The Chickens of Death and the Great Robot Conspiracy of 1927

I may do some robot based posts this year because I got rather a nice book to draw in with a robot on the front of it, and besides I don’t think I have mentioned robots much in my diary so far and of course we all know the great robot conspiracy of 1927 that was hushed up by the authorities. O yes they will never be able to suppress the truth entirely not after what happen in the ice cream van incident with the ice cream. . . . . .YUCK

Anyway I am running very late tonight and have only drawn half a robot so it may be necessary to use an old picture, I mean I am not superman (Knowing wink and a nod . . . nudge nudge).

I was looking forward to a TV programme tonight, but apparently I misread the title and so ended up watching something entirely different . . . . . . I was hoping to see. . .  Leningrad and the Chickens of Death. . .  I was told not only that I am as blind as a bat, which I sort of am without my glasses although I did have them on at the time, but I was also told that I am a complete IDIOT. . .  It’s a shame because Leningrad and the Chickens of Death sounds good and for reasons that make no sense I had it in my mind they must be Zombie Chickens from Space. . . . . I mean that is well COOL like an old 1950’s sci-fi B movie . . . .

WHAT IS IT Professor . . . . . . . IT’S A . . . . .

AAAAAAUuuuuuuuugggggghhHHHHHH 

The Truth about Conspiracy Theories

We live in a world that loves a good conspiracy theory, I know I do. And we all know of at least one that has done the rounds whether it is the assassination of JFK or the death of Princess Diana or other Royal Family based ones or those linked to Global Warming or the end of WW11 and so on and so on.  However we need to ask ourselves why there are so many and why many of them are known to so many people.  You see the general view by the powers that be is that conspiracy theories are started in general by nutters with a grudge again the system, and this is probably correct. But if so it does raise an interesting question.

You see I have put forward my own conspiracy theories about things like aliens and so on, on my blog and have mentioned them on twitter and they don’t go global. If it is the case most of these things are started up by folk with a grudge against the establishment how do they end up known to so many. . . . . Well I have a theory…

I mean if you wanted to hide a large tree, where would be the best place to hide it. Not in a large warehouse or under the stairs as it would stand out like a sore thumb and besides it would die. So the perfect place to hide it is in a wood or forest where it is one tree among thousands and almost impossible for anyone to find. Well this might very well be the truth behind so many conspiracy theories; the truth is that one of them is in fact the truth, but which one. You see the establishment and powers that be can hide what is a very plausible truth among the thousands of slightly strange but possible theories that are not true. It is therefore in the interest of governments and multinationals to encourage as many Conspiracies as possible that might just have some sort plausible truth within them in order to hide the truth.

So in short what I am saying is that I have a conspiracy theory that says all conspiracy theories are a conspiracy theory to hide the conspiracy theory that is the true one.

Of course the truth will never really be known because although we have the access to information act and official secrets are generally released after thirty years or longer. If I was in charge and I did not wish folk to find out I would ensure everything was shredded by folk who did not know what they were shredding. Making sure the shredded stuff was then dealt with by folk who did not have any link with the other lot.

If this blog suddenly vanishes you will know that I know too much. . . or not enough.  

HD85512b also known as Earth 2 or Super Earth and possible issues that may arise

Earlier today while busy doing stuff I was contemplating writing an interesting tale about HD85512b or Earth Two as it has become known in the press.  Humans have long been keen to meet aliens and the like and this is a great opportunity if it was just a bit closer.  But then I thought to myself even if we did meet them communication would be rubbish.  We sort of assume most of the time that because as humans we are clever it would all be easy and anyway if aliens get to Earth they would be super clever and work out what we were talking about.

Well there are two important points, the first of which is if we are so damn clever how come we have never managed to talk to other species on Planet Earth. All critters communicate using some sort of language (OK some of the tiny ones don’t).  Maybe it is possible that science has already achieved this but it is an official secret for rather logical reasons, I mean imagine how folk would feel about eating beef if the following conversation happened every time you went near a field of cows.

Oooooo hello rob what have you got there is it nice

Ah yes its a burger, they are rather popular

It looks interesting is it made of grass

No its a bun made of bread with fried onions, a bit of mustard and A meat burger

meat???

