Alternative Mathematics, Demons, Banshees and Other Things

The square of the hypotenuse is equal to the square of the tangent of the circle that fits the volume of the triangles square and if this is dissected by the line taken from the acute angle to a point equal to the co-sign times Pi from the square root of the opposite side. Then with some certainty we can say the following simple formula is true

A = B*C(D-F)

Where A is the time it takes for the Maths teacher to throw you out of his course for wasting his time and B is the degree of confusion that you have created in the mind of the teacher and C represents the reaction of other students to your answer where D is the number of students and F is the number of students who have not actually noticed that you are talking complete gibberish as defined by Modern Mathematics.

Now on a sunny day I would be able to mention Mathematics in this slightly odd and friendly way without any issues, but if there is one truth here today it is that the sky is as grey as a sky can be and the wind is howling past at great speed. Yes I don’t think we are going to see a happy go lucky Harry Potter passing this way on his Broom, I think it will be Banshees and at least one of those Dementor things scurrying past heading towards some dark place of doom. Having along with all that grey wet cloud, arrived from some other place of doom and acting very doomsday as they all go by.   OK a few of them have waved, but we are all mates really but that is not something I need go about telling the world is it. . . . . . AH DAMN I may have just let slip. . . . . DAMN.

I may have also made the mistake of starting this post with the words Mathematics hypotenuse, square and tangent these are not good words to use to attract followers or readers. Where ironically enough, Banshees, Doom and Dementor are good words to use to attract followers and readers which must say much about human logic and thinking and probably explains why most folk are rubbish at Maths except a few weird geeky sorts who love it and have worked out that a Banshees molecular structure is based on a low density plasma that uses the principles of antimatter and radioactive carbon with unbalanced isotopes, well that and demonic possession.

Tonight’s picture is brought to you with the assistance of a small person who has had a bit of a tough time in life so far and now also has to speak to me (along with his sister) from time to time.  Where I tell them both of Mathematics, Banshees and assist them in drawing stuff. They visited earlier where I pointed out that the grey wet clouds flying past above us at speed were full of terrible demons and Mathematicians. Strangely they seemed to head off smiling and appeared happy so I must be losing my skills.

           

Ooooooo a quick arty Poem

Miro painted strange Shapes

Antony Gormley likes to make a Man

Monet painted ponds and Stuff
And Andy Warhol liked to draw a . . . . Can 

A Day in the Life of a Blogger

I have been at the village hall Market today, it is a traditional Friday event so I do try to get to it each week to chat to the locals and catch up on what’s happening. When I say catch up on what’s happening I am not talking at a national or global level, I am referring to the state of folks tomatoes, lawns and whether anyone has seen a Zombie or heard the Banshee in the woods. To tell the truth as a sort of nice slightly reclusive middle class chap who has a fairly chilled life and owns his house and gets by OK; but with a fairly leftish view of politics it might be best not to get into national news and what’s happening as I feel I might be tied up and burnt as a heroic or witch. I mean I would not shoot the last wild Polar Bear in Britain just because it has destroyed your entire broad bean crop and scared (or is it scarred or maybe both) the cat. Which is the sort of thing that happens a bit round these parts and is why sadly I have to announce the news that the last wild Polar Bear in Britain had a bit of an accident the other day while stalking a rather healthy heard of Blight free Potatoes in the early morning sun.  No honestly there are folk around here well into their nineties who can handle a twelve bore rifle like John Wayne on acid. Luckily they don’t read my blog or I would be in trouble for sure. Just in case any of you do read this I would like to add it’s a lovely Polar Bear rug and will make a great centre piece for the harvest supper.

After my weekly pilgrimage to the village market and my now tradition Bacon and Sausage sandwich, Ah yes they sneak a sausage into it now for extra taste, I returned home to continue my DIY on the almost completed kitchen. OK I stopped for lunch and had a few cups of tea and a bit of chocolate cake at one point and, OOOOoooooo yes we did have a short visit by a rather good artist who was passing by from Dartmoor. OK it is not easy to pass by Shropshire from Dartmoor without some effort but she was off to the dentist. Maybe to some travelling 400 miles one way to see the dentist might seem  excessive, but not in Britain, not these days. Anyway she is a very good artist and quite well known in certain circles so I will not mention her name. 

