Wednesday, 26 February 2014

Bean Stew, Ghost Writers and the Beast in the Dark

I think we can break the day down into its component parts for the benefit of my diary starting with the morning when the Ghost Writer vanished off to work in his grey office. He was a little uncertain as to what sort of response he would have at the office as yesterday was the big meeting that was going to decide the future of the big office and all the folk it helps. As it turned out all the councillors could not make up their minds about anything so the plight of the Ghost Writer and his office was lost in the political wheeler dealing of local politics and bureaucratic winking of eyes in a knowing way. So it will now be at least next week until he knows if he will be gainfully employed as the IT guru of choice to the stars.

Moving on from breakfast we have just had our evening meal, OK by the time I finish writing this it was ages ago, but that is not the point. One thing you will notice is the gap between breakfast and the evening meal, but not a lot happened, so sorry about that. But we have had a bean stew, it was a nice bean stew, but it has been (been . . . bean HAH HA H HAH HA HA HHAH HAH  Hha ha ha ha ha) a while since I have had one and as folk will know beans and the human body can result in an exploding human. I am hoping I will not explode this would be terrible and rather messy and I suspect rather than the sympathy of the masses, they would snigger and say things like I bet he had a bean stew HAH AH H HH AH Hha ha ha ha.  At present I am still OK and have not exploded and I hope the situation remains like this. If for no other reason than it would not be the end to the block buster movie made by the very nice Steven Spielberg that I would have in mind when he finally gets round to making the movie of the diary of Rob Z Tobor.   It is all very well being famous but no one wants to be a has bean HAH AH HA HAH AH HAH AH HAH HA HAH AH HA HAH HA HA HAH AH ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Finally at the end of the day which has not happened yet but may do before I get this in cyberspace for you to read I have to mention that we have been putting cat food out for the beast in the dark. It’s the cat food the cats will not eat in the day, cats are fussy eaters and spend much time sniffing food and sticking their noses in the air in defiance until you have tried every flavour of cat food known to man, where upon they will finally eat the first one you put out.

Only today they have eaten all the food and there is no food for the beast in the dark, this is a worry as no one knows what the beast is or how large. So will it get in a rage and rip the patio doors off to eat bits of exploded humans lying about the house   . . . . . . All I can say is it a worry most people don’t think about often enough, and more folk need to put some food out for these beasts. You should try it put some cat or dog food out or a bit of ham or the like in a small bowl and I bet it will be gone in the morning, the food not the bowl, OK the bowl might vanish too it did here one night, but I found it in the end full of teeth dents and it was a metal dish. . . . . . . .

How come these little diary posts end up so long?


Monday, 24 February 2014

The Scottish Referendum Debate and the reason why people should vote YES to Scottish independence

It is rather interesting that in the great debate on Scottish independence, to date no one as asked me my opinion on the Scottish referendum debate. Some of you will be thinking why should Rob Z Tobor get involved in the first place, what can some mad bloke living on the English Welsh border add to the debate that has not been discussed so far.

Well you see as my loyal, slightly quirky, but rather intelligent regular followers will know I often look at things in a slightly different way to the masses and so can help persuade a few people to consider how they finally vote when we get to crunch time on the 18th September. There are all sorts of issues involved in this, and at present a certain amount of mud slinging and scare tactics being used by both sides. This is not the way forward, although I may add some to my argument in order to liven it up a bit, after all David Cameron and Alex Salmond are not the most inspiring folk to watch or listen too,  although maybe Mr Salmond has the edge slightly on banter.

So where do I stand and why, well I am a pro independence person because my family have come from the wilds of Scotland since before Bruce Lee, sorry Robert the Bruce was knee high to a spider. In fact the old ancestral blood goes back to a time when we were wild men in the hills fighting everyone including each other and shouting Are you looking at me sonny dishing out Glasgow kisses before Glasgow was Glasgow, and we all spoke in a strange dialect no one understood.  AH YES I see your point it may still be a bit like that on a Saturday night after a few wee chasers and deep fried haggis, chips and curry sauce. I always remember someone telling me that after a really good night out, he assumed it was good as he did not remember it, he woke up in the door way of R S McColl in Aberdeen in the morning with enough chip suppers to feed about twenty people, although by then they were cold and had sort of congealed into a single lump.  Still it made a hell of a breakfast, sort of the hair of the dog so to speak (I know more silly sayings).

OK back to the point you are keen to hear exactly why folk in Scotland should vote for independence, it is the financial or economic or commercial or political arguments that have made me think AH YES this is what Scotland should do . . . . . . . . Well NO who can really predict what would happen; the truth is no one with any certainty.