Well when I say meat I mean stuff

Stuff. . . . . What sort of stuff

Well mmmm sort of beef

WHAT

Well its only a bit of meat, a tiny bit really Look

AAAuuuuugghhhh that looks like Gertrude.

Gertrude no its just a burger I mean I would never eat Gertrude, well certainly not any important bits.

I don’t like you any more

Ah sorry about that Look I will only eat sheep

Bastard. . . . . . . 

Well as humans kill or eat almost everything that moves communicating with it would cause issues so it might well be that science and the powers that be have suppressed this.

Of course the second issue is if super intelligent aliens did turn up they would look upon us in the same way we look upon Cows and think hey these critters will make great burgers. Leading to the following conversation

You can not eat us . . . we are Humans

and very tasty you are too

No you don’t understand we are intelligent beings

Are you sure . . . you have not done much

Yes we have . . .  we have been to the moon

AH hah ahah ah ah ah a hahah ah ahah h a ha hah ah ahaha ha you are funny critters the moon is just up there I mean it is not exactly very far is it.

Well we have stuff like Mmmmmmmmmmmm toasters and bombs and love a good war

Well I think that sort of proves our point. that is just a waist of a good burger. Look I tell you what I will not eat the squishy bits I don’t like them anyway, you can keep them

WHAT

Now just hop into this liquidiser

Bastard

So despite the human desire to meet aliens, one would have to conclude that it would not end well.  Let’s face it if we manage to get to a planet in the future will we communicate with the life on it or eat it, particularly if it has four legs and is cow shaped.

Professor Venomous Voldemort . . . . The A to Z of Slightly Strange Unknown Victorian Inventors and Explorers

Professor Venomous Voldemort

A strange character with few friends and a way about him that quite frankly scared the heebie jeebies out of even the hardiest of folk. He claimed to have invented the very first intelligent machine, the Voldemort Valuator Device. However there were many who argued that an intelligent machine can not have the brain of a human being in a glass jar attached to electrodes as the source of its intelligence. Professor Venomous Voldemort himself argued that he only used a small part of a human and the rest of his device used Electro-mechanicals and chemistry to operate and was therefore an intelligent machine.

One of Professor Venomous Voldemort’s main problems was that the police kept confiscating the machines brain and after they had confiscated five of them were starting to get suspicious. This led to Professor Voldemort having to use the brain of a cat he found in a box in order to do his first demonstrations in the Royal Observatory.

Which in turn resulted in several unforeseen circumstances?

1           It kept losing at chess very badly, but then cats are not good at chess.

 

2          The device took one look at the buffet for the invited members of the science world and promptly tried to bury all the food

3          It was prone to sulk and would sit with its back to the eminent scientific audience

4          The Royal Observatory at the time was overrun with mice and when one ran through the great hall the device headed off at speed in pursuit. It was a device not designed for chasing mice and promptly fell over spilling the cats brain onto the floor, reducing the machines ability to think by a substantial margin.

However the world of science did show interest and in particular Professor Frankenstein and Professor Venomous Voldemort collaborated on several projects involving artificial intelligence and cats.  None of which ended well . . . . . He was last seen being pursued by a large crowd of villagers with fiery torches heading towards a central European castle.  

Mr Jeremy Clarkson and the Great Top Gear Conspiracy all is revealed

Over the last few days I have heard many things about the great Top Gear, Jeremy Clarkson debate. Well when I say many things I have heard or read a couple of things and have now made many assumptions that have led me to a Top Gear Conspiracy theory, I have said it before and its entirely true, everyone loves a good conspiracy theory.  You see there are some interesting facts in all this.  For example who informed the BBC of the alleged Fracas, well it turns out it was Mr Clarkson himself. Well that is not the sort of thing you are going to do when you are already in trouble; rush inside and tell the entire world that you chopped down the Cherry tree. . . .  Mmmmmm very suspicious? Then it turns out the producer has been part of the team for ages and has risen up through the staff to become a producer (a well liked producer) in a team where it appears Mr Clarkson is well and truly the main man. And I do not mean just the big star lying on a feather sofa eating grapes out of a hubcap, no he is one of the brains and driving (no pun intended) forces behind the show. So if he did not like this chap would he be a producer . . . NO. And there have been other little hints at stuff which has led me to my conspiracy theory.

