The return of BBC Stargazing Live, a tale of aliens and cloudy skies

A couple of years ago when the BBC Stargazing Live programme with Professor Brian Cox and Dara O Briain was on the television I wrote the following post on my blog. This was before I was a grumpy old bloke and still the Slightly Eccentric Child of Cyberspace, Although I may have also written several slightly mad poems by this stage. . . I cant remember that far back anyway, so who can tell.  I will be watching this as it is a jolly interesting show even if they all seem a bit too happy to me and never turn up ashen faced and telling us about . . .  The End of the World. . . . I mean you could make such a cool spoof BBC Stargazing with aliens and the like. But No No they are all keen and enthusiastic and point at stars and go OOOOo look . . . .AH DAMN its cloudy.

AH I got a bit distracted . . . . As I said I will be watching this so I have cheated and this is an old repeated post. . . I hope you enjoy it, all I can say is I dont know what I was on about, but the universe is complicated particularly when the plucky Brit spills a cup of tea into the ISS main control panel

It is Wednesday today and School has returned to a state of stability, I know this because the Mathematics teacher showed us Newton’s formulas for the stability of nature, In an ideal world this would result in the entire school being all enthusiastic and leaping about particularly as the BBC Stargazing Live is on the television again tonight after what turned out to be jolly cloudy night last night, where no aliens were seen, and no stars or even the moon. But of course The Lagrangian Formalism (The Principle of Least Action) takes this into account and the result was lots of pupils wondering which class they should be in; and why the physics teacher was sweeping up mud in the playground, apparently it was the caretaker in a similar jumper with a pink reindeer on it, it appears the headmaster gave the same jumper to most of the school staff. . . . . . That is all well and good but if they all look the same how can I tell which lesson I’m in.  

So in a nut shell what I am saying is that Newton’s formulas for the stability of nature will state that my three slices of toast fall on the floor at lunchtime butter side down but the Lagrangian Formalism (The Principle of Least Action) states that by adding some curry and peanut butter to hide the fluff they tasted fine and the school cat will lick the floor clean.

I know I should be writing loads more at present but in keeping with The Principle of Least Action we are at the time of year when the least happens, it is a northern hemisphere thing the further north you get in the winter the less things are happening particularly in quiet rural communities where we keep our heads down until spring appears. As it happens there are signs of life poking out of the ground as things like daffodil’s start to grow and the Lemmings of Petrograd start singing the old songs of home. 

Sorry I stopped to watch the BBC Stargazing Live show so am a little later than planned with the post, I was interacting with The Principle of Least Action in way that shows its overall effect rather well.

The advice of BBC Skygazing Live as told by Mr Jones and Professor Brian Cox . . . NEVER RUB VICK ON THE CHEST OF AN ALIEN

I was jolly tired last night and after a restless night being bounced on by a cat who thought he had caught the world’s largest mouse hiding in a duvet  I was not my usual bouncy self this morning, in fact I would say I was tired, grumpy and rather grumpy yes I was double grumpy. Particularly as I had to leap into action again to fight off mad axe-men with chainsaws, which I was doing rather well until I was hit over the head with an Armadillo toaster and told I was an IDIOT; it appears that the mad axe-men with chainsaws are tree surgeons from Scottish Power . . . . . . . . AH.

I then had to explain to them that I thought they were mad axe-men, trying to turn me into a zombie as part of a horrible master plan orchestrated by militant Penguins annoyed by mans over use of ice cubes in drinks. I think they understood and said IDIOT in a friendly chirpy way indicating that they did not really mean it?

Well it is an easy error to make in my opinion

The mad axe-men (sorry Tree Surgeons) were very cool they had arrived to cut down all the trees growing close to the overhead power lines where I had cut a few trees from until I was told I was an IDIOT, I had underestimated the voltage by about 10,000 volts or so. So now we have this big clearing between us and the woods which is better than it sounds because we can now see into the woods and watch the banshees flying in the evening and werewolf’s sneaking up on Mr Jones who has returned to earth after his encounter on the 21^st Dec last year (The End of the World) with the aliens. He said things happened he did not wish to talk about, but his key bit of advice appears to be never rub Vick on the chest of an Alien even if it does have man flu.

Ok back to the point, the mad axe-men (sorry Tree Surgeons) were not able to remove all of the biggest tree a very large willow tree so they will be back in a couple of days to fell the main trunk. It will grow again no doubt but we can now prune it in the future without the risk of death. It appears if you touch a damp tree that is in contact with a power line it can electrocute you to death or worse, Particularly terrible if it happens over Christmas as you may be mistaken for a novelty illuminated Santa and find yourself stuck to a tree for a couple of weeks until folk notice you are charred at the edges a bit.

Oooooo yes if you live in the UK the very nice man with the smile Professor Brian Cox is on the television in that  BBC Skygazing Live tonight (8.00pm BBC2) which I will be watching, but it does mean that the sky will be full of clouds and they will tell you exactly the same as Mr Jones (although not in the nude) NEVER RUB VICK ON THE CHEST OF AN ALIEN EVEN IF IT DOES HAVE MAN FLU.

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