A Day in the Life of a Blogger and other events

Yes this is a snowman and a vampire drawn by a small child

The Vampire is the one with the ears

And they both look a bit evil to me

This is my drawing of Thomas the Tank Engine

I was told it is rubbish by a Small Child

I think the addition of the Owl and the Pussy Cat

Confused the Small Child

I have had a busy day that involved my attempt at making a gate for outside, I say attempt because it is a bit rustic, but looks OK and it will do the job required of it. Which is to stop the winter wind sneaking round the corner of the house at the back and laughing at me. It has done this for a couple of year now and I have threatened it with retribution at least once, but all it does is howl a bit and carry on. So that is that, it has had its last chance, mind you I did not get to put the new rustic gate on its hinges as we had visitors one of whom was a small enthusiastic and noisy child.  I am not that good with small children with their leaping about having a good time and it is much worse when the little critters like you, which makes it much harder to scare them.

To try and keep this small enthusiastic child quiet the pair of us did a bit of drawing. Now I don’t know how many of you have experience of drawing with small enthusiastic children but they are to put it bluntly not easy to keep focused on what they are drawing. We started with Thomas the Tank Engine, well he told me it was Thomas but it looked a bit like a demented mad axe murdering train to me. And I know it has been a while since I have seen Thomas (I prefer Ivor the Engine it is a million times better) but one thing I know is it does not have 14 pairs of wheels. I tried to help by drawing the Fat Controller. . . .I suspect he is not called that now. . .  but my controller was actually rather thin and looked like a priest out of some old western with a parrot on his shoulder. The small person then drew the fat controller but it looked a bit like Edward Scissorhands to me but very very thin and sort of tree shaped. . . .  Small people are (not to beat about the bush as the saying goes) total rubbish at drawing and trying to explain the principles of perspective is like trying to teach an Earthworm to climb a ladder.

The Small child soon got bored and decided it was time to leave and head off for his Sunday roast while I now slightly the worse for wear headed out into the cold wind that was still laughing at me even though it could see what I was planning to do. I then managed to hit my thumb with a hammer which was a bit sore, so I shouted at the wind a lot and waved my hammer at it in defiance. Starting a small stampede among a passing group of elderly walkers I had not spotted until then who thought I was mad. And a man on a bicycle fell into the hedge thinking I was the God Thor arriving to attack him, apparently he said he has been expecting it to happen for some time. I tried to tell him I was not Thor but it is tricky when you are holding a large hammer in the air and shouting so in the end I agreed and said he was now free to cycle in peace. . . .sort of. 

Some days never quite go to plan  

Winter Storms, flooding and Wild Winds in Britain . . . . and a Curry

Britain is being a bit battered at present, not in a I’ll have a Britain and chips please to takeaway, but by wind rain and tide surges (No I don’t know who Tide Surges is either), anyway before I get seriously distracted I thought I would check the BBC news. On the BBC news I noticed something that confused me a bit, it was a headline saying  . . . UK flooding: Flood defences 'will be protected' . . . . .  Now I know I am not always the quickest at picking up an important point in any given situation, but surely the whole point of a flood defence is to defend stuff from floods. If a flood defence needs to be protected then it must be a rubbish flood defence and I also noticed the words front-line services again call me a bit silly but surely the front line or as we like to call it the beach or river bank is a great place for a flood defence it makes no sense putting it behind the shops or on the hill unless it is a rubbish flood defence and needs protecting from the flood.

I do have to say all this rain and wind has been going full blast for some time now and it appears it is all the fault of the USA, I know and us being all sort of chirpy and friends. But the North of the USA is too cold and the South of the USA is differentially to warm causing storms to be created over the Atlantic (the Jet Steams doing) and making us folk in the UK wet.  It’s at times like this I think dad really should not have sold his old Weather Machine to some bloke he called Uncle Sam (I have never heard of him before).