You see if Scotland says NO then the status quo will remain as it is now, nothing will change, we will still grumble about the weather, politicians being corrupt, the cost of a cup of tea and next doors Armadillo making holes in the lawn at night. To vote No is the easy safe choice the one to go for if you wish to see everything just carry on as it has for ages, the one that will let the powers that be just smile and be smug. However if Scotland says lets go for it Lets vote Yes, it will be a whole new adventure not just for Scotland but the entire UK, the UK even gets a new flag (WELL COOL). Imagine it . . . . all change for loads of things, flag makers will love it for one and then there will be all sorts of other stuff no one has thought of yet, it will be dead exciting all round, both in England and Scotland and it will be a monumental historical moment in British History something to remember and tell your neighbours cat about in years to come.

This is a one off opportunity something that will never happen again, a NO vote will seal Scotland’s fate forever as the hilly bit on the top of England where folk talk funny. A YES you see; I suspect in the future, if it sort of went wrong, would see the rest of UK saying . . . . . Why not come and join us again we will even let you keep your kilts and bagpipes and talk in a funny way about felling a bit peely-wally and even allow you to sing Flower of Scotland.

So vote YES or  . . . . . .  Ye aff yer heid . . . . ya Bampot Eeejits

I rest my case . . . . . . . .for now. 

Saturday, 22 February 2014

Aliens, Computers and Loud Bangs and the Ghost Writer

Hello all sorry for the slight break in posts but I did say I was planning to slow up after reaching the 1000th blog post (one of the outlets of my diary). There are reasons for this however involving both myself and the Ghost Writer.

In my case it all started on Wednesday night not long after I had written my diary entry. You see I had popped outside to put some cat food out on the front patio for the unknown beast that turns up, I really don’t know what it is but it well freaks the cats out and also seems to eat cat food, only it is a cunning beast and I am yet to catch a glimpse of the thing. Time will tell, I will eventually find out what this strange critter is with its pointy large claws and mad howls out in the woods. Anyway while I was out I looked up into the sky and thought what a clear sky it is tonight and it really was one of the clearest in a long time. We are lucky here because it is dark and we get to see the stars and on really clear nights the line across the sky formed by the Milky Way. So there I was looking up into the sky thinking WELL COOL when I noticed something flickering above the woods, then it suddenly moved, well that was a shock and at first I thought I was wrong but then it suddenly moved a bit more. It then moved up and down in quick jerky movements and occasionally from side to side, while it seemed to have flickering lights that may have been rotating. Luckily Mrs Ghost Writer was visiting and so I asked her to come and witness the UFO I had seen as no one was ever going to believe any of us lot. So she came out all sort of sceptical and looked at the flickering light which was still again, but luckily it then starting moving in quick short jerky movements again.. . . . . . . So just for once I have a real witness to a UFO; OK only the second one I have ever seen myself and as for the first one I don’t think I should tell you about that one because well you will not believe me.

As a result of this however I have been on a long alien hunt with Mr Jones who is very annoyed I got to see the UFO and he did not; and says that he's out most nights chasing aliens and the one night he stays in they turn up to see him. As he says No wonder folk don’t get decent pictures or evidence aliens are sneaky. Anyway we have been off in the woods and busy, but saw nothing except the Lemmings of Petrograd and the dodo’s who are still making catapults; you see what happens when the dog goes off to visit the Pope.

Now I did say reasons and the other is that the Ghost Writer, a key part of my diaries production as a real entity in the real world (well cyberspace) has been rather involved with other stuff. Firstly he was trying to do things for his work but at home, apparently it is what IT folk can do at times, but he had password problems, software problems and other problems that meant he was rather preoccupied. Then as a final straw the power supply on his old PC (he is like me he likes old PC’s)  blew up, he says it was as if it had been hit by a laser from an alien spacecraft, one big flash and it was a goner.  He is however rather resourceful and has got his old PC working again, although it now has the wrong power supply in it, and the result is the main power lead comes in the side of the PC so he needs to cut a hole in the side panel, and the whole thing is at present held together with string, bits of tape and wood screws. This is not what IT guru’s are meant to do they are meant to have techy looking high spec computers, not a scrap yard device that makes hissing noises.

OK finally . . . . . . . . . .

Today we have been helping Mrs E formally Miss I in her charity shop because we are jolly decent chaps and the like, and do our bit. . . . . . . . . sort of.

