An A to Z Coronavirus observational guide. . . O

O

Going Out

Well certainly here in Britain and in fact most countries around the world Going Out is something to be done only when necessary. So here; we are allowed out to buy food and essentials. Essentials I must admit is slightly open to interpretation as one person’s essential is another person’s Flibbertigibbet as the old saying sort of goes. And we are allowed out to exercise and take a walk which is also open to interpretation; so jogging around the block or in the park on your own is OK. Taking your family 200 miles to go on a fishing trip is not as the family who tried it found out when they were fined and told to go home. In Britain in general folk are being fairly good about the limited access to the world beyond their front door, but then being out in the big wide world does put you at a higher risk of both getting and in turn passing on Covid-19. It is not something any one of us wants either is can kill folk seriously dead.

Drugs, Birds, Cats and a Ladder . . . . .

This morning involved a trip to a nearby village hall where one person looked at another person’s foot as folk do. After that the trip involved the collection of drugs from a doctor’s surgery. Yes it all sounds dodgy but in fact it is not even remotely dodgy. One of the things I have learnt about getting old is after about 50-ish you gain a new prescription from the docs about every 5-10 years or so, so if you reach 100 you just grab a handful and hope for the best.

On returning home I was out in the garden with the lawn mower (OOOoooo what fun). One Ecopoint to make here is keep the blade on your lawn mower as high as possible and the wildlife will generally be OK. Our garden has some very wild bits indeed and is full of beasts and birds and other critters. Those birds cost a fortune in seed, nuts and stuff too and do they care about that NO they just invite all their mates round for a party.

Now in the past I have used a gardener (OK a cheap gardener) and I was pondering why I now don’t. So I looked back through the pages (posts) of my diary and all became clear again. I don’t remember stuff so a diary is useful.

 And here it is what I had written about this many moons ago.

………………………………………………………..

A useful tip that folk may not know about is be selective with who you use as a Gardener because Ghosts, Ghouls and Gargoyles can be a little obstinate and will tend to go off and do their own thing. And saying to them NO NO I WAS THINKING OF MAYBE A CHERUB BALANCING ON THE BACK OF A DAUPHIN, SORRY I MEAN DOLPHIN; OOOOO NO A DAUPHIN WOULD BE GOOD, IN THE FISH POND (as a fountain), NOT THE FOUR HORSEMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE. . . . . . AND YES THE BLOOD RED DYE IN THE WATER IS VERY EFFECTIVE BUT WILL CLASH WITH THE GOLDFISH A BIT . . . . HANG ON ARE THOSE PIRANHA FISH. . . .

Will only make them stare at you like you are a fool and know nothing and that the new sulphur bed with its noxious gasses and sharp pointy things is now so much better than that old flower bed with its Gladioli and Garibaldi Biscuits . . . . . sorry I mean bluebells.

That’s the last time we use UNDIG Gardeners Ltd with their catchy slogan . . . . UnDig Have Risen from the Grave to help you, no job too small……….

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Yes well that was a long time ago and my wife says a gardener would be good as long as I don’t choose another cheap one. So I now do the gardening because proper gardeners are expensive. . . . . . .

As for the rest of the day . . . . I was on a roof lashing down a tarpaulin like a pirate at sea in a storm with my faithful parrot (the cat). . . . The cat has learnt to climb ladders so if I climb the ladder so does the cat. I hate heights and ladders but having a cat on your head is an added complication I don’t need.

Then finally I ate. . (spicy deep fried prawns and rice . . Yum) . . . Drunk tea and chilled and am now doing the diary.

With a cat . . . . Pesky Cat

The 2019 A to Z Challenge . . . Letter K

K

We have reached that point in the A to Z where the mind sort of wanders off (well mine does) and we think OOOOoooooo What’s that up there. . . . . It’s a Seagull (Not a Duck). So when I say OK Plan K my first thought is Pirates Har Har Har. Yes Pirates make folk walk the PlanK. And Anyway Pirates fit well into the life of both Seagulls and Ducks; although probably Seagulls more so than Ducks. The thought of Long John Silver fighting off Ducks on the Bridge of the Hispaniola while Captain Flint his Parrot Shouts ‘Pieces of Eight . . . Quack Quack Quack’ somehow seems wrong.