Then after the DIY I have sat down to write a little something for the Blog (this), not as easy as it might appear because folk do not appear to like Poetry . . . OK they don’t like my poetry, and politics is not good either. I know folk sort of like witches and banshees but I write about them loads, and I cant tell you about the Polar Bear because of its unfortunate accident.  We do have Pine Martens near by and also the very rare dormouse a few miles away and luckily they don’t eat folks vegetables so they should be OK, although I am told Dormice are very very tasty in a sandwich with some bacon. HANG ON they told me it was a sausage DAMN, I’m sure there is (was) more than one of them.

Proof of the eccentricity of life in the Country and therefore Alien life by default

I was pondering about what to write about as life ticks by in an almost normal fashion at present. This is good but also rather bad as the very nice Steven Spielberg is hardly likely to rush to the rolling hills of Shropshire to make the film of ordinary life in the county even if we have a few Zombies roaming about and Aliens in the woods pursued by Mr Jones in the nude who is in turn pursued by the police as folk complain that Mr Jones is in the woods naked again.  And then there are the Lemmings of Petrograd, The Dark Creature of the Undergrowth, Esmeralda catapulting the goat in the general direction of the out of town supermarket, Freddie teaching his ferrets to do tricks, and the odd Banshee at night.

So you can see it is hard to find new and interesting stuff to write about although I did think I saw an Alien at the Commonwealth Games last night on the TV running in a race, but he did not really do very well so that can't be right. Unless a virus has afflicted the aliens and they are suffering like they did in the film the War of the Worlds (the old film not the newer rubbish one)

Anyway as I was saying I was pondering that there was nothing to write about when an advert in the local County Times came to my rescue, it is good when stuff like this happens because it shows that I don’t make this stuff up it all really happens out here in the sticks.  You see tomorrow is Tough Harry’s Fun Day in Churchstoke and they have all sorts of things going on, but one particular item caught my eye (no not like catching a ball).

Yes its true there will be DANCING SHEEP. . . . . .WHAT? . . . . . .  I have not seen dancing sheep before and until now did not know that sheep danced. I have no plans to go and see the dancing sheep I am just satisfied that just for once I have hard evidence of the bizarre events of life here, and besides I have a horrible feeling I might just end up disappointed if I go. . . . . . .. . . .

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Brazilian World Cup Latest . . . Luis Suarez innocent claims Harry Potter

Football continues to astonish the watching masses around the world when we learnt yesterday that Uruguay have been playing a Vampire as their leading striker (for legal reasons we cant mention Mr Luis Suarez . . . . .DAMN). Of course since the ruling that players do not have to be human Uruguay are quite within their rights. It has to be said though that biting is certainly not permitted normally, even by Vampires while on the pitch and the worlds press have been quick to condemn the player. The condemnation is not universal however and a large lobby group, led by Zombies, Ogres, Banshees, Giants and Demonic Beasts has argued that it is unfair and he was merely finding out if the Italian player was one of those Italian Androids as he was convinced it(he) was making mechanical noises. They further say that Mr Suarez’s leap to the ground clutching his teeth proves emphatically that the other player was full of Ferrari made mechanical parts which is going to result in expensive dental work.

Even Mr Harry Potter in a surprise statement said. . . . . . He’s innocent. . .  Its totally unfair Vampires and other terrible beasts of fiction are being discriminated against by the international corporate world of Capitalist Football who prefer the android because it’s placid and can be turned into profitable merchandise novelty toys and the like . . . . . . Hey I sign autographs if you want me too, £20.00 pound a go.

     

  Mr Suarez himself has been quoted as saying . . . . . I'M a Vampire, I bite folk it’s what Vampires do, I have it under control most of the time, but playing against Androids just made me see red. . . .  I like red . . its my favourite colour particularly if it is dripping out of a neck.  

