The origins of well known sayings. A new occasional informative series of posts

Ah yes I knew I had taken a picture of a rookish sort of bird ages ago while at the beach

In order to keep my diary(Yes I think it has sort of drifted from that a bit) and blog lively and interesting, I have decided to add yet another occasional little themed series of posts to it, explaining the meanings of some of those rather bizarre sayings that have become associated with the English language.  Many of them originate from that chap Shakespeare who I’m sure will be sniggering away in the afterlife knowing that he has confused at least Half the worlds population. I mean who has not heard someone at a party quote . . . . An Ass your yoghurt eyes drool in Hell. . .  And we all nod knowingly and agree while thinking WHAT does it mean? Nobody admitting they don’t know either because they think everyone will call them an IDIOT.

So today I will start by explaining one of those sayings that used to be said loads, but has like many sayings gone out of favour.

Yes we start with. . . . TOO Many Rooks spoil the Moth. . . . 

At first glance it looks like complete nonsense but when looked at in the rational light of day (another one of those sayings) does in fact make more sense that it might appear to.  You see Rooks are much larger than a Moth and although they have a mutually beneficial relationship in the world of nature, Rooks can also lead to the downfall of many a moth. Rooks as we all know are the rouges of the bird kingdom, stealing stuff drinking and having wild parties into the night taking illegal substances. Now for a Rook that’s fine they are large enough to handle a few drinks and dodgy drugs, but their mates the Moths are small, one drink and a few puffs of dope and they are away with the fairies (yet another saying to be dealt with later). The moths then get confused and fly about erratically confusing every single light in the world with the Moon, going round in every decreasing circles until they burn up on something hot such as a street light or a security light or similar. Those that don’t then fall prey to Bats, Spiders and Rabbits that find them strangely addictive (well we all know why that is). 

So what this saying is actually telling us as humans, is that some of us are Rooks and some of us are Moths and one or two of us are either Bats, Spiders or Rabbits. I think it is worth giving this some thought and you can always let me know which one you think you are. I have had a long think myself and because of my grumpy unsociable nature combined to the fact I do not drink or take substances of a dodgy nature, but do like Fish and Chips by the seaside I must be more of a seagull. . . . Sadly I can’t remember any well know Seagull sayings right now but give me time I will come up with one yet.     

The Elephant, the Ballerina and the Politician

It is a well know fact that almost all the odd saying that we use, and as many of you know I have used many of them in my diary over the years to great effect and have estimated my use of these strange saying has increased my readership by almost one person.  Of course I can only use British sayings as my knowledge of other languages is almost zero, OK I lie, it is zero. AH right, OK back to the point almost all of these sayings have deep rooted origins based on hard fact, such as  . . . . Raining Cats and Dogs . . .  which started back in 1543 when a huge storm passed over Battersea cat and dog rescue centre sucking thousands of animals into the air and dropping them on the royal palace in Highgate during the annual royal garden party for the Ambassadors from the colony’s.

In fact it was about the same time when the saying . . . .  A Pig in a Poke . . . . started. A result of sciences conflict with the Catholic Church at the time, when the Pope refused to accept that the world was round and travelled round the sun. The church was sticking to the view that Earth was the centre of the universe, anyway after a long and hard argument between Galileo and the Cardinals, Galileo told his fellow scientists waiting outside trying to get the church to accept the truth was like trying to get a Pig in the Pope.  It stuck as a saying, but was changed a bit after the Spanish inquisition intervened and stretched rather a lot of people, proving that it is entirely unpractical to try and get a pig in anyone, oblivious of the fact that, that was Galileo’s point.  

However one saying has always remained a mystery because of the sheer stupidity of it  . . . . . . . . Don’t mention the Elephant in the Room. . . . . .  OH well that is entirely the right thing to do, a huge animal half the size of your house chewing grass and wandering about in your living room. OH better not say anything folk might get upset, maybe they will not notice. I’m sorry this is an Elephant; people will notice and will probably scream and leap out of the window assuming the Elephant is not standing in front of it.  Elephants don’t roam about in rooms if you have one in your room I suggest you tell everyone you can including the police and fire brigade and maybe the local vet. . . . DO NOT pretend it is not there…….

There is an old saying that sums this all up in a useful little phrase . . . . . . A Ballerina can become a Politician, but a Politician can’t become a Ballerina . . . . . . Enough said I think . . . . . .  I will go now.       

A Rolling Stone and a Gutter Full of Moss.

There is an old saying that goes . . . .  A rolling stone will gather no moss . . . . . Well yes, but that is a bit vague, surely it would depend on where it was rolling, how fast it was rolling, how big it is, weather conditions and all sorts of other stuff. So as a saying it is like many others I have used in my diary, rubbish. However the saying . . . . A north facing roof gutter gathers loads of moss  . . . . .  is far more to the point, particularly when used as a saying in the UK.  And can be used with some effect if you are told to get the ladder out and someone points at a gutter and says . . .      A north facing roof gutter gathers loads of moss . . .  followed by time to get up that ladder Rob and sort it ouT. So I spent part of the day clearing a very blocked gutter but it no longer has any moss in it, I have glued the moss to a large round stone which I plan to roll down a hill in front of a crowd of people and point out that a certain old saying needs to be removed from the encyclopaedia of old saying, pronto.

