Another Day of the new look Diary

My wife and I are about to take to the roads and enter the wondrous world of the supermarket. Yes I can hear your thoughts . . . . . No Don’t Do It . . . . But sadly it is necessary as this is the location of the optician in order that my wife can get new glasses. I got new glasses last year so at present I can see. This is good because it will mean I will be able to find the optician.

 Right at this point I will take a break but will return to conclude this diary entry, post optician, post DIY shop and post delivering a few ginger biscuits to my daughter on route. Hey life is exciting or what. . . . . 

 Before I go I could mention that the cats are their grumpy selves this morning and have now had three meals so far and want more but that is fairly normal for an average day here. OOooooo and its grey and damp outside.

Tick Tock Tick Tock . . . . . .(time Passing)

Phew its evening now and my wife has ordered her new glasses so she will be able to see stuff again like threading needles. You need good eyesight for that.

On our way home we stopped for a cup of tea and a scone in the garden centre and I had a look at the cactus . . . . . 100 pound for a cactus just because it is over 12 inches or so tall, I have a few bigger cactus (bigger than that) a couple of which were given to me by folk who know I am cactus friendly and they grow well in our humble home. The garden centre was busy too; I am not good with busy so was pleased to get home where the cats complained loads until they got fed a few times . . . . Pesky Cats

OOOOooooo there was loads of rain again this afternoon so I have drunk more tea and eaten Ginger Biscuits.
OK then that’s it I am sat typing and will chill shortly with more tea. 

 

Einstein, The Theory of Relativity, Chaos Theory and a Chicken

While listening to the wireless this morning there was a little article on about Einstein who as we all know was a clever chap. I did not hear all of what they were saying because it was before 9.00am and far too early for me to focus on Einstein or even the cat at that time of the morning.  Anyway I sort of heard someone say something about how his theory of relativity resulted in a rational structured model of the Universe.

Well it was that statement that finally woke me up, well when I say woke I grunted and sort of pored tea into myself and waved at a terrible blinding light, which turned out to be a bed side light.  You see saying the Universe is structured and rational fails to take into account something rather important and that is time.  OK yes I know what you are thinking, saying Einstein has not thought about time is like saying the Chicken has never thought about crossing the road.

But the key point is not so much time, but the rate at which time passes or the time, time takes to pass. Think of a car crash if you slow it down so that the few seconds it takes can be watched over a period of several hours then it becomes a predictable event. We can watch things fly about hit one another and predict the outcome.  Well the Universe is basically a car crash in slow motion, our own life span is so short relatively, that we only see a tiny fraction of the event and it all looks rather structured.  If it was speeded up millions of times it would just appear to be a rather chaotic and disorganized fireworks display.

So consider the following options

If I was to say the Earth will be destroyed in ten million years folk would say Gosh well that’s OK and carry on without a worry.

If I then said the Earth will be destroyed in one thousand years folk would say well that’s not long is it, but hey I’ll be OK.

If you tell folk the Earth will be destroyed in one day’s time folk will run about panicking and eating ice cream.

You see it is not the event that is scary but the timing, tell a Mayfly the Earth has only one day left and he will say that’s an entire lifetime, Phew that is lucky for me.  It is a known fact that Andromeda and the Milky Way will collide in about four billion years and that the moon is moving away from earth at about two inches a year and will one day vanish off and cause chaos in our own solar system. Plus the sun is due to become a Red Dwarf and will swallow the earth up. You see the Universe is just Chaos theory in slow motion so when I heard that Einstein’s Theory of Relativity was been used to suggest the Universe was structured I thought Noooooooooooooooo the Universe is chaos. . . . Well mine is most of the time.

Anyway don’t panic the Earth will not be destroyed for at least a few more weeks yet so there is loads of time . . . . AH well a bit of time and as I have already said time is entirely an abstract idea.

How to time travel though time using a blog and cyberspace and a large rope

Two years ago today I posted this post and it is rather interesting because I make the point in it . . . . . . . .. Would my diary exist if it was an item of pure functionality with no need for the frivolity of imagination and un-practical reams of gobbledegook; you see my diary is just like this huge monster rope (Note Mr S’s shoes by the rope) of no practical use and frayed at the end. . . . . . . . . . .. A point that is even more valid today (two years later) than it was two years ago, so I thought I should repost the post to make the point  and the post of greater significance. 


So let us travel back in time exactly two years to 5th June 2013 . . . . . .  



It has been a funny old day, the weather here was very overcast and sort of OK but not like yesterday or tomorrow (I have kicked the weather machines side panel) hot and sunny, and my day has sort of ticked along with the usual quantum physics and woodwork plus the rather more useful lesson of locksmithing,  and the skills of unlocking locks that prefer to remain locked. Of course this is a huge area of expertise because not only does it include the humble padlock but of course there are many unseen mathematical locks, things that appear to be physically locked to something by forces unknown.  

