An A to Z Coronavirus observational guide. . . C

C

The Coronavirus known as Covid-19

Yes we can now mention the unmentionable Covid-19 because we have reached the letter C. As we all know its origins are in China, almost certainly in a fish and wild animal market; and the result of cross species contamination. China has some awesome history and culture to its name, but sadly is also a land of greed and corruption where many are incredibly poor. This means things we take for granted in the West do not always happen in China and it is thought that hygiene at this market led to the virus leaping from Bats to Humans via possibly the Pangolin. For reasons I don’t understand some Chinese enjoy eating rare and endangered animals and some show no compassion to beasts regardless of what they are. What the leaders of the Chinese nation should reflect on now is just how turning a blind eye to dodgy practices in a livestock market has damaged their country economically for a very long time indeed.

The truly remarkable thing about Covid-19 though is not the fear it instils or its effect on world economic markets, but the speed it can spread at. It has leapt from a market in China to the entire world in a matter of a few months, amazing.  

Aliens, Black Friday, 40 inch Televisions, Conspiracies and Professor Quatermass.

After many years it appears the so called Black Friday chaos finally arrived here in Britain yesterday, a place not used to Black Friday. And it has come to my notice thanks to the very informative Bumferry Hogart that all was not as it might appear from a distance. You see Mr Hogart or Mr H as we like to call him was brave enough to venture out into the wilds of sale land and found folk acting normally and even smiling. To those of us watching the news this was a shock as on the BBC news we got to watch massed crowds fighting in the playing fields of England . . . sorry I mean the aisles of Tesco as they fought to the last man over 40 inch television sets. This is interesting because (as I have already discussed with Mr H) a couple of years ago when the good folk of Britain in certain places (cities) rioted one of the main items targeted by the looters was 40 inch television sets.

In fact 40 inch television sets seem to have a strange effect on the public and the people who own them. So I have had to conclude from all the evidence that has been placed in front of me that the minds of man has been subconsciously manipulated by Aliens of a higher intelligence many millions of years ago to desire a 40 inch television.  Of course the Aliens have been waiting quietly for us to get to the stage where our own intelligence is good enough to develop the mass produced 40 inch Flat Screen Television. Which means mankind has now finally reached a point where we now sit and worship these 40 inch large shiny black monoliths in our living rooms. Now ask yourself does this remind you of something, a film maybe called . . . 2001 a Space Odyssey. 

You see these large black 40 inch screen technological devices are more than a simple television set they are the incubators of the dormant offspring of the Aliens who will at some point leap out of the screen and into the body and mind of the humans who have been sent into a comatose state by watching hours of talent shows and minor celebs doing stuff like dancing and eating armadillos or Dads Army. 

And once the humans have been assimilated and genetically realigned they will join the army of existing aliens who insist those of us who do not yet own 40 inch televisions should get one because it’s a must for every modern home. This way it is only a matter of time until we are all taken over and Mankind as we know it is changed forever becoming Aliens just like the ones you see on the TV. . . . . . .

I blame that Professor Quatermass. . . . 

Can Zombies Ride Bicycles. . . . . . . . (PART 1)

Well as politics slides back towards the status quo with many politicians saying things like. . . .NO NO NO we never said Yes what we meant was we will consider the options in the fullness of time . . .  it is time for me to turn my attention away from such issues and back towards the bigger questions of the day. After all as one of the new breed of professional bloggers it is important to duck and dive and be first with those stories that others have not yet noticed.  One thing I have noticed in my role as a professional blogger is I'm not actually earning any money at present, it appears the career of a Professional Blogger is one based on endorsements and promoting products and straightforward advertising. I don't do any of this as I can’t see the point of saying for example . . . THE THOUGHTLESS GIBBERISH 11-IN-1 BESPOKE HANDHELD POINTY STICK (patent pending) is the best thing since sliced bread when everyone knows I have been paid a lot of money to do so.  I am told you can eat sliced bread and even toast it with the new device but I have yet to try.

