. A Scientific theory for the unobserved universe . . . The Universal Theory of Voids

We all know the universe is a large place as in a WOW that is big sort of way. And we all know that it is far more complex that even the best scientists and mathematicians have worked out to date.  And so I would like to add my own observations to the continuing debate about exactly what is the universe all about and how does it work.  To do this I would like everyone to consider some very simple and what a first glance may appear silly logic and thoughts, but there is reason in my madness.

I'm sure if I was to say hands up all those who have lost a pen or pencil in their life and never ever found it again almost everyone would put at least one hand up or more. This observation was even used in the book The Hitch Hikers Guide to the Universe so it is a common problem.  Now consider how often you find stuff down behind the cushions of chairs and sofas that may have been there for years. . . If you don’t believe me and you have an old sofa go and look, it could be something mancky or something valuable but it will be there.

We are often told 80% of the human body is water and recently I heard that something like half a human being is in fact bacteria and other organisms and not in fact us. Well where is all this water and stuff inside us, plainly not somewhere it can be seen with ease. We are also told by science that something like 90 to 95% of the universe can not be seen and no one knows what it is and some of it is know as Dark Matter. Note I say some because much of it is stuff that has yet to be even given a name.

And this brings me to my new theory called . . . The Universal Theory of Voids. As we know the Universe looks linear but as we also know from Einstein time and space are curved, distorted by the gravitational forces of large objects such as stars Black holes and planets.  But what if space is more distorted than we think creating hidden voids in its fabric, much like those spaces in the back of the sofa. Well then hidden within these will be all that missing material, probably all covered in dust and mancky things. It might be that the universe is so wrinkled that most of the universe could easily be hidden from view within its infinite voids. Or which to me seems a bit worse, we might be in a void and our vision of the universe is only the stuff that has slipped behind a cushion of the universal sofa.

So there you have it my theory . . . The Universal Theory of Voids. . .  I could get all scientific about this but this is not the place for that . . . . But I hope when Science thinks Hey that Rob Z Tobor has a point they do not rip off my theory and rename it something like . . .  The Sofa Paradox . . .  and say they thought of it. I will tweet that Professor Brian Cox.  Now he is a clever man and will give this some thought. 

A useful theory for dull parties and queues

I have been absent as a cyberspace diarist for a few days and there are many reasons for this, one of the main ones being I am a rubbish diarist and no one is remotely interested in what I say. I guess there is a possibility some of you might be saying . . . . .  NO NO its not true, well not entirely true, sort of. . . . . . . . .  But I have tested this idea on the cats and have read them various entries about Banshees, Mice, Zombies, Steam Powered Ducks and the origin of the entire universe. And guess what not a glimmer of interest in any of it.  Again some of you will say . . . . . . NO NO it just that cats don’t really like stuff like mice or Lemmings . . . . .  Which is clearly untrue, however I will not let two bored cats destroy the hopes and dreams of a diarist with a very long diary, who is convinced that £245.33p is a fair price for the very nice Steven Spielberg to pay for the film rights to volume one which seems like ages ago now. . . Phew time does fly….

So in order to attract the attention of the masses again I thought, what we need is a good theory about something; everyone loves a good theory about universal stuff bearing in mind the universe is where we all are, milling about in it, and prodding sticks at it in a random fashion.

So this is it a theory about life on planets . . . . . . . You see it is very clear that life on Earth started as a tiny cell based thing milling about in the sea or a hot pool, although at that time it did not prod sticks at things as it did not have hands. Then over millions of year’s life got larger and larger until we reached the dinosaurs who were really big, yes ok there were small ones but that is not the point the biggest were big, really big. 

Something happened that then destroyed all the big ones and life forms got smaller again until life recovered and things got bigger, but not as big as the dinosaurs, but there were some huge mammals and birds. But then man turned up and as sure as frogs are frogs all the big stuff vanished, and even as I type the not so big stuff is also on the route to oblivion. In fact I think we can say as we get closer to the end of the world life on Earth will get smaller until it becomes as small as it started. Man is not that small so it does mean once man is the largest critter on the planet we are doomed. Just look at Mars they are hopeful of finding tiny single celled life on Mars, which is not the beginnings of life on Mars but the End, as Mars once had a good thick atmosphere and back in the day was covered in very large beasts until some smart arse critter arrived and said  . . . . . Hay guys Look I discovered this stuff called Technology. . . . . That is the point in the life cycle of a planet where all the really big creatures vanish and it all starts getting smaller until the beasts get so small they don’t have arms and technology without an arm or nice clean shirt is like having a car with no fuel, or Father Christmas in a Coven.   

The Theory of Shrinking Matter and the Solution of the Universe and Dark Energy.

The Ghost Writer was in his office today although he says it was very odd because there was almost no one there and because the entire IT system was working as it should there was also not a lot to do. Of course most chaps would go home and tell their wife that it was a terrible day and they have been up to their eyes in mud and heavy spiky things all day without a single break, not go home and say HA HAH HAH HAH Hah ha hah ah hahha ha ha  did absolutely nothing today. Well as it happens he did answer the door to the public and smile at them and pretend to be the buildings maintenance man fixing widows (sorry windows) and ceiling lights, but he is rubbish at all of those.

I was having a fairly quite time myself our cyber-school has been very quite of late what with it being the pre winter period where everyone is watching everyone else waiting for someone to crack and start making festive things or offering to play the lead in this years pantomime  . . Father Christmas was a Zombie . . . . A choice which the headmaster said was quite frankly, a no brainer HA HAHH HAH AH HAH HAH HA HAH Hah ahha hah ha hah ah hah ah ah hah ah hah ah ha h ha HO HO HO.

Anyway while in science the whole concept of the universe came up in conversation with someone asking about the fact it is expanding and therefore must expand into something else. Then someone said they thought that it was getting smaller, it then stuck me in a flash of shear genius (I think I have pointed out previously that I am a rather modest genius) that the two things are in fact related. It is a complex theory but put in short goes a bit like this

Atoms are 99% empty space as they use their energy up they shrink, as every physical thing in the universe shrinks at the same uniform rate the fact they are shrinking in not obvious. So on earth, the planet, plants, life, water and everything in fact is shrinking but of course to us it all looks the same. However the space the universe is in remains the same so to us the planets appear to be getting further away because they are smaller when in fact they remain in the same place.

But what about the speed of light I hear you type, well light is made of atoms and they are getting smaller so the speed of light may appear to us to be the same but it is in fact getting slower and so planets are getting further away even in terms of radio and light speeds thus to science the universe is expanding when it is has in fact always been the same size. This explains the so called Red Shift seen in the universe and the lost energy of each atom as it shrinks explains Dark Energy . . . . . . . I think someone really should give me a Nobel prize (again) for a theory of such cunning genius that solves everything…..