SO . . . . . I can hear folk say. . . What stupid idea have you come up with now . . . . Well you see if you have watched the show you will have noticed it had lost its sparkle a bit this series. They were struggling for one of those brilliant ideas that has made the show the great success it has been for the last twenty years. Basically it had started to go a bit off the boil and stale. So in order to avoid it just petering out losing viewers, they hatched a great master plan to go out with a bang leaving everyone wanting more.

So what is this Foolish plan . . . you now ask. Well by Jeremy Clarkson discrediting himself it means the BBC has to sack him. Then his close friends and fellow presenters plus The Stig will refuse to stay, and then the crew will also follow Mr Clarkson to create a whole new car show watched by millions from day one on Channel 4. (OPTION ONE)

There is a slight possibility that the BBC seeing the dropping ratings hatched the plan to restore interest in the show. If in a few days time we hear on the BBC News that Jeremy Clarkson and the producers have made up and the show will continue to the end of this series then I think we can also assume it’s a conspiracy to boost the ratings of a show that has almost run its course. (OPTION TWO)

So there you have it call me mad (DAMN you called me mad), but conspiracy theories are not always that far from the truth. . . . Who can say its not all a cunning plan, after all the Top Gear team has achieved some unlikely goals in the past which have required immense planning. I mean if they can put a Reliant Robin on the moon then anything is possible.

Aliens, Black Friday, 40 inch Televisions, Conspiracies and Professor Quatermass.

After many years it appears the so called Black Friday chaos finally arrived here in Britain yesterday, a place not used to Black Friday. And it has come to my notice thanks to the very informative Bumferry Hogart that all was not as it might appear from a distance. You see Mr Hogart or Mr H as we like to call him was brave enough to venture out into the wilds of sale land and found folk acting normally and even smiling. To those of us watching the news this was a shock as on the BBC news we got to watch massed crowds fighting in the playing fields of England . . . sorry I mean the aisles of Tesco as they fought to the last man over 40 inch television sets. This is interesting because (as I have already discussed with Mr H) a couple of years ago when the good folk of Britain in certain places (cities) rioted one of the main items targeted by the looters was 40 inch television sets.

In fact 40 inch television sets seem to have a strange effect on the public and the people who own them. So I have had to conclude from all the evidence that has been placed in front of me that the minds of man has been subconsciously manipulated by Aliens of a higher intelligence many millions of years ago to desire a 40 inch television.  Of course the Aliens have been waiting quietly for us to get to the stage where our own intelligence is good enough to develop the mass produced 40 inch Flat Screen Television. Which means mankind has now finally reached a point where we now sit and worship these 40 inch large shiny black monoliths in our living rooms. Now ask yourself does this remind you of something, a film maybe called . . . 2001 a Space Odyssey. 

You see these large black 40 inch screen technological devices are more than a simple television set they are the incubators of the dormant offspring of the Aliens who will at some point leap out of the screen and into the body and mind of the humans who have been sent into a comatose state by watching hours of talent shows and minor celebs doing stuff like dancing and eating armadillos or Dads Army. 

And once the humans have been assimilated and genetically realigned they will join the army of existing aliens who insist those of us who do not yet own 40 inch televisions should get one because it’s a must for every modern home. This way it is only a matter of time until we are all taken over and Mankind as we know it is changed forever becoming Aliens just like the ones you see on the TV. . . . . . .

I blame that Professor Quatermass. . . . 

ITV1+1, the Time Lords and Time . . . Mankinds big Questions

I was asked what at first appears to be a simple question about names yesterday. . . . . . . Why isn't ITV1+1 just called ITV2 . . . . . .  It’s an innocent sort of thought but under the surface lays a terrible secret.   You see ITV1+1 is in fact one of the time shift channels created to manipulate mankind, as a programme ends on ITV1 it suddenly turns up on ITV1+1. Very useful folk will think a chance to watch the programme you have just missed and were looking foreword too.