OK that’s it I’m off now although I am sorry, but I have used an old picture again because time has been full of things happening so drawing has taken a back seat so to speak  . . . . . . Another silly saying if you ask me as I am generally in the back seat and would therefore be able to draw. Only I was not this time, but I might have been, although I was not. . . . .  

Wednesday, 19 February 2014

Ghost Writers and Fat Cats

The Ghost Writer was in his office today and, as I explained about a week ago the organisation he works for may lose all its funding from the local county council. What the local council do is fund the core structure of the charities organisation; this allows it to get funding for other projects from other sources, to fund an assortment of other things. So as a result of one hundred thousand pounds per year from the county council, they have been able in the last ten years or more to increase this by two or three hundred thousand pounds plus.

 And because of the nature of the organisations work helping people with debt, benefits, housing and employment issues plus folk with disabilities and mental health issues they have worked out that they have achieved financial gains of over two million pounds to the people of the county in the last couple of years. Which of course mostly gets spent in the local economy, so indirectly the county councils money brings more money back into the county, which in many respects is almost a profit.

Although the organisation is a national organisation each part of it is dependent on the local council for core funding which is a weakness, because the local council when they are keen to save money will always cut funding to outside organisations first.. Folk were rather angry today because last nights council meeting saw the councillors all vote to cut 100% of the organisations funding again there are three meetings in all (well think of all those travelling expenses clocking up). I have been told that the councillors get rather good allowances and travelling expenses and a few other perks which appear to have avoided all the cuts (gosh).

 Anyway all is not well and many folk are very angry indeed . . . . I thought of the old well known saying of . . . . . . Putting the Cat among the Pigeons, but then thought it was not the right saying as it occurred to me that one cat among a load of pigeons would get confused and end up catching none. I know this to be true as we have cats and there are loads of pigeons here too  as they pinch all the bird food we put out for the birds (yes OK strictly speaking pigeons are birds, but greedy ones) anyway after some thought I have decided that the old saying (slightly modified has more relevance) should be . . . . .

Putting the Pigeon among the Cats . . . . . (that’s Fat Cats with large allowances and perks). . . . . You see the poor old pigeon has no chance and is a goner for sure, which is I suspect what will happen to the charity the Ghost Writer works for.  He will then be a down and out old has been, so no change there then . . . . . .HAH H HAH HA HAH HA HA HAH HA HA hahah ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haha.

Monday, 17 February 2014

The Rewritten Failed Diary Post that Failed . . . . . .DAMN

Well that was a blow I was busy writing my diary when the PC sort of shut down and died,  well that is very annoying as I had written loads and at the time I was not actually touching anything…. (honest). This means today’s diary post has just vanished into oblivion, and I never even got the chance of auto-recovery, most annoying indeed. It was good too seriously good, in fact it was the post that would have finally convinced the nice Steven Spielberg that this was indeed his next film . . . . . . The life and Times of Rob Z Tobor, but I can’t remember what I wrote. I mean who actually thinks about what they are typing as they type it, I’m sure no one does they just sort of hit keys and hope for the best, it always works for me (OK almost works).

I know I was having a bit of a grumble about weather as it continues to rain today, so far it has not stopped, but I did say yesterday was a sunny day the only sunny day so far this year. Yesterday was also the village Valentines Lunch where folk arrive on mass and devour huge quantities of beef and pork with all the trimming followed by large sticky and sweet puddings. The average age of the Valentines Lunch goers is about 95 and a bit, and they can seriously eat, us younger folk have to hide in a dark corner until they have polished off all the prime cuts of meat and have had a couple of helpings of Pavlova. Luckily there is always huge amounts of food so we all got plenty, We even got to take some pork home because we are slowly becoming part of the village gang where folk go about saying things like oooooo some nice logs up in the woods, we though we might go and help clear them so some poor old chap does not fall over. Then we all go and chain saw the entire wood down and say we did not see a thing officer, such is life in the country.

As it happens the woods are quite safe but I do have four nice wooden trestle table tops and will be helping to dispose of some other stuff soon.  Of course there is a so called pecking order,  it takes time to work your way up to getting any really good stuff, I have worked out I will be one hundred and three before I am offered any really cool stuff no one else wants in the village. Although most of the villagers are as bad at scavenging stuff as I am so it is rare to see anything and the last skip in the village was back in 1745 when the old Duke had a clear out, even then the skip was empty in two hours and by morning the skip had vanished. Mind you there are a couple of chaps in the village who do love a good bonfire and will run off with anything that will send one hundred foot flames high into the night sky, the rest of us shake our heads and always try and beat them to stuff so we can make the stuff into other stuff and then wonder what to do with the new stuff we have made.

