The Shape of the Universe and Tea Bags

Now I have been busy, very busy, but not in a constructive way but in a OOooooo the grass needs cutting and those weeds are huge, and I better do that little job tightening up those bolts on that thing over there and paint that bit over there. So basically  just everyday life and the Universe sort of stuff. What this means is the poor old diary is getting neglected again and such a thing will not do. To resolve this I am cheating  . . . . Well sort of cheating and repeating an old post from way back in time. And some of you will have noticed I have mentioned the Universe and Time and plan to go off and have a cup of tea the moment I finish here and that leads us smoothly and efficiently to my old post 

The Shape of the Universe and Tea Bags 

My diary of late has got rather quiet its existence in the parallel media's of cyberspace both showing signs that the great masses have left leaving only a few die hards and my good friends at GCHQ who know that it is better to monitor a friendly face rather than that of an annoyed face, or worse still an angry face. Would you while waiting in the rain at the bus stop in a queue for the bus that is late rather watch the smiling man or the angry man who might see you looking at him, I think the choice is plain always watch the happy man it is safer.

 And so tonight after a quiet day and I mean quiet (although we are off to Big Bill’s Greasy Fur Ball Café tonight for a meal) I have decided to discuss the shape of the universe. As you know only a couple of days ago I mentioned the origin of life and as a result Mr H from the cyber-world asked me if I knew the shape of the universe. Now I know it is not something that most folk know but funnily enough I do, so I thought I could let you all know too. I have sort of mentioned this to Mr H already in reply to his comment because he knew it had to do with tea bags but was getting a bit confused and I forgot to mention the exact shape of the tea bag to him (very sorry Mr H) so I will now clarify it to everyone. I am going for my second Nobel Prize in less that a week. 

 So consider a round teabag (a bit like a squashed flying Saucer) and that you could fold the edge back into the middle to a point known as The Absolute point of Universe, the point where the so called big bang occurred. And you then flattened out the teabag into a teabag shape again you would fundamentally have a teabag with no edges, which is important because the universe can not have edges just a force to hold its shape together (the material of the teabag itself). The tea in the teabag is then split equally between the two sides of the teabag either side of The Absolute Point of Universe a point so small not even an electron can get through it, this tea is the substance of the universe itself planets, stars and the like, and one side represents matter the other Antimatter. The fabric of the teabag where it is squashed together can therefore sometimes get small holes worn in it due to the forces generated and these are called Black Holes where the matter falls into the antimatter.

Of course the sort of flying saucer shape is created by the spin of the universe where material is thrown out along the line of centrifugal effect; however the one thing that can ruin a good universe is a huge kettle of hot water which destroys many of the forces that hold it together. And this can be made much worse by God squeezing the teabag against the side of his mug turning everything we know and understand into a soggy shapeless mass.

I hope next time you are asked what is the Shape of the Universe you will all say ………..AH FUNNY YOU SHOULD ASK THAT BECAUSE. . . . . . . .

Well this is an old post so anyone who claims they have solved the shape of the Universe and claims it looks like a teabag is probably guilty of plagiarism and I will therefore demand they hand over the noble prize pronto or else. 

Right time for that cup of tea. . . . 

Person X. . . . The A to Z of Slightly Strange Unknown Victorian Inventors and Explorers

Person X

There are few things that are still covered by the official secrets act of Great Britain that have their origin back in the Victorian Era, one or two shock stories relating to the government itself and the one about the Royal Family (yes we all know that anyway).  However there is one that deals with a device so ahead of its time that even now it is felt that it should remain entirely secret and is only known as device X and even this is speculative. It is said that one of the members of the Preposterous Club of Great Britain was discussing a substance he had accidently discovered as part of an experiment to create gold from base metals.  The substance which he called Substance X had rather unique powers but no one knew how to harness the powers in a productive way.

Then someone now only now only Person X invented Device X; a device that it was felt could revolutionize the whole way of life for mankind on planet Earth.  Of course the members of the Preposterous Club of Great Britain were Wealthy Victorian Gentlemen and changing the way of life for all of mankind when they were actually living a rather comfortable lifestyle was a worry. As was the thought of going mad and thinking they were Penguins.  So it was that the Preposterous Club of Great Britain approached the Government of the day for advice about both Substance X and Device X. The Government concerned that if the public became aware of the device would become rebellious and march on the houses of parliament, immediately made anything connected in anyway to the device an official secret. . . code named The X Files.