But this apparently simple and popular idea is a way to control time, ask yourself where does this extra hour come from that allows a TV channel to move programmes about like this. The fact is that these huge media companies have devised a way to bend time, allowing them to create the 25hr a day television experience.

Now just ask yourself this question what device do you use to check the correct time, is it granddads grandfather clock wound up religiously every two days that stands in the hallway out of direct sunlight. Or is it some sort of media device such as the radio or a mobile phone or a PC, are you planning to rush out and buy the new iWatch. You see all these devices with the exception of  granddads grandfather clock are under the control of Western imperialist corporate multinationals that are keen to turn us all into Zombies working long hours to produce more media devices so we can watch more repeated programming.

   ITV1+1 is just the thin edge of the wedge once +2 +3 +4 and so on arrive we will be so confused by the constant watching of the same soap or reality show repeated at what appears to be the same time our willpower will be destroyed.  We will then be Zombies forced to work as slaves eating 15minute meals and removing stains that no other detergent can shift. 

Remember the book, film, play and board game 1984, remember that saying that folk like to quote  . . . . . BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU . . . . .  and what is the device everyone plans to rush out and buy at great cost the minute it arrives in the shops . . . the iWatch . . . . . Exactly I rest my case (that’s the long case of Granddads grandfather clock which says it is midday exactly. . . . is it meant to be this dark?   

The Truth Behind Scottish Independence finally revealed

Well as voting takes place I can finally reveal my cunning plan as it is now too late to stop it. You see me and my evil assistants, henchman Mr Alex Salmond and Nicola Sturgeon (there is something a bit fishy about their names. . . . . HAH AHHAH AH aha hah ahah ha ahha ha hah a ha hah ah) have been working tirelessly for several years on our very own Flag Business. Everyone likes flags and here in Britain folk just can't resist a wave at a royal person or a parade or hanging them in Windows.

But we hatched a plan to make ourselves a small (a very big) fortune by persuading the people of Scotland to leave the UK resulting in the need for millions of new flags from big posh ones to cheap plastic ones for the massed masses of Crowds-R-Us to wave at Queens and the like.

Now some of you will be thinking well you wont make that much money flogging a few flags, well its not just a few there are millions of them because Australia, New Zealand,  Montserrat,  St. Helena & Dependencies and many many others have the Union Jack as part of their own flag . . . . . . . . . so we will be rich very rich . . .HAH HA HAH AH ha ha hah ah ah ha ha h ha ha hah ha hah ah ah ha hahah ah ha ha hah ah ah ahah ah ah . . . . Yes we have this flag market well and truly Stitched Up. . . . . . . ..  Stitched Up . HAH HA hah ah a haha ha ha ha ha ha hah ah ah ah ah ah ahah ahah ha . . . . .

If our plan succeeds we plan to work for Chinese Independence which will mean the removal of the small print  . . . MADE in China. . .  from the corner of the Chinese flag.  If that cunning plan works we will be rich beyond are wildest dreams and we (OK I do) have some wild dreams indeed.

All we need to do now is get official approval for the new Union Jack design from the White House . . . sorry I mean Parliament.  . . . . . . . . AH DAMN I may have made a slight error in the design. 

Scottish Independence . . . NO Campaign Latest Shock News.

There are certain things that need to be acknowledged as we head rapidly towards the great YES  NO vote that will, we are told change the world (OK Great Britain) forever.  Well what sort of thing (or WHO) changes the world, because quite frankly as humans changing it to much is not a good move at all.  So we need to ask ourselves in whose best interest would these changes be, obviously not humans so by a process of elimination we must be talking Aliens.

