are they mad, so I thought I must photograph this as prove it is not me that is MAD but the pharmaceutical industry.

So today I have been waiting for some Unusual Excitement to happen. I went to Montgomery thinking there might be something Unusually Exciting there but there was not, although I did talk to a man with a huge oak beam that he was using to repair a steam powered pterodactyl that had crash landed in his garden. And I saw several people who said “O MY GOD LOOK AT YOUR HAND, is it PLAGUE………….. .  … . . . … . . .  . . . . . . . . . . .AUUUuuuuuuuuuuuGgggggHHHHHHHHHHH. Then I left Montgomery and returned home and watched tractors going backwards and forwards and doing synchronized harvesting of Hay….. I suspect they must have read the ‘Fifty Grades of Hay’ book and were showing off a bit…. But it was not unusually exciting, not even a bit. Then Mr Jones said he might get some of the same tablets because it might help with his Alien Spotting in the woods. He said being abducted and examined by aliens can be unusually exciting and anything that will help is worth trying….. I did tell him that being wrapped in cling film and wearing a big red wig was more likely to scare aliens that attract them, but he explained that was just a mistake and he had forgotten to change before he left home….?

The dog says my hand is looking better and no longer looks like a rat that has swallowed a party balloon, but just a fat rat that has been over indulging at a party….. He also added that he had been having a rather unusually exciting day before falling about in hysterics….. Mum said IDIOT but I think she means the dog. 

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The Queen the wasps and the curtains

The school master has left a suggestion box in the main hall for ideas on how the school should celebrate the arrival of the Olympics and the Queens sixty years as Queen. As you know I am already committed to making the Cultural Olympian, although he will not be allowed near the school, not because he is banned but I am not foolish enough to let a bedlam of school children near it? What is the plural for a school full of school children? I’m sure it must be a bedlam.

Anyway the first suggestion that I have put in the box is to have a run with all the participants dressed as queens. Apparently according to Esmeralda that could go terribly wrong and thinks the headmaster will reject that straight away.

 

Ah the wrong Queen Elizabeth............DAM 

I have also suggested we could make a giant wicker queen and set fire to it with Olympic torches, but Freddie thinks that sounds a bit satanic, I did say it’s the queen and the queen is not Satanic …….. AH apparently someone says they think she might be because she never goes to the toilet……… I didn’t know that.

Maybe we could have five huge ring cakes and have scantily clad queens leap out of them………AH OK I am told that we would have our heads chopped off or alternatively Esmeralda says it might end up like the run with the wrong type of queens?. This is trickier than it might appear because the risk is that we end up with a street party eating burgers and hog roast and lemonade, waving flags like they did in 1284 and 1572 and 1784 and 1832 and 1912 and 1963 and 1981 and 2000 and 2005, (sorry I had to guess those dates because sometimes the research is just not worth it).

For reasons that I do not understand it appears that several wasps are interested in the curtains by the sliding doors that go from the dinning room to the little decked area outside the dinning room. These are not posh curtains (or wasps or doors for that matter), we inherited them from the little old lady who used to live here (not the wasps….I think?). In fact no one would mind if the wasps wanted them and ran off with them. The dog has just said “interesting, the wasps are drawn to the curtains” and has fallen about on the floor in hysterics, I have thought about telling the dog to pull himself together but I think it would just make matters worse, as it is I have made it worse by saying “It seams sow” and the dog has added maybe they are blind or possibly venetian. I just tried to tell him to stop by he says he needs to take the window of opportunity when its open  and thinks all the wasps have a glazed look in their eyes.

Enough of that I have to go out shortly to a meeting about the queen that I thought was on a different day so ***********. This therefore is it I‘m off now.

Steven Spielberg, James Bond and the destruction of the world. A to Z.

As we all know at the end of March on the A to Z practice run myself, Tim, Esmeralda and the massed forces of class 5-ZZ-B2 re-enacted the slightly less know although rather exciting movie “ James Bond and the Zoo Zombies of Zanzibar”. Personally I think of it as one of the all time classic movies in the Bond series.  At the time I wrote: - TO BE CONTINUED:- (30^th April) unless I can think of something better? And as it happens I can’t so we will return.

