The Chinese Year of the Horse

There I was drawing stuff, and then I sort of popped a picture up in cyberspace thinking to myself well that sort of turned out OK. Because as you know with these drawings, it is all or nothing, because once a line is drawn it can’t be undone.  Anyway I had not long popped the picture into the vast voids of cyberspace when a very kind person mentioned The Chinese Year of the Horse and it is, I had entirely forgotten about that  . . . . . . .  Silly old me, but I am trying to keep my mind together through the wet cold days of winter in Britain and that is not entirely easy at present due to the wet, cold and rain.

Anyway a Happy Chinese New Year to you all (slightly late), and although I must admit the beast I drew was not intentionally done for this it does make a rather good Chinese horse. . . . . . .  OK then who said . . . . Nay . . . . . . .  HAH HAH AH HAH AH HA HA HAH HAH AH AH HA HAH AHA Hha ha ha hah ah ahha ha haha ha ha ha  

The Pope, God and Elvis

It is a strange world we live in there I was wondering about what to write about when in general things have been normal-ish (excuse the bad typing I have cold hands and cant type at the best of times) and as predicted the world was covered in snow and ice outside but not nice snow and ice, so no snow zombies today.  And as I have complained endlessly about weather I will be good and not mention a word about it today . . . . . . AH DAMN.

So just for a change I thought I would look at the news because one of those little events has happened today that does not happen very often, in fact roughly about once every six hundred years I think; yes Pope Ben has resigned. This is a tricky thing to do when you are as they say the number two after the big man himself God, putting your resignation in writing to God is seriously tricky. It reminds me of that very popular song often played at funerals “Return to Sender” by the King himself, ELVIS . . . . WOW it is not often I get to talk about The Pope, God and Elvis all at the same time…

So Why you are thinking has this happened, as I have already said to my good friend Mr H, God moves in mysterious ways and as we get old so do we, it is well known that the elderly do all sorts of strange things; in fact the point comes where God moving in a mysterious way is less mysterious than the elderly moving about in a mysterious way, not an ideal position to be in if you are a Pope. And the result of all this is the Pope and God end up moving so mysteriously that they never get to meet. So the Pope has probably thought to himself where’s that God gone I'm sure he was here earlier.  

I was also somewhat bemused by the BBC news feed on their web site that said “Live: Pope resigns”  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Surely it is not just me who thinks hang on if he was dead he would not be able to resign.

While I was reading the BBC news web site I also saw the following . . . . .  Beef products 'pose no health risk', well we all know that, what most people wish to know is whether horse products are safe. Actually while on the subject of those dodgy food items I noticed they showed one on the TV yesterday after it was cooked and to tell the truth it looked awful. This you see brings us to a rather important point about the meat in these cheap convenient foods, the meat in them is that reconstituted stuff and may not be meat as such, more eyeballs, ears, bits of skin and various other things turned into a sort of slurry and then made to look like meat as you and I think of it. So some sort of real meat even in the form of a horse may not be a bad thing unless of course you are a horse…

I better go its somehow got late not sure how But I was drumming earlier and jolly good it was too.

Oooooooo yes I was able to take a photo of a tree this morning but not the Pope God or Elvis  . . . . .sorry.

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Reaping revenge on the beasts who will remain nameless (horses) . . . . AH . DAMN

The grinding wheels of winter grind on although today was at least sunny, I ramble on yet again about weather because it appears it is going to rain or snow again for a few days. I think we may have reached the point were a psychological change in the way we all live may be needed,  things like going to work in a boat and wearing wet suits and keeping an inflatable boat under the stairs for emergencies.