For example Miss I and Mr S have told me that they were unable to collect a huge rope from the beach because if was locked to the beach by fate and the Micro God of Beaches, and apparently it was also very heavy.

But using the great skills of Locksmithing it would be possible to untangle the forces that held the huge rope to the beach and transport it many miles to me, where I would look with wonder upon the huge rope while the massed masses looking would say WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THAT . . . . . . . . . And I would reply AH?

People do things like this all the time when folk stumble on artefacts of wonder which are of no practical use what so ever, they ask but what do you intend to do with it. But you see this is what makes us humans what we are, the ability to appreciate the great possibilities of completely useless items. Would my diary exist if it was an item of pure functionality with no need for the frivolity of imagination and unpractical reams of gobbledegook, you see my diary is just like this huge monster rope (Note Mr S’s shoes by the rope) of no practical use and frayed at the end. Well when I say of no practical use I lie as it is my long term memory,  well when I say long term I mean more that three days ago.

Farwell rope I hope the world treats you fairly and does not just string you along . . . . . . . . . .HAHAHAHHAH hahah ah ah haah hahha hah ah hahahhahah hahahah hahahahhah ahhah ahahhahahahaha

it’s a joke but Knot a good one  HaAHAHAHAH ah hah ah ah ah ha hah ah hah ah ah ha hah ah ha hah ah ah ah ahha a   

The Ghost Writer, an Office, an Update and a Golden Ibis

Now my last post was all about stuff changing and how it sort of happens jolly damn quickly at times and then sometimes so slowly that we cant deal with it in human terms as change. Well yesterday I found myself for reasons some of you will have worked out, at the office of the Ghost Writer. Who although a terrible Ghost Writer, is known to many as the IT Guru to the Stars as well as folk of a non star status. Well lets face it stars are not what they were when Humphrey Bogart, Jane Russell. James Cagney or Gary Cooper and the like were stars, these days they are folk I have never heard of and often look like spoil teenage brats.

Anyway there I was in the office of the Ghost Writer when a message arrived to say that a small flock of Zombies were attacking a shed in my garden. . . . . . No hang on that is not the message I was planning to discuss. . . . . No a message arrived in the office to say that the national organisation were doing important updates and that it might impact to some degree on the internet of the offices across the United Kingdom. Well as the Ghost Writer himself said at the time what this means is that no one will be able to do any work what so ever, and he was right.  And as the office suddenly came to a grinding halt it showed the very weakness of the modern internet based working environment. 

You see at one time a wizened old monk would be there with his quill and vellum working on his illuminated manuscript and except for the Vikings would work away through thick and thin, power cuts and even no internet. Even till very recently an office full of typists could produce loads of stuff a day, far more than they do now using the internet, but of course distribution was a bit of an issue, but at least folk did not spend half their day emailing pictures of cats to each other or shopping.

So there you have it a high tech (OK not very high) office is all well and good but takeaway the internet and almost instantaneously it is paralysed and folk can not do a thing. It is now very trendy to work in the so called Cloud, but just wait until the next major solar flare or some evil organization takes over and the internet is zapped, what will folk do then. It will not fair well for my blog either although luckily I have a wizened old monk writing it all on vellum with a quill from a Golden Ibis so . . . . . . . . . . . . HAH AHHAH haha ha ha ha hah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ahha ha haha ha ha ha ha haha ha ha ha . . . . my place in history is assured.  

How fast does stuff change . . . . .The Big Question

I have just been thinking, and thought I need to write one of those big questions again before the masses get distracted by a passing seagull and wander off into the night never to return. So what sort of big Question will I write and this is it . . . .  How fast does stuff change, the Big Question. I know you are all thinking WHAT? Exactly what is he on about now. Well it may all seem a bit abstract but it is a really interesting question. You see change is all relative, to some things change slowly and to others they change really fast and the same is true in nature. You see a Mayfly lives for about a day so to a Mayfly a day is an entire lifetime and to us it’s a day.

Now the thing is these days almost everyone over here in the decadent west has a mobile phone or a computer and any small child would just assume that these things have been about for like ever. But tell that small child that stuff like computers and mobile phones were something that just did not exist when you were young and they will look confused.  In fact most modern technology, stuff like satellite navigation or touch screen things were devices from Star Trek and even Star Trek is old to some . . . . If I said. . .  Its Life Jim but not as we know it to a small child it will tell me to ****** off because they will not have a clue what I’m on about. . . add . . .its the Engines Jim they will nay take it and they will think I’m an Idiot. Television is a relatively new device, and it was only 1903 just over 100 years ago when man made his first powered flight. Folk don’t give aeroplanes a second thought these days and there are millions of the damn things moving people and things all over the world.

