Saturday, 31 March 2012

The Alternative Olympic Art Show in June and still loads of stuff to do YICKS

The weather is not so warm today, it is typical as we all start to think Easter and we can sit in our deck chairs on the forecourt of the petrol station just in case. I’m sure someone on one of the weather forecasts said the snow word yesterday. SNOW?

Anyway today’s diary entry is short because tomorrow I will be starting the A to Z challenge for real on the blog. So in order not to bore those of you not following the blog and who view me through the other mediums of Cyberspace I will not be posting the A to Z stuff everywhere and will post a few pictures and the like to let you know I am still about instead. I will not be away for long. I’m sure no one will notice anyway

I still have the sculpture to finish too for the Alternative Olympic Art show in June and have only just started really so YICKS ……  BUSY BUSY BUSY BUSY 


Friday, 30 March 2012

The extra bonus feed in tariff incentive for off peak night time solar energy

Chris the builder has been making some new steps for the front door the old ones were rather narrow and not very safe unless you were a cat or had four legs at least. But he has said we should not use them until tomorrow morning so I have dug a large pit in front of the new steps to ensure no one walks on them. The dog said the pit was rather ugly so  he added bamboo spikes to the bottom and we covered it with palm leaves for the purpose of aesthetics.

Mum has insisted we remove the palm leaves and the pointed bamboo posts before the Postman arrives in the morning. Apparently it is frowned upon to impale the postman on a post. Even if he is delivering bills, I did ask mum who Bill was and why did he get most of the post but mum said IDIOT. I assume she means Bill?

Dad got his letter from the electricity company about the Solar panels which said something like WE KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE, so stop attaching the national grip to your dam lightning experiments if you wish to clear pigeons off the lines then there are simpler ways. And we begrudgingly will give you the extra bonus feed in tariff for those solar panels of £5:00 a unit between the hours of 10:00pm and 6:00am.

OK that’s it; I’m off now to do things.


Thursday, 29 March 2012

DON'T PANIC its official, its only Aliens from Venus

It is Dam hot again today and due to the Government telling everyone DON’T PANIC and then the BBC News saying DON’T PANIC, the great British public are as you might expect picnicking (Sorry Panicking). If you’re part of my international Audience I must explain that the tanker drivers who deliver petrol to all the filling stations may strike in a few weeks time. So the government, to reassure the public who otherwise would probably not even know of this impending strike has told everyone DON’T PANIC.   

Well as we know from history the last thing anyone should do when the massed masses of the public are involved is to say DON’T PANIC because this is what they will do PANIC. So now we have a petrol shortage due to PANIC buying and the result of that is MORE PANIC. Well let’s face it; I think we all know exactly what is going on don’t we.

Yes it is the Alien Mushroom Creatures from Venus, having escaped from their mushroom boxes and changed the climate so that the UK is now so hot that only those with a good supply of water are likely to survive. But as we all know it has not rained now since 2nd February 1872 so ……………AH. Now we have no fuel for our cars either so are unable to go to places where there might be water like Spanish holiday resorts or Scotland or even Blackpool Beach. The Easter eggs are all melting and the price of a sun hat is £27:50. Then a man comes on the Wireless and says DON’T PANIC is he a fool (I believe he is the Prime Minister as it happens so?). The dog says he is not worried he has a huge stash of bones buried in the garden so PHEW. But mum said IDIOT, I think she may have directed that at the wireless not the dog.


Wednesday, 28 March 2012

It was hot very hot but it is only March so what's the game then

It has been hot very hot, even hot if it was August only its still March (well Just). At School several of the Staff, which included the Head Master said the school appeared deserted but I told the headmaster and the other staff it was a mirage caused by the heat and madness due to dehydration.  The headmaster thought even in a mirage he should still hear the pupils moving about or the goat as it is catapulted over his office. But I told him that was due to very fast updrafts due to the heat.