Please NOTE since the writing of this diary entry a spokesperson for Mr Harry Potter says he has not made a statement of any sort and this is rumour and vengeance by a person called Rob Z Tobor who is bitter and twisted because of his lack of success at writing and he is just jealous that Mr Potter is a great wizard and stonkingly wealthy. . . . . . YA SUCKS BOO.

I is for Interesting Instructions of an Irregular type.

It appears that when someone leaves you a little note to remind you to do a particular task it is not a good idea to amuse yourself by modifying the instruction in case you forget that you modified it when you read it the following day. Let’s face it the very reason the note was left in the first place was because I tend to forget things.

So after waking up and waving my hair about in the shower and staggering about saying who am I, what day is it, where is my brain . . . . AH the Zombies have nicked my brain . . . . Eating some breakfast and then groaning loads in order to prove I am a Zombie. I noticed a note left for me to tell me what my task is today. So having read the task I decide I should do them in the order they have been written down. 

Instruction One: - Strim Cows

 WHAT? . . . . . . I don’t know what that is about but if I am left a note then I have always found it is best just to do what I are told, there was a time I would get distracted and go off and do other things and so the important jobs would get left.  But no longer I am a lean mean efficient fighting machine (sort of).  I am not sure if any of you have ever tried to strim a cow with a strimmer it is far from easy, in fact it is extremely hard. First off you need to get the flock (sorry herd) penned into the corner of a field and then fire up the strimmer and then charge at them in a random way to confuse them. If you are lucky you might get to strim the side of the odd cow as it stampedes past you, I will tell you right now cows do not like strimmers one bit.  Cows can shift I have always thought of cows as slow happy docile beasts with a happy go lucky attitude to life, oblivious of the fact they will be turned into dinner for the masses at some point.  Yes OK they did start making tunnels a long time ago, but that was the past, those cows have long since been char grilled and covered in sauce.

Cows it turns out (to get back to the point) can move rather quickly and it also appears that if annoyed enough say by a young enthusiastic chap with a strimmer can be a little aggressive. Well when I say little I really mean big; cows are big, very big.

So after a short time of chasing cows with a strimmer I found myself pursued by angered cows intent on revenge. This quickly led to a decision to abandon Instruction One and concentrate on Instruction two.

Instruction Two :- Pick Parsley

Well this was a piece of cake and done in a flash. It was only afterwards when I was asked Have you Strimmed the Cow Parsley at the top of the drive that I remembered I had slightly modified the note left for me . . . . . . . . Strim Cow Parsley . . . . . . . . . . AH DAMN

The good news, I now have, but the bad news is I don’t think the cows like me anymore. I have told them I don’t eat cows, but that has only lead to rumours and now the farmer does not like me either.      

H is for Harpies

The improved Mk2 Harpy picture (Yes OK it looks like a Mermaid) 

I have spent the day working on a door although it has a bit of an issue at present as the hole that the door fits into has a curved side. That is very annoying indeed and has added slightly more work to the task involved.  Now some of you are probably wondering what is Rob Z Tobor doing with a door in the first place, after all he is the eccentric child of cyberspace and should be doing strange things in that cyber-school of his, not making a door to keep the harpies out. 

Well that is true but I need to work on diversity in order to keep the very nice Steven Spielberg interested in the block buster film script. To achieve this I am covering every single plot possible to man . . . . . . . .as long as it involves friendly but slightly scary things, yes OK the odd thing eats folk but that is life, you create a Zombie tell him where the canteen is and what does he do, eat all the cooks, they are rubbish at instructions (that’s Zombies not cooks, they discovered Austria, that’s cooks not Zombies).