So there you have it I have been entirely distracted by those Pesky Ducks again. I’ll never make it to the Letter Z at the rate although I do have one skill that I think might help. . . The ability to write reams of total Rubbish. After all I have reached Z many times before so I feel confident . . .  sort of . . . . Maybe?

A Picture I produced for a friend. Of a rather well know Building

The 2019 A to Z Challenge . . . Letter C

A rather bizarre, slightly odd and somewhat rambling trip through an A to Z of Plans. . . . . Sort Of

C 

Now tempting as a Plan C might be; I think it would be unfair to pursue this so in order to maintain the basic formula of my 2019 A to Z we/I need to think laterally so time to consider Plan Sea or to look at it in an alternative way a slightly Fishy Plan. Maybe one involving Cod, Catfish, Carp, Coley and the ever elusive Coelacanth, folk love fish particularly if covered in a nice crisp batter. Which of course is why the Coelacanth remains so elusive after all who could resist a deep fried Coelacanth?

 Right well that’s about it I will Conclude C now as no one will want to spend ages reading millions of long Blogs in a Cascade of C based Consciousness. So I will say farewell until the Letter D. . . . . . . . . And some Ducks (you have been warned).

A flying ship in our Kitchen being watched by the Cats

Predictions, Pirates, Sailors, Syria and the End of the World (again)

I have cunningly disguised my bit of 3D art 

for now as it is not entirely finished 

I am back and not before time I can hear you all say . . . . OK I can at least pretend you are all pleased to see me back at the helm of my favourite steam powered PC; with its very annoying and overworked fan squeaking at me as it desperately tries to deal with the internet and my spelling.  Well it was a lovely week pondering the world down in South Wales in a semi secluded lodge near the coast. It was quite interesting watching the sailing folk as they clambered in and out of their assortment of boats, but I was left with one rather puzzling question by the end of the week. You see you would think of sailing folk as lean mean fighting machines leaping from mast to mast with daggers and swords held between their teeth like pirates of old. This however was far from the truth indeed. As most of the ones I saw were rather unfit and overweight and at least half of them seemed rather elderly. Maybe this is why traditional pirates died out as a species, as they were just unable to sing (sorry Swing) from ship to ship on ropes going HAR HAR HAR.

Now while I was away doing some arty stuff watching sailors? and thinking, I sort of remembered something from way way back about that chap Nostradamus, sadly folk keep doing sneaky stuff to his predictions to try and keep him up and running, but I do recollect he first said the start of the End of the World would happen back in 1990 something, and since then folk have lost interest (when it never happened) and just use Google instead to predict everything. But I’m sure I remember that it was all due to start going down hill with war in the Middle-East and I am certain Syria was the predicted flash point. Look this was a long time ago now, we have not chatted for ages on account of Mr Nostradamus not being entirely alive. In fact the last time we met he tried to eat my brains and groaned a lot which did make me suspicious back then.

OK back to the point Syria is in a bit of a mess at present and both Russia and the USA are trying to bomb it to bits while avoiding accidently bombing one another. Now there is no doubt that President Putin is far more gung ho than President Obama but if say Mr Trump became President Trump, then I suspect he would be up for a bit of brinkmanship against President Putin. Let’s face it they are not going to be buddies and chatting on the phone to deal with those tricky international issues.

So maybe that Mr Nostradamus might have been right about the End of the World starting in the Middle East after all. I plan to wrap my head in tin foil, write poetry and do some art while hiding under the dinning table. . . . . still it could be worse I could own a VW. 

When is a Reposted Post not a Repeated Post

Two years ago today the Radical Abstract Thinkers (RATs) became an official political party. When I say official political, I might mean I was having a party, I'm not sure. I dont remember any sort of party party and as I am a quiet non drinking middle class sort of chap with good manners and a slight dislike of crowds I would remember a party sort of party for sure.

Anyway what I am saying in a roundabout sort of way is that this post is a repeat of the official announcement of RATs becoming Political, with a small P (OK thats a large P. but you know what I mean). Back then I was in Pirate mode and not in Harry Potter mode. Although I dont think JK Rowling likes me anymore. I am not entirely sure she likes my poetry. . . . I feel like one of those Vogons as soon as I write poetry folk run off with excuses like OOOOOO I need to wash my hair or OOOOOOO I need to bury the frying pan in the garden. I mean just how many times do folk bury frying pans surely twice is enough in any lifetime. 