This is not as good as I wrote first time around but no one likes having to do these things twice so I am sorry about that, I blame it on unseen forces such as Aliens or the like.


Saturday, 15 February 2014

The complete guide to themes in the April A to Z blogging Challenge (Sort of)

In my last and very comprehensive guide to the April A to Z Challenge I sort of mentioned themes, and said that of course the main theme was the Alphabet itself which I am sure is true. Well it is how I have always seen it really. But of course there is always much talk of themes within the overall progression through the alphabet and whether to use them or not and what is a good theme in the first place.

Well much of this will depend on the nature of your blog, mine is a bit mad so my theme for the A to Z is also a little mad, it is what the punters would expect (that’s readers not folk in boats in Cambridge). But everyone has a different blog and different reasons to blog, if you are an Author then it is maybe a chance to entice a few new readers with little glimpses of your treasured publications. And artists may use it to show their work with pride and joy hoping folk will go Gosh I must buy that right now . . .  But you could use anything you like for a theme, rocks, fish, people, rabbits, chickens, inventions, history, geography, fairy tales (I did that last year it was great fun),  seagulls, more chickens, cars, guitars,  sea monsters, motor bikes, places, mechanical wonders of Victorian Europe, Mountains and mountaineers, space, aliens and even more huge monster chickens with pointy teeth.  So in reality almost as many things as your mind will allow you to conjure up, the world as they say is your oyster. 

Of course there is one small pitfall in this grand idea that can really throw some folk a lot, you see they can become too entrenched by the detail of their theme and after a great start working out their letters, they suddenly get to X or Z and think O MY GOD why did I decide on the theme of Popes. The thing is don’t panic the A to Z is like a shop window full of sweeties to entice folk into your blog so make a Pope up; plus some interesting facts about how the Grand Duke Ferdinand gave Pope Zilliphilius the Forth the last Unicorn in 1538 as a gift. Only the Pope thought is was food and they all had a great feast and all was well until it was discovered that Unicorns are rather poisonous and everyone sort of died and the whole affair was sweep under the carpet, so to speak by the Vatican. The saying sweep it under the carpet is also very silly, have you ever tried to sweep a roast Unicorn under a carpet it is not easy, even harder than a cat, and that leaves a fair sized lump in the carpet. . . . . . .  Hang on I got side tracked.

Ok well that is about it on themes but make sure you choose one you like and know it will get you from A to Z without too much difficulty and remember don’t get too detailed, your theme is a promotion effort, leave the bigger picture until after April when you can discuss the detailed rise of Pope Zilliphilius the Forth in 1533 leading to him meeting the Grand Duke Ferdinand, and their treaty of the following year in Rome, so that the dukes son could invade Holland without upsetting the church.  Yes your eyes are stating to glaze over, so I think you get the point……… No one needs the small print on the A to Z; short sweet easy reading is best….

And one last tip if you get bored or disheartened by your Theme half way through, either just go random and post about anything you fancy or try another theme for the rest of the alphabet or make up dodgy facts about nonexistent Popes , it is entirely up to you, you are your own boss in this matter. 

Thursday, 13 February 2014

The comprehensive and slightly odd guide to the April A to Z blogging Challenge

Over the last couple of years I have had a go at the rather popular April A to Z blogging Challenge, the brain child of a Mr Arlee Bird, which just sort of took off (No pun intended Mr B). Anyway I have always gone slightly over kill at this, but then that is the nature of me and my blog. I will give a few examples in a bit.  One thing about this challenge though is if you are new to it, it is difficult to know what to expect, as you will see and hear things both for and against.  So this post is here to help you get to grips with what to expect during April and beyond.

First it is not easy unless you already post on an almost daily basis, as writing blog posts takes time and if you don’t have the time you will be doomed. So if time is limited make sure you write your posts well in advance.  Then there is much talk of themes and should folk have a theme or not and is it easier. Well the key thing to remember is the theme is the alphabet from A to Z, surprisingly (to me) many blogs keep the A to Z component of this challenge really loose and will maybe just have a nod to the letter in the post title. Say if you were writing about chickens and you cant think of a chicken for M you can just have a blog title that says . . . . More Chickens . . . . . Then never use the letter M again in the post. Then there is the sub theme option which in the given example would be  . . . The A to Z of Chickens . . . . . ..  so a theme within a theme so to speak.  . . . . . .

Why did the chicken cross the road. . . . .
To get away from the A to Z . . . . .

HAH AH HAHAHH AH HAH HA HAHHAH AH ha ha ha ha ha ha.