So I have drawn a friendly harpy today just to avoid any filming issues when Mr Spielberg shouts cut. We don’t want folk losing arms again do we? Harpies get a bad name historically when in fact they like nothing better than a bit of a fly round the church tower chasing seagulls and eating the odd vicar while hurling grave stones at the congregation, laughing hysterically and making rude gestures with their feet.  Ok harpies are a bit naughty and Pooing on Nelsons Column is I agree a little un-lady like, but as they say themselves the pigeons do it all the time. I don’t think I will be the one to tell them that Harpy Poo is a bit smellier and larger than Pigeon Poo, OK they have a bit of a temper too and are grumpy and keep bees in jam jars full of plastic flowers to confuse the bees.  Harpies don’t eat honey, unless it is a cute ginger kitten. But they are not all bad. . . . OK they are . . . which is why I am making a door.         

The Eve of Halloween in Rhyme.......... and the nice Steven Spielberg

It is the eve of Halloween

When scary monsters will be seen

And banshees scream into the night

To give small children a scary fright

And slimy clammy hands appear

Clutching bats and ginger beer

While gnawing red eyed rats attack

Eating the flesh from off your back

So tomorrow night on Halloween

When scary monsters will be seen

It’s best not to answer your front door

Better to read the diary of………

Rob

Z

TOBOR

HAH HHAH HAH AHH HAH HAH HA HAH h hha hah ah ha hah ah ha hah ah ha hahh ha ha ha hah ha ha ha ha ha ha……….

Yes I have written a scary tale for tomorrow  . . . . . The greatest (knitting) horror story ever told . . . . .almost.  An excellent film idea for the very nice Steven Spielberg.  

The Woods and the Wood Witch and the search for the mythical Rankenzomp Beast

The more practical side of today was confined to poking about in holes in the ground with pointy sticks again, I know I have done this loads lately, but I am good at it; and painting dark things white. Although the painting dark things white was harder that it might at first appear because the white paint tuned a sort of mud grey colour. I guess that is what happens when you try and paint mud white….  However this is hardly that exciting and will not help sell my manuscript to the nice Steven Spielberg, I do not wish to give him the opportunity of saying it would be like watching paint dry while he tries to hide again in exclusive restaurants, who refuse to let me in for being a scruff and having no tie…  Don’t you hate it when the doorman says “No Tie Sir so you are Knot getting in HAH HAHAHH AH HAhah hah hh h hh ah hhaha …….tie, knot HAH HAHHAHAH HA h hahh ah ha…….

Anyway in order to liven up the events of the day I went in search of mythical beasts in the woods where I saw Mr Jones stalking an Alien and the Lemming of Petrograd who were hiding in a pantomime alien costume. They told me that Mr Jones needed cheering up and so they were planning to do a re-enactment of the movie Alien even though they had never seen it, as they said, Lemmings are not allowed in to the cinema. They were dead annoyed because the usherette said they were rodents and they have not been insulted like that since the revolution and their great strike of 1921.

Hang on, this is all a distraction because just as I was wandering home one of those Wood Witches turned up saying they were going to turn me into a frog, or a pig, or a ferret, or an alien with three heads and eighteen feet and three ears, or a lamp post. Still we all know that this is what Wood Witches say to everyone, after all their Bark is worse than their Bite . . . . . . . AH HAHHAH HAH HA HAH HAH ah hah ah ah ha hahhha ha ha ha ah ha ha.

OK I’m off now, I am going to sit on a Nymphaeaceae, or as it is more commonly known lily pad  and eat flies for a while ……… HAH HAHAHh ahah hahah hahh ahah ha ha ha    

Pizza Slice, The Dark Creature of the Undergrowth, Aliens and Elsewhere

I have not achieved a great deal today, it has been that sort of day I looked at a little job involving some tongue and groove panelling but did not have the things I needed, so sort of waved the various bits about shook my head a lot pointed and said OOOOO sorry madam it needs a new thermitechnic screw adjuster like all good plumbers and then said I would be back two weeks next Thursday. However mum said I was not a plumber I was an IDIOT and sent me out to do things elsewhere, but I knew where here was and I knew where there was but I could not find elsewhere. Despite asking everyone I ran into (I say ran into I was walking and did not make any physical contact) such as the Banshees and the Lemmings of Petrograd, who were playing leap frog ( Lemmings, leap frog . . . . .HAH HAHAHHAHAHH HAH ha hah ah hah ah ahahhah ha ha ha) a few Zombies, a few Cows, a Raven, The Dark Creature of the Undergrowth, Mr Jones, Esmeralda and Freddie who have formed a new group called ‘Watching Alien Invasion Tactics’ or WAIT for short. Apparently Mr Jones often chases aliens through the woods shouting WAIT  . . . . . . take me to your leader.