It is said the device still exists in a high security military establishment in Wales and has a twenty four hour permanent guard; although it is thought the guards themselves are unaware of the true nature of what they are guarding; having been told it is merely a thermal nuclear device of some sort. The government of the day even went to the extreme of removing X from the Welsh alphabet as part of a deception plan, meaning that Device X can not exist in Wales by that name because there is no X. . . . 

The as yet unknown Insect People of Saturn . . . . . Keep Watching the SKIES (sorry EYES)

The Ghost Writer has been in his grey office today pondering the strange world of IT, now before you all say hang on that got nothing to do with unknown things, that is not entirely true. You see he is going ga ga (as in loony, not the singer . . . .as I have said before) and so quite frankly has not got a clue what he is doing, so he spends most of his life in a state of unknown.  He is much happier like that, sometimes it is best not to know.

You are all no doubt all aware that in the last couple of days I have had close encounters with Vampire Moths and tonight I almost came  face to face with a large pale coloured spider. I say almost because it ran off and hid when I sneaked in to grab the camera. I have learnt I need to photograph everything or folk say things like O yes how big did you SAY; it stood four feet high and snarled at you……. Well if I wave a photo at them they go O MY GOD ITS HUGE KILL IT……. However the spider ran off so no picture only an artist’s impression . . . . . OK I may have got carried away a bit, but I have a theory.

Well all this insect activity made me think HANG ON maybe all these insects are just acting like pre-invasion scouts testing the lay of the land working out if us humans taste good before they (the Insect People of Saturn) attack us.  This now appears very likely to me because the small scouts (almost certainly nano robots) insects will be telling the main battle fleet in space that our main defences consist of nasty smelling aerosol sprays that are as good as useless, sticky strips of paper that catch the odd fly and scented candles which appear to choke the humans and for some reason even most humans can't understand clear plastic bags full of water hanging outside windows.  Yes it appears the insects may not only think we are weak and feeble but with rather tasty blood but also mad.

I have no plans to hang plastic bags full of water outside my windows. . . . No one is going to call me mad. Although it will make an interesting backdrop in the popular Steven Spielberg movie The Invaders from Saturn . . . . Based on a popular blog by Rob Z Tobor.

Volume Five . . . The life of a Professional Blogger

The Slightly Eccentric Diary of Rob Z Tobor

Volume Five

(The Untold Story of Unknown Things)

Here we are at the start of volume five of the Slightly Eccentric Diary of Rob Z Tobor (that’s me), written exclusively for me by the Ghost Writer who as I have pointed out previously is incredibly cheap. Mainly because he is completely ribbish (sorry rubbish . . . . point made me thinks).

Previously I have told you tales of life as I progressed through my academic years, but things are changing this year, the Headmaster has thrown me out of school for bad publicity and the fact I have not mentioned school in ages.  This means that I have entered the world of work, something I know that we all like to avoid if we can or so the Ghost Writer tells me. As a YOUNG chap, the world is my ouster (sorry oyster) a stupid saying particularly as one of my PC’s  definitions of Oyster is . . . . .  any shellfish similar to an edible oyster, e.g. a pearl oyster . . . . . . . Well that’s silly and a distraction.

So I have looked in some detail at work and have noticed several times on the radio and television, in both news and currant or is it current (silly Ghost Writer) affairs programmes that they sometimes get folk on to talk about this and that and they say they are Professional Bloggers. Well as I am already a fairly active blogger in fact I seem to more active than some of those so called Professional Bloggers so I suspect I will make loads of money.   

However this means that my blog will now have to specialize on something specific, so that when the very nice men at the BBC need a professional expert to tell them things of a professional nature about stuff they will say. . . . . Quick get that Rob Z Tobor bloke we need an expert we need a professional Blogger. . . . .  So I have decided to become an expert on all things unknown because if there is one thing no one has yet cornered the market in it is Unknown things. Luckily it can remain a diary because most of my future is unknown and so all those as yet unknown events will fit nicely into the plot. I only say plot just in case the very nice Steven Spielberg has made the films of volume one to four and is reading the script of volume five. Something that may or may not happen; it is in fact an unknown event. . .HAH HA HAH AHh ah ah ha hahah ah ha ha ha haahah hah ahh ah ah ah ha ha ha ha ha ha which is exactly what this year's diary is all about.  

Ooooo I saw another one of those Vampire Moths today and got a picture of it that I think proves the point. If you are thinking . . . . these Vampire Moths are Unknown to me then you have not read volume four, but luckily volume five will deal with lots of unknown things such as Vampire Moths, Zombies, Space, Aliens and Mr Jones the Alien Hunter.

It all sounds dead exciting . . . . . .

Hang on while on the subject of unknown things. . . . . As a Professional Blogger, just where does all this money come from?