The Ghost Writers car is back at the garage, I was sent with him so that he would be nice to the mechanics and smile when they implied that the reason the clutch has failed again was due to a build up of moss in the moving parts, due to a period of wet weather. And of course it did not help that one of the mechanics quoted the old saying . . . A rolling Firestone Tyre . . . .  Although after my experience I was able to add that only if you don’t drive in the gutter of northern roads, which lead to much pointing and scratching of heads with the occasional knowing nod at something mechanical.

Anyway I am off drumming tonight, the last session before the end of the year so we will be summoning up the Micro God of Years ready for the big event……. I will return later (and still this year).

I have returned but I have also forgotten what I was going to add so I will go again. It appears the year is going to end in rain, but why does it end now (well at the end of tomorrow) I need to find out, because it not the most significant day of the year really. 

By the way have you ever wondered what happened exactly 

one year ago  

I did

Rockets, Zombies and Blow Pipes

There I was minding my own business pottering about (again), I know I have done a lot of pottering about of late but it is summer, OK it was summer it sort of vanished about the same time as dad dropped his favourite knife that he uses for loads of jobs into the atomiser expansion tank on the weather machine. He is not happy he saw this old knife (a old bread knife) as a trusty friend he has had for years and it is now deep in a tank out of reach and it appears to have ruined the weather too.

Right to get back to the point I was pottering sorting out a large crocodile for those pesky kids back at the school, I use the word pesky because it makes me sound like the baddy in that cartoon with the dog, sorry as I was saying I was sorting out a crocodile when all of a sudden I was stabbed in the back (no not dads knife) but a poisonous dart from what I perceived was most likely a blow pipe used by one of the woods Zombies frustrated by their inability to cross the now famous Zombie Defence Trench. It is the first time I have been hit by a poisonous dart from a Zombie blow pipe and after getting it out and no it was not just a splinter of wood as suggested by mum who has no experience of Zombie poisonous darts or blow pies (sorry pipes) I went on the attack by making silly faces at them, Zombies hate that. It plainly worked because The Zombies vanished as if they had never been there in the first place and I was then free to continue my day.

The Ghost Writer went off to sort a computer out that had sort of fallen onto a floor accidently while its user played some game that involve killing loads of things including Zombies I think, apparently he got a little too keen and killed his computer instead. However it was a fix the Ghost Writer could not do as the computer had been thrown into a skip, and by now is probably on its way to China or India to be stripped for parts and turned into a fruit bowl.

I on the other hand did some gorilla gardening and got two large posts to make a structure in the back patio, part of the great master plan to create a Moroccan Patio Garden in the backwaters of rural Shropshire, assuming the weather machine can do something about the weather, well lets face it dad will want his favourite knife back as its his DIY knife that does many many things like one of those Swiss Army Knifes only his has just the one long blade not twenty three and a thing to remove stones from the hoof of a horse.

If you are wondering about the picture of the rocket Mr Jones is saying “If the mountain won't come to Muhammad then Muhammad must go to the mountain”.  Oooooo that made Charles and Quentin’s (back in GCHQ) ears perk up a bit, sorry chaps its just an old saying. . . . .   

What came first, the chicken or the chainsaw. . . . .

Sunday, the sun was shining and it was lovely and warm all day, I did not have to venture into the Zombie Defence Ditch as it is doing what it is meant to do, we have seen no Zombies today. I even chopped a few logs because as  sure as fish are fish or what ever it is you say all this sun will run off and hide again soon, and all the rain will run all over the place and make things wet.

Chopping logs is one of those jobs us chaps like because we get to wave chainsaws about and large axes in a slightly demented way going HAH HAHHAHAH AH hah ah hah ah hah ah hah hahah hahahh hah ahhahah a lot as we do. It also amuses any passing motorists if you cover the wood pile in tomato ketchup and mannequin body parts.  You can always tell if a passing motorist has spotted you as they swerve all over the road, I assume because they are having a bit of a giggle at the image of a mad axe man. One motorist did stop and looked at the torso of my mannequin as I was wiping tomato ketchup off the chainsaw blade, but I told them its OK because it was completely armless . . . . . . . . .. HAHHAH HAHH HAH AHH AH hahh ah hah ah ha hah ah hahahh ha hah ahhahahhah,  Oooooo I did have a good laugh but they suddenly vanished off at speed, so I guess they were running a bit late.

We met one of our new neighbours today she was a sort of brownish red colour and walked funny, but it turned out to be a Gallus Gallus Domesticus or as it is more commonly known a Rhode Island Red. Still it has finally resolved one of the worlds great riddles . . . . . . What came first the chicken or the egg . . . . . because clearly the correct answer is the chicken as an egg can’t wander through the fence from next door.