Hang on what was I saying  . . . . . . AH YES elsewhere; when I asked everyone I was looking for elsewhere they would generally scratch their heads ask if I meant here and when I said no they would suggest over there but I was not looking for there I was looking for elsewhere. I spent a lot of time doing that until I worked out I had been here there and everywhere, although not elsewhere. You can see how a chaps day can vanish like sand through the fingers of a little old ladies hand when perusing such a task, strangely it is the sort of task us chaps will do for hours and women tend not too even for five minutes, although I don’t know why?

In other news I noticed on the news that a man who I believe was a captain of Star Trek although not Captain Kirk (the real captain) was going on about never eating a pizza slice before even though he is now seventy, although he has eaten pizza. Now call me an IDIOT but me and the Ghost Writer who is well old, are well confused what is a pizza slice if it is not a pizza, If either of use go out a restaurant and order a pizza we want the whole thing not a bit of it.  As I say the poor old Ghost Writer (note the word OLD) and I don’t understand what they were talking about.

Oooo I was a bit rushed for a picture tonight so I photographed my dinner (I know it is a bit healthy looking) and it is not pizza. 

Jack Frost and the Banshees, plus other things of importance

 It has been sunny today which is not what was predicted by the weatherman at the BBC, but it has been and still is cold. As it is dark and there is a clear sky I think we can predict that it is very cold, but I will not be going out to investigate, the only good thing about these sorts of nights is they are ideal for banshees, so it would not be entirely surprising to see the occasional banshee passing the window. Well we would if the curtains were open but they are not; but I am sure we will no doubt hear the claws of the banshees as they let their talons slide over the double glazing.  The only draw back is huge claw marks on the windows which then means the windows need cleaning from time to time. It is hard to find a window cleaner that will clean windows with huge claw prints on these days, apparently there is some sort of Health and Safety sub-clause (sub-claws . . . . HAHHAHHAh hah hhahhahh haha hah haha hahah haha ha ) that states if there is evidence of claws with a greater span that one foot (Foot . . . Claws . . . . . HHAHahh hahah hahh hah ahh ahh hah ha) then they can run away.

Sadly due to events I have just returned from outside, this was not something I was planning but that happens sometimes. What I will say is yes it is jolly cold indeed and the car is covered in a hard icy frost or is it a frosty ice, either way though there is frosty stuff out there. I guess this might mean that Jack Frost will be scurrying about round the house as well as banshees.

Elsewhere in the house the Ghost Writer is trying to fix my PC to do musicy stuff, I can tell it is not going entirely to plan because he is wailing and scratching at the widows in an effort to escape from the room. I was forced to lock him in because he was reluctant to sort out an old PC with the wrong software on, trying to make some hardware work that is not designed for either the software I have or the software I should have. Then he said the PC had a missing bit and where was the missing bit, well it was obvious that in order to concentrate his mind I needed to lock him in the room.

OK that’s it I have decided to run off now, life in cyberspace is very quite at present although as I remember rightly when General Custer’s Indian guide said that to John Wayne in which ever old film it was that the Indian guide said it in, all hell let loose and there were arrows all over the place.  So it may be best not to say it. . . . . . . . . .. . . .AH DAMN. There was a time when there were loads of westerns but you don’t see them any more these days, Mum says that they may be a bit non-pc these days but the dog has said HOW

The dog is now rolling about on his back in hysterics 

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Burning Bilberry Bushes, Biodiversity and banshees

Because today is Monday Mum has made Buns so today is now Bun-day much better.  Biology in School today with Mr Bradford (a budding Buddhist Bio-chemist) was Brilliant.  “The biology of a Bilberry Bush”, and despite Bernard’s best attempts to burn the Bilberry bush (he says he had read about a burning bush somewhere) being brought to an abrupt stop by being bashed on the head with a baseball bat by Mr Bradford the Biology teacher. The bush was still a bountiful biosphere of breathtaking beetles, bumble bees, brontosaurus and big bad burrowing beasts from Byzantium……… AH I might have got a bit carried away there. Mum has said Buffoon (not IDIOT today).       