It didn’t help that the caretaker said last year it was cold and snowing so this year he was making sure the boiler was on full blast. Apparently this is what happens in large buildings someone decides a date to turn the heating off and regardless of the weather that is the date the heating goes off.

The Ghost Writer was saying luckily for him he did not need to go into the grey office today because they have bolted the windows closed on every floor other than the ground floor as a health and safety directive. The health and safety man told him it was to stop the workers leaping out of the windows when they get too hot and then get delirious. They now just get very very hot and spontaneously combust so saving on pensions and redundancy payments.

We had Zoo Zombie Tart tonight, yes a day late really but then life is never quite as it should be. And all the veg and things are growing like things in the tropical jungles of tropical places, although as mum points out a few more weeks and we will all be banned from using water, not good if you are a fish or a duck or even an Olympic swimmer.

We saw three Buzzards having an aerial fight (in the sky not on an Aerial) and a Heron and a microlight today. Dad said Keep watching the Skies beware of aliens from Venus changing the climate. It is much hotter on Venus so MMmmmmmm but mum said IDIOT she means dad not me.       

Tuesday, 27 March 2012

James Bond and the Zombies of Zanzibar in the Zoological Gardens

Dad promised to take me to school in a Z Car, not the classic 1960’s television show but a Zonda…… WELL COOL. Well I thought it was going to be a Zonda only it turned out to be a Ford  Zodiac …….AH. We were hardly going to zoom to school, although dad did hit a Zedu (an Ox) at the Zebra Crossing and somebody in a Zoot suit with a  Zither. As dad said you should never dither with a Zither

Then the head master said we were all going to the Zoological gardens today and maybe the Zoo, on the school bus driven by Mr Zackary the New Zealand Zoology teacher, to celebrate the end of the Alphabet….

Despite everyone buying a novelty Zeppelin model in the shape of a Zebra at the ZOO and then finding out it was a no fly Zone (although there were some who thought they may have just banned Flies), there were very few Z’s about. 

So we decided to do one of my famous film re-enactments, this time it was James Bond and the Zoo Zombies of Zanzibar. Where Tim played Zorro the evil arch villain, Esmeralda played Zelda the arch villains Floozy and Me as Jamezzz Bond, Hero (well its my story so Ya Sucks Boo) and everyone else played the Zoo Zombies of Zanzibar egg-zept the Headmaster  

It would be difficult to write the entire plot so here is a small extract          

Zorro ……. Zo Mr Bond I have Zoo trapped in zee pit of Zombies HAH HAHAH HAH hah ah aha hhah hah hahh 

Bond…….. Your evil plot will never work Zorro

Zelda……. HAH Hah ahh ah hhah hahah

Zorro……. Zee Zoo Zombies will Zuck zee brains ouT of Zore Z (head), Mr Zond (Bond)

Bond……. I think you will find that I am repellent to Zoo Zombies I have been injected by none other than ”Z” who replaced “M” last year.

Zorro….. “M” waz replazed by” Z”. I waz not told Ziss, Zelda; Y did you not inform Uz of Zis

Zelda….. Don’t blame me Zorro, What with Feed the Zoo Zombies, Get Zee Car.  DO Zis, Do Zat, Flutter My eyez at zee Zero’s (sorry Hero’s) etztra  etztra.

Zorro…… Ziss iz of no import-zance. Zee Zoo Zombies of Zanzibar will Zip (Rip) Zoo apart anyway Mr ZOND (Bond)…. Get Zim Zombies HAHAHAH hah ah hah ah hah ha hah hahah hah hhahah hha.

Zelda….. Hahah hah hah ah hah hah hahah hhahahahhhhah ha

Zoo Zombies AAAAuuuuuuuuughgghghggggghhhhhh zzz Auuuuugghhhhhh and so on

Headmaster ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

TO BE CONTINUED:- (30th April) unless I can think of something better?