I did manage to do a good deed today though as the chap next door had part of his fence blow down a couple of weeks ago and it has been getting worse. He is a bit like me and stubborn and likes to fix stuff himself. But he is eighty and also somewhat poorly at present so I leapt to the rescue. OK I was not able to fix it but I have put all the lose bits safe and secured what is still standing.  Which is good as the weather predictions for the next few days sound a bit bad, so I hope my work does not blow away  . . . . . . Maybe my temporary wind  defences  need  some sort of protection from the wind I will ask the BBC.

Oooooooo we had an Indian takeaway tonight which was well yum in order to take our mind off the wind. . . . .  I have a feeling that may not be the right thing to write . . . . 

Steam Powered Ducks and Old Converse Trainers

Today started in a wild and windy way and sort of got windier and wilder until mid-afternoon when the sun finally came out. I know it was the windiest day in a long time as poor old Steam Powered Duck was blown over the waterfall and was upside-down lying in the lily pads. Not a dignified way to spend your time and full of technical issues if you are a Steam Powered Duck. Anyway I can now assure everyone she is back in her own pool and looking none the worse for the experience, and I believe the long term memory of ducks is limited.

   

We also had a visit from Miss Jo who has spent much time whizzing about from place to place doing things and talking to folk about stuff. Something we all have to do from time to time although I do try and avoid too much talking to folk about stuff if I can.  Miss Jo then had to whizz off to do other things and collect Miss E  . . . . .I think.

Once the sun came out I was able to grab my trusty pickaxe and make a hole in the ground, it has been a while since I made a hole in the ground, although the ground was not ideal for making holes due to all the rain in the morning. I was also digging in my trusty Old Converse Trainers which are getting that real lived in feel these days although the soles are sort of very thin and falling off.  If the soles do fall off it will be terrible because I have never heard of Old Converse Trainers with no soul before and I do not want to own the first pair. . . . . .  I wonder if I can fix them with super glue.

AH  . . . . . DAMN I have super glued my trainers onto my feet

Mum has said IDIOT.

A short sharp tale of country folk, and forgetful drumming

Tonight I'm afraid is going to be a short sharp tale of country folk, because after a day of this then that, and the general activities of life and trips to the academic heart of the academic place of learning where I am taught things. I then returned back to the place from where I started otherwise known as home. I then ate food and thought about stuff briefly before realizing that my drumming colleague was due to arrive, which he did. We then drummed and played some rhythms that we had not played before because we as in general forgetful and forget stuff. It is one of the things we specialize in forgetful drumming; then we reached the point where my drumming colleague Mr P had to return to the point from where he started otherwise known as home (his home not my home).

I then made the fundamental mistake of chilling out in front of a log fire, I say chilling but it was in fact warm; it is one of those saying that is fundamentally wrong, chilling in front of a log fire is a paradox. The result of this however is that time has ebbed away and there is now no time to write this, OK there is time to write this, but not what I would write if I had more time which I don’t.

Ooooooo yes two things my drumming colleague Mr P has a book all about muddy holes and is something of an expert (what a strange world it is) and WOW its been windy today, why has it been that windy why cant we have some sun and piece for a while, I think I may be required to stick some thing sharp and pointy into the works of dads weather machine, every time it is switched on we get weather.

And the Ghost Writer says if folk blindly press buttons on certain things on a computer network that can change IP addresses they should not be entirely surprised when bits of the said network don’t work. . . . . .   

And Heavy Harry is meowing .. . . . . . .FOOOOOOOOOD.

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The twelfth day of the twelfth month of 2012, the Montgolfier brothers and a rather nice curry

It is the 12^th of the 12^th of 2012 or 12-12-12 today (not as good as 12-12-1212 but I missed that date) which will not happen again for a very long time. As it happens I think it will if I remember correctly Ethiopia is eight years behind the rest of the world, I am not sure why and I have not checked to ensure I am correct because it is very very cold. But I am going to assume I am right because I am right almost every time I am not wrong, and I am only wrong when I am not right.  In other words it will not be 12-12-12 again for eight years. Next year we will have 11-12-13 (well not if you are in America because for some silly reason they do their dates wrong)…..