However while bouncing back to the classroom through the Bracken, the banshee’s came to see me, we are the best of buddies from way back.  But Banshees always scare folk so Mr Bradford and some of Class B52 threw Buttered buns at the banshees shouting “be gone beasts you will give us Bronchitis and Bubonic Plague and blue boils and bully our budgerigars.  It was the Brussels sprouts that finally made the banshees back off, back into the Broadleaf trees of the woods. You can’t blame them, Brussels sprouts …….YUK.

The rest of the day in school was bitterly boring but that was because it appeared that everyone else had started their Easter Holidays……………………….AH DAM, Mum said IDIOT (sorry Buffoon)

Back to burying Brassica’s and Broad beans, and building the sculpture.      

I’m off now Because I am Drumming (Djembe)   soon with the Band ….. Brilliant. The truth is never good for B’s

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Hieroglyphics and the Headless Horseman and a Hobbit at Halloween with a Handbag on a Helter-Skelter

The Ghost Writer has been in his grey office today with his massed Herbaceous Herds of PC’s, so His mind is Hopeless. I was rather Hoping he was going to Help with the letter H but when I asked Him, He said Ho Ho Ho  merry Christmas. Me and the dog saw the banshees again this morning so they said they would Have a word with a mate and get Him to Head over to the school in the afternoon.

As it Happened we Had History and Hieroglyphics this morning, Horus Hates  Hieroglyphics and we had to Hide Him in the Headmasters Honda  Hatchback because He said I WANT MY MUMMY……………. During History we discussed Henry the eighth and his wife’s, Helen of Troy, Old Mother Hubbard.  Katharine Hepburn and Ho chi Min. ………….. Mum has just said IDIOT.  As it turned out Henry the eighth turned out to Have a close link with the Banshees mate …………. The Headless Horseman.

The Headmaster was not happy after yesterdays visit by the Gruesome Ghouls and Ghosts so I thought I Had better warn Him about the Headless Horseman, the last thing we need is mass Hysteria. What I was not aware of is that the Headless Horseman is the leader of a Huge band of Pirates and those of you who have followed my tale for a while will be aware that the teachers love pirates so by Half past three everyone was going HAR HAR HAR HARDY HAR man the HELM and a Heave Ho me Hearty’s and lots of Hot Rum. The Headmaster said WHAT THE HELLS GOING ON, but everyone just said HAR HAR HAR HARDY HAR again. The School caretaker was not happy as the Headless Horseman, (who apparently only turned up as a result his mate Captain Nessman of the High Seas hospitality)   was bleeding all over the main Hall, still the Headless Horseman’S pet Hyena licked most of it up (YUK). The Headmaster phoned the police but they said it was pointless turning up because that Headless Horseman is like that Harry Houdini bloke and will only escape faster that a Helicopter down a rabbit Hole? Or was it a hobbit at Halloween with a handbag on a helter-skelter. And besides you can’t Hang a Headless man its Hopeless

Mum made Homity Pie  for dinner so that was YUM

And the Ghost Writer and Heavy Harry the Cat say Happy Hogmanay

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Ghouls, Ghosts and Garden Gnomes and a cheese sandwich

I’m sure Steven Spielberg will not approve of all this messing about with the alphabet because it has turned my diary into something resembling Sesame Street and we are just doing the trial run, so sorry everyone. With that in mind however we have reached the letter “G”. The dog says there is a lot you can do with G’s and has just returned with a huge Cheese sandwich. Yes HA HA HA very funny dog. Really that is no help at all.