However I, as I have already said, have always gone slightly overkill with the idea, which is why this year I am being a little more chilled and have created . . . . . . The A to Z of Aardvark based nonsense poetry . . .  well it is all just one long nonsense poem as it happens, and seems to have got a bit stuck at the letter A.
What this shows you is that you can create posts about almost everything and anything as long as you can sort of get some sort of link (however loosely to the days letter of the alphabet).

Next and also rather important is don’t (unlike this post today) make your posts long.  OK you might love the History of Cheese in Post Revolutionary China and its Context in Improving Urban Heath, but the chances are 1000+ words per letter of the alphabet on this will not grip the masses in quite the same way (I know it’s a shock, but true). So keep things short and if you must, just sneak in the odd longer post. So say in general 100 to 200 words and maybe the odd one at 500. I know you really want to write loads more, but leave that till after the A to Z; think of it as a promotional jolly for your blog rather than detailed info for the converted. OOOOOooooooo yes pictures are good too but be aware of copyright issues so try and use your own.

OK lets assume you have a good theme and manage to get all the posts done, having worked hard every night for weeks, long into the dark. You’re on the list along with about 2000 other blogs.  You are all keen and expecting hundreds of visitors and comments and many many followers who will heap praise on you and say you are a genius (Oooooooo just so you all know I am a genius).  Well it might happen, but will probably not happen and there are reasons for this, very good reasons. Firstly I am not a genius . . . . . . sorry I mean you are not a genius (I am sure I am).  You see everyone doing the A to Z and managing to hang in there and keep up to date is rather busy posting and trying to keep on top of the fact they need to post every day. Then on top of that, are you really going to spend hours visiting other blogs reading the blog and then writing a comment  . . . . I mean there are like 2000 of them we would all need time machines to do stuff like that, it is not possible and anyway I am a genius not them they are rubbish and know nothing about Chinese Cheese or Chickens that begin with the letter M.

So do not expect more from the A to Z than realistically it can deliver, do it until it starts to stress you out. It is after all a bit like a fun run yes good to finish, but not if you slip and break a leg. You do not need to try and run the next 10 miles or drag yourself along the road screaming. Just walk away and do your own thing. You see some folk feel they must finish at all costs and having finished find they have two more followers who never comment ever again and they get disheartened and stop blogging entirely. Your Blog after all is your Blog for you to enjoy and if others do too then Brill, if you don’t enjoy creating it then it is time to think of using that time for something you do enjoy like eating cake ( I like eating cake).

One final point there is much talk of following loads of blogs so they follow you back and then you have loads and loads of followers, this is OK if it is what you wish, but I would say (this is just me) don’t do that just follow those blogs you really enjoy.  Think to yourself how many blogs can I realistically keep track of. I for one would rather have lots of page views than lots of followers who don’t actually follow. There are a very small number of bloggers who will follow almost every blog on the A to Z  purely to get you to follow back I have two or three from my first A to Z who have never commented since, I cant see the point for either them or me.

I could say much much more particularly on the state of the Cheese Industry in China, but I will end with a few links (above) to a couple of my previous A to Z posts. They, as you will see are a bit extreme, but it might just help you with ideas, but remember do what you are happy doing and enjoy it. . .  Please do not burn yourself out it is after all just a game. . . . .

I guess I could also mention I am working behind the seems as one of the Back Room Boys this year. . . . .Although between you me and the fence post I am not sure entirely what I need to do yet.

Finally as a special treat I will give you an exclusive preview to this years theme

The Slightly Eccentric 
A to Z  Aardvark based nonsense poetry
of Rob Z Tobor 
(Letter S)

The slimy slippery serpent slips silently underneath the . . . .  Side Walk
In the dark where man and beast get eaten by a grumpy old  . . . . . . . Night Hawk
And little dogs run about and annoy pedestrians with their barks
And every one will run and hide with the arrival of . . . . . . . . .
Monstrous man eating 


Wednesday, 12 February 2014

Storms, Plutonium and the A to Z

The weather round here today is wild, the Ghost Writer was in his office today and the windows were rattling and it appears this little bit of  Britain is smack in the middle of the red bit on the BBC weather map. He has also had a grim trip back here as the roads are also rather flooded as the snow that fell over the Kerry ridgeway (the local hills) in the last two days all thawed today.  They have been talking of 100mph winds and so the power has been on and off here and there, and I have heard that several roads are closed due to power lines and trees getting blown down.  Still we are still much better off than some parts of Britain as they battle floods and the Toad People of Todimimiun 3.  It is a long and riveting story (rivet – toads . . . . . HAH HA HH H HH HA HAH AH HA HAH AH HA H HHahha ha ha haha hahaha ha ha ha ha ha)

The Ghost Writer also has the added problem that his place of work may close in a few weeks due to finance issues and a huge lump of plutonium sort of accidently falling out of its housing. When I say housing it was in the freezer for safe keeping as the freezer is cool and made of metal, so it seemed like a good place to put it.  It is not my fault I forgot to take it home and then could not remember where I left it, but it appears folk get a bit funny about plutonium in freezers in an office full of folk.