James Bond and the Zoo Zombies of Zanzibar

Staring

Rob ZILLION Tobor as ………… James Bond (Hero)

Tim as ………………… ZORRO the evil arch villain

Esmeralda as…………… ZELDA the arch villains Floozy

And everyone else as……. The Zombies of Zanzibar

Directed and produced by………The Dog

So after briefly escaping and stumbling through a forest of letters consisting of almost everything from A to Y Mr Bond is faced with a huge overpowering Z. The secret headquarters of Zorro the master criminal bent on world domination and pointing large Lasers at rather important places, and with menacing demands for lots of Gold (Yes Yes the usual plot Yawn Yawn……… DAM we are not doing Y now).

After stupidly walking in the main entrance dressed as the Pizza delivery man Bond is caught with ease by a scary guard with pointy metal teeth made with an empty cat food tin; and thrown back into the Pit of Doom where the Zombies of Zanzibar continue to moan and grown a lot. So yet again we join the conversation as James Bond fights for his life.

 Zorro ……. ZO Mr Bond, Mr ZERO ZERO ZEVEN I have ZOO TRAPPED in ZEE pit of ZOMBIES yet again  HAH ha hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hhahaahahah hahahh hah     

Bond…… You forget Zorro I am Bond I have signed my contract already with the film company for the sequel.

Zorro ……. Zis time Zond (Bond) I have spoken with Zee very nice Steven Zielberg (Spielberg) and he says Zoo are a boring Zart

Bond…….. Boring Zart?

Zelda……. Fart Mr Bond AH HAHAH hah hah hahahahah hhah hHHAH AHH HAHAHHAHAH.

Zorro…….. Yes Mr Zond (Bond), My Zelf and Zelda Zaid  we will Zign a contract and do a Zombie Movie with monsters, Aliens and all sorts of Zings

Bond…….. Zings?

Zelda……  Things…. Mr Bond are you an IDIOT. Yes the very nice Steven Zielberg (Spielberg) was easily persuaded once we had spent the night together in the best traditions of a sexist Bond movie. He says you are boring; a has been, and it is time for you to phone home.

Zorro…... So to make sure Mr Zond that you die Zis time. The Zombies of Zanzibar are not alone and we have obtained help from many others from zee alphabet  HAH HAH HAHH HAHH HAH HHAH HHAH ah hah hhah ha hah hahh hah a

Zelda………. HAH HAHAHH Hah hah hah hah hah haah hhahh hah ahahahahh ha

Bond was not worried he is after all a smug smart arse (OK ass in the USA), but he had not anticipated the arrival in the pit of doom of the following; all determined to put an end to the madness of blogging from A to Z

An AUTOMATED ALUMINIUM AND ANTIMONY ARTICULATED ARMOUR plated ALBINO ARANEOMORPHAE (SPIDER SORT OF THING) ANDROID.

The Banshees

A CARNIVOROUS CAVE CRAB of CAMBODIA

The DEMENTED DEADLY DORMICE of DOOM

The ELITE of the EUROPEAN ELLIPTICAL EARTH ENGINE Club

The FIERY FIGHTING FISHERMEN of FISHGUARD.

The GUILD of GROTESQUES AND GARGOYLES

The Ghost of HARRY HOUDINI

The IMPLUSABLE IMPLODING INTERLECTIAL

The legendary JURASSIC JIGANTICIUS JOLLISCARYIUS

The King of the Kelpies

The LEMMINGS of Petragrad

The MYSTERIOUS MUMBLING MUTANT MONSTERS of MESOPOTAMIA

The NEOLITHIC NEMESIS of the NIGHT

An OBSCURE Russian OLIGARCH

A PERPLEXED PINEAPPLE??

QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK …. Yes a Stream Powered Duck.

RUMPELSTILTSKIN

STEVEN SPIELBERG

Clever TREVOR

The UNDEAD

The VENOMOUS VOODOO VAMPIRE VULTURES

A Werewolf Waving Whale parts

A steam powered XENURINE (species of armadillo)

And Professor YAFFLE although it is true to say Mr bond was not worried about the professor to much.

Of course such overwhelming odds resulted in the death of Mr Bond, but what the evil arch villain ZORRO had not anticipated himself was that with the death of our hero the entire Alphabet based world imploded and nothing was left. All vaporized in the blink of an eye …………………………………………. ………………………… ………………………

……………………..