Anyway onto the day, firstly I would like to say that sometime ago I did a lot of complaining about a certain animal that as far as I could tell was distracting that very nice Steven Spielberg from the making of a rather good film based on the diary of a certain person who will remain nameless because it was me  . . . . . . . AH DAMN.  At the time I did say that I would reap revenge on the said beasts, turn all such said beasts into mince meat and destroy the evidence by turning them into convenient meal sized packages, and in turn ruin their film careers, less Black Beauty more Burnt Burger. So I would just like to say I am innocent it has nothing to do with me. Lets face it, the very nice Steven Spielberg has been making films about Presidents of the USA and I can hardly go and make a convenient microwaveable dinner for two out of American presidents so I know when I am defeated by overwhelming odds.  

the man with no name

 

An old family friend called in today who we have not seen for ages so we chatted drank tea and ate lemon drizzle cake; yes it appears that cake is slowly taking on the name of the British Weather.  I do like lemon drizzle cake and as the weather is due to get worse it may be necessary to purchase a packet of Snowballs although with luck things will not get to the point we are buying iceberg lettuce, that would be terrible.

OK that’s it for tonight because it is. 

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Spies, Pirates and Chemists in the strange twilight between cyberspace and reality

The world of diaries and cyberspace can lead to interesting things; things can happen that can have an influence on both. Take my good friend Miss Fionaski the Famous Russian Spy; we all know that she is very much a real person out there listening intently to her shortwave radio gluing micro dots onto the bottom of homing tortoises. However through the strange sub world of my diary she has found it very difficult to be a spy and has had to resort to leaping about and being a party animal in real life, because it is tricky to be a spy when as mum puts it some IDIOT keeps telling everyone about their secret plans.

Then there is my cyber-friend Captain Nessman of the High Seas, we have had many an adventure in the world of cyberspace battling sea monsters and the tally ho British fleet, but then real life leaps into place and Captain Nessman of the High Seas finds himself on a wild adventure learning Chinese in China, which is probably the best place to learn Chinese as it happens. He has many a tale to tell of huge squid and creatures that western man has never seen before which is why from time to time he still sneaks into a MacDonald’s from  time to time. 

Today the cross over between the real and surreal of cyberspace took another slightly strange twist, my diary as you know can be found both in Facebook and as a blog, and my blog friend Mr ESB a man of many talents and a chemist who often experiments with chicken sandwiches and who lives in Texas has told me that as a result of my help he has been able to sing Happy Birthday in Welsh to his friend Jesus (no not that one) who works in Mr ESB’s favourite diner back in his home town in Texas. Now that is well COOL just think without all this technology and the internet, things like this would not happen. I think what this proves is that even a modest diary of an eccentric in the rolling hills of the English Welsh borders and a few of his good friends can make the world a better place.

If you are watching the block buster movie or reading the best selling book then I will be found in a warm swimming pool with a cold drink in my hand, if you are not reading the best selling book or watching the movie all I can say is that nice Mr Steven Spielberg has made yet another film about the wrong thing (if it has horses in it again I will not be happy).

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Martha, school dinners, horses, Mr Steven Spielberg and Harry Potter

I do not wish to be grumpy but I have noticed something….. It first started with that Harry Potter and all his wand waving saying silly words, OK it is not his fault after all he is not even real, he is merely a figment of the imagination. He really should have stood up for himself a bit better and made sure he got a cut of the royalties. Anyway the point is everybody loves B******* ********* Harry Potter and he is read by millions Ya Sucks Boo.

Then just as Harry vanished off to settle down in domestic bliss, I thought that nice Mr Steven Spielberg will be thinking of making ‘Rob Z Tobor the movie’ when some sneaky horse turns up and offers him a deal he cant refuse, taking him for a ride in the process. Yes I know I have done all this before, but there is a point.

Today on the wireless and in the newspaper I hear and read of an eight year old girl called Martha whose blog on school dinner has had something like two or three million hits….. WHAT? I am sure Martha is quite a nice little girl; in fact she appears to have got the better of the corporate wheels of the local council, so well done. But as a blogger in the darkest corner of cyberspace what is it with the general public that a blog on school dinner is a smash hit while I’m left with a small band of loyal followers. I say loyal but most of them will desert me for a bar of chocolate or a packet of salted peanuts, Its no good denying it.  So am I downhearted NO although I might mention school dinners a bit more in passing, things like tapioca pudding…… OK maybe not YUK.

