Saturday, 30 June 2012

The Witch the Bonfire and a Sign of the Tims

Today is Saturday and it has been relatively quiet today. First thing this morning we noticed several large groups of teenage walkers walking along the Shropshire way which happens to pass along the road we live on.  The dog thinks there may be a connection to the long running saga of The Wicked Witch of the West, who as you know has had her head bitten off. Because yesterday I mentioned that the great Lord of all the land had in the past had problems with Mary Poppins and the pesky kids with the dog when she ran up and down hills singing. So not only has the wicked Witch of the West got no head but all the pesky kids are heading in the opposite direction to the village (sorry Town) loaded up like they are not going back.

I have been having a large bonfire today trying to clear some of the piles of stuff from the garden. I did manage to keep it going despite the showers of rain. It has got very gloomy again for a British summer but then it is tennis season that has always brought rain in abundance, and if I remember it (the tennis) even had that Mary Poppins doing a crowd sing along once. Well until security got hold of her and the pesky kids and threw them out for causing a disruption.  My watch has stopped now …..COME ON TIM (sorry TIME) HAHAHH HAH ha hahh aha hah haha hah ah hah ahah ahaha hahahh haha .

The Ghost Writer is here again he has promised to sort a laptop out for a man up a hill, not the hill that Mary Poppins and The Wicked Witch of the West ran up and down, but another hill with a sign at the bottom saying ‘NO Witches, NO Musical characters, No Singing, No Dukes lingering half way, No door to door water collectors’ ……. Just to be on the safe side. That Cliff Richard did try and sing once on the hill but his excuse was he was a Cliff not a hill and a completely different geographical feature.

I have pointed out to the Ghost Writer a sign that I had put on our drive that says  ‘NO IDIOTS running about in the dark with a camera and a torch’ ……….. He says……. AH   


Friday, 29 June 2012

The Wicked Witch of the West, Part 3 and the CIA

So after a quietish day in the grey office the ghost Writer has been whinging about computers again, but also recons he will do some more ghost pictures. If you are wondering how he created his ghost picture it is dead easy. He sets his camera on a long exposure in a very dark place and moves about flashing a torch on and off to create multiple exposures. He says everyone should do it because they should?

Due to technical problems of a technical nature, technical nature appears to be a contradiction in terms but who am I to say such a thing. OK sorry distracted again ….. Due to technical problems part three of my fairytale is based entirely on made up stuff, a bit like part two and part one and any link to reality is entirely good luck. I would also like to add no ducks were harmed in the telling of this story.

Miss Goldilocks started the day singing and spinning gold thread on her spinning wheel in her little cottage, but unbeknown to Miss Goldilocks MI6 and the CIA had knobbled her  spinning wheel, having purchased a spell from the well know retailer of spells, Spells-R-Us that meant when Miss Goldilocks pricked her finger she would fall asleep for a hundred years. The CIA thought to themselves that’ll keep things quiet. Of course all spells have a get out clause and this one was rather cunning, if she is kissed by a Mexican Truck Driver she will wake up again.  The CIA and MI6 thought we don’t get then round here that will fix her HAH HHAHAH HAHha hah ah ahhaha haha hahah hahah hah hahahhahhh;  but by lunch time she was up and chatting to a song thrush in the garden, the CIA had not even thought about Mexican Dave, how foolish.

Meanwhile the massed masses of massed minions who were planning  to eat cake and walk their dogs and point and shout and say YA SUCKS BOO….HA HA HA to YOU, last night suddenly thought hang on its Thursday night and Wimbledon has started and then there is the Euro match on the tele so stayed at home. The Wicked Witch of the West was also rather scary so they thought to themselves Naaaaaa.

The Great Lord of all the Land and his faithful assistant Thomas Attila the h-unsmiling however have been forced to act as the last thing they need is a multitude of unhappy massed minions massing and murmuring, and a Witch laughing hysterically running up and down hills. It brought back thoughts of Mary Poppins, no hang on sorry Maria to the great Lord, and it took ages to squash all the rumours and get rid of the pesky kids with the dog.   So in the early hours of the morning as the sun was rising and the Wicked Witch of the West was asleep they unleashed the great monster of the deep into the big lake; the not so famous Monstrous Creature of the Welsh Pool.

