the first day of the Post Apocalyptic World, Pheasants and floods.

Well today is very exciting (well OK its not) as today is the first day of the Post Apocalyptic World, I really should have gone out and explored the brave new world but the truth is the weather in the UK at present is terrible. It seems rather ironic to me that the best day we have had in a long time was yesterday, I suspect the great gods in the sky have been having a bit of a jolly at our expense. However for one small group the End of the World has been today, probably well within the acceptable mathematical margin of error so will count as yesterday, yes the local shoot have been in the fields near us and have zapped loads of pheasants. Being pheasants they work to entirely different calendars than we do, and their doomsday date is based on the one predicted by the ancient Dodo. I have been told that the legend tells of a fearsome creature that will arrive with unspeakable weapons that will make load noises and fell all before them even while in flight, obviously in the case of the Dodo the flight bit does not count. These terrible creatures will then rip apart all the birds and devour them mercilessly, laughing and throwing bits of them away as if they are but bits of uninteresting rubbish. The terrible fearsome monsters apparently look just like human beings and are known to the entire bird population as human beings . . . . . . . . .AH, yes I can see their point. It might explain why the turkey next door was looking a bit depressed, in fact where has he gone? He was about a few days ago  . . . . .AH OK Christmas dinner YUM.

 In other news, there is no other news at present except that Britain is going to be flooded for Christmas and I would strongly advise the use of waterproof wrapping paper and that a wet suit might be a popular present for the man who has everything. Well he had everything until it was last seen attached to a Christmas tree heading down stream with a duck sat on the top of it laughing at people on the banks of the river with fishing nets.

mmmmmm that looks suspicious, maybe we are not entirely safe yet

The Grim Reaper, Goats, The End of the World, The supermarket and the Chinese takeaway

There is one thing that I think we can be sure of in this part of the world for sure, and that is what ever happens with the End of the World it will not involve fire and brimstone because even an entire coach load of boy scouts with their fire making badges could not set fire to anything at present. Not even an object that has Highly Inflammable Keep away from Boy Scouts with Badgers (sorry Badges) and Matches written in huge red letter on the side.

Mum and dad said they wanted to pop to the supermarket for a few items today which at face value seemed like madness, but surprisingly worked out OK. They think there were a couple of reasons for this, firstly sheer good luck; that always helps a lot and although in general terms we are not the luckiest of people every now and again something small will go our way. Then making sure they were wearing the appropriate clothing made a huge difference, Bearing in mind the main topic of discussion this week (the 21^st December and the End of the World) they both dressed up as The Grim Reaper.

Yes I think as lots of people are starting to get twitchy about the increased possibility that based on the law of probabilities sooner or later some mad loony will finally predict Armageddon on the right date. So as you might expect of an already nervous crowd in a crowded supermarket seeing The Grim Reaper smiling back at you as you attempt to push your trolley into the frozen food aisles (party nibbles section) it can be a little off putting and lead to a smallish stampede. Add to that the sight of another Grim Reaper (dad) throwing cheese slices at little old ladies with a parrot on his shoulder disguised as a gull, and a small stampede quickly becomes a mass riot as the masses flee from the store clutching frozen turkeys and Christmas crackers (not the ones you put cheese slices on). As dad said when he arrived home he might go shopping as the Grim Reader more often, possibly the January sales if we have not all been destroyed by aliens.

The one good thing that came out of this event was that the school goats last trip on his Steam Powered Catapult before Christmas was today, and his arrival through the skylight was timed to perfection and he was able to graze happily on fresh Brussel Sprouts for ages. I think goats are one of the few animals that eat Brussel Sprouts so he was very happy, however Brussel Sprouts can give goat’s bad wind and a goat with bad wind is bad, so I don’t think any self respecting alien will go near him tomorrow.

We are having a Chinese as our evening meal tonight from the Chinese take away and although not as Chinese as say Captain Nessman’s Chinese Christmas dinner it is still WELL YUM and a fitting way to end the last day before the arrival of Intergalactic Cheese Slices, Space Gulls and Aliens. 

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