OK I have almost finished the makeshift canopy for the family Barbecue tomorrow to protect us from the elements. However in the process I have tried to saw my finger off with a wood saw, dropped a twenty five foot by five inch piece of hazel on my head which also twisted my finger rather badly  and then got stung by some sort of hornet . The good news is everything happened to the same hand so the right hand is just hunky dory. The bad news is I am left handed. 

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My Entire A to M so Far (Abridged).... so Time for a Party

Yesterday I managed to Mention M as you might have guessed..... I am Magnificent at this MAD game as many bloggers might have discovered, I am also MOSTLY Modest but not when mentioning M. Anyway I am meandering away from the main thread of my mission, My Manuscript (Diary).

As everyone knows who reads my blog (or reads the book or watches the block buster movie)  the MYSTERIOUS MURDEROUS MUMBLING MUMMIFIED MUTANT MONSTERS of MESOPOTAMIA made it to a party last night with their friends The marauding mean megalomaniacal Mankind Mutilating Marionettes of Moldova but The Marionettes of Moldova said there were strings attached. The party you see was at the now infamous illicit ISOBAR and they had all got their invites from a pretty young girl, which gave them, free entry and a free drink.

They thought hang on we have heard of the ISOBAR what is it we are meant to say……AH yes  “I’m an INTERGALACTIC INVADER from IO (one of the moons of Jupiter), and my IGUANA has INSOMNIA”. So they did but she said “In that case you Might get two free drinks” so they went.

Much to their amazement also there were; The LEMMINGS of Petrograd and a Llama, The legendary JURASSIC JIGANTICIUS JOLLISCARYIUS, The KING of the KELPIES, the Ghost of HARRY HOUDINI, The GUILD of GROTESQUES AND GARGOYLES and Godzilla,  the FIERY FIGHTING FISHERMEN of FISHGUARD, The  ELITE of the EUROPEAN ELLIPTICAL EARTH ENGINE Club,  The DEMENTED DEADLY DORMICE of DOOM,  A CARNIVOROUS CAVE CRAB of CAMBODIA, and a AUTOMATED ALUMINIUM AND ANTIMONY ARTICULATED ARMOUR plated ALBINO ARANEOMORPHAE (SPIDER SORT OF THING) ANDROID.

They were all out of their heads (well everyone except the HEADLESS HORSEMAN) on Billberry bush MOONSHINE and some sort of monsterious mixed up Alphabet Cocktail….. Then this MORNING when they woke up it appears they had blown all their cash and a pretty young girl appears to have compromising photos of MOST of them playing Leap frog in the lavatory.

 OK bloggers in all that rushing to write that I cant remember if I used twelve letters or all  thirteen letters, so what you have to ask yourself is are you feeling Lucky SO ……….DO you feel Lucky bloggers.

If anyone thinks I am going to do this again when we get to Z you are MAD …………HA HAH HAH AHHAH HAH HAH HAHAHH Hah hah hahaha hahh a  a ……………HA HAHH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH AH H HA

HA HA HA HAH AH hah hahhaha hah hah ha hahah ha ha

AH MUM said IDIOT

Time off HA .......... I laugh in the face of adversity 

Rebekah Brooks the horse and very confused Alien Mushroom Creatures From Venus

There I was minding my own business pondering what I should write in my diary, should it be yet another quiet day at school watching the seagulls eating chips again and or discovering that the maths teachers large abacus when placed on the floor beads down makes a brilliant luge and that the corridors of the science block are almost an exact replica of the fabled Cresta Run. There is nothing more exciting than passing the physics teacher at 70mph lying on a luge (sorry abacus).

As I was saying I was pondering all this and listening to the wireless and eating a rather yummy stir fry.