As The Wicked Witch of the West walked her boundaries to check for intruding intruders and picnickers with cute dogs she heard noises from the big lake. Thinking to her self, hiding in wet suits in the lake are we, we will see about that.  And as she peered into the deep dark water the Monstrous Creature of the Welsh Pool suddenly bit her head off. And everyone lived happily ever after. Well until part four anyway…….. 


Thursday, 28 June 2012

The Wicked Witch of the West ...... Part Two

The Ghost Writer being a ghost
or as Mum said an IDIOT

Sometimes the best of plans do not go as planned, today is such a case. My trip to the dentist I was told when I got there was yesterday, I said that they had sent a letter changing my appointment to today but they said this was impossible. It was impossible because my dentist never works on Thursdays EVER, so they knew I was wrong. They then said as it happens he is working Thursday next week and Thursday the week after?? But the appointments are all full so I have to wait until June 2023 at 4:30 on a Thursday.  Still it could have been a lot worse I might have got in to see the dentist………HAHAHHAHHAh ahh ha hah haha hhah aha hhha ahhh aha haha hah ahah aha. 

We grew these ......Well Cool 

My good friend Miss Fionaski the Famous Russian Spy has informed us that all is not well in the rolling hills by cricket pitch with the big lake beyond so I feel I must continue the tale as it started in the form of a fairy tale.

Our heroine Miss Goldilocks as we know sent her secret coded message to her headquarters deep within the secret cellar complex of the Kremlin (which I must never mention…….AH). The seagulls are sitting on the lake playing cricket the ball has been hit out of bounds in the fields, send more puffins and vodka. The Witch is Mad……..  

Because as we know The Wicked Witch of the West was scaring the people of the village (OK town) and everyone was afraid, scared to venture onto the rolling fields and cricket pitch, yet alone go to the lake. The Wicked Witch of the West laughing hysterically, proudly looking over all the land which she now controlled, where not even a Song Thrush stirred or sang.  

Having dissevered Miss Goldilocks’ message the powers that be deep within the cellar complex of the Kremlin (AH sorry I mentioned it again) hatched a plan, they activated their secret moles (no not the furry things that make little mounds but the spies). These moles were disguised as unsuspecting little old ladies who were sent deep into the fields past the cricket pitch to the lake where they sat and ate neat cucumber sandwiches and Earl Grey Tea in china cups and sent messages on their shortwave radios.

Then as they were about to cut into a rather nice Victoria sandwich cake The Wicked Witch of the West arrived in a cloud of smoke and fury and screamed and shouted and threw all the Victoria sandwich cake into the lake.   Where a hand rose out of the lake to catch it, a small voice shouting “Thanks I’ll eat it Later”  The Wicked Witch of the West did not notice or care she sent the little old ladies packing making them scurry off back to the village laughing hysterically behind them.

But her actions stirred the great Lord of all the Land, all the cricket pitches, and all the lakes from his sleep and he summoned his assistant Thomas Attila the h-unsmiling. Their powers are great and The Wicked Witch of the West may be banished from the land or made to eat soggy Victoria sandwich cake with little old ladies in the town hall as penance. However even as I write other forces are a foot, the villagers having been outraged by this latest act have risen as a body and are heading towards the castle of the Wicked witch of the West with fiery torches (not the ones with batteries, OK they might have those too) and plan to eat cake and walk their dogs and point and shout and say YA SUCKS BOO….HA HA HA to YOU then run like hell back to the village (OK town).

The Plans of the minds deep in the  secret cellars of the Kremlin (Sorry I did it again) are working as planned, unless of course it is Thursday……….AH  

To be continued:-

Ooooooo I picked our first Red Currents (Currants) earlier.


Wednesday, 27 June 2012

Elvis, Hedgehogs and Cheese Scones

We discovered that we have a pair of hedgehogs under the beach hedge last night. They appear to have made the entrance to their home under the canopy put up for the family barbecue, so we now have the only hedgehogs in Britain who have an entrance surrounded by fairy lights. The main worry with this is the male hedgehog is now convinced he is Elvis and is singing ‘Aint nothing but a hedgehog”….