In other news I am doing that rather strange A to Z thing in April again this year, I know what you are thinking what is an A to Z, but it is a blog thing that us folk who use blogs for what ever reason (a diary in my case) do in April. It can be jolly good fun if you approach it correctly or it can be rather stressful if you are not organized. Yes I am not known for being organized what so ever, but then I can produce alphabet based gibberish until the cows come home, so it is easier for me. And this year I am one of the back room boys doing my bit behind the scenes for the main man……. I have promised to be good and not shout at people or go LOOK at this bit of Plutonium . . . .

PHEW it is windy out there, I will run off now and try and turn a cat into a cat Kite (the flying device not the chocolate wafer thing . . . . . . . HA HAHH H HAH HA HAHHAH HA HAH AH HA HA HAH HAHA HAH AH ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha)

OOOOOOOo look a seagull  and other stuff . . . .There is a lot of stuff blowing about tonight so keep your head down . . . . 

Monday, 10 February 2014

Chaffinch Pie

Sometimes nature can too trusting . . . . . . . Chaffinch Pie for Tea . . . . . . . . . YUM

Sunday, 9 February 2014

Amphibian Aliens, Floods, and Olympic Bronze. . . .

Back at the beginning of January I talked of the Toad People of Todimimiun 3 who were planning to invade Britain by manipulating the weather and turning Britain into a chaotic flooded place where they would easily be able to overwhelm the local natives (us British). Folk laughed back then (HA HA HA HA HA HA HA) but as time has passed the country has slowly flooded, well the South has slowly flooded. You see if you were planning to take over the country and you are an alien amphibian based life form flooding the South of Britain is exactly what you would do. It is where all the movers and shakers of the country live in big houses, and if you destroy the rail system here, up North is doomed and of course the folk up North will think . . . . serves those manby pamby folk down South right waving their big houses and new cars at us all the time. But this allows the Toad People of Todimimiun 3 to establish their foot hold on the country and before you can say . . . .Here uncle Fred has been swallowed by a toad . . . . its too late……

In other news Britain won a bronze medal at the Winter Olympics, apparently the first ever on Snow….. I will say I was a little amused that one of the reasons that we are good at this particular sport is because you can do it on dry ski slopes, so you don’t need real snow….. So the reason we won our first medal on snow was because it does not require snow, we don’t have a lot of snow in Britain, but we do have a lot of rain, down South…..

Friday, 7 February 2014

The Opening Ceremony of the Sochi 2014 Winter Olympics, President Putin and a Small Chicken.

The winter Olympic opening ceremony has been on the go today and it was rather a grand affair for a winter Olympics as in general they tend to be more friendly and low key than the summer ones. But of course because they are in Russia rumour have abounded that President Putin was keen to put on (Putin . . . . . .  Put on . . . . . . . HA HAH HA H HAH hah ha haha ha ha ha hah ha ha) a good show. And I would have to say some of it was very spectacular indeed as it showed the story of Russia through history, a bit like the London Olympics showed Britain. The odd thing with these though is that it sort of ended with the breaking up of the USSR and then came to an abrupt holt in a sort of AH . . . . . . .DAMN . . . . . I know we can have some Seagulls  . . . no hang on Doves, Doves is good or Swans folk like Swans …….. Interestingly it appears that Sochi (the place in Russia, not the Japanese seafood) is one of the warmer parts of Russia and has no snow which might make things a bit tricky.

Anyway as you know the chicken loves these things and only the other day said he planned to fly over and sneak in; and much like in London the Russians also would prefer not to have chickens running about, partly because it is already complicated enough with Seagulls, Doves and Swans all over the place. But the chicken is a resourceful beast and 40,000 armed troops and folk dressed as white rabbits were never going to keep it away from meeting the main man.

I was able to capture the moment on the TV as out of the shadows the chicken moves in closer to see President Putin close up. The President gritting his teeth, but clearly unhappy that the massed security forces failed to get the chicken. Although if you look at the picture closely you will notice that he is cunningly using his third arm (not many folk know he has three arms) to try and grab the chicken and have him (her) dealt with.