But all these things are changes; things that quietly happen around us, most of us don’t really notice these sorts of changes so the big changes like shifting continental shelves or the fact the Sun in real terms has a rather limited life span in relation to the likes of the universe don’t even register as change. It is estimated that over 99% of all life that has lived on planet Earth has become extinct and it is said that about a dozen species of living things become extinct every day. But we don’t notice these changes.

Even in towns, at one time most houses had a fireplace where folk would set fire to lumps of coal and roast the cat but this is not so common in the big metropolis’s and I am told there are children who have never seen an open fire. . . YICKS I must be old (we still have one).  I can say that for many years on my trips up north to Scotland I used to travel on the Flying Scotsman and Steam was the norm until they introduced those huge great Deltic Class 55 trains and look what happened to them when was the last time anyone saw one of them. Folk used to have to use tin baths and an outside toilet. In the town I previously lived in I have talked to some of the older members of the community who remember stuff like that. These are things that have happened in a single lifetime. So change is important because it would be damn useful to know what exactly is likely to change in the next thirty years or so (after that I will be too old or away with the fairies so will not care anyway)

So there you have it another big Question . . . . . . . . . sort of not answered a bit.

I think the best think to do is to think of mankind as a tiny blink of light that is almost unnoticeable in the huge voids of the universe. Well of course I do not include myself in that tiny blink I’m a camera flash (an old fashioned fixed plate camera flash. they were real flashes not like digital cameras they are rubbish).

Why do we never seem to have enough time in the day. . . . The Big Question.

How come we never seem to have enough time to do stuff? Yes I think this is a Big Question for many of us.  OK I may be a bit disorganised at getting stuff done and I guess that can't help one bit, but the fact is even organized folk will often say things like I have all this stuff to do and I just DON'T seem to have the time.  As far as I can tell this is definitely a problem of us decedent imperialist westerners because if you watch things on the TV where some celeb is trekking through the wilds in some exotic country they often seem to pass folk sat at the side of the road looking chilled and saying things like . . . . . .  OOOoooo look its him off the tele the chap with the parrot and the ray gun who travels through time in that ICE CREAM van eating jellied eels. . . . .  They seem to be able to sit for days on end, just sitting and being chilled as they watch the world pass by.

But how come we can’t sit about it must be due to the way we live and think. I have realized for a long time now I think I can do more than I can, and by that I mean I often think stuff like . . .  if I cut this old bicycle up and weld the engine of this knackered mower to this I beam and use the gearbox from a Model T ford to fix a Box Brownie to the Grizolme Bevel thrust plate I can toast bread rolls. . . .  The truth is I don't have the time and by adding such ideas to the other ideas already on the list of stuff that needs to be done it results in overload as the list also contains stuff like remove wallpaper from old office walls, remove old office walls, cut grass, plant grass, feed cats, chase seagulls, wash hair, stick mancky clothes in big pile in dark corner of room.

I know this is normal most people have exactly the same issue I often stop people in the street and ask them if they are busy and they always say Yes I’m off to find a  Grizolme Bevel thrust plate.   OK the men say stuff like that for reasons I may discuss another time, women seldom have any interest in Grizolme Bevel thrust plates   but none the less seem very busy.   They often say they are so busy because their partner is doing something stupid with an old bicycle and the lawn mower and someone has to sort the house out, pay the bills and go to work and cook dinner.

Anyway I have to say this is probably the hardest question to date I have dealt with so I need a break and have a round metal thing I might put pointy bits on so I can hang it from a tree to attract Woodpeckers to scare off the Zombies. All we can do is prioritize stuff so that’s it I'm off to hunt for that round metal thing right now.

Ooooooooo look a Seagull.    

ITV1+1, the Time Lords and Time . . . Mankinds big Questions

I was asked what at first appears to be a simple question about names yesterday. . . . . . . Why isn't ITV1+1 just called ITV2 . . . . . .  It’s an innocent sort of thought but under the surface lays a terrible secret.   You see ITV1+1 is in fact one of the time shift channels created to manipulate mankind, as a programme ends on ITV1 it suddenly turns up on ITV1+1. Very useful folk will think a chance to watch the programme you have just missed and were looking foreword too.

But this apparently simple and popular idea is a way to control time, ask yourself where does this extra hour come from that allows a TV channel to move programmes about like this. The fact is that these huge media companies have devised a way to bend time, allowing them to create the 25hr a day television experience.