So me and the dog went home singing a song

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Liquorish liquors, lager and Liebfraumilch, the Lap Dancer and the LLama

“Look” said the dog first thing this morning as I lay lazily in my bed. And looking out the window I saw a line of Lemmings; The Lemmings of Petragrad (Lemmingrad) looking in. Yes we have reached L and the lemming were out last night listening to loud Latin music played on lutes, and downing Liquorish Liquors, lager and cheap liebfraumilch  in a lap dancing club. Before landing themselves in trouble with the Law for Lascivious language and lobbing Leaches at the lap dancers and playing Leap Frog in the lavatory.

They were lucky though, because of a loophole in the law which states Lemmings can not be held responsible on a leap year. So I have agreed to mention the largely lost  legend of The Lemming of Petrograd (Lemmingrad) yet again, Like anyone is listening (reading) the lumbering lefty literature of little leaping rodents and there leaders,  Lamenting the long lost days of loyalty and luncheon meat.      

This time round the dog has decided not to wear lipstick, last time it turned into a liability as a lively liberal Labrador kept leering lecherously at him leaving letters about a liaison in the log shed and some lively lust involving licking (YUCK).

After a late breakfast, me and the dog went to the lodge of luminescence by the Lake where the lonely loathsome Lockkeepers ghost lingers, looking like a mad lunatic, and singing lyrically of the Lynx eyed Lyre Bird and the lobster. As it turned out he was quite Likeable, listening to him and his tales of Lilliput and how everyone, (the little Lilliputians)  got eaten by a Llama.

We thought about going to Llanfair and a trip on the light railway to see Auntie Karen but the dog thought we should go to

 Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch 

because no one else on the A to Z trail would. In the end though we went home  and the dog went off to lecture Ladybirds on Life and I got all lethargic and lackadaisical  and thought mmmmmmmmm, I have to think of something like lightning,  right now to make people laugh; sort of Jack the Lad. 

Y Yesterday Why today and Y not a Yeti in Yarrow with a Yucca

Yesterdays brilliant idea of going to school this morning dressed as a yellow Yeti in a yashmak was yet another youthful error. At this time of year you should not be sunning yourself on your yacht in Yarrow eating Yams and Yogart with temperatures similar to that of the Yemen, (YICKS). We did build a Yurt in the school yard and Esmeralda found a yak to catapult over the roof, but generally it was a useless Y day, Why?

Still after a lot of yawning and yapping by a young Yorkshire terrier and yet more thinking, I came up with a better brilliant idea than the Brilliant idea of a yellow YODELING YETI so when I got home from school I had the following conversation with Mum

ME.   I have a plan, if I pretend I’m three you can tell me interesting things

But mum said Y ……..(WHY)

ME.   Because it’s a cunning plan to use the letter Y

But mum said Y …….  (WHY)

ME.   Well because if you ask a young child a question, they always ask Y

But mum said Y (WHY)

ME.   Well childen are programmed to say Y to everything until they annoy everyone so much we all yell at them

But mum said Y ……. (WHY)

ME.   Now look here mum your not being fair I am getting very frustrated now

But mum said Y …… (WHY)

ME.   Right I am going to ask you a question you can’t say Why to

But mum said Y ……. (WHY)

ME.   OK then what letter in the Alphabet comes between X and Z . HA HAHAH ah hah haahh ah hahh hah hhah

But mum said Why …….(Y)

ME.   Dam; I didn’t think that through very well did I

But mum said IDIOT

ME.   Ah ………..

Apparently there is a Yugoslavian with a Yoyo and a Yucca doing Yoga and making references to Ying and Yang at the front door

Yippee I can go now …….YES..

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The infinite space of cyberspace .... And the "A to Z Challenge 2012" a Pre-Amble

I assume that cyberspace is infinite. The dog insists that it is not because it does have a finite capacity but I am not sure he is right. I have tried to see the other side but I couldn’t even with a huge telescope. The dog says I am thinking about it all wrong, and instead of thinking of it as space I need to think of it (cyberspace that is) as a sushi restaurant. Where all the little dishes go round and round and you pull off what you want, so I think the dog is saying that it is like the ancient concept of the universe and it all revolves around me. 