Zee Zend of Zee Zalphazet foz Nowz 


Monday, 26 March 2012

Y Yesterday Why today and Y not a Yeti in Yarrow with a Yucca

Yesterdays brilliant idea of going to school this morning dressed as a yellow Yeti in a yashmak was yet another youthful error. At this time of year you should not be sunning yourself on your yacht in Yarrow eating Yams and Yogart with temperatures similar to that of the Yemen, (YICKS). We did build a Yurt in the school yard and Esmeralda found a yak to catapult over the roof, but generally it was a useless Y day, Why?

Still after a lot of yawning and yapping by a young Yorkshire terrier and yet more thinking, I came up with a better brilliant idea than the Brilliant idea of a yellow YODELING YETI so when I got home from school I had the following conversation with Mum

ME.   I have a plan, if I pretend I’m three you can tell me interesting things
But mum said Y ……..(WHY)

ME.   Because it’s a cunning plan to use the letter Y
But mum said Y …….  (WHY)

ME.   Well because if you ask a young child a question, they always ask Y
But mum said Y (WHY)

ME.   Well childen are programmed to say Y to everything until they annoy everyone so much we all yell at them
But mum said Y ……. (WHY)

ME.   Now look here mum your not being fair I am getting very frustrated now
But mum said Y …… (WHY)

ME.   Right I am going to ask you a question you can’t say Why to
But mum said Y ……. (WHY)

ME.   OK then what letter in the Alphabet comes between X and Z . HA HAHAH ah hah haahh ah hahh hah hhah
But mum said Why …….(Y)

ME.   Dam; I didn’t think that through very well did I
But mum said IDIOT

ME.   Ah ………..

Apparently there is a Yugoslavian with a Yoyo and a Yucca doing Yoga and making references to Ying and Yang at the front door

Yippee I can go now …….YES..


Sunday, 25 March 2012

XANTHOCHROISM and an X (rayed) Parrot

Dad was xperimenting with Xanthic acid, Xylostein and Xanthoxylene to make X ray Specs while mum was doing Xylopyrography. The dog however kept saying this X letter is a Bxxxxxxxxx Fxxxxxxxxx Rxxxxxxxx Nuisance……. You will have to Xcuse the use of the X but it is for the best (No it really is today).  Dad has been using Captain Flint the Parrot as a  guinea pig, and has told Us This is an X(rayed) Parrot, and both him and the dog are rolling about in Hysterixxx’s (yes yes but we need all the X’s we can get).

He will be telling us it has Xpired, become xstinct and so on in a bit

I decided to be a Xylotomist today and practice the noble art of Xylotomy. In order to work out the exact age of the big oak tree with the big X on it. According to Captain Flint the Parrot the Big X marks the spot of buried treasure, but then Captain Flint the Parrot would say that. The vet says Captain Flint the Parrot is suffering from a bit of Xanthochroism but Captain Flint said  Stupid XXXXXXXX VET, that’s Just what you might X Pecked from a Vet ………… X Pecked HAH HAHHAHh hah hah haha hah ahah haha hah haha hah hhah ha Pieces of Eight.

Well at least no one mentioned the X men and the Xylophonist ……………………….. AH I just did XXXXXX


Saturday, 24 March 2012

The Werewolf and the Warthog, Walking in the Woods

The Weather has been beautiful today just like the middle of summer. Luckily here in the West on the Welsh borders we still have plenty of Water. Over on the east it is predicted to become a waste land where wildebeest will wander the wild dusty wilderness known to the Workings Classes as The Home Counties or Wessex or was it Wilmslow.

Me and the dog went wandering in the woods looking for Werewolf’s, there have been whispers of the whereabouts of a white werewolf which eats whelks and Wild Waterfowl. We did find a Whippet  that went Woof Woof Grrrrr Woof, and then the Wicked Witch of the West said What  whimsical young Whippersnapper winds his way Westerly   HAH HAHAH Hah ha hah hhahahah ahh aahha hah aha ha hah ahah aha hahaha ha…….. …… Wise Words I will Waffle in my Wigwam ………… Wing of Wagtail, wool of wood worm, Worchester sauce in a worn out Welly and a glass of Wine and a wasp; I wave my wand and…………………………….. Ah…… What Went Wrong there then? The dog Whispered IDIOT 

Me and the Dog left the Wild Witch of the West Writing and worrying and saying these new Spells on Wikipedia are worthless what Will o the Wisp wrote this.