Now just ask yourself this question what device do you use to check the correct time, is it granddads grandfather clock wound up religiously every two days that stands in the hallway out of direct sunlight. Or is it some sort of media device such as the radio or a mobile phone or a PC, are you planning to rush out and buy the new iWatch. You see all these devices with the exception of  granddads grandfather clock are under the control of Western imperialist corporate multinationals that are keen to turn us all into Zombies working long hours to produce more media devices so we can watch more repeated programming.

   ITV1+1 is just the thin edge of the wedge once +2 +3 +4 and so on arrive we will be so confused by the constant watching of the same soap or reality show repeated at what appears to be the same time our willpower will be destroyed.  We will then be Zombies forced to work as slaves eating 15minute meals and removing stains that no other detergent can shift. 

Remember the book, film, play and board game 1984, remember that saying that folk like to quote  . . . . . BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU . . . . .  and what is the device everyone plans to rush out and buy at great cost the minute it arrives in the shops . . . the iWatch . . . . . Exactly I rest my case (that’s the long case of Granddads grandfather clock which says it is midday exactly. . . . is it meant to be this dark?   

Sun, Showers and Grumpy Cats

Today much like the last two or three days has seen many many showers most of which have been quite heavy, but it has been lovely and sunny in between the showers. This is not great as it makes it difficult to get out and do things such as hunt Zombies and the like neither Zombies or myself like to keep getting wet when we attempt to venture outside. 

Still I am better with the weather than Heavy Harry the Cat who loves the sun and hates rain and cold. Heavy Harry gets depressed when it is cold and wet and will attack us the other cat and anything in his way and demands food until the sun comes out. This has resulted in him lying in the sun looking content until the next shower when he suddenly gets in a grump trips us up demands food and threatens to kill us. But the weather has been such that by the time he has eaten his food the sun has come out again and so he rushes off and lies in the sun again until the next shower. It is worse than fighting Zombies; they are far more predictable than cats. . . And I have noticed from more than one source in cyberspace that it appears cats may have mastered the use of laser beans (sorry beams), I can think of nothing more dangerous than a grumpy cat with a laser beam.

Anyway I finally got rid of him by letting him sleep in the car although it means no one can use the car now until he gets up and stomps about a bit in a strop waiting for more food.

I did not do a great deal today myself much like yesterday but I did manage a fit a curvy bit of wood to the wall in our utility rooms utility room, yes we sort of have a utility room for our utility room, its a funny house (Bungalow).

What is always odd is now even when you don’t achieve huge amounts you still run out of time to do it. Time is not friend, I have a feeling that time should not be linked to the movement of stuff and should be based on something else entirely.

I wonder what the speed of thought is. . . . . . Apparently twenty to thirty milliseconds. . . . . . 

The Return of President Putin

There is something slightly odd about a clock that has a rather flat battery, when I say flat I refer to the power of the battery rather than a squashed one. Clocks tend to be a device of certainty something we trust and rely on while they rotate. Of course every now and again we come across one that is stopped but that is OK because it is stopped and as we know a stopped clock is in general of little use.

However a clock with a nice big friendly face and hands that are ticking away as they should; should be correct, if it was correct last time it was looked at, not at least half an hour slow. So it was that our trip to collect President Putin from our friend, an artist and Member of Plaid Cymru got off to a slightly sudden start when every other clock in the house chimed a chirpy Half Past Ten. I have always been told it is not good to make President Putin wait, which is slightly unfair as I have a feeling he has a habit of doing that very thing to other important people at times.

Anyway we got to collect Mr Putin right on time and he never noticed a thing, despite going what is called here in Britain at least . . . . . The Pretty Way. . . . .  I am not sure if this is a term used in other parts of the world but it generally refers to either getting lost or taking the very long route to your destination.  This can happen when the driver of the vehicle goes into auto pilot and only realizes the error of his way when the passengers ask in a quizzical way WHERE ARE WE GOING? Ghost Writers make rubbish chauffeurs . . . and Ghost Writers as it happens.   

We have also seen Miss Jo who had her Birthday today and I ate fairy cake and ginger cake and another cake, so I have eaten three cakes today so that is quite good.

I sure you will all be pleased to hear President Putin in Hanging on the wall again now where he belongs. . . . . . .

The Art of recycling old rubbish . . . . . . . and a useful tip about Gravity

It is quite late and after a hard day doing science dropping large cannon balls and feathers off large towers to prove that gravity is far more painful if it hits an unsuspecting passer by when it is influencing a cannon ball in a state of freefall, rather than a whole load of feathers. Unless they are glued to a cannon ball or a cat.  I have decided that I will re post an old post from the past and also an old drawing. I know I am lazy but I do post stuff more than most so feel as it will soon be Christmas I am entirely justified.