  

Well that’s WELL COOL because I have always been told that if you think of the smallest thing you can think of and then crushed it really really tiny and threw it in the sea, then blind folded a man three weeks later and put him in another part of the world and told him to find the thing you crushed. The chances are he might not. And that tiny crunched object represents the total (that’s everything) of mankind’s achievements in the universe so far. I think some of these megalomaniacal power mad leaders need to remember they are but nothing in the great master plan and an afterlife in the cellar of Napoleon Beelzebub getting sunburnt (sorry burnt) is not worth it.

Anyway cyberspace is different and the dog has explained that quite clearly it revolves around me, it is ironic really because I had salmon for tea too.

At this point I suspect you are wondering what is Rob talking about and so am I, because I did have a point but I got entirely distracted by a tiny tiny crushed item in the sea (mankind); so I will now get to my point. What I was going to say is that I have more than one portal to cyberspace and many of you will be unaware that I have entered a thing called “The A to Z Challenge 2012”  where during April  the idea is to blog based on a letter from the Alphabet each day starting at A and ending at Z. The result of this is my diary might look a bit strange I will give an example below of what might happen on April the 1^st. But it is all part of a competition in which I am a tiny tiny crushed item thrown into the sea

AAAAAAAAAAugghgghgggggghGHHHHHHH ….. Day one

My pet Aardvark Alpha bit Auntie Karen’s Angora Alpine horn case thinking it was a Armadillo. Its mums fault she threw the armadillo toaster at Alpha assuming it was assaulting her angel cake. It was a good angel cake and we all ate it up rather abruptly even the crumbs thrown out for the birds were swiftly consumed by a passing albatross or was it an alpine tern, As it appened Auntie Karen was amused and asked Alpha the Aardvark for an autograph and he was happy to ablige and everyone applauded and said ……. AH




Karen Gomm I assume that you are seeing if I am paying attention to your attention seeking comments and bad spelling! Well you have your answer now Rob!




WELL COOL Auntie Karen welcome to the blog

Cats, Mushroons, Pizza, The Ghost Writer and the the Chant to the Banshee

The Ghost Writer spent the day in his grey office working on a Dell power edge server setting up user protocols. Well that is all very well but hardly very exciting, and I think that is as much information as any of us need about that. The Ghost Writer says that is all well and good for us but he has to spend all day in a grey office doing it for real.

I was at school where in Geography we discussed weather as weather can be extremely interesting particularly in the UK where we like weather a great deal and spent much time complaining about it.

Because in the winter it is too wet and cold or not cold enough to have decent winter weather. None of us like wet and sort of cold. Then in the summer we all complain it is either too cold and wet or too hot and we end up with a hose pipe ban. I must admit I did get the wrong idea about hose pipe bans the first time it happened to us, and I confiscated everyone’s nose pipe (hose pipe). Most people were OK about it but the Fire brigade were a little upset when they rushed off to their first real big fire and only had buckets. I did point out in the old days that is what the fire brigade had to do, which is why all the old houses burnt down I guess.

Sooty the cat lost a life today by trying to run across the pond which bearing in mind the ice was melting was not a good move so he was wet, but the Midgarðsormr did not get him and managed to scramble out. Sooty is a very stupid cat so it is quite possible he might try that again at some point and he still can’t use a cat flap properly. So the cat flap cat trap know to all as the cat catchers cat catcher is still in use to catch cats in particular the big black and white beast.

I have checked the mushroom box again and well mmmmmmm not much has changed since yesterday it is like watching the kettle boil, they say you should never do that too. And we have had home made Pizza for tea YUM…..

OK that’s it I am drumming tonight with my fellow African drummer, we are calling to the Banshees tonight in the dark so that will be GOOD, so I might return later or may not who can tell. (Who Can Tell is the Chinese cousin of William Tell ……………….. HAH HAH HAH HAAHHAH HAH AHAHH HAHAHHA Hah hah ahha hah hahh hahah hah), mum just said IDIOT   

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OK I have been drumming as my African drumming colleague turned up just as I was about to post this up on  the blog. But we have now finished the Chant to the Banshee. ...................... ...................... WELL COOL 

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