Apparently loads and loads of money was spent on the venue and there is talk of legacy much like there was after the London Olympics . . . . . . . .HAH HA HAH HA HAH AH HAH AH HA HAH AH HA HAH AH HA HAH HA HA Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha 

Thursday, 6 February 2014

The Ghost Writer, the petition to save Powys Citizens Advice Bureau and a man on the phone.

The Ghost Writer was in his place of work yesterday as he had to move the server, he hates moving this as it must be one of the last of the old NT4 servers working away doing its bit on the front line in Britain. But as the Ghost Writer has said loads of times . . . . . . A cat dropped from a great height can’t catch mice until it lands on the ground. . . . . . He insists it is one of those strange saying that folk use all the time although I cant think of anyone else who says it.  Anyway he set off earlier than he needed too because the weather was wet seriously wet. Us Brits are good at complaining about the weather, but just for once we have good reason too as it is rare to see so much flooding for this long. 

As the Ghost Writer wandered into his office in his usual chirpy fashion (OK his normal grumpy self) there was a quiet pause and folk looked at him. As it happens he has this effect a lot when he walks into places I think it’s his ramshackle dishevelled image and bits of stuff falling off him that does it;  on this occasion though it was due to news that had been received. You see the Ghost Writer works for a charity and the core funding of this charity comes from Powys County Council who are trying or need to save 20 million pounds so one of the things they have decided is to stop funding charities, well the one the Ghost Writer works for anyway. It will not save a lot of money about one hundred thousand pounds, but the Ghost Writer is a cynical as well as grumpy chap and says he suspects that the council will target the folk with the least voices so the likes of folk in need of help, disabled and homeless and the like first . . . . .  He may be wrong though and they might make all the directors and managers redundant at the council instead. . . . . . . . Hang on what was that I saw . . . . . . . . . . . . . OOooooooooo look it’s a flying pig.

Interestingly as a change of subject I answered the phone this morning and spoke to a very nice man from India who said that someone at our house had been in an accident in the last three years and was entitled to loads of compensation from the Ministry of Justice. He seemed like a nice chap and I was not in a rush to rush off anywhere so I had a long chat; however he started to get a bit annoyed because I was not responding correctly to his questions, and in the end accused me of wasting his time and then he hung up which was rather rude. 

It has been raining again today and it is due to rain tomorrow followed by heavy rain on Saturday. Anyway in order to tie in my drawing all I can say is I feel sorry for any fire breathing dragons at present, it is just not the weather to help them one bit.

 For those that are interested below is an online petition for people to sign that will help the Ghost Writers cause in gaining support for the Charity he works for . . . Powys Citizens Advice Bureau . . . . . .  Although a national organisation each bureau is very dependent on local funding for core bureau funding. Without the core funding all the other projects it supports can not exist. 

Tuesday, 4 February 2014

The Chinese Year of the Horse

There I was drawing stuff, and then I sort of popped a picture up in cyberspace thinking to myself well that sort of turned out OK. Because as you know with these drawings, it is all or nothing, because once a line is drawn it can’t be undone.  Anyway I had not long popped the picture into the vast voids of cyberspace when a very kind person mentioned The Chinese Year of the Horse and it is, I had entirely forgotten about that  . . . . . . .  Silly old me, but I am trying to keep my mind together through the wet cold days of winter in Britain and that is not entirely easy at present due to the wet, cold and rain.

Anyway a Happy Chinese New Year to you all (slightly late), and although I must admit the beast I drew was not intentionally done for this it does make a rather good Chinese horse. . . . . . .  OK then who said . . . . Nay . . . . . . .  HAH HAH AH HAH AH HA HA HAH HAH AH AH HA HAH AHA Hha ha ha hah ah ahha ha haha ha ha ha  

Monday, 3 February 2014

Sticks. Parrots, Aliens and Astronauts

I was in a Tough Harry’s Supermarket today getting a few things I needed, none of us like these places but in order to live, we are now doomed to having to enter their vast corridors of stuff that confuses and bewilders folk.  Particularly us chaps, we are not genetically designed to deal with shelves full of stuff, lets face it most chaps are not capable of putting a shelf up so as the old saying goes. . . . . . If man was meant to cope with shelves full of stuff, God would have made man capable of making shelves . . . . . .