So here it is . . . . an OLD POST

Once upon a time there was a large jolly rotund chap with a big white beard and red fur lined jacket who carried a large sack about known to all as Father Christmas (that’s the rotund chap not his sack). He was a generous chap who would rummage about in his sack and give passing small children presents and the like shouting Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas. He was very popular much like Elvis and like Elvis it was not long before everywhere he went folk you run up to him screaming asking for autographs and asking him to sing the ever popular Be-Bop-A-Lula I don’t like Gravy, a sentiment all folk with large white beards will whole heartedly agree with no doubt. 

As he became more and more famous and popular it got harder and harder for him to go anywhere without folk turning up demanding stuff out of his sack or making him sing that song again or trying to book him for parties or saying he was the father of their love child. When it was plain to all that super gluing beards onto small children was never going to convince anyone.

So as time passed Father Christmas became more reclusive and hid away up north in the snow only venturing out in the middle of winter a time that became known as Christmas time because he was never seen any other time of year. He still went Ho Ho Ho a lot but now sneaked into houses at night as it was the only way he could avoid being asked to sing that song.  Of course by hiding away there was an opportunity for those Elvis impersonators who were not doing to well (put bluntly they were rubbish at Elvis), having fallen on hard times they became dishevelled and unshaven ending up with long white beards allowing them to become Father Christmas impersonators; it was cheaper too all you need is a big red coat and a sack, not a white sequined suit like Elvis and there was no need to be able to play the trombone either.

Over the years the real Father Christmas has got even more reclusive but the Father Christmas Impersonators or Santa impersonators as they are known now for legal reasons are all over the place. And it is easy to see why they all had to give up being Elvis impersonators, the closest I have ever seen one looking a bit like Elvis was when he was bitten by a large Hound Dog one Christmas Eve and screamed Im all Shook up . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .HAH HA HAH HAH HA HAH HA HAH HA HAH HAH HHAH HAH AH hah a hha ha ha ha ha ha.

Greenwich Mean Time, Body Clocks and Seagulls

It is a well know fact of nature that all creatures have an internal body clock; it is what ensures that nature does not fall into a state of chaos and is a key feature in the survival of life on Earth. It is what allows birds to migrate at the right time, animals to have young at the right time and it dictates the work and sleep patterns of all life on the planet.  It is also a well known, OK slightly less well known, but true fact that the internal body clock of creatures on Earth is slightly different to that of the present length of a day and year.  This is because the planet is slowing down, OK I might be wrong maybe it is speeding up I can’t remember, but slowing down is more logical as it looses energy.  In short nature and life has adjusted to the natural cycle of the planet, in nature a seagull can not look at its watch and say OOOOOOo is that the time, I should be on the cliffs doing my courtship dance and stealing Puffin eggs.

However one creature on the planet is stupid enough to mess about with the natural cycle of the universe with clever mathematics and light bulbs so that it can pretend that it controls not only nature, but time itself. . . OK one guess which life form we are talking about. . . . . . Correct, us, mankind. Here we are all peering at clocks (unlike seagulls) or iPhones going Ooooo is that the time I must go shopping and buy some puffin eggs for my evening meal.  We now have twenty four hour shopping, working, or leisure and strawberries in the middle of winter (although in general they are rubbish).

Here in Britain we can proudly boast that time on Earth was standardised throughout the world and fixed to a line in the ground at Greenwich, so called Greenwich Mean Time. The entire world with the exception of a few countries such as Ethiopia who insist on working eight years behind everyone else (I have discussed this before)  now use the time as set by Britain.

So what did we all do in Britain last night at two in the morning, we moved all our clocks forward by one hour making today twenty three hours long and messing with my head and internal body clock. Oh yes typical, Britain has moved to British Summer Time and in doing so has shifted us one hour away from the time that every other country (almost all)  bases its own time on. This is typical of us Brits although ironically it has no effect on Seagulls.

I will suffer for days now and will be wandering about in a haze looking like an IDIOT shouting . . . . Where are my Puffin Eggs and probably getting told off as folk miss hear what I say . . . . .  

I even took a photo of a tulip that has opened up today as proof that nature does not need man made clocks.

The Chinese Year of the Horse

There I was drawing stuff, and then I sort of popped a picture up in cyberspace thinking to myself well that sort of turned out OK. Because as you know with these drawings, it is all or nothing, because once a line is drawn it can’t be undone.  Anyway I had not long popped the picture into the vast voids of cyberspace when a very kind person mentioned The Chinese Year of the Horse and it is, I had entirely forgotten about that  . . . . . . .  Silly old me, but I am trying to keep my mind together through the wet cold days of winter in Britain and that is not entirely easy at present due to the wet, cold and rain.

