Demonic Demons seen in Brecon

That Hugh Jackman is rubbish with his rusty nails and grumpy face

Not like Joan Hackman she is great? 

You go all the way to Brecon as part of the Rapid Reaction Zombie Defence Force armed with pointy sticks and a cheery song only to find its not Zombies but Demonic Demons summoned up by rouge (sorry rogue) Druids for reasons that are too difficult to explain as they are all in Welsh.

Anyway the point is the Rapid Reaction Zombie Defence Force doesn’t deal with Demonic Demons that is the specialist area of Demon-Rod with their rather devilish coloured vans and pressure horses (sorry hoses); Demonic Demons hate water.

I would write more, but it is late and it has been yet another long day. Brecon is a fair distance to go for the wrong kind of scary beast. . . Folk really should buy the . . . . .  AaaauuuuggghhhHHH  Zombie Guide Book  . . . . . . Available as soon as I write it both as a hardcover or paperback. CD included giving amazing details of feet claws and forked tongues.  The ideal gift for Christmas or Fathers Day.

OK I better go it's late   

The absurdity of violence and more pointy sticks

Today has been one of those days when many folk are reflecting on the absurdity of trying to get your own way using aggression and violence against the masses. Even if you do manage to achieve your intended goal, the one thing you can be sure of is that the masses will not be behind you in spirit, at best you will keep them suppressed until you become weak enough for them to turn the violence back on you.  Resulting in a rather short lived period of grandeur and posh living inspecting your forces and polishing weapons, while maybe wearing a general’s hat and lots of medals.  

Yes you see if you wish to build a long lasting empire it can only be done with the support of the masses and folk need to like you. I know this is a bit of a problem because one thing humans are not good at is a good rational discussion about who is right (as it happens its me) and in no time at all it’s all guns rockets and terrorism and the death of many. This happens because terrorists think they are right, but they are not . . . .  Generals think they are right, but they are not, Politicians think they are right, but they are not . . . . . . The Religious leaders think they are right, but they are not.  In fact we all think we are right . . . but we are not, well not quite all, as it is clear I know I am wrong and therefore am right…..

If we must turn to violence then all weapons should be banned except the pointy stick and then it should be limited to lightly poking folk in an irritating way to annoy them, there is no need to be more aggressive than this, you will find even the grandest politician or leader will soon come round if he is being lightly jabbed repeatedly with a pointy stick. And the great advantage to this is no one gets hurt (just irritated somewhat) and the world will be a better place with less death and destruction and no wars. Let’s face it how long can two armies jab at each other in an irritating way with pointy sticks without telling each other it is all a bit silly and going home again.   

However as we are human someone will want a pointier pointy stick or a longer pointy stick and before you know it we will be right back where we started. What we need is a new imaginative slightly eccentric leader, and luckily I am available.   

My classic film re-enactment of ..... The Alamo assisted by Pheasants and Men in 4X4's

Saturday and I was home alone as a result of playing Scissors, paper, stone, (yes I hear what you say DON’T DO IT). The Loser had to stay at home and paint edges, that is edges of walls and mmmm I lost. It is the great decision of DIY do you paint all the middle of the wall first and get left with all the fiddly bits to drive you mad. Or you can do the fiddly bits first and relax and fill the space in between. Or spend a week taping up every edge so the whole thing is easy.

We tend to go for the second option and would recommend that as the most effective use of the brain as it is the least frustrating.  We also use the Mexican Wave technique working along a wall at a time putting all the pictures etc, back on the wall as the paint dries.

So I started painting edges (home alone) when there was all these loud bangs which turned out to be the local shoot, shooting. This gave me and the local Pheasants a brilliant opportunity for one of my classic film re-enactments The Alamo although I insisted that I played John Wayne, I don’t think the pheasants knew who John Wayne was so didn’t care. Anyway we were totally surrounded by the tally ho Mexicans (who were not waving) and despite the valiant attempts of many it was a massacre. Pheasants seem to lack any sort of discipline and run about like headless chickens (or headless Pheasants as it happens) which ruined moral. I even did the famous Coronal Travis speech but I think the pheasants got him and Coronal Sanders mixed up because it did not have the same effect as in the movie, in fact quite the opposite.

In the end it was looking bad just me and two pheasants fending off the Mexican guns in their 4X4s and wearing their Plus Fours (sounds like a maths lesson now) when we were saved by the Lemmings of Petrograd from the Woods who leapt to our assistance. OK it may have also been time for Lunch at the Manor for the shooting party; truth is we will never know or care.

The last two pheasants weighed up the situation and then panicked and fled back to the wood leaving me to continue painting edges and the Lemmings of Petrograd quoting their favourite quote That’s one small step for man and one giant leap for Lemmings as they leapt off the roof and back to the woods to fight the fight of freedom.

Why do the walls in Bungalows have so many edges?????  

From FB ......... my friend Miss Fionaski the Famous Russian Spy

Fiona Knight                I nearly got hit in the face by a pheasant today, and I don't know Rob, why do the walls in bungalows have so many edges??

Well the pheasant was going for re-enforcements and our hallway has ten doors PHEW. it gets worse the other corridor has five doors

Fiona Knight                oh dear, perhaps next time work in an orderly fashion dealing with each section and its fiddly bits. My mom painted her whole house with a 2 inch brush. I can't paint, I am not allowed to. When I was 5 years old I thought Rolf Harris was the most interesting man on the planet and I decided I wanted to be like Rolf and paint a huge picture on the white wall in the white garage, luckily my dad, also a painter always had a pot of black paint and a brush left on the side and so I painted like Rolf, that was until my brother walked in and asked "why did you do that loogy?" I ran off to Russia and started a new life without Rolf.

Rolf is a very interesting man I remember he once had a suit made inside out because as he said the inside looked more interesting than the outside, so he thought that in that case it made sense for the inside to be on the outside and I quite agree....