But as I wandered up and down I came across a product that I thought was a piece of shear genius, one so brilliant I wish I had thought of it myself, it was a stick . . . . . . . . . . .  OK yes, I can hear the long pause as you think  . . . . . A STICK? . . . . .   Not a useful pointy stick to poke at folk or Zombies, but a bit of branch from a tree, it even says a genuine natural branch made from wood on it.  You see it is sold in the pet section and is aimed at the little old ladies who own Budgerigars; as birdcages general have plain old doweling. So in order to cheer their pet budgerigars or the like up some clever person is selling genuine looking branches of trees made out of the branches of trees, this is genius. There is an old saying that goes . . . . . . Money does not trees . . . . .  Well it shows that in fact it does.

Tough Harry’s Supermarket does have one other thing going for it that would make selling these sticks easier, they have Sam the Parrot who can spot a little old lady one hundred yards away and will shout at her as she passes. . . Ooooo if only I had a really natural looking stick to sit on . . . . .  Everyone round these parts loves Sam the Parrot and little old ladies are suckers for a sob story told by a parrot; anyway these sticks cost three pounds each and are a bargain at half the price (or do I mean twice)…….

Did you know that both Aliens and Astronaughts (sorry astronauts) keep complaining they need more space . . . . . . . . . AH AH H HAHHAH AH HA HAH HA HAH AH HAH AH Hha ha ha hahah ah ahahahahah ha ha aha ha . . . . WHAT? I hear you type again . . . . . .Well I was sat in a car earlier and only had a tiny scrap of paper and a dodgy pen so was rather limited in what I could draw, and a stick seemed a bit boring. . . .

Sunday, 2 February 2014

Two Sundays, a chart and a Frumplephone

Its Sunday today it seems to have been a long day so long in fact that it appears to have lasted two days, that’s an entire Sunday longer than normal for a Sunday. Sometimes it is good to get extra time we all run out of time at times but the main drawback to the extra long Sunday appears to be the entire loss of a Saturday. Anyway I am sure I cant be the only person who regularly losses days and finds themselves jet lagged having travelled nowhere. I say nowhere I have been to the Castle of the Bishop and in the garden and walked between rooms but these sort of distances will not jet lag a human (in theory) although I cant say the same for an ant.

 I have redone our solar panel monitoring sheet in Microsoft Excel as we are now legally obliged to keep one that also records income generated and date paid. This would normally be dads responsibility but he is either rubbing his hands pointing at the sun and shouting money money HA HAH HA HAH AH HAH AH Hha ha ha or he is shouting at clouds calling them things I dare not repeat on a child friendly diary. He has done a lot of that lately and thinks a water turbine would be a good idea…. Anyway it has been sunny today so that was good, but sadly it is not due to last as Dad says he plans to test the new weather machine again midweek and create a heat wave; I suspect it will all end in tears or rain. What he needs is a dramatic fanfare on a Bass Frumplephone . . . . . . WHAT I hear you type well I don’t mean it, but it is a great excuse to draw a Frumplephone. 

Saturday, 1 February 2014

Star Jelly, Sundays, Rain and Birthdays

Well its Sunday and as I have said many times Sunday in cyberspace is quiet much as it is the real world, today has not been helped by the continuing rain, wind and cold which continues to dominate the minds of many. Us Brits love to moan about the weather and just at present there is much to moan about.  Still Doris the Steam Powered Duck is happy enough going round and round in her pond, occasionally peering over at the star jelly which still sticks out from under the patio in a slightly menacing way. I still have not found out what this stuff is and Mr Jones is never going to convince me it’s an alien, and his attempts to communicate with the jelly substance so far has proved fruitless. Although I will say the jelly is the right colour for a fruitless Jelly . . . . HAH HAH AH HA HAH HA HAH AH HHAH AH HA H HAH  HAH HA H HAH Hha ha ha ha hah ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Star Jelly
The Ghost Writer and Mrs Ghost Writer, Mr Charlie and Miss Jane were here last night and we all ate curry as it is Mrs Ghost Writers Birthday today (happy Birthday Mrs Ghost Writer). Luckily this year I have been able to give her a unique present something that under normal circumstances is almost impossible to buy and would no doubt cost huge amounts of money to purchase. . . . . I have given Mrs Ghost Writer a jar of Alien Jelly although she did not look quite as pleased as I was hoping she might.

I am wondering if I could sell Alien Star Jelly on E bay it is elusive stuff and may sell for loads of money. Mind you my efforts to get the local conservationist and wildlife folk interested did not go well they apparently say aliens, particularly jelly ones are outside the parameters of their constitution and folk might laugh at them. . . . . . . . . . Well they laughed at Sir Walter Raleigh until he invented the bicycle and now look, we all use them to go to the chip shop. . . . . . . 

Star Jelly
A photo taken a few nights ago