Yes well back to the point. I have had a busy day painting and putting up some posh mosaic tiles in the Kitchen, a new skill for me and it went OK which is just as well as they were not cheap. The result of all this is I am knackered and so not having much to write about thought the best thing was to repost an old post. As it happens I appear to have written more telling you I am repeating an old post than the old post has words in. DAMN I hate it when that happens, if I ever repeat this post with the repeat in it then I will make sure I say much less about the reasons for reposting a repeated post than I have here.

I hope all that made sense I have not read it yet and cant be bothered too to tell the truth as I am tired.

SO below is it, the post of 1st September 2013 I hope you enjoy it (I did but I like pirates) 

  



HAR HAR HAR

Sail the main brace

Ten men dancing on a dead man’s vest

Pieces of eight and a yo ho ho

Where’s the rum

Tie the scallywag to the mast

HAR HAR

Aliens on the starboard bow captain

Drop anchor and full steam ahead

Blind Pugh be no friend of a pirate Captain HAR HAR

Give those tally ho British red coats a broad side

Hold her steady and we’ll ride out the storm HAR HAR HAR

That there sea be full of monsters, they be Partly Raving Loony Monsters HAR HAR

Vote for Rob HAR HAR HAR

You know it makes sence HAR HAR

 I know what you are thinking yes I have entered the world of politics . . .  RATs (The Radical Abstract Thinkers) is now an official political party.

The photograph for those of you not reading the cheap paperback diary bought to pass the time at Kings Cross station on special offer to boost sales, is your leaders (me) first official wave  . . . . . . . HAH HAHAH HHAHAH HHAHAHHA hah ah ha ha hah ah ha hah ah ha ha hah ahha hah hha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha  HAR AHR HAR Jim Lad.

Part Four of Hogwarts V Jurassic World . . . Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Rum

Link to Part Three

As our heroic heroes arrive at the large and impressive outdoor performance pool for the Aquatic Dinosaurs of Jurassic World they spot Harry Potter, Hermione, Lily Luna and an assortment of young student wizards from Hogwarts. Lily Luna hanging over the side of the pool saying

dad dad dad dad  dad dad dad dad can I have a plesiosaur as a pet. . . . . I promise to look after it and clean outs its straw every week.

No Lily Luna I think you might be thinking of the wrong dinosaur.

But I want A PLESIOSAUR IT’S not fair.

However before the conversation continues it is interrupted by the arrival of Professor Franklin F F Frankenzompire  who is looking flustered, and is desperately attempting to un-jam his large and very scary machine gun. He is now being pursued by a large group of irritated pensioners who have chased him all the way from Customer Services.

Unfortunately for the professor while he was threatening the queues (who had amassed at Customer Services) with death for demanding a refund, he ended up with a jammed large scary machine gun. Now as anyone who has ever had to deal with the public will know . . . . you will never get away with threatening a coach party of pensioners if they think they are entitled to a refund or discount. And so any sign of weakness and they will attack like ferocious and totally irrational killer Zombies, so a jamming machine gun means you are a goner for sure.              

   

As the Professor passes the group he sees Harrison Ford-Cortina and throws his still jammed machine gun at him shouting things before leaping onto the edge of the pool still being chased by the coach party of pensioners.

Meanwhile as everyone else watches the rather strange spectacle of a gang of little old ladies hitting the professor on a small feeding platform forty feet above the pool the White Rabbit is focused on the distant horizon of the large bay beyond the pool.  Then as his packet watch chimes the hour he fires a flare gun high into the air, after a few seconds a flare is seen far off out at sea in response. Slowly but surely and generally unnoticed by most, a ship can be seen sailing towards Jurassic World, a ship with distinct sails flying the skull and crossbones.

By now Harry, Hermione and the young wizards of Hogwarts have settled down in the tiered seating of the vast performance pool to watch the grand finale.   Professor Franklin F F Frankenzompire having now resorted to using magic to defend himself from the relentless onslaught of little old ladies

Ooo the Grand Council of Wizards will not approve of that says Harry as another little old lady is turned into a Wild Mutant Raven.

Daaaaaaaaaad can I have a Wild Mutant Raven as a pet

No Lily Luna they are particularly aggressive and a bad choice by Professor Frankenzompire.

On the other side of the vast pool Young Higgs, Alice, The White Rabbit and Harrison Ford-Cortina are pushing the seriously enormous lock gates open that connect the performance pool to open ocean via a grand canal.