And because these changes are associated directly with the YES NO Vote we have to assume that the entire process has been instigated by the very same Aliens, but what is their cunning plan. And exactly which side are they on, are they supporting the YES or NO campaign.  Well I think I can answer that question quite easily, it is clear that the Aliens are supporting the NO campaign because of three key observations.  The first of these is historical ask yourself where do people see Aliens and Alien spacecraft in Britain, Almost always in the South of England. Yes OK the odd one turns up in Wales and the North of England but they are like Hens Teeth in Scotland.  Secondly look at the political leaders supporting the NO campaign Mr Miliband, Mr Clegg and Mr Cameron, are they Alien Androids and all the same model at that working to instigate the Aliens cunning plan; I bet they are.  Thirdly consider all the big corporate businesses throwing their weight behind the NO campaign. The organisations are reclusive secret bodies that tell us little, an ideal place for the massed hordes of Aliens to do their deeds changing our world so they can remove all the humans or enslave us

Now I can hear some of you say that is madness but consider this, if Scotland becoming independent is really so bad then why would the powers that be who are now telling us this, allow the vote in the first place.  It makes no sense whatsoever unless behind the whole thing is a grand master plan of evil cunning and quite frankly in this particular case the only ones who will gain must be an as yet undiscovered race of Aliens from the far reaches of space.

I suspect they have noticed that the Scots are a feisty belligerent bunch who have a strange language, seem to survive on foods that would kill most humans in a few days and will fight any Alien that they see once nightfall arrives. Waving those pointy Sticks at the powers that be and shouting ARE YOU LOOKIN AT ME PAL. . .

So I believe this is an entire exorcise sorry exercise in destroying the Scottish spirit forever, so that the Aliens can move North and eventually conquer the entire world.  All that stands between us (the human race) and becoming the puppets of Aliens is a YES Vote. . .

I think you know what to do. . . . . .

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The Commonwealth Games, the virus and Professor Quatermass

As I have previously said I am not a huge fan of sport, or even a slightly enthusiastic fan of sport, but the terrible thing is that my blog gained a significant increase in page views when I did my in depth diary entries of the football world cup.  Of course much of what I reported was unverifiable and if you ask any of the teams about the use of Androids now they will look at you blankly and say what Androids . . . . . They can’t fool me though.

With that in mind and the Commonwealth Games about to start some time jolly soon (I think) I have decided that I need to look into the rumours of sports folk being taken over by Aliens (as mentioned previously also). Yes it sounds unlikely but there are good reasons why this is not as far fetched as it may seem. Firstly in the last week there have been many stories of a virus in the Athletes village where they are all staying. This virus has been spreading and I believe that a certain Professor Quatermass has been secretly smuggled into Glasgow to stop the Aliens (sorry virus) taking over.

A second and rather important point is that Sports people will willingly let themselves be taken over by aliens as the extra secret powers of the aliens mean they are more likely to win and or at least eat competitors who might be seen as a threat to their medal chances. A bonus in this is they will pass all the drug tests which are designed to check for banned drugs not banned Aliens.

So with all this sport about to put the Commonwealth and Glasgow centre stage I would be a fool not to use it to my own advantage to get the masses to visit to obtain cutting edge news about sport (I mean Aliens) and propel me back into the limelight as a blogging genius (OK I am a bit modest to admit I’m a genius, but its true). . . .

2014 Brazilian World Cup The Final Conspiracy

I did not watch the world cup match between Argentina and the Netherlands last night as I was rather tired, but knew that my trusty Androids would easily defeat those Argentinians, after all, the German Androids had done the very same thing just the day before against Brazil. However I woke up to discover they had lost and on the penalty shootout. I then heard on the BBC News that the first two Androids asked to take penalties had panicked and said NO, unnerving the entire team. They have ruined my plans now and I will not be the ruler of the entire World forcing the very nice Steven Spielberg to make the blockbuster film of the book of the blog diary of me Rob Z Tobor.  I have since received a telegram from the very nice Steven Spielberg that read . . . . . . .  HAH AH AH AHAH AH AH AHHA HAHA HA HAH AH AHAHHAH AH Ha So I will not be making the film after all. Now I suggest you stop annoying me and go away. . HA HAHAH AH HAH AH HA HAH AH hah ah ah ah ah ha hah ahah hah aah ha hah  . . . . . . . . . . . .  Its OK I known he does not mean it and will come round to the idea very soon. 