Anyway a Happy Chinese New Year to you all (slightly late), and although I must admit the beast I drew was not intentionally done for this it does make a rather good Chinese horse. . . . . . .  OK then who said . . . . Nay . . . . . . .  HAH HAH AH HAH AH HA HA HAH HAH AH AH HA HAH AHA Hha ha ha hah ah ahha ha haha ha ha ha  

Time and Geometry waits for no man

It is very late and I do not have much time to write because as I said it is very late so efficiency is of the upmost in order to make the best use of the time I have to write my diary entry, DAMN I appear to have got off to a rather bad start now . . . . .  Dawn (sorry DAMN) Ok to the point or it will be dawn before I get to the days events. Today’s first news appears to be that the Ghost Writers car, the one with the new clutch which has now done all of twenty miles has a problem. He is not entirely sure, but when he tried to use it this morning the new clutch failed and was doing what the old clutch did, this is not good news for the Ghost Writer who said DAMN and other stuff which is best not repeated here as this is a child friendly diary……. However when he tried it this afternoon it worked OK, this is what happened before and the key fact is that the car is freezing in the morning and warmer in the afternoon. Again this is what was happening with the old clutch . . . . How can a clutch not work when it is cold and be fine when two or three degree’s warmer. All he can do is try it in the morning and see if the same happens tomorrow.

We went to see Mrs E’s new charity shop she is manager of, and took some clothes for it and I have said I will make some Valentines Day Stuff for the window  . . . . . . First thought was to make a large robot Al Capone with huge machine guns shooting at a box of cute kittens, but I was told this is a rubbish idea. I did say it would look dead cool but I was told I was an IDIOT. Apparently there is a fine line between madness and genius according to the Ghost Writer but neither of us have found it yet, I guess the fact it is a fine line and our eye sight is a bit rubbish means it needs to be drawn a bit thicker.

I have eaten the second half of the rather yummy homemade chicken pie so that means there is no pie left. Therefore in short with no pi and a thin line we can’t see, Geometry is now just a case of clutching at straws, and even that is a problem as the clutch is not working and the straw has blown away in the wind.   

Now look at what you made me do I have run out of time . . . . . . . DAMN.

OK but at least everyone knows I ate half a pie.  . . . . . . ..  and some peas. 

OOOOOoooooo and deleted a person from the Group of Doom on FB  . . . . . 

Fairy Lights and the Theory of Time

The year appears to rapidly heading towards its end, I always think it seems to speed up at the end of the year and I have a feeling I am not alone in this as it is quite common at this time of year to hear folk saying OOOOooo I just do not know where the year has vanished too, something more profound than it may at first appear. Because as time rapidly races towards the end of the year rather than vanish which seems unlikely (things never just vanish), all that time is still there, it is just we can’t see it as we have passed into another instant of time. That would mean that the point where I started to write this post and the point where I finished it would still exist equally just not at the same point in time. Although every point in time (OK time that has already existed) still exists.  Of course new time is different but where that comes from is a whole new ball game as the old saying goes, although it is hopefully not a game, I would be annoyed if I am trapped in a game, and it does not involve a ball (well I don’t think so).

Anyway what I was planning to say before time distracted me, something else I am not alone in having problems with, it is quite common to hear folk say Oooooo look at the time I must go. When I say they look at the time, as it happens they don’t, they look at a watch or similar device based on the basic principle of a fixed linear movement of a thing of some sort, so we say a watch hand takes one minute to travel from here to here? But that whole ideal as we can now see is in tatters, basing time on linear movement might be convenient but is probably totally wrong.

AH yes distracted again by time, what I was planning to say was I saw my first Christmas lights today  . . . . . . Phew time does fly  . . . . . . Yet another saying that if true changes even more stuff and I am confused enough already.  The one thing this does mean however is that the slightly modified old saying we use here of . . . . . Fairy Lights are for life not just for Christmas . . . . has more going for it as a statement of fact than it might seem to at first glance, in our case these lights mean we can see the front door to put the key in to unlock it to get in. Not always easy when you are dressed up in a large red coat with fur trim wearing a false beard and have spent the night grovelling about in chimneys and trying to keep a reindeer on the correct route because he cant use the SatNav (that’s GPS to those of you not in Britain).

OK what happened today . . . . . AH DAMN I have run out of time (well OK not entirely true please read above).