Then a wary Worthog watching, wrinkled his face and said Who are you? And from whence do you walk. We explained we Were WereWolf Warriors of the Welsh Borders, but he said it was far too warm for WEREWOLF'S and it was a wild goose chase to continue , although he had seen a Wombat.     

We returned home then to watch Whirligig beetles in the pond and eat Waffles and Whipped Whey and watercress and generally waste our time  

Talking of time it is time to go. ……… X tomorrow ?


Friday, 23 March 2012


I was feeling very optimistic for the letter V; The little old ladies of yesterday were in school today doing Victorian Needlecraft and advanced Voodoo. After their rather Vocal if Vain attempts to kill the Vampires when we were the Undead, sort of making a mockery of “U”.   We were all dressed today as Vampires, so Well Cool. I even took my Ventriloquists Vampire Dummy with me and was practicing on the Bus says things like Very Vice to Veet Voo and A vottle of Veer……….. Veronica said in her opinion I was the Verst Ventriloquist in Vaa  Vorld.  

Victor the Venezuelan Van (Bus) driver said the Venezuelan Villagers Venerate the Vampires and often hang a Vulture or a Viking on their doors for the visiting vampire who will vibrate the doors on the darkest nights when nothing is visible. After running over a Vixen then a Vole and then a Violin Virtuoso who was playing Vivaldi by the Vineyard we arrived at School.

As yesterday the band of little old ladies, plus the Vicar were there and they Shouted it’s the Venomous Vindictive violent vaporous UNDEAD……….. What? Undead, we said we are Vampires we were the Undead Yesterday, but they Shouted KILL THE UNDEAD, KILL THE UNDEAD. Throwing Valuable Vincent Van Goth’s (sorry Gogh) pictures plus a Vermeer, a Venetian Vase and a Vast number of empty Vodka bottles at us.  The Vicar shouted Vanquish the UNDEAD, Vanish, Vamoose. And we said We are not the Undead we are Vampires………………... Miss Violet said she thought they were Victimizing Vus (sorry Us). They were last seen all heading to the Vestry at the Vicarage.   

The headmaster was dressed as Lord Voldemort, only the Vanilla V neck vest top made him look more like a Vagabond, Esmeralda said as she was a  Vampire she would bite the veins of Voldemort (The Headmaster). But it turned out that Voldemort’s blood was too Viscous

Anyway after it was discovered a visiting Viscount and his wife the had a virulent Virus we were all doused in Vinegar in the Vaults and sent home.

Venison and Veal Pie with garlic for tea YUM …………….AH apparently is Vegetarian Pie with Vegetables and garlic ……….YUCK

 Too many Verbs and Vowels for a VENTRILOQUIST……. A gottle of gear……..Mum just said GIDIOT (sorry IDIOT).  

Ooooo by the way I never mentioned Venus ................... AH I just did  


Thursday, 22 March 2012

The Undead, Vampires and a gang of Unscrupulous Little Old Ladies

We have reached U and U know what that means I can use U instead of U (as in U and not me)……. Mum just said IDIOT, but I am not sure if she means me or U ……..Ah; it’s me not U apparently.

Today as I mentioned yesterday is the day of the Undead WELL COOL so we all went to school covered in white wash and Self Raising Flour, the Undead like self raising flour it helps them get out of their graves HAH AH HHAH HAH HAH HAH hah ah h hha hah hah hhahh ahah ha……. Mum said IDIOT again now.