It has been rather hot today, which can only mean one thing, yes dad is working on his weather machine again although this time the dog is helping him with the mathematics and calculus. The dog says that dad has not built into the system the minor random variable element which represents the butterfly that flaps its wings deep in the South American rain forest. As we all know and I’m sure I have said before a long time ago it is his fault we have all the storms and rain (the butterfly). But you can’t make a weather machine without knowing what the little critter is doing, so that you can create an Anti-flapping butterfly as compensation.

While they are doing this I have been assigned the job of making the log shed. I am not entirely convinced that it is as much fun as tinkering with a weather machine but I am told that it is very important and as a bribery mum has made of huge pile of cheese scones with loads of  km pepper in ………….YUM.

OK not much else to report today………

Oooo yes dentist tomorrow so YUCK, as it happens I am aware that Ian the Musical Hat Maker has been to see the dentist so next week if all does to plan I will be able to exchange dentist stories….. The dentist always makes me think of the film Marathon Man with that bloke Hufting Dustman or what ever his man is… I don’t like the dentist. 


Tuesday, 26 June 2012

The Builder the Cat and the Watkins Rapier

Here I am sat in a car with the laptop, I am not a fan of using the laptop for my diary because it does not sort stuff out in the same way as the old XP desktop which happily will correct the worst of my spelling regardless of which program or application I am using. So I can mess about in cyberspace and everyone still understands me (almost).

Anyway as I said I am in a car waiting and typing as I type, we have nipped off to Shrewsbury hospital, something we do from time to time although not a story for the diary.

It was rather strange getting here as back home it was sunny if a little overcast, but not a bad day all in all, then about half a mile down the road the weather was rubbish and was like that almost the entire trip then the last half a mile was OK again. I am getting irritated at present by builders with a loud radio listing to rubbish. Why do they do that…

My Watkins Rapier 44 and a cheapo Encore Les Paul copy

OK that was all some time ago as I am now back home away from the tinny thud thud thud of noise pollution. I know what you are thinking, I am a young hip slightly eccentric chap who should be dead keen on the thud thud thud of music, particularly as I play djembe and a rather cool left handed Red Watkins Rapier 44 guitar. And I do like music but not in a car park when it is being played on a cheap radio on a half built roof with a man joining in with the nail gun but out of time and singing like a cat that has just been nail gunned to a roof.

I have started making a log shed out of wood, it seems odd to make a log shed out of the material that will go in it so that we can take the wood out of it to burn on the log fire in the winter, and summer sometimes, but I will not talk about the weather …….Ah I already have DAM.

OK that is it for tonight because …….. Well, I can’t be bothered…….. No only kidding HAH HAHAH HAH HHA HAH HAH hah ah ha hahahah hah hah hah hahahah hhah hahhah hah ha.

No sorry I’m only kidding that I’m kidding it’s a double bluff so I’m off

No I’m not tricked you

OK there are some pics for a man from Chicago of the wiring inside a Watkins Rapier 44. It looks a bit wild but it works and it might be a bit frail to mess with.  


Monday, 25 June 2012

Shock news.... The Olympic Flame at the opening ceremony to be lit by goat

Yesterday I made a little comment in one of my various portals into cyberspace that I thought I saw a Golden Eagle at the side of the road as we drove home with the Cultural Olympian in the car. The dog says it is a sign, the Olympics give gold medals and my sculpture is that of an Olympic torch bearer, so the dog thinks it is a prophecy to do with the lighting of the Olympic flame at the stadium in the opening ceremony. He says it means that in his opinion the flame will be lit by Eddy the Eagle who will soar over the stadium with flames leaping from his body like a human comet (the celestial body not the shop), landing in the caldron or what ever it is called. Mum says IDIOT; I think I agree Eddy the Eagle must be getting on a bit these days and past such a feat. What they need to successfully achieve this is someone who regularly does something similar most days. Yes the school mascot, the school goat.