Speed Typing and Writing a Diary in a Limited Time Frame

I have started to notice that if I am in a rush writing my diary, it starts to make less sense and I start to make many errors in my typing. So I am limited to typing at a moderate speed of about one word a minute. The great disadvantage to me is that I am unable on most occasions to write all my days events in the allocated time allotted to the writing of my daily diary, normally all of about twenty minutes. So in order to create a masterful bit of writing I am forced into a situation where I am typing faster than I can actually type. I also think of what I am going to write as I write it, after all this is a daily (OK almost daily) diary not a great work of writing in the mould of say Sherpa Tensing (no sorry I mean Shakespeare). Sorry its easy to get those two mixed up I think it’s their coats and their fondness for Shrew Pie and apple sauce which in turn led one to write stuff and the other to become a great explorer; all that Doctor Livingstone I presume stuff and flying single handed over the Atlantic in a balsawood raft (sorry hot air balloon)  . . . . . No sorry the balloon is not made of balsawood

Anyway once I reach a certain typing speed nor anly does nmy tiepin fall apart but so does I train of thought anf then I not only cant read what I an tie pin but what I I am typing about does mad and I get amm distracted by stuff in the0  end fk jrir- all falls apart si T Thiss  SPeeeED I may as welllll  nor bother cos its all just ruibbbosh

I think I made my point . . . . . . .O yes its all OK for you lot sniggering and saying WHOSE Shakespeare, I thought he climbed a big mountain in Verona or was it Venice.  But typing fast can be important, particularly when you need to type out 100 times.

I must not electrocute the Physics teacher or glue a cat on his head even in the pursuit of science.

OOOOooooo right I was planning to tell you about the day, but I have run out of time . . . . . . .DAMN……. 

A thin thread of reality between other dimensions

Yesterday I was off with friends having a meal so what with everything else going on a diary entry was out of the question due to time. Time is jolly annoying at present and I am trying to do my best to create more of it, but of course time is not an isolated component of the universe it goes hand in hand with space. And as a result things are getting a little confused as the general concept of space is getting right confused. It is a little known fact we effectively walk on a thin thread of reality and either side of us are other dimensions where the other us wanders about doing things also.  I have noticed rather annoyingly that when I do get odd glimpses of other dimensions in the reflections caused by the time space shift I am right handed. Although I appear still to be in the minority as most folk are left handed.

 I have always been reassured that the other me, the right handed me will always wave back when I see them and wave.

Anyway between attempts at shifting time (the Einstein Cube is in a safe place? or sort of lost) and waving at my other self I have had a bonfire and have grovelling about in hedges and watched swallows. The swallows are starting to get ready to fly off a sure sign of Autumn not being far away…….  Oooooo yes the swallows are not in the hedges by the way.  

Real Life Robots, Cabbage White Butterflies and the Loss of some Hair

This morning like most morning I caught up with the world by listening to Radio Four and was listening to the Today programme which sort of zips thought the news and other topics of interest. I do not always take it all in, but I did take note at one point this morning when they talked about Robots starting to take human form and doing human things. Well it all seemed very odd as in my diary in the last two days I have discussed Robo-Rob. Anyway they interviewed someone from a company called Engineered Arts Ltd who makes a robot called Robothespian, which appears not to be fitted with a rather powerful laser death ray and to me looks a little benign with no scary eyes or pointy teeth.

It is yet another occasion where my diary has beaten the real world to a story of interest and so I am getting even more like that Nostradamus bloke all the time, well I was until a terrible thing happened at lunchtime. So terrible that many of my powers may have been destroyed in an instant, you see I had to go and have my haircut, something that happens regularly at least three times a year despite my efforts at hiding in boxes and deep holes.

On returning home (with much less hair) I did notice yet again that the garden has filled with Cabbage White Butterflies, loads of them and I was expecting to have another incidence of falling through time but it did not appear to happen. I just hope the loss of some of my hair has not resulted in me becoming less time sensitive and limiting my ability to time travel.

One other small thing as a result of having my hair cut though was that the weather was much better afterwards although possibly I had not seen the weather before as it was obscured by hair. 

And I have not drawn a picture for tonight as I have things to do and must focus my energy on hair growth so I have photographed the Ghost Writer, although he was not happy about it, I think you can tell………..

Time Travelling Butterflies and Sam the Parrot is Back in Harry Tuffins at Churchstoke

It was a nice day today and as I stood outside just after breakfast pondering, a plane shot over the house flying really low, OK these things happen from time to time, but on this occasion it looked just like a world war two Hurricane. That was a surprise and what was interesting about this was at the time the garden was full of cabbage white butterflies. Now some of you will say it is merely a coincidence because to put it bluntly you are a sceptical lot and some of you I’m sure have doubts about my diary, but its all true (OK mostly).  This sort of coincidence is however just too much of a coincidence to be a coincidence, to prove my point I want everyone who has stood in their garden and seen a WW2 fighter fly over at the same time as their garden has filled up with an abnormally large number of butterflies. . . . . . . . . .  You see my point is made.

