The Wisdom of Age

Look I made a face

Well there are certain disadvantages in getting older which folk don’t appreciate until they get older.  You see due to past circumstances I now find I have the body of a 99 year old and the mind of a 9 year old. I know I am not 99 years old but a very long time ago a chap decided to attack me with a large lump of metal which was about the weight, size and shape of the average British cat (sorry Car). . . . It was in fact an average car. It was also not nice and at the time I was very battered, but I recovered. However I have since discovered that the draw back to such events is the poor old body as it gets old says to itself or the brain . . . .  Hang on I think I am feeling a bit Knackered. . . .  So the result is I now have the body of a 99 year old.

There is another interesting thing that can happen to folk as they get older, I think us chaps are very prone to it and that is after a certain age you start going backwards mentally, leading to my statement of having the body of a 99 year old and the mind of a 9 year old

Now I started by saying there are certain disadvantages in this and so there are, you see a nine year old likes to chase seagulls on the beach with say a large plastic dinosaur making roaring noises (this is not recommended if you are a grumpy old chap).  A nine year old will happily climb a tree and pretend to be an alien in the park shouting . . . Take me to your leader . . . at a squirrel (this is not recommended if you are a grumpy old chap).  And apparently standing in a supermarket trolley in Sainsbury’s pretending you are a huge monster Octopus fighting a gang of pirates. . . OK Little Old ladies. . .  with a freshly baked French loaf, is something that the store manager will disapprove of and tell you off and ban you for ages.

Luckily there is one plus to having the mind of a nine year old and it is that a few days later you have forgotten that you have been banned and that you had to be rescued from a tree by the fire brigade or that you were totally knackered for several days after chasing seagulls.  

I was always told when I was little that when you get old you became wise and that folk will come and see you and ask you important questions about the world and stuff.  And now I think I understand why the world is in a bit of a mess. You see I think what is happening is that people do go and ask the wise old sages and leaders of religions and tribes and counties and crumbly old grumpy folk like me what they should do and we apply all the wisdom that our nine year old minds can muster up and say things like. . . . Attack them with youR terrible Martian Death Ray and put FROG-SPAWN in their briefcases HAH HAhah ah ah ah ah ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ah ah ah ha ha ha ha . . . . . .          

Well as old wise folk our wisdom is not questioned unless of course we are standing in a supermarket trolley in the freezer section of the local store pretending we are a parrot. Then folk tend not to come and see me (sorry You). . . . . . .

Thoughts on thinking and other things, (but not Steven Spielberg)

Today has been rather tough you see something terrible happened that involved the use of thought; it was what is known as thinking. I can see the look of shock in your faces as I say this. Well I can’t see it but I know it is there because the alternative would be ambivalence and that does not bear thinking about, particularly after a day spent thinking about other stuff.  Actually I probably don’t mean ambivalence thinking about it I probably mean indifference or even worse ordinariness. Thoughts of creating ordinariness after an entire day of thinking is the sort of thing that the Greek Gods would worry about and the reason the Roman Empire fell in such a spectacular fashion all those years ago, and mark my words no such think is going to happen in my diary.

So what was it I was thinking about I hear you say, again I cant hear you say but I know that deep down you just need to know and it is going to be a bit of a shock to almost all of you. I say almost because there is always some smart character out there lurking in a doorway who will say I KNEW HE WAS GOING TO SAY THAT, but the truth is I can’t remember. 

Still there is one great advantage in not remembering what I spent the day thinking about; it means I do not need to tell you what it was now because I can’t. And that is rather useful because it is now getting rather late and I will be heading off to bed very soon. 

I have been told by the Ghost Writer the brain is very clever and deletes all none important information and so all that remains are the critical items of information which make us tick and function.  The result of this is apparently a diary that is lean mean and concise with no spurious data that is not needed in order for it to be a functional and interesting which is damn lucky, I don’t think that Steven Spielberg would appreciate something that rambles on for ever.

It also appears the Ghost Writer has also been using his brain today in looking at a whole new national database and then sorting PC’s and printers, He also says he reckons that Steven Spielberg might like to make a film about a mad IT expert who has lost the plot . . . . . . .mum says the Ghost Writer is an IDIOT. . . . . . . I think I agree that sounds rubbish.

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