Now you have all seen the film, you all know that the large ocean going aquatic dinosaurs actually live out at sea and have been trained to enter the performance pool to do a few tricks like leap forty feet out of the water to get a tasty treat such as say a pensioner from a passing coach party.  What do you mean you have not seen the film (DAMN how was I to know it has not been released publically yet. . .  Sorry Mr Spielberg).

As the Lock gates open a large pirate ship sails into the pool its captain at the wheel laughing HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR shiver me timbers it be Master Higgs and Harrison Ford-Cortina . . . .  You are looking a bit different young Harrison since I last saw ye HAR HAR . . . . . . .  

Lily Luna turns to her dad and says that’s Captain Silver of Silvers Water Taxi’s who takes us to Hogwarts each term what is he doing here.

It is, and I don’t know yet, but I think that is a Plesiosaur over there too says Harry

Lily Luna claps her hands and says this is dead exciting I like Jurassic World.

 

To Be Continued.

Yes the Story has yet one more part to it as it reaches the grand finish where all will be revealed. 

Link to PART FIVE

(The Hobbit, The Pirate and the Zombies) or Harry Potter Returns from the Dead. . . . PART THREE

Previously . . . Part2 

As the train arrives at Hogsmeade Station it appears to be deserted except for two rather strange Hobbit like creatures working on the roof.  CAN I help you shouts down one of them

Who are you shouts back Young Higgs

I’m Bilbo we are insulating the Station as part of an EU grant scheme, here’s my card . . .  Bilbo Laggings LTD. . . . .  No job to small

Bilbo Laggings LTD, you will be telling me next your mate is called RUMPELSTILTSKIN

How did you know that are you one of those wizards

Can you tell us how we get to Hogwarts.

You need Silvers Water taxi’s at the end of the pier

I suppose he is called Long John Silver is he

Here are you one of those mind readers that’s well spooky I'm off to wrap my head in tin foil.

Young Higgs Dumblecox carrying a glass jug with a now snoring mummified cat in and a jar of ash and his book, Alice a young Victorian Lady, a Large White Rabbit holding a pocket watch and identical twins Mr Tweedy-Dum and Mr Tweedy-Dee now complaining to each other about pies; stand looking at a rather battered and very unseaworthy small ship.  As they do so, pondering whether it might be better to walk, a ragtag dishevelled man with one eye, one leg and a parrot on his shoulder appears from below deck.

Har har har welcome me old LANDLUBBERS will ye be looking to go to Hogwarts Academy

Indeed we are said Young Higgs, what do you charge.

Well I rather like the look of your wench, what you say

Wench . . . . Wench. . . . I’ll have you know I come from a well respected family and am no ones wench unless they are very very wealthy and clean.

Har that be a damn shame. Well what about the big rabbit He’ll make a grand stew

With that the White Rabbit slowly pulled a large flick knife from his pocket and snarled at the strange old sea captain.

Aaaaauuuugghhhh I get ye point Ok I’ll take you all for free, me and the crew will raid some unsuspecting tourist boat full of muggles on our return journey

Crew what crew said Alice

Har har har they be Zombies, Ye can’t beat a crew of Zombie pirates HAR 

Pieces of eight. . . . Pieces of Eight

Shut up Parrot or ye will walk the plank and have ye Scibbers Scuppered HA HA HA Hah ah ah ah ah ha hah hha ha hhah ha hah ahhah har Jim Lad.

With that they all climbed aboard the old ship and set sail for Hogwarts academy

Will it take long asked Young Higgs

No But it will not be during this post so I suggest ye go and rest. Hogwarts is full of terrible and fantastic beasts these days so ye better have that book about them or ye be dead men walking HAR HAR HAR

With that young Higgs and his travelling companions vanished below deck and rested well sort of rested in is not easy to rest when a large number of Zombie Pirates are pointing at your head and whispering brains at one another.

TO BE Continued 

PART FOUR

I SPY with my Little Eye

As tonight I have a frazzled Brain I have decided to play I SPY with an Invisible Makey-Up Person who for the rest of this diary entry will be Known as IMP

Me . . . . .   I Spy with my little eye something beginning with R

IMP . . . . A ravenous rampant Zombie

Me . . . . . No

IMP . . . . .A revolting rotten Zombie

Me . . . . . NO it is not a Zombie

IMP  . . . . Not even a rare midget Zombie

Me . . . . . . NO

IMP . . . . . .A Pirate

Me . . . . . . What?