On the school bus we all were going UuuuugHHH or is it UUuuuuaaaaagghhh at UNSUSPECTING UNDERGRADUATES from the rather utilitarian looking UNIVERSITY (which I have just made up in order to Use more U’s), and some Unemployed Union members who took umbrage and threw Umbrella’s in an Unadvisable Uncontrolled manner.  

When we got off the bus all seemed uneventful until a gang of unscrupulous little old ladies screamed at us saying it’s the unbelievers, the unseen, unkempt underclass’s known throughout the Universe as VAMPIRES.  What Vampires we are not Vampires until tomorrow, we did shout we are the Undead not Vampires but the little old ladies kept Shouting VAMPIRES, VAMPIRES, KILL the VAMPIRES. Unna from class UU17 said they were Unhinged (the little old ladies not the Undead) and they were ruining the letter U Unnecessarily. To which the little old ladies shouted Kill the Vampires. I can’t help but think when we turn up as Vampires tomorrow U will not see a single little old lady to shout Kill the Vampire. I just wish they had not thrown their Underwear at Us, that was Utterly Unmentionable (Ah I just did) and rather unfortunate.   

So after a then Uninspiring day in school where Esmeralda was hitting a lump of Uranium with a hammer to see if it would blow Up and the Cricket Umpire pointed out that Ursa Major was in the Upper Quarter which will lead to Utterances in the Undergrowth by the undertaker (I did not UNDERSTAND a word myself). I unsurprisingly headed home to the fading shouts of Kill the Vampires. I think I did hear one little old lady shout Kill the Umpire when her grandson was given LBW (Leg Before Wicket for those of U reading in the USA)

The Carpet is all finished now, a job well done although the dog ate the Underlay and some of the fitters UTENSILS but the dog is unconcerned…… As U will have guessed by now some of my Diary is Untrue, Unless it is; although that’s more unlikely.

Oooo Roast Unicorn for tea YUM, and I must try and fang (sorry find) my Vampire teeth for tomorrow. 


Wednesday, 21 March 2012

How to plot a TRAPEZOIDAL TANGENTIAL TRIANGULAR route on a map and the Chinese Takeaway

I have just finished a cup of tea (I like it weak with loads of milk and sugar) and am now contemplating T, not the drink I just drank, or the Tibetan Tortoise and Tartar Toasted Tart with Tamarind and Tomato Topping which we were going to have for Tea (as in Dinner). Well we were until the Ghost Writer traumatized the trades people who were due to fit our carpet, and had telephoned to play tactics and tell us they needed to delay everything yet again until at least tomorrow.

The Ghost Writer as you know is a Techy and IT guru for Citizens Advice, Trading Standards and Napoleon Beelzebub’s now X shop, and said Turn up or Terrible torments of Trigonometry and Trogan Trolls will Trigger the Termination of your Trade in Cyberspace. Anyway an hour later the carpet is being laid WELL COOL.  The result is our evening meal in now a Chinese Takeaway……. So YUM Well Tasty.

At school Mr Tailor the Maths Teacher was saying that the Tangent to the Trapezium was TECHNICALLY TRANSVERSE the total Trapezoid’s Transverse Triangle. The class all nodded knowingly but the truth was no one knew what he was talking about. Then in the Geography Class Mr Truman said; we will do Topography today so plot a Trapezoidal Tangential Trianglar route on your map to the top of table top Mountain using the traditional Tourist track or the tricky Tribal trail through the  Tundra and tropical trees ………WHAT? In English Mrs Thomas said we must not start our sentences with a T in fact it is best avoiding words starting in T altogether ……………………AH. Then Esmeralda Threw a Pink ToeD Tarantula at her. Mrs Thomas is going to have therapy tomorrow and maybe some Transcendental meditation for trauma caused by a Tarantula.