It would be a great idea, never before in Olympic history has a goat ever been fired over a stadium to light the eternal flame, which I believe has gone out several times now but is always saved by the patron saint of fire, Swan Vestas who is more than a match (HAHAHAHHAH ahah hah hah hahh hah hahah hahhah hahah) for problems with the flame.

To change the subject slightly it has been a lovely sunny day today, Yes this is Britain the home of confuse a cloud Ltd. Really I do wish it would make its mind up, mum is suspicious of dads weather machine. He said it was fine after he removed the cat from the workings but we think it is a bit suspicious that every day he goes “AH I think I have sussed it” things go haywire again (Haywire ???? Where did that come from I will have to Google it). It appears to be to do with lashing things together with haywire such as logs in the early logging days, then when the wire breaks all hell lets loose as they go all over the place causing chaos.  

OK I’m Drumming tonight under the home made canopy with my drumming associate  so I will away for now..

Oooooooo by the way we found a newt in the veggie patch earlier, what would a newt be doing in the veggie patch? The dog says eating newt potatoes ……..HAH HAHHAHAHA Hahah ah hah hah ahh ah ahahhah hahah ha hahh.......... Talking of Newts in Veggie Patches.

Sunday, 24 June 2012

Russian Spies, Miss Goldilocks and the Wicked Witch of the West

I am off later to collect the Cultural Olympian, my contribution to the Cultural Olympiad art thing that is rambling away in various parts of Britain at present. It has been very popular although most people seem to think it is a metal sculpture not a cardboard sculpture, and need to be told otherwise. Anyway that is later. So I may get back about this if things go to plan.

I have been told that my diary is like a fairly tale only rubbish with no plot and no decent moral ending as the hero and the princess get eaten by Zombies. Hang on this is at the end of the book so I haven’t told you that yet; that is the big surprise ending ……. AH OK it was the big surprise ending……….. DAMN sorry DAM, I seem to have started to use the right one by mistake.

Anyway at school we were asked to write a fairy tale based on what was happening outside the big classroom windows which look out over the rolling fields toward the cricket pitch and the big lake beyond, so I did…….

Once upon a time there was a young Russian spy called Miss Goldilocks, Goldilocks was her code name her real name was Miss Fionaski. However no one is allowed to know that Miss Fionaski’s codename is Golilocks or I will be in serious trouble like the wacky-leaks man……….AH. DAM.  

Miss Fionaski the Famous Russian Spy

One day Miss Goldilocks was happily skipping across the field with her shortwave radio and codebook when she was approached by The Wicked Witch of the West who said “HAR HAR HAR HARDY HAR”, no hang on that’s the wrong story she went “HA HA HAH HAHAH Hah hah aha hah hahaha hah hahhahah ………… ………. …….HAH AHHAH HA H HAH AHAH Hah ah hah h hh hahhaha haha …..Is that a short wave radio and codebook Goldilocks because we don’t like them here in the WEST” Miss Goldilocks was frightened because The Wicked Witch of the West was spraying strange substances at the grass all around Miss Goldilocks which hissed and smouldered and horrible fumes drifted around Miss Goldilocks.

But Miss Goldilocks bravely said “This is a public right of way I always come here to transmit my messages at three minutes before mid-day every Sunday and Wednesday, and look that Song Thrush looks a bit poorly now”. The Wicked Witch of the West just laughed Hysterically though “HAH HAHHAH HHAH hahHAH HHHHAH Hhah hah hahh ha……HAH hHAH HAH HAH HAH Hhah hah haha hah ha” and so Miss Golilocks ran all the way home and sent a coded message that said

The seagulls are sitting on the lake playing cricket the ball has been hit out of bounds in the fields, send more puffins and vodka. The Witch is Mad……..     

It was at this point I was distracted by the image of the goat as he sailed through the air towards the out of town supermarket………. And people think none of this is true …..IDIOTS. 