IMP . . . . . . Pirates go Rrrrrrrrr HAR HAR HAR RRRRRRR a lot

Me . . . . . .  NO

IMP . . . . . . A Rhino

Me . . . . . . No

IMP . . . . . . A Rattlesnake

Me . . . . . . No

IMP . . . . . OK I give up I can’t see anything

Me . . . . .  LOOK it is over there it is furry, has long eyes (sorry ears) and pointy teeth and it hopping about it that field

IMP . . . . A Zombie

Me  . . . . . Look what are those small furry things

IMP . . . . .Gloves?

Me . .. . . . . . NO NO NO its RABBITS, a whole load of ******* ***** RABBITS

IMP . . . . .  O yes, so it is

You see never play I SPY with Invisible Makey-Up People they are rubbish at it.

Ooooo mum just said IDIOT . . . . I think she means IMP?

The Voice of Reason in a Sea of Madness . . . . .

HAR HAR HAR

Sail the main brace

Ten men dancing on a dead man’s vest

Pieces of eight and a yo ho ho

Where’s the rum

Tie the scallywag to the mast

HAR HAR

Aliens on the starboard bow captain

Drop anchor and full steam ahead

Blind Pugh be no friend of a pirate Captain HAR HAR

Give those tally ho British red coats a broad side

Hold her steady and we’ll ride out the storm HAR HAR HAR

That there sea be full of monsters, they be Partly Raving Loony Monsters HAR HAR

Vote for Rob HAR HAR HAR

You know it makes sence HAR HAR

 I know what you are thinking yes I have entered the world of politics . . .  RATs (The Radical Abstract Thinkers) is now an official political party.

The photograph for those of you not reading the cheap paperback diary bought to pass the time at Kings Cross station on special offer to boost sales, is your leaders (me) first official wave  . . . . . . . HAH HAHAH HHAHAH HHAHAHHA hah ah ha ha hah ah ha hah ah ha ha hah ahha hah hha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha  HAR AHR HAR Jim Lad. . . . 

The Space Ferret, The Paddle Steamer and the Pirates of the Caribbean . . . . HAR HAR HAR

So what exciting events happened today I hear you type, well I sort of did things that I have done before really, starting with a bit of Zombie defence maintenance, it is after all important to be vigilant or they will sneak in; and before you can say Boris Karloff they are stabbing at your head with a knife and fork demanding dinner. OK yes quite a lot of them prefer spoons because lets face it the right hand, left hand, mouth coordination of a Zombie is famously RUBBISH.

After this I had a small bonfire to try and get rid of a pile of bits still lingering about from when the men with chainsaws removed the trees that were starting to get tangled up in the power lines that run over the corner of the garden. It was not really the best bonfire I have had but such is the way of bonfires, but at least all the stuff that was on it burnt even if there is still rather a large pile of more bits to burn in the future.

I then decided that after the events of yesterday where the man in the moon was eaten by a space gecko I needed to make escape plans in case the beast turns up here. So I tested the Steam Powered Steam Paddle Steamer in the pond. It was raining a bit at the time so an excellent test of the conditions I will have to face when being pursued by a space gecko, and it also gave me the opportunity to do a quick re-enactment of  Pirates of the Caribbean again . . . . .HAR HAR HAR

Shiver me timbers

Sail the Main Brace.

Lash them to the seagull and make em talk about planks? ….. (sorry Walk the Plank)

Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum

Roast the parrot on the gibbered

More power Scotty there be a storm brewin HAR HAR

We'll have no Rhett Butler’s on this here paddle steamer, feed him to the sharks

It be gold HAR HAR

Run for your lives it’s a Space Ferret (sorry Gecko) HAR HAR HAR

Battle stations Dive Dive Dive . . . . . . . .NO hang on that’s not right

AH mum has said IDIOT.

Small Ships in Big Seas and Bigger Fish to Fry in the World of Cardboard Art

Guess what …….. Yes it is DAMN hot again, but I won’t go on about it, I am not like those other Brits; you will never hear me complaining about the weather . . . . . . . . (Much . . . . . . . OK a bit). As it happens I had bigger fish to fry so to speak which is an ideal saying as it happens because not only could I have fried a fish on the patio today, but I was left with two and a half hours maximum to come up with a brilliant idea for the over enthusiastic small children who I am sort of doing art with in the junior school at Monty. I think all the heat made me decide that what we needed was a sea theme so bigger fish to fry is a very suitable saying indeed I also love fried fish YUM. So I created (in a mad rush) the sea and a pirate boat so that the small enthusiastic children could decorate the sea with fish and sea monsters  . . . . . OK sea monsters, small children love a few sea monsters and as it happens so do I, although I must admit they are better when they are huge real sea monsters with loads of pointy teeth eating sun bathers on Brighton Beach.