The Trials and Tribulations of life are taking there toll now so time to tackle the trillion other tasks

 The carpet men have gone now and still have work to do but at least they have done the main bits…… they said they will be back tomorrow, a Letter U day; the day of the Un-dead so they better watch out or else  
I cant think of a better piece of music for today (above)

and (for Mr ESB, Mr H & Miss Lily)
It takes Much longer to get up north the long way


Tuesday, 20 March 2012

Starfish Sandwich Spread, Saffron and the Smoke Bomb

So we Start the letter S on Tuesday not Saturday or Sunday, which means we will start T on Wednesday not Tuesday or Thursday (typical), however it is the first day of Spring so something to stand up and shout about. Selebrating (yes yes OK) with a springer spaniel sandwich with some starfish sandwich spread and a sprinkling of spice (saffron) and a smidgen of salt. Eaten with a Spoon and then Sucked through a Straw…….Mum just said IDIOT     

On the way to School on the School bus we wore Sheets over our heads and were spooky and scary, Screaming at Simon the School bus driver who kept shouting Shit as he swerved to avoid the Synagogue’s Sponsored Steeple Chase (particularly after yesterday). The Senior Rabbi will be sentenced in the Supreme Court on the Second Saturday of September after the Stiff (the body of Mr Rogers) slipped out of the Scrap metal onto the sidewalk (suspicious stuff).

At school we spent the day stubbornly stuck in the science section of the school. Mr Spencer the science teacher said we would study Space satellites and their systems. Esmeralda asked if we could send a sub-spices into space. To which Mr Spencers asked if the sub species involved something similar to a goat, Esmeralda said Yes, so Mr Spencer said No after which Esmeralda sulked until he suggested a small(ISH) Smoke bomb made using suet, sugar, sulphur and soda. It was highly successful although a stray Streaking Sponsored Steeple chasing Sportsman, distracted by his stereo was rushed to hospital on a stretcher with a sore spleen. Serves him right for staggering straight past a sign saying “Beware Small(ISH) Bomb”.

After School I told Sooty the Cat it was an S day and he ate his supper and went to sleep (Typical)

Sorry But there’s such a sumptuous supply of S’s I am getting a bit sick of them so will be a silly scallywag and just say sayonara.



Monday, 19 March 2012

The Three R's; Reading Writing and Arithmetic .......... WHAT?

Its R today so Rancid Rhinoceros risotto with rotting rabbit and Ribena for breakfast ……………… I knew letting the dog cook breakfast was a bad move. We did the three R’s at school today Reading, Writing and Arithmetic.  Yes exactly who thought of that one, I know what mum would say……………… So everyone thought it best to do the three R’s that are R’s, which after a vote turned out to be Road Rage, Resting and Recycling

I think Road Rage made it onto the list after the incident in the School bus this morning with Mr Rogers the Relieve driver and the Rabbi in the Range Rover on the roundabout.

Our Road Rage lesson went well; we recited various Red blooded repellent un-Repeatable Risqué phrases involving Rodents, Reproduction, Roquefort and a Rooster. As well as Rude Gesturers and Ramming a Rabbi on a Roundabout with a bus, then running over the Rabbis Cat before having to run away when you realize the Rabbi has a Russian Revolver        

Resting went remarkablY well and we relaxed with the radio and Rolly Polly Pudding made by a retired Romanian Rifle Repairer

I am off now to play Djembe and the Rhythms of Ruanda and their remarkably Rhythmic RAIN Dance. So will return later……………


Because we have ripped all the Rugs out of the Room which we play Djembe in it Rather Reverberated which is in fact rather rewarding.  Although it is not entirely restful when the dog in a gesture of rebellion kept passing the window in a Rickshaw with a rare Rhododendron and a Rose in a round red raffia container, shouting Rumpelstiltskin was a radioactive Reptile.