But so what, I hear you type (as you do on occasions);  well as it can not be a coincidence then it can only be one thing and that is a Time Warp where our garden dropped back in time to a point where the likelihood of seeing a WW2 fighter is very likely. You see one of the lesser known facts about butterflies is they are time sensitive and if there is a likely hood of a patch of land dropping through time for a while they will gather at the spot and take advantage of the situation to go back in time to feed on pre GM crops free from modern insecticides and other nasty substances.

It has long been know in scientific circles that Butterflies can time travel but most scientists are loathed to say so for fear of being ridiculed by the masses and burnt at the stake.

Anyway after a few minutes the butterflies dispersed, and time returned to normal (I think).

Oooooooo one other small thing I have noticed that news of Sam the Parrot appears to have become almost impossible to find, as if he never existed, it is like he has vanished into a completely different time, a time when parrots were free to roam the planet eating cake and Brazil nuts in the rolling hills telling tales of pirate gold.  

Hang on just as I was having a cup of tea before I posted my diary entry I have news Sam the Parrot has returned and men have been arrested in Birmingham. . . . . . . . . .

WELCOME BACK SAM.  

     

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Fly (Wasp) tipping and the Urban Environment on the longest day (NOT) of the year

What a hot day it was today very hot and sticky, but not sticky as in glue as used to fix tongue and grove cladding to walls, luckily we are still doing combined lessons at school and so today it was Art and Social Studies. I say Art, we were in fact repainting the walls of the outside of the school as part of the cunning economy drive while we discussed the Urban Environment and the implications of fly tipping. To me and Freddie the first and obvious implication of fly tipping is it would annoy the flies loads, but the teacher said that me and Freddie were in fact IDIOTS and that flies like fly tipping.

Myself and Freddie were far from convinced and had plans to do practical fly tipping experiments but flies proved to be rather agile, luckily while painting the grand façade we stumbled across a wasps nest so conducted an experiment on wasp tipping. And as me and Freddie anticipated proving our point quiet strongly the wasps were very annoyed indeed. But having proved our point the teacher said yet again that me and Freddie were in fact IDIOTS, however the teacher then ran off pursued by a large number of angry wasps but no flies.

Today is also the longest day of the year, well that is not entirely correct it is the day with the longest period of daylight during the day, well only in the Northern hemisphere. As for which day of the year really is the longest day that is complicated, because is the world slowing down or speeding up. I think it is slowing down so the longest day of the year will always be last day of the year due to the deceleration of the planet. A point I was planning to make to the Social Studies teacher but she was rather pre occupied at the time trying to outrun a swarm of wasps who by now were blaming the teacher for their nest being eaten by the school goat who having spent most of his life being annoyed by flies was fairly oblivious of the wasps.

Oooo yes although today was very hot I also tried an experiment at home to create rainbows as it was a good way to keep cool and I thought if I made small rainbows I might be able to find a small pot of gold at one end of it. Something which appears to be yet another urban myth.

One other small thing that rather amused me this morning on the radio was that Russia think (a few Russians that is) that folk deliberately don’t vote for them in the Eurovision Song Contest and it is why (OK one of the reasons) President Putin looked upset during the recent G8 summit, Sorry but try being Britain in the Eurovision Song Contest, yes I know the songs are also rubbish BUT…..     

The unpredictable as predicted by time travel and a stick

Today has been a terrible day for the writer of a diary (me), there I was helping dad with some adjustments on his latest steam powered machine. He is working on an unpredictable machine; the idea is that in a world full of what appears to be predictable events, his machine would improve the possibility of the unpredictable. We have to be cautious about what we say according to mum because dads invention sounds a bit like that idea invented by the chap who wrote The Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy. However there are two fundamental differences between dads steam powered machine and the one in the book, firstly dad’s machine is in his garage and secondly is no longer works (well it is sort of lost) after the accident this morning where dad and I were looking at it and I prodded it a bit with a stick. This would not normally cause any problems except that in what appeared to be an unpredictable outcome to being popped by a stick I was catapulted through time to tonight.

O yes that sounds exciting but one minute I was standing prodding a machine in the morning then the next thing I am at the end of the day and its time for bed, this is a disaster because I can not write about a day in my diary I have totally missed. And to make matters even more worse than that, yes that may not sound good use of English but when they get worse than worse it is terrible so what is worse than terrible is leaping in time past all my meals arriving at a glass of milk to take to bed. . . . . . .DAMN.

Dad is gutted because as I leap forward in time his machine in what dad says is something that must happen in order for the universe to maintain balance leap backwards into the past. Dad did say that he remembered it turning up a couple of weeks ago and did wonder where it came from because he did not remember making it. At the time he thought it must be one of his steam powered machines because it had a stick poked in the side with my name on it. I think that must mean I have just lost my favourite stick to prod things with DAMN (again).

So its time to go to bed . . . . . . .DAMN