The Sun was rubbish today and looked a bit like one of these low energy light bulbs, it even generated about the same amount of heat as a low energy light bulb, I just hope that the End of the World is not going to be an eco friendly End of the World that would be a disaster.

In an effort to warm ourselves up we are going to descend on the Montgomery Indian Restaurant and meet up with friends, when I say descend I really mean we are going to walk in the front door like everyone else, it is one of those silly sayings which came about from the early days of hot air ballooning when the Montgolfier Brothers would say to their pals see you for dinner. They would then leap into their hot air balloon and vanish off in totally the wrong direction landing on the roof of some poor unsuspecting family and say to them we thought we would just drop in for dinner, the resulting conversation would then descend into a fight because the Montgolfier Brothers would always say the food was rubbish and what is for pud.

So that’s it I know I did stuff but it was cold and stuff I do when I am cold is not exciting and I am (that’s cold not exciting, although I am exciting) I am not as good at typing either so enough is enough, another little phrase that goes back to the days of the Montgolfier Brothers when the family finally thought it was time to throw the balloonists out on their ears. Yes, yet another ballooning term, those early hot air balloon baskets looked just like ears .. . . . . . .The END

Last one to eat a curry is a sissy AH HHAH HAH ah hah ahah ahahahaha haha hahahahahh aha hah ahaha hahh hah 

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How to keep warm in the cold using Rats and Wooly Jumpers

It was a very cold day today, one that nibbled about at the extremities of one’s body resulting in the addition of many layers. These many layers may work remarkably well at keeping you warm, but it is only when you see someone else wearing additional layers that you come to realise there is a fine line between the practical and madness. Yes I think we all know who we are talking about . . . . The Ghost Writer, who popped in to say its jolly damn cold outside and I have resorted to wearing several extra layers of CLOTHING? It was pointed out to him that if there was one thing he did not need to point out to us, it was the fact he was wearing extra layers. I even removed several layers of clothing for a while in order to look normal (sort of normal) but decided that looking mad and being toasty and warm, beats looking normal and freezing. Strangely no one in school commented on my appearance but looking back on it I seem to remember that all the pupils resembled woolly balls of wool and sounded very muffled.

The Ghost Writer has told me that if you wear a few large rats under all the layers they make great hot water bottles although you do need to make sure they remain well fed and that you do not make any sudden movements. They do not take kindly to being sat on…….

It is the day after the start of the End of the World, I have to admit I am not sure if it has started to end or not, certainly no one is screaming or running about flapping their arms in the air. But then that is not easy with fifteen woolly jumpers on anyway, I just hope that the world in not going to end in a giant freeze as I was hoping for a warmer End of the World, luckily I do have a larger than average collection of jumpers due to a technical error when we moved house resulting in me obtaining loads of jumpers. I will run away now as the open fire is calling me to go and throw wood and coal on it for the evening.

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Running through the piles of leaves, Fairy Lights and British Winter Time

Today is Sunday and in the old tradition of a Sunday fairly chilled and peaceful, OK chilled and peaceful here, there are many places that are not.

I have not done a great deal today mainly sweep leaves as the leaves in Britain are falling off the trees on mass at present and if they are not swept up will cause chaos. If you live in other parts of the world you will be thinking leaves cause chaos surely not, but only a couple of years ago the entire rail system was grounded by leaves, although as British Rail pointed out at the time they were the wrong sort of leaves. We have the wrong sort of leaves in our garden because they only appear to fall in the wrong places so I was dispatched to sweep them into tidy piles and deposit them in the recycle bin. Luckily I did not suffer one of the great problems of sweeping leaves into piles, the one that all sweepers hate. This is passers by running through the piles of leaves kicking them into the air in a jolly happy way. This impulsive almost subconscious act is something from deep in the mind when we were very little and insisted and knocking down the brick tower that an adult spent many painful hours building for you. The pile of leaves is a sort of flash back and everyone just has to knock the pile down again, of course the consequences are very different, in one the brick tower is rebuilt with a begrudging smile in the other you are chased by a mad screaming man waving a bristle yard brush at you while you try to loose him in the shopping centre at the perimeter of the park.