I sort of nicked a bit of Moroccan blue paint to paint the sea so as long as I don’t write about that in my diary mum and dad will never know . . . . . . . . . AH DAMN. Still it did make the sea look WELL COOL although in passing I should say it was rather a hot day (VERY VERY HOOOOOOT). 

At the school the enthusiastic small children were rather frazzled by the heat so drawing sea monsters and fish was more than they were capable of doing so we tried musical chairs which worked for a short time but it was too hot to run about so was only a temporary solution in the end we were left with making fans, not the ones that run about screaming, but the ones you flap about in your own face to remain cool. I can make a good fan so it kept one or two of them quite for a while (a very short while), I then staggered home in the heat and will remain hidden until it cools down.  Mr F is going to visit us tomorrow and will stop for a few days so I may have to do rather short diary entries, it may be regarded as rather antisocial to hid on a PC when you have old friends stopping………

.

The Lone Ranger, Tonto and the Pirate

I saw a trailer for that film The Lone Ranger the other day and it was a bit of a surprise because it did not appear to me to be anything like the original Lone Ranger. For a start off Tonto in the original was a Red Indian and it appears that in the remake Tonto is a pirate so I am expecting  to here “White man speak with forky tongue kemosabe HAR HAR HAR ….Pieces of Eight” . I say this because Tonto looks just like that Robert Newton who played Captain Long John Jack Sparrow in Raiders of the Lost Ark where Blind Pugh is eaten by the creature from the black lagoon. I was told that Tonto even has a pet Vulture that sits on his shoulder and sings “I shot the sheriff but I did not eat the deputy” during a rather heated gun battle with the cowboys with black hats in an attempt to distract them for The Lone Ranger and his horse Silver, so called because as Tonto says “He cost heap much money, not so kemosabe . . . . me think kemosabe well ripped off”.

I really wonder why they had so much agro back in the days of the wild west because it is a known fact that if you wore a white hat you were a goody and if you wore a black hat you were a baddy. Although railroad owners who often wore battered top hats or even bowler hats were in general not very nice (some things never change). And they never had any problems with aliens they did not arrive until about 1950 when loads of them turned up all at once, probably waiting for Gary Cooper and John Wayne to get too old to shot at them. It would be good if there were aliens in The Lone Ranger then Tonto could say “Take me to your leader kemosabe” or as in the original, look at the ground and say things like “An alien passed this way many moons ago, he limp on both left legs and has patch over all five eyes and is called Dennis”

Anyway in other news WHAT is going on with the weather, last night we had the rain from hell (that’s a lot of rain) so we had flooding on all the roads, there was snow on the hills and between the hail stones today it was either nice and sunny or bitterly cold. The sooner dad gets the weather machine fixed the better. . . . . . . . . PHEW.

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Spies, Pirates and Chemists in the strange twilight between cyberspace and reality

The world of diaries and cyberspace can lead to interesting things; things can happen that can have an influence on both. Take my good friend Miss Fionaski the Famous Russian Spy; we all know that she is very much a real person out there listening intently to her shortwave radio gluing micro dots onto the bottom of homing tortoises. However through the strange sub world of my diary she has found it very difficult to be a spy and has had to resort to leaping about and being a party animal in real life, because it is tricky to be a spy when as mum puts it some IDIOT keeps telling everyone about their secret plans.

Then there is my cyber-friend Captain Nessman of the High Seas, we have had many an adventure in the world of cyberspace battling sea monsters and the tally ho British fleet, but then real life leaps into place and Captain Nessman of the High Seas finds himself on a wild adventure learning Chinese in China, which is probably the best place to learn Chinese as it happens. He has many a tale to tell of huge squid and creatures that western man has never seen before which is why from time to time he still sneaks into a MacDonald’s from  time to time. 