I know its Sunday I shouldn't be at School but I get confused 


Saturday, 23 June 2012

Isambard Kingdom Brunel, Pick n Mix and the ancient Britain's

The canvas canopy erected for the family barbecue moved in the wind last night, not by much but I have just spent a little bit of time sorting it out to ensure it stays up. It has involved the use of a bit more hazel. It makes me wonder just how much hazel must have been growing back in the days of the early Brits when hazel was a staple building material. Add to that the fact there were no grey squirrels about means that there must have been a lot of hazel nuts, and this would then imply there must have been a lot of fruit and nut chocolate bars. I prefer yoghurt coated hazel nuts myself but I am not sure the ancient Britain’s would have eaten them because I think they tend to be available only in health shops, not something the ancient Britain’s had, they were restricted to Woolworths (I think).

  On the subject of Woolworths, what ever happened to pick n mix you just don’t see it these days, I suspect it is a health and safety issue after all you never know where people have been putting their hands. But it was no different in the glory days of pick n mix and not many people died as a result of eating strange disgusting jelly snakes and worms, I say jelly but I think it was some sort of indestructible rubber substance; and those weird pink shrimps were sort of quite nice (OK I lie).  The point is though things like this were the staple diet of pick n mix and without it they have vanished, much like Woolworths itself.

We all went into Montgomery this morning to do stuff and get things but Montgomery has a built in delay effect so after seeing loads of people and talking we finally escaped about two and a half hours later, rather than the fifteen minutes planned. But Manyana , it was OK we were all chilled about this.

Today has been another classic day in what is becoming the traditional summer in Britain these days slightly grey, slightly wet, and slightly warmish sort of, slightly windy and slightly uninteresting for weather. Although that has never stopped us Brits complaining about it, even the ancient Brits would often say “The hazel coppice is a bit late this year, it’s just too cold and I bet the price of fruit and nut chocolate bars goes up. And I’m convinced they are smaller than they used to be.” Followed by the little joke which was their final downfall “That new trendy iron will never catch on, you just cant beat a nice bit of flint.”  To which Isambard Kingdom Brunel would usually shout back IDIOTS…

It just goes to show that little has changed in the last ten thousand years or so except the grey squirrels get all the hazel nuts and we are not allowed pick n mix anymore, well I guess that is progress for you. 

Friday, 22 June 2012

The Cultural Olympiad, Olympic Art and a man called Kevin

Myself and the Ghost Writer have moved the Cultural Olympian to his new location where a man called Kevin who apparently is famous (I think) is going to do life painting and also paint a man. When I say paint a man he is not painting a picture of a man but is painting the man (I think, or so I am told). I was also told the man is now grumbling because he has just found out that where he is being painted (that’s the building not which part of him) has not got a shower in it so he will remain painted for some time. In fact he may not be allowed on the train home for being too glossy rather that a nice matt emulsion, although he could claim discrimination on the grounds of shininess.

Anyway it took much longer to move the Sculpture than anticipated because it appears that someone lost Kevin. It’s the little things like this that can cause all sorts of problems in the Olympics; back in the days of the Greek Olympics it was common to loose people and once the famous Keviniox Kliniox painted a discus thrower in a rather good stone effect paint much like my own Olympic art. But the paint was rather thick and the discus thrower found he was unable to move as the paint dried. Then Keviniox Kliniox got distracted by a  mad ceilidh or what ever the Greek equivalent was and in the clear up the discus thrower was stored away by mistake. Which is why he looks so life like and his eyes appear to follow you round the room, because his eyes are following you round the room. Sometimes people say they can hear the distant call of “ Agotious o Gearious” Latin for ‘It is not the winning it is the partaking of parties’ but what the discus thrower is saying is “A gottle o geer” that’s a bottle of beer when you cant move your lips due to a thick layer of stone effect paint. 

The Ghost Writer was in the grey office today and it appears that in another grey office one person shouted at another person, it appears that grey is not a good colour for an office.  I am told by the Ghost Writer that it is a good colour for a spaceship as it gives it street cred, where aliens walking out of a pink spacecraft just don’t appear scary. He thinks most offices end up grey because they are an alien environment to most humans and anyone looking happy must be an alien and avoided or they will suck your brains out and steal your photos of their strange spherical Nano-spacecraft.