I have realized though that the final is a fix, the Netherlands were doomed even with my Androids playing. You see the Germans as we all now know have been infiltrated by the Androids of the Knights Templar who are after the Holy Grail (world Cup). And as we all Know, who do they see as their head man, none other than the Pope and where does the present Pope come from, Argentina. Add to this the fact that the previous German Pope resigned to let the Present Argentinian  Pope take over in time for the world cup and we have one seriously big conspiracy theory, after all where is the one place on earth that you could hide the World Cup (Holy Grail). . . . . . . Yes the Vatican. No international police of any sort will get into there.

So it appears that the German team and the Argentinian  teams are in it together, I bet some of the Argentinian players are Androids of the Knights Templar and that would explain why my Dutch Androids were a bit off form.

However just so they know who the boss is I have reconfigured the two Androids who refused to take the first penalty for the Netherlands as a warning not to do such things again.    

OOooooooo and those compromising pictures of the Pope I planned to Blackmail the Argentinean Manager with were fakes planted by the Knights Templar to lull me into a false sense of security. They have turned out to be an Elvis Impersonator called Dave from Wolverhampton. . . .  Well He will have some explaining to do tomorrow to the press.

If Argentina win the World cup all I can say is it’s the hand of God and the whole match is rigged.  

The Principles of War . . . A Conspiracy Theory

Have you noticed that throughout history from the very first days of mankind us humans have had a bit of a habit of fighting one another, at a local level we fight one another outside the local pub. But we also fight in gangs running up and down streets and we then move on to the big stuff where huge groups fight one another over countries and finally countries fight one another with pointy sticks and large scary things that make large bangs.

Have you ever wondered why, well the first reason is it is a DNA thing we cant help it, it is a deep dark basic instinct from the days when man was still a small sea based beast doing his bit to survive. But there is another reason, well certainly one linked to the reason counties seem to attack one another with great gusto every now and again on the flimsiest of pretexts. . . . . . YES we are talking conspiracy theories (I am rather good at these).  

You see if you run a large country full of folk and all is sort of OK-ish all that happens is folk start fighting each other. They can’t help it, it is as I have said DNA triggered and beyond control. If you are in charge, it is not good having folk fighting because they start to blame you, the weather, the buses, taxes, seagulls, or the state of the economy.  So to avoid the masses turning on you and making life difficult the solution is to point the finger of blame on another countries, this has advantages for the leaders of the other country too, who can distract there own folk by blaming  you back.  Have you noticed that at any point in recent history there has always been a bad guy, until the mid eighties the East and West could blame each other or both point at China. Then that all sort of fell apart we all became friends and China made all this cool stuff dead cheap, them we had Iraq, Iran, Syria and the middle east, but that has all got so complicated no one understands it anymore, there was Afghanistan, but it is rocky bleak place and the folk there have been fighting each other for over two hundred years and will be doing so for at least the same again whether we like them of hate them.  We have even all blamed North Korea but  . . . . . . and I mean no disrespect to North Korea as a whole  . . . . they are rubbish and run by a tyrannical despot who is a mad as a hatter (purely my own option and I may be entirely wrong).

So we have been put in a situation where the political leaders have been worrying for ages about who we should shout at and attack next, in order to keep the folks at home happy. Who could possibly be the next bad guy.  I suspect at the last big meeting of the G8, G10, G20 they were all talking about the good old days of the iron curtain when folk knew where they stood, and them over there were the despicable rotters and we could build big walls and spy on one another and march about and wave flags.

Then some bright spark thought Hang ON CHAPS I have an idea what about if we have a bit of a crisis in say Crimea . . . . . . . . . . And all the leaders cheered and said we could build walls again and point pointy sticks at one another and build huge scary things that go bang. However President Putin said I don’t suppose there is any chance if we CAN leave it until after the winter Olympics, I have spent loads of money building stuff and everyone agreed it would be for the best, but as soon as they were over it would be tally ho with all guns blazing . . . . . . . . .

   

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The CIA, MI6 and Monsters in Holes

Yesterday’s diary entry was all a bit of a rush and so I hope it made some sense, we had a lovely meal last night and were last to leave the restaurant which we normally are, in fact we always are. We knew they were keen for us to leave because one of them very helpful held the door open for us even before we stood up to go, but I think they now know that we tend to take our time eating but it is because we are busy discussing things of importance.