Today the cross over between the real and surreal of cyberspace took another slightly strange twist, my diary as you know can be found both in Facebook and as a blog, and my blog friend Mr ESB a man of many talents and a chemist who often experiments with chicken sandwiches and who lives in Texas has told me that as a result of my help he has been able to sing Happy Birthday in Welsh to his friend Jesus (no not that one) who works in Mr ESB’s favourite diner back in his home town in Texas. Now that is well COOL just think without all this technology and the internet, things like this would not happen. I think what this proves is that even a modest diary of an eccentric in the rolling hills of the English Welsh borders and a few of his good friends can make the world a better place.

If you are watching the block buster movie or reading the best selling book then I will be found in a warm swimming pool with a cold drink in my hand, if you are not reading the best selling book or watching the movie all I can say is that nice Mr Steven Spielberg has made yet another film about the wrong thing (if it has horses in it again I will not be happy).

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The moon, the sun, the pirate and the spy.

The sun shone today it was a lovely sunny warm day, normally in July we would all say so what it is July in the Northern hemisphere so what’s the big deal, after all you whinged about the heat wave then whinged about the rain so what is the problem.  Well the thing is the weathermen on the wireless on the BBC are telling us that the gods plan to throw their entire wrath at the UK tomorrow bringing forth the rains of hell. As it happens Napoleon Beelzebub says it never rains in hell it is just too hot, but I think he just being a bit picky with words.

So as I write we have a blue sky and swallows going tricks like triple somersaults round the power lines nibbling the odd insect as they do. I’m thinking well is it or is not going to do as the weathermen say should I get everyone to dress up in sou'wester jackets, boots, hats, gloves and all the stuff we did last time which just lead to disaster.

Earlier today Miss Fionaski the Famous Russian Spy called by to show us her new spy shoes with the secret hidden compartment in the heel, which is secret and I must not tell you about……… AH sorry. Mum says IDIOT. She was telling us of the secret mapping of the moon she has been doing on her trusty Russian Zorki 4K regulation spy camera, and how her undercover work has found out what has happened to the weather in the UK. It appears Captain Nessman of the High Seas has run off with summer and left us with all the rain.  I did tell Miss Fionaski that I knew that, but I was sworn to secrecy by Captain Nessman, comrade at arms upon the high seas HAR HAR HAR HAR HARDY HAR.   

Anyway I must away now and look at the sun before it vanishes to be replaced by huge black clouds, thunder, lightning, wind and wild things. Just in case anyone is wondering by the way dad would like to point out he has unplugged the weather machine and it is covered in canvas sheets, apparently it does not work very well in the rain. So he says its not his fault…. 

Please note they do use the odd swear word 

Seagulls and the Periodic Table.... Learning Chinese and Coffee.

Well it has been a day of a bit of this and a bit of that, Firstly my old sea fairing friend Captain Nessman of the High Seas was wearing his pirate hat. He has not worn his pirate hat for a while but then he has been anchored in a quite cove enjoying some sun and a little bit of peace while he learns Chinese. I have warned him in the past there is a danger of us Europeans, (OK he is from the United States but the situation is probably the same I’m sure), are all driven mad by trying to learn Chinese. Even the great mind of Captain Nessman.

So  I have told him to take care and not feed the seagulls. Seagulls are clever birds and can easily become addicted to human food. They told me once (the seagulls) “You try eating raw fish every day and see if you like it”, Yes Ok I understand their viewpoint, if it was battered (Not as in with a club but with a crispy batter) and served with chips then OK and the seagulls think the same so best not to tell them in the first place or let them get the taste for it.

NOW LOOK …… Why am I talking about seagulls, its that Captain Nessman’s fault?

 Elsewhere in cyberspace Mr ESB is making coffee and I have warned him too that  there is a tiny element of unpredictability (0.09539976 roughly) in the process of making coffee which means that sometimes it will taste brilliant and other times it will not, and yet the reason for this is untenable; the so called “Unpredictable Element”. Why it has never been added to the periodic table is anyone’s guess but I think it is a good excuse for a conspiracy theory (but not tonight). It is why I don’t drink coffee, but do drink tea.

Finally I have started to do something on the Montgomery Cardboard Robot Club Olympian Robot and think I have a plan of sorts as to what he (or she) might look like, maybe, sort of?

Ooooo by the way the weather was OK today and the cats were lazy

Sorry for too many OK’s but I guess most of you are OK about it HAH HAHAHH AHH AHh hah hahahah hahh hah ahahaha haha hhaha hahaha ha.  

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