OK enough about sweeping leaves up, there is only so much any man can write about sweeping leaves up while still making it interesting and I think I may have passed that point some time ago. Although I will add what was really annoying is I would sweep up all the leaves then look back to admire my handy work only to discover a load of new leaves had fallen out of the trees so everything was covered in leaves again.

I have also put up a few more fairy lights at the front of the house today,  I have always said you cant have too many fairy lights although it might just be that we now have so many plug in fairy lights connected that the solar fairy lights will just think it is day time all the time, even in the middle of the night so never come on.

OK that is about it for today I need to try and get my body adjusted to the fact all the clocks were themselves adjusted last night so what was 6.00pm yesterday has become 5.00pm today (I think) resulting in a lighter start to the day but a very dark end to it. In principle its fine only my body hates all this and I get well confused. And tomorrow we are off to IKEA and it is not a place to go to in a state of confusion, what with the one way system round its cunning rabbit warren of stuff, subconsciously making you buy things you never need, and instilling an urge to run through the huge pile of cushions, kicking them into the air and laughing hysterically.

  

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A wet quiet Sunday, but how many cows can you fit in a glider?

I think today has proved to be the first really cold, wet and generally nasty Autumn (wintery) day of this Autumn/winter and the forecast is not good for the next couple of days or so. We have all been keeping our heads down today and even the cows next door in the field are digging their winter burrows ready to hibernate until spring. Hang on that sounds a bit wrong cows do not burrow, and I sure they don’t usually have a vaulting horse in the middle of the field either. The dog seems to thing it is an elaborate escape plan and they plan to fly south for the winter like the swallows, although the cows will need to go by easy jet; I have to say I am not entirely convinced that it is all that easy for a cow to get onto easy jet even wearing a false moustache and an old Estonian school tie.  Anyway that is a distraction I am sure no one is interested in a field full of cows digging holes and trying not to look suspicious about it.

it is very wet today

 So to other news, well to tell the truth it there is not a great deal of other news because it is a classic wet cold and dark Sunday in the United Kingdom. These are the days when the human brain tries to do the same as the cows and will hide in a burrow and hibernate. So writing an interesting diary entry to tantalize that very nice Steven Spielberg’s own mind which I suspect is in a nice sunny climate next to a large swimming pool sipping champagne and nibbling warm sausage rolls is tricky to say the least.

We did see Mr Kris who has a new car, not brand new but as new as Mr Kris has ever owned because it is shiny and clean and not full of mice and rust. The thing is with cars is that once upon a time you could potter about in a rusty relic quite safely but then everyone started to drive about fast and wave their fists at you, so driving about in a rusty relic was not as safe anymore. Then the powers that be said ooooooo those rusty relics are not safe and changed the rules so they have all vanished to history. When they should have changed the rules to stop everyone driving so fast (not dad or the dog though), so that it was still safe to drive a rusty relic.   If you get rid of you faithful old car to get an environmentally friendly new one you have to drive it for fifty years to balance the environmental cost of scrapping the old one to get the new one, so environmentally it is better just to keep the old one on the road.

Now what was I saying  . . . . . . . . . . .Ah yes not a lot has happened today so I will go. I will say one thing before I go though; cows are rubbish with a spade and a pick axe at digging holes, if it is an escape plan it could be spring before they get out, I might suggest they try making a glider and that avoids the agro with easy jet too.  

How many cows can you fit in a glider?

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