OK back to the three R’s at School and recycling. We went to watch a Range Rover once owned by a Rabbi being Reduced to a Cube in the Crusher at the Recycling plant. Esmeralda said it was Really Cool because Mr Rogers the RELIEVE driver had been Restrained with Rope and rammed into the boot. I guess that explains why the green Range Rover turned into a Red cube………… YUK

I am starting to think no one reads this anymore


Sunday, 18 March 2012

The Queen, Quasimodo, Don Quixote and Quatermass playing Quoits

It has been a quiet quintessentially quaint sunny spring Sunday, I say quaint because at least a quarter of the great British public can be found quarrelling in queues at shops like B&Q. Trying to buy some quality items and save a few quid in a no quibble semi-quasi deal. The dog said with the letter Q I needed all the help I could get so was shouting Quack at me while riding past on a Quad bike.

With it being Mothers Day in the UK we had QUINCE and Quail (not Dan) sandwiches and the Queen of Qatar and her pals Quasimodo  , Quatermass and Don Quixote  came, so we all played Quoits’. Although Quasimodo (one of Quintuplets apparently) quit a bit on the quick side, but he was feeling Queasy so spent the evening throwing bits of quartz into the quicksand and watching the skies for Quasar’s.

We ended the day with a huge bonfire on the quadrangle (Patio)  which the  Queen of Qatar and  Don Quixote said we should Quench but the dog insisted they filled in a questionnaire first to see if they were qualified to assess Bonfires or discuss Quantum Physics. He then added that they did not form a Quorum anyway so, Quid Pro Quo (no sorry it was Yah Sucks Boo)

Sorry I am late but that bonfire was quite large and I had to watch it until it quietened down a bit. And that Quasimodo has been on the Bells Whisky and said I am his best mate in all the world …………… Mum just added IDIOT  


Saturday, 17 March 2012

The Poisonous Peruvian Puff Pigeons and the Pink Pullover

Mr Price was a little perplexed this morning by a flock of Poisonous Peruvian Puff Pigeons perching on the poles of his Prized Pagoda, they are rather Partial to Pecking Pink Petunias which Mr Price has in perfusion in pots  on his patio. So as a result of us feeding the birds Peanuts, means an almost certain probability of the Poisonous Peruvian Puff Pigeons Pestering Mr Price. The paradox was that the Poisonous Peruvian Puff Pigeons perching on the poles of Mr Prices Prized Pagoda were Perplexed by him leaping up and down flapping his arms about while wearing a pink pullover.

In the end he grabbed a megaphone and was shouting Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked; If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, Where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked. But as the dog said the Poisonous Peruvian Puff Pigeons are Peruvian and don’t have a Cooooo what he is saying before falling about in hysterics (the dog not the POISONOUS PERUVIAN PUFF PIGEONS).  

I have been put to practical use today and moving the last items out of Napoleon Beelzebub’s Very Strange Victorian Curiosity Shop on what is the last day and the sign is now plucked from its position above the window. People were pointing, PROGNOSTICATING and protesting and saying Please Please stay. But Mr Beelzebub said its OK I will arrange a party full of Pyrotechnics, pestilence and putrefaction and Pelicans. And all the people went ……………..AH.

As a small present Mr Beelzebub presented me with a prestigious Pre-Raphaelite Petrified Porcupine in a pine and polypropylene presentation case he did say that sadly the original glass had been pinched so it was now plastic. He did however know a professional plumber who could replace the plastic with glass and putty, properly.    

Dad is planning to fit an old prehistoric looking Pitch Pine door to his shed (or Play Pen as mum calls it). He was pottering about in the play pen (sorry shed) today and has made a High Pressure Steam powered pneumatic pre-programmable Platypus  using Platinum for Mr Price, as the Poisonous Peruvian Puff Pigeons live in perpetual fear of the Platypus which I would like to point out in passing is also Poisonous

Anyway enough of being profound I most pitter patter off to other projects, Politics and Pilchard Pizza ……………. YUM    

The Lemmings of PETROGRAD say ……….. POWER to the PEOPLE

And I would like to say to Ian the Musical Hat Maker ………… HAPPY BIRTHDAY Mr IAN

OK that’s plenty for one night.

This is my very good friend Miss Fionski the Famous Russian Spy who has nothing to do with the letter P but It is nice to show that the main characters and events of my story are all based on the truth