Olympic art created for the Cultural Olympiad

If none of that made sense to you then it is one of two reasons the first is you are not reading my story everyday which is naughty; the second is you are a normal rational human being …….. Mum just said IDIOT 

A link to the truth of all things


Thursday, 21 June 2012

The Weather and the film Blow-up

Today has been a wet grey day in the UK, I can give you an idea of just how grey by saying that yesterday was a nice day with blue skies and a few white clouds which produced about twenty five kilowatts of electricity off the solar panels on the roof.  Today has produced something less than four kilowatts, so only about 15 to 18% of yesterdays, in other words we have only had about 15% of the sun we had yesterday the rest of the day has been grey mist and rain. I can remember when I was complaining it was too hot only about a week or so ago, and now it is too wet. Sadly tomorrow according to the BBC weatherman is seriously not good for some and is going to be wetter. The only good news is that the hosepipe ban does not really worry most people now because their hosepipes have floated off down stream.

To change the subject a bit and also to repeat myself slightly within certain corners of cyberspace. I have been experimenting with the camera after capturing images of aliens and faces of zombies (OK a zombie). I have discovered that by pointing the camera into the air in the dark of night with the flash on while it drizzles is extremely interesting. If you watch the sky as you take the picture all the little drops of rain light up like tiny fairy lights and it looks rather cool. Sadly this only lasts for the split second of the flash.  I have also as some of you will know been recreating the film Blow Up the classic late 1960’s film which I’m sure you will have all seen, in my endeavour to solve the issue of the Zombie and Aliens. Interestingly those alien Nano-spacecraft look like tennis balls which seems rather apt. If you are reading the paperback …..AH sorry about the fact you (still) can’t see the photo, if you have not seen Blow-up……. Ah sorry about that but the Zombie did it…………. HAH HAHAH hah hah hahhah hah ha hahhahah ha, if you have seen the film OK I lied.

Ok I am off now, it is a bit too wet to write a good daily diary post, I might manage something better tomorrow, and the Ghost Writer and I are off to get, or move the Cultural Olympian in the morning. It appears he might end up in the middle of a mad ceilidh so I need to save him from a fate worse than death, which when you are made of cardboard is being offered a beer or two.  He will just get all soft and floppy and be no good for man nor beast.


Wednesday, 20 June 2012

conclusive proof of aliens and Alien Nano-Spacecraft

Last night in the dark as I was watching the last of the light from the sun at about half past eleven I could hear rustling in the undergrowth. But of course it was dark, when I say last of the light it was merely the hint of a red-blue glow so you could not see much. I therefore came up with a master plan I would point the camera in the direction of the noise and use the flash to capture an image of the rustling beast. Now if you are reading the highly successful book (The diary of Rob Z Tobor Year two) it is likely you will not have a picture to look at now, particularly if you have gone for the cheaper paperback option. The rest of us are OK we have the picture to look at.

Interestingly I have been out again tonight to see if I can see these spheres again but nothing, 
I tried several times but nothing

So there you go conclusive proof of aliens, Mr Jones says those spheres are in fact nano-spacecraft from the mother spacecraft which is in a geostationary position above his house and were watching us in the dark. Well OK they were watching me in the dark last night, well me and the dog and Sooty the Cat. Mr Jones says we should be very cautious as government bodies and departments of a secret nature will be after this image and will need to wipe the memory from my brain.

I think in short Mr Jones is saying the men in dark designer sunglasses will be back on our trail again and I really should not post this image in cyberspace. I think after the last time I have little to fear and as we know dark designer sun glasses in a British summer are rubbish, you cant see a thing because it is too gloomy and dark.

The dog says that Mr Jones is talking total rubbish and the picture is in fact the so called famous Fairies at the bottom of the garden, all this talk of Alien Nano-Spacecraft is just far fetched madness.

I even took the image to school to show the science teacher who said in his opinion this was the work of an intelligent tribe of pixies who had made nano-spybots and were probably testing them on an unsuspecting IDIOT and the rustling was the fact they had not yet got the hang of the controls yet; resulting in them bumping into shrubs and the like in the dark. He then said I should be on the lookout for pixies trying to get their image back and they might try to wipe my mind, although he did add he thought there was little point in doing that really?