Luckily others have been much more help in particular the banshees who told me on my way to school that they had asked some friends to visit the school and liven up my story after lunchtime. In the morning we did art and the art teacher Mr Graham very kindly got right in to the spirit of the letter “G”, so we all had to make Giant Garden Gnomes and paint them in Grey Gouache, I decided that I would make a Grim looking Golfing Giant Garden Gnome covered in Gold leaf it was a Great art lesson and by the end we had a large Group of assorted Grey Giant Garden Gnomes. Then after a Geography lesson on the Great Gorge of the Ruth Glacier it was lunch.

As we finished lunch (gratin and gravy) I could hear screaming from outside and groups of pupils and teachers rushed inside and shut all the doors and locked the school gates. I could hear the headmaster then shout Good God what are those, they are Ghastly. The banshees true to their world had sent Gruesome Ghouls and Ghosts who were grinding their teeth and going Grrrrrr at the window, it was Great.  He called the police but they said it would some time before they GOT there.

So I devised a Great escape Plan using the Grey Giant Garden Gnomes and so as the Gruesome Ghouls and Ghosts Gathered overhead we grouped together in threes inside the Grey Giant Garden Gnomes and Groped our way to the school Gates and Freedom (an F word from yesterday). I knew I should have added eye holes and air holes as we were all gasping for air. Esmeralda did attempt to fight back by catapulting the school mascot at the Gruesome Ghouls and Ghosts Gathered overhead but only because it’s a Goat. And as she said afterwards she was doing her bit to help (WELL GROOVY).

Even mum has said she would help and I thought Gooseberry Gateau …….. GOODIE but she has said no Green Gooey Gruel………. YUK I think I will ask the dog for a bit of his G’s sandwich. Mum has said IDIOT. 

And the GHOST Writer says Hello.

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Cats, Mushroons, Pizza, The Ghost Writer and the the Chant to the Banshee

The Ghost Writer spent the day in his grey office working on a Dell power edge server setting up user protocols. Well that is all very well but hardly very exciting, and I think that is as much information as any of us need about that. The Ghost Writer says that is all well and good for us but he has to spend all day in a grey office doing it for real.

I was at school where in Geography we discussed weather as weather can be extremely interesting particularly in the UK where we like weather a great deal and spent much time complaining about it.

Because in the winter it is too wet and cold or not cold enough to have decent winter weather. None of us like wet and sort of cold. Then in the summer we all complain it is either too cold and wet or too hot and we end up with a hose pipe ban. I must admit I did get the wrong idea about hose pipe bans the first time it happened to us, and I confiscated everyone’s nose pipe (hose pipe). Most people were OK about it but the Fire brigade were a little upset when they rushed off to their first real big fire and only had buckets. I did point out in the old days that is what the fire brigade had to do, which is why all the old houses burnt down I guess.

Sooty the cat lost a life today by trying to run across the pond which bearing in mind the ice was melting was not a good move so he was wet, but the Midgarðsormr did not get him and managed to scramble out. Sooty is a very stupid cat so it is quite possible he might try that again at some point and he still can’t use a cat flap properly. So the cat flap cat trap know to all as the cat catchers cat catcher is still in use to catch cats in particular the big black and white beast.

I have checked the mushroom box again and well mmmmmmm not much has changed since yesterday it is like watching the kettle boil, they say you should never do that too. And we have had home made Pizza for tea YUM…..

OK that’s it I am drumming tonight with my fellow African drummer, we are calling to the Banshees tonight in the dark so that will be GOOD, so I might return later or may not who can tell. (Who Can Tell is the Chinese cousin of William Tell ……………….. HAH HAH HAH HAAHHAH HAH AHAHH HAHAHHA Hah hah ahha hah hahh hahah hah), mum just said IDIOT   

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OK I have been drumming as my African drumming colleague turned up just as I was about to post this up on  the blog. But we have now finished the Chant to the Banshee. ...................... ...................... WELL COOL 

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