So last night we discussed gyroscopes, a theory that a person standing on a hard wooden floor weighs less when they stand on a thick carpet, and Mr Charlie was telling us of a friend you was having problems with a St Bernard (the large dog not the saint) standing on the roof of his house. Apparently it was not the dog that was a problem but all the people who would knock on his front door to tell him he had a St Bernard on the roof of his house; it seems the dog liked being on the roof.

And the preview at the gallery was good but there were quite a lot of people in when we went to look at the art so we did not stay too long, it is always tricky to look at art when the room is full of people.

 OK back to today it started sunny and almost not cold (please note I did say almost) which did mean we were out doing things like chasing monsters, digging holes to put monsters in, climbing trees to look for monsters, looking under large rocks for evidence of monsters, and taking photographic evidence of monsters. The one serious down side to this was I did not find a single monster or even any evidence of the monsters, it was also rather suspicious that the holes I dug, having been informed were a dead certainty to find evidence of the monsters were then filled in with new plants. Not that I thought it was a set up job to make me dig rather a large number of holes but I’m sure dad really could not get the wrong spot (for monsters) that many times.  Mr Jones says we are mad to believe in Monsters and all they are, are aliens from the far reaches of outer-space, and it is plain that the talk of monsters is a MI6 and CIA conspiracy to distract the public from trying to communicate with the aliens. It appears one of the many reasons he hunts Aliens in the nude is MI6 agents are never seen in the nude in a wood, this is something only done by people wishing to be friendly with aliens. At least Mr Jones agrees about Zombies and says this is another reason to hunt aliens in the nude, Zombies always run away when they see him all muddy and sneaking through the trees in the dark stark naked. Dad says that Mr Jones has got Zombies and the local bird watching society mixed up and one day he is in for a bit of a shock.

Right sorry distracted . . . . . . after a while it started to rain and we all ran in (not Mr Jones) and remained in because it was also getting colder all the time. I also have reason to believe Wales won an important rugby match against England today but I did not watch it and don’t know the score and am not one hundred percent sure that Wales won but the indicators are that they did, so all I can say is COME ON SCOTLAND .  . . . . . . . . .HAH HAH HA HAH HAH HAH AH HAH AH HAH ah hah ah hah ah ahhhahah hha

Mum just said IDIOT.

The Great Road Stealing Conspiracy, the dark side of snow

Life is returning to normal as the roads sort of get cleared although the Ghost Writer who was meant to head off to work today said that he could not make it due to the wrong sort of roads.  Wrong sort of roads? It appears that according to the Ghost Writer the roads that have emerged from beneath the snow are in fact different roads to the ones that were there before. He says that he is convinced these are not the same roads and that they are inferior in quality and so they can’t be trusted.  It appears this is all part of a huge government conspiracy and that they have hired some mad bloke with a weather machine and no scruples (where did that word come from very odd) who for a large sum of money will hide all the roads under snow so they can be stolen. Strangely everyone looked at dad.

I can here you all saying BUT WHY (or was it HE’S MAD), the Ghost Writer is saying that due to the economic climate of Britain which is apparently also cold wet and covered in snow the government have hatched a diabolical plan to sell all our decent roads to China who are selling so many cars (posh ones) to the Chinese people that they are unable to make enough  good roads themselves and are buying up roads from struggling economy’s lead by unscrupulous leaders prepared to make a few pounds at any cost. So every time it snows a nano force of nano-bots replace another decent road with a cheap one full of potholes; even as I type the M6 is on its way to China and a replacement M6 has got speed restricts and bollards all over it to disguise its inferior quality. Apparently if you look under the M6 it has Made in Britain stamped on it, yes it appears in another diabolical twist in the story the new inferior roads are being made by  British teenagers on a work creation scheme using old Starbucks coffee beans and coffee cups, all part of our governments youth training scheme. And in order to save money on pensions because for reasons the government cant understand pensioners are demanding money for things like food, the government have agreed to the limited use of pensioners are hardcore.

Ooooooo what did I do today . . . . . . . . AH yes I remember now so that’s good.  

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