One Man's quest for knowledge and solving perplexing three dimensional problems.

As you all know I often put my mind to good use solving issues such as . . .WHAT IS DARK MATTER and  WHAT SHAPE IS THE UNIVERSE or HOW DID FROGS GET INTO FAIRY TALES. It is something I am sure we all do at times, it is why mankind is the way it is, the relentless quest for knowledge about stuff and all the WHY, HOW, WHAT, WHEN, CAN I EAT IT questions that life throws at us. So far I have never flinched and have taken all in my stride without even a scratch of the head going o dear not sure I know that; no I have been told be confident and go for it as if you know everything, on the grounds that if you sound like you know everything the likelihood is folk will say HE SEEMS TO KNOW WHAT HE IS TALKING ABOUT and believe every word you say, which is lucky because it is all dead true.

However I was tested today by one of those perplexing three dimensional puzzles that folk like to slip into a conversation about something innocent like the weather. I was asked to put together a set of shelves, not just any shelves but shelves from one of those large self assembly superstores. OK on paper it looks easy but they had already defeated the minds of others due to the cunning cross radial tensioned bracing system using rods to add strength in a way very similar to that of the humble bicycle wheel, a simple yet revolutionary idea in creating strength in a geometric form.

I was not defeated by this test and emerged from it triumphant and able to say I KNOW WHAT SHAPE SHELVES ARE, not everyone can do that…..

Sadly due to time I have been unable to find suitable shelves to take a photo of so I have taken a photo of something that is SHELF-ISH (shellfish) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .HAHHAHAHHAh ah hah ah ha hah ah hah hah ah h hah ah ha ha hha ha hah ah ha hahh ah ah hahah hha ha ha ha ha ha hah ha hah 

Muddy Holes, Chainsaws and the wrong kind of Mud

Today is Saturday and it was a leisurely start to the day, it was also something of a shock all round I suspect to most of us living in  Britain because the sun was shinning there was no wind and it looked like a beautiful day. I will say looked because viewing this from a classic seventies bungalow with huge double glazed widows is deceptive. And on going outside to take in what looked like the first day of spring was in its self a shock as a thousand sharp pointy points of frost stabbed through my clothing making the point it was rather cold.  So with the weather sunny but bitterly cold it was decided by a show of hands that the best person to send into the muddy hole was me. There was one vote against me going into the growing muddy hole but that turned out to be me, it was not all bad (just mainly bad) because one of the reasons that the muddy hole is muddy and not draining water away as it should is a huge willow tree, the one removed by the mad axe man with chainsaws a bit back had grown roots into the muddy hole, Large roots ones so large even a nice sharp saw was not adequate. So I got to use a chainsaw to cut some of the roots away. WELL COOL.

Now using a chainsaw in a muddy wet cold and as it happens very smelly hole might be fun but there was one thing I had not considered about this. You see a chainsaw blade rotates rather fast in order to cut through the roots which were up to six inches in diameter, and the muddy hole is full of mud and water and stuff. The blade rotates in such a way that the side that cuts on the bottom of the chainsaw is coming towards you and a fast rotating chainsaw blade coming into contact with smelly muddy mud and water as it cuts the root means that the smelly muddy mud and water is sprayed straight at you. This is not nice and being covered in smelly muddy mud and being told that you are not allowed back in the house with smelly muddy clothes on that are sort of dripping things off them is not ideal, particularly when a dog, two cats and dad are rolling about in hysterics pointing at you from the warm side of the huge double glazed windows of a classic seventies bungalow and it is rather cold.

I did make it back into the house, otherwise I would not be writing this now but there is more root to be cut out of the cold wet muddy hole using the chain saw which is fine except I know what will happen next time now. Dad has said in order to give me a sporting chance of not having to go into the hole we can play Scissors Paper Stone . . . . . . . . . . . .AH . . . DAMN.

Oooooo yes I had the worlds best fish and chips last night YUM.

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Bollywood Food, Steven Spielberg and the Icelandic fridge leprechauns

The day started wet, that is not what the man on the weather forecast on the wireless said last night or this morning and it remained like this till lunchtime when it suddenly became sunny. It was rather interesting because the cloud suddenly ended as a line across the sky and it was blue and clear one side and all cloud the other, maybe dad has finally got that weather machine working.

I was unfortunately set to work in the Orange room again moving a cabinet out and a shelf unit in. That sounds easy enough but both were full of stuff loads of stuff, we have loads of stuff because we like stuff and none of us like to throw things away just in case.  Then I had to put a CD rack up that holds loads of CD’s but it proved rather a tricky thing to do, which should not happen, it should be easy.  Not too much left to do now though  

I think the problem is iffy walls the drill starts to wander about a bit and then everything is out of alignment; I can see now, why I was made to do all this. Then when I was putting up a curtain rail I found a huge great I-beam, (not an iphone or ilaser death ray). 

I have just been told that it is all very well writing what I have done in my diary but that very nice Stephen Spielberg is hardly likely to make a how to do DIY film. Personally I would not put it past him he is a fickle film maker and you just can’t tell what he might do after all he is rather diverse in his choices. The dog says that I stand more change of making it onto one of the What the Butler Sawed in Half Machines on the pier at Blackpool or Brighton rather than the wide screen in 3D, but he will change his mind when we get offered loads of money……. Mum says IDIOT.

We have just had a rather yummy Indian takeaway from the Indian restaurant in Monty so I am now going to put my feet up and chill….. I say that but I will not be putting my feet up anything and will remain warm rather than trying to freeze, it is difficult to be relaxed while you are cold unless you are one of those Icelandic fridge leprechauns that causes agro in the fridge, eating all the good bits like chocolate and the ice cream. I haven’t seen one myself but both dad and the dog have, and I have noticed chocolate vanishing.

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