Anyway all this is a distraction from what is the bigger picture, the big question as I have sort of already mentioned in a roundabout sort of way. And I can tell you are keen to finally know what the big issue on the lips of those in the know is. . . . . . . Well . . . . . . .  And its an important question with all sorts of ramifications for the future that can't be understated too strongly (I suspect that’s not quite right, but it sounds good).

OK yes I can hear you all typing loudly get on with it you IDIOT so without ado (what is an ado because we often do things without ado but seldom with ado) tonight’s important Question is

Can Zombies Ride Bicycles. . . . . . . .  

Well I appear to have written more than enough on this subject tonight so I feel it will be better to return to it in . . . .  Can Zombies Ride Bicycles. . . . . . . . (PART 2). . .  Where the key points will be discussed, so if you have a point of view or have seen Zombies riding bicycles this is your chance to get involved. . . . 

The Chemistry Set, the Cat and the Drum

I feel I need to discuss Chemistry in a little more detail after yesterdays drawing . . . . WHY I hear you type. . . . . Well if for no other reason than it is always a good start point for a drawing and as I will be heading off to put my feet up and scribble something on a sheet of paper to go with this diary entry, this is a good start point, I do not do cute, in fact I could not draw cute if it came up to me and sank its fangs into my leg and tried to bite my ears off while screaming like a mad banshee chasing a seagull . . . . . .

Anyway back to chemistry and the old favourite the chemistry set. It has been popular for a long long time and first can to public notice when Alchemy was at its peak with every Tom Dick and Harry trying to make stuff into gold. However that is a tricky process and folk soon got bored as their efforts were rewarded with piles of stuff that was not gold and then getting told of by family complaining of piles of stuff everywhere.

The first really successful chemistry set was the one marketed by Professor Frankenstein who coined the catch phrase  . . . .  A Chemistry Set if for Life not just for Christmas . . .  A saying that seriously annoyed the local villagers who were fed up with the professor making life all the time in his laboratory or as the villagers would call it . . . . . . . .  Monsters.  Then the introduction of Chemistry for Mummies brought about a whole bunch of new fans to the joys of Chemistry and saw a large increase in the sales of bandage.

Sadly modern health and safety issues have resulted in  rather limited options these days and rather than a large selection of acids,  body parts and a useful selection of electro-mechanical items to kick start your new little (or large) pal into life, your limit is to turn the goldfish blue or at best make the cat glow in the dark.

 Guess you must be wondering what I have been up too the last couple of days well to tell the truth not a great deal . . . . . . . . But the cats glow in the dark now so Well Cool….. and I appear to have turned a gold watch to rust. . . . . . AH DAMN….I wonder if the Ghost Writer will notice.

Oooooooo in other news my Drumming partner and I have come up with a brilliant but simple drum accessory that will make us a fortune, we just need to refine it a bit and give it a cool drum accessory name that folk will think I need one of them NOW….. 

Rob Z Quatermass and the Pit, also starring Mr Jones as Mr Jones

Dad has always said it is good to finish the job you start so I was sent down into the deep dark damp smelly pit to remove the last huge bit of root, which luckily I was able to do highly successfully. Interestingly though under the huge root was the edge of a large silver disk that gently hummed, WELL COOL. I was clearing the mud off it when Mr Jones saw it and said what ever I did not to poke at it with a sharp stick as this was an alien spacecraft and these were seriously grumpy aliens, who have been known to destroy whole planets because someone has poked their spacecraft with a pointy stick.

Rob Z Quatermass and the Pit

So Mr Jones shouted into the deep dark damp smelly pit . . . . TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER, but the large silver disk just hummed at him and did nothing. Anyway as we waited I got bored and had sort of sharpened a pointy stick to a nice sharp point and thought, maybe if I just jabbed at it (the large silver disk) a couple of times they might wake up and chat to Mr Jones.

Mr Jones said that was a bit of an error so after a quick assessment of the situation we both decided to runaway rather fast.

Yes I know I sort of poked at them a bit with a pointy stick but don’t blame me if they turn up and eat you, its not my fault, it appears they are grumpier than I thought they might be……

OK I must run . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

.