The Great Gazebo Grab and a Pair of Partridge

It appears the weather has gone mad again in the UK, sunny one minute and pouring with rain the next and on a couple of occasion’s heavy hail so it has been very confusing indeed. It also made our raid to dismantle a gazebo in a garden rather a mixed affair. When we got there to do the deed it was lovely and sunny, but once I removed a few screws committing me to dismantling the entire thing I was attacked by rain and then hail. It appears I was the main man to dismantle the gazebo and the others said they would act as lookouts to ensure the gazebo grab was a success. Unfortunately due to the weather I had to abandon the last two posts and they are still in the ground, I then loaded up the getaway car while the others maintained a lookout for passers by, aliens, possible zombies and maybe the odd gorilla. We were after all in the garden of the gorilla gardening trip. It appears that it has been deemed by the powers that be that the gazebo was in fact the wrong sort of gazebo and had to go.

I have to say it can be quite a squeeze getting 28 people and a gazebo in a car and not appear suspicious but as the weather at that point was rubbish no one noticed legs arms and heads hanging out of windows and doors except a couple of partridges who were chasing food as we arrived home. So we did have a successful gazebo grab and as long as I don’t write about it we will have committed the perfect crime. . . . . . . . AH DAMN.

Apparently there is a master plan afoot to get the remaining two posts which right now appear to look like goal posts so no one will notice that a huge wooden Trojan Gerbil has vanished, (how can a plan be afoot anyway? . . . . .  silly saying).

The plan (the other bit of the plan) is to turn the Trojan Gerbil into something more useful, mum has suggested a packing case for dads weather machine which dad insists has only gone wrong because a new cat up the road has taken to sleeping in the micro condensing filament tube aligner and so every time it rolls over the degaussing flux coils deactivate. I can see how that might happen; it would be very annoying if the world’s weather was destroyed by a sleeping cat. Although cats are a bit like that.

The Thoughts of a distracted man are the thoughts of a genius....... According to a hare

I think my theories on global warming and time shift took another step towards becoming a mainstream theory rather than what the headmaster called it, a mad hair brained loony idea put together by an IDIOT. I did ask the headmaster if he meant hair or hare because if he meant hair I have loads of hair and it is my ideal so that is OK, if he meant hare then to the best of my knowledge hares have some really good ideas. I sure it was a hare that invented Pi or was a hare pie invented by a man with hair. Still this is all a distraction again from the matters in hand, in fact what is in my hand right at this very moment is a keyboard otherwise it would not be possible for me to type this….. AH sorry I got distracted yet again, it is all these silly saying like ‘A single duck does not a pond make’ or the rather appropriate ‘the thoughts of a distracted man are the thoughts of a genius’…… Anyway what was I talking about?

Have I mentioned that is was damn hot today PHEW it was hot even hotter that yesterday and yesterday was hot. One solution to this is too have a rather good spicy curry from your favourite Indian takeaway so that is what we have just done while trying to watch a bit of Paralympics basketball between the USA and GB for the Bronze medal. Only I have returned to my diary so all I know is right now it is all equal and anyone’s game. I have also been out to look at the sky because it was looking pretty cool too; so I am now trapped between my diary, the sky and a game of basketball.

I am also rather curious to know why dad and the dog seem to have made what looks like yet another rocket in the garden, I am not getting in this one all that happens is I end up in trouble or the freezer section of the out of town supermarket where they now have a sign saying no manned rockets allowed (or rockets manned by dogs or goats) in fact no rockets of any sort EVER.

I have just been for a quick peek to see basketball and I think the USA are going to win and the sun has also vanished so it is dark now, so it is just me and my diary only I think I have just about written enough tonight. As the old saying goes ‘He who writes last writes rubbish’………. …….. ……… ……… ……… AH

The Ghost Writer still has a copy of this LP in mint condition 

He says it is rather good.

When Eminent Entomologists or South American Butterflies DON’T THROW STONES IN GLASS CAGES

It was windy and wet today here, I have not heard a news today so not sure how the rest of the UK got on, as it was due to be very windy in the north.  As we have discussed before in the past, it is all the fault of those butterflies, flapping their wings in South America that causes it. And they know too, the cunning little beasts.

It is revenge for all those years when eminent Entomologists or something like that would stick pins in them and put them all in glass cages. There is some old saying that goes don’t throw stones in Glass cages ……… I think? Which goes back to the days when some of the more hardy species of South American butterfly would make attempts at escaping, but it was always futile as they would freeze to death on the moors during the night as they scurried through the undergrowth to avoid the spot lamps, dogs and butterfly nets.  Still the activities of those Entomologists now have the repercussion that the butterflies family generations later randomly cause storms and rain by flapping their wings.

It was late night shopping in Napoleon Beelzebub’s Very Strange Victorian Curiosity Shop tonight as it is Thursday and although very quiet we did get a decent chip butty, so all was not lost (nothing was lost as it happens …..What’s that saying all about?)

Right then that is it for tonight a rather short diary entry I’m afraid as I am planning to go and chill (as in relax by the fire not leap about out in the cold wind)