So as I listened to the news on the wireless and the continuing death of the people of Syria, Mr Napoleon Beelzebub is not a happy man (Devil) and I was thinking will I discuss politics or the now rather large mushrooms in the box containing the Strange Alien Mushroom Creatures From Venus. Or maybe the rather good bonfire I had after school where I was allowed to burn all sorts of old unneeded spy stuff and a large pile of conifer from the once virgin unexplored forests of just outside our house.

Then in an instant everything suddenly changed by a story on the news about a horse. Now as you know I am not bitter and twisted that it was a horse that convinced the very nice Steven Spielberg to abandon my manuscript in preference for one full of war and horses. Leaving me abandoned in cyberspace with a few friends and a mad Ghost Writer for ever to write the longest story (ever) in the world. But really no longer had I thought to myself well it will be cat food now anyway, so no sequel for that horse. When dam it another one turns up. This time it appears that Mel Brooks (sorry Rebekah) Woman from the News of the World was given one by the police to look after, or as they said on the news adopted. ADOPTED WHAT???? Really I don’t really mind horses that much but people are going to have to watch they don’t take over the world because if both the right hand man of Steven Spielberg and Rupert Murdoch are not men but horses all I can say is something is going on.

Imagine the confusion of the Strange Alien Mushroom Creatures From Venus when they say take me to your leader and everyone points at a horse. What is more worrying it that these things come in threes so I am keeping a look out for the third one. The dog says it is all turning into a pantomime and has fallen about in hysterics …….. and mum has added IDIOT

Oooooo yes ............ one other thing we had huge claw marks in the concrete outside the cat flap this morning which might explain why the cats are not happy going out at night. Not sure what it is but it is not a horse PHEW…… 


I would thank Mr ESB for his contribution in the writing of this entry, without him there would be no abacus

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The freebie book that came in today’s Observer Newspaper, the horse and the film director

I was trying to help in Napoleon Beelzebub today in his shop Napoleon Beelzebub’s Very Strange Victorian Curiosity Shop but there was not much for me to do. Although I did have a telescope with me just in case I needed it, and I did meet Miss Fionski the Famous Russian Spy who was telling me of her latest mission code named Kill Mushroom. Where she was working undercover (a small box) in the movie business.

I was also given the freebie book that came in today’s Observer Newspaper called “Happier” which says you can learn to be happy. It even says “the backbone of the most popular course at Harvard today” on the cover. Now I do not wish to be the one to poo poo something out of hand or say that the kings invisible clothes are in fact a complete fabrication (HAH HAHHAHH AHHAHAH HAH hah hahah hahahahahh hahah haha) Sorry I just thought that was amusing, well a bit, OK it was not. But as the writer of the blog Rob Z Tobor the slightly eccentric child of cyberspace who has made it a policy to a cynical slightly grumpy but happy person in the vast universe of cyberspace including the ever popular Facebook, in my humble opinion this book is rubbish. Maybe it’s just me and everyone else thinks it is great, but I had a quiet day (it’s Sunday in the UK in winter) and had time to view its pages and yes sorry that is what I thought RUBBISH. I even read a few bits to mum who said IDIOT. I guess the fact mum is a Goth and the book is called “Happier” and is bright yellow with chirpy red writing on the cover might explain why she gave it to me in the first place though.

On top of that there is me (Happily) writing my diary, hoping someone will turn into a nice book with covers and paper in between or that nice Mr Steven Spielberg might be tempted to make the block buster movie, now that him and the horse have gone their separate ways. I believe the horse was just in it for the hay and a few lumps of sugar and the relationship finally broke down when Mr Spielberg shouted at the horse in a posh Hollywood restaurant That’s it I’ve had enough, You are just taking me for a ride at which point they stormed out of the restaurant and we seen galloping across the fields into the distance.

OK sorry I got distracted; I am basically making the point the book “Happier” is a book, OK yes a freebee with a Sunday newspaper but none the less a book where my diary is not a book and I AM NOT HAPPY ABOUT THAT ……… and if nothing else this proves my point about this book. Mum just said IDIOT now..