Mum says we are all IDIOTS

Tonights youtube song is brought to you thanks to  hootchinhannah's last blog post ............ A new band for me.


Tuesday, 19 June 2012

The Microsoft Surface Tablet, a cat and the greengrocer with scales

Sometimes life in cyberspace can go very quiet, this is generally rather good it gives us time to stop and think and ponder and notice small things like ….. My QWERTY keyboard it full of hair from Heavy Harry the Cat. And then this leads us to ponder why a cat has a fur coat made of hair and humans have hair on their heads not fur, although fur is just a lot of hair. Snakes have scales not hair but a greengrocer has scales and hair; if they are very successful greengrocers they might even have a fur coat which would imply that greengrocers might be a genetic anomaly related to snakes and cats. However neither snakes nor cats like vegetables. Therefore we need to find some sort of carnivore greengrocer say like a butcher. So it is very likely that a butcher is more closely related to cats and snakes. And also might explain why Mr Snakecat the local butcher wears a fur hat and it famed for his hare pie  

File:A Young Hare, Albrect Durer.jpg

The Ghost Writer has turned up now and says he has been in his grey office all day today and is now well spaced out so listening to me ramble on about total rubbish is fine as long as I don’t mention computers as he has had enough of them. Interestingly Microsoft are going to make a tablet computer called the Microsoft Surface with Windows 8 on it, so that should cheer up the Ghost Writer …………. AH the Ghost Writer has said IDIOT now that’s a bit unfair as I was trying to cheer him up.  I think what Microsoft need is a Rob Z Tobor interactive interface application to realign their rather fixed way of thinking. As a Radical Abstract Thinker (RAT) I think I need to point out to the huge grinding corporate multinational IT companies that they need to think outside the box. I do that all the time, which is a bit of a problem this year because I keep getting wet due to all the rain.  

I think I might suggest that instead of a flat screen with no keyboard they should make a keyboard with no screen and just have the keyboard project the image onto a wall then it can be as big as you like. So that us with duff eyesight could use an entire wall to do stuff, but will anyone listen to me I don’t think so……  And I bet they would just turn around and say AH …..Yes, but it will get full of cat fur.


Monday, 18 June 2012

The sky, the fly, the goat and a slithering slimy monster

It is getting close to the school holidays, well OK not that close but close enough to see everyone starting to relax a bit, well those who have finished exams or don’t have any this year or cheat. Or cheat and have the advantage of a Joules Verne Pocket Oracle and Prophecy Machine to hand and an Einstein cube. These devices have been gathering dust during most of book two but that is what happens in life, things move and change. A bit like the slithering slimy monster that lived in the cellar under the school, it has managed to transform itself into a school inspector. Creating a whole new life for itself, although the headmaster says it is still a  slithering slimy monster although it has given the school an A+ with merits for having a particularly good cellar for the creation of new life forms during the recent inspection.

the sky this evening

Even the school mascot the goat has been chilling today in the swimming pool although it did have a small crisis with the inflatable lilo, they don’t mix well with goat horns, nether do learners in the deep end with arm bands. The life guard said it was the busiest day he has ever had and the headmaster has sadly banned the goat from the pool during school hours.

It has been a lovely sunny day today which is typical, the day after the family BBQ and another classic example of the great British weather. Still the same thing happened to the Queen on her jubilee so if it is good enough for the queen then we can’t complain……. Well not really true, we can complain. Dad apparently finally got his weather machine going this morning after mum torched it when his experiments kept ending in rain floods and snow and the like. He thinks he has sorted the problem now and has removed the duck from the symbiotic meteorological climate inverting actuator.

Anyway everyone is chilling now and relaxing as it has been busy with one thing and another in recent weeks. I am working on experimental fly traps at present; the little critters keep coming into the house. One of the joys of life in the country, although I suspect they may be just as awkward back in town. I don’t entirely understand why flies like to come into houses because no one is nice to them. They don’t rush off and live in caves as part of their natural behaviour (I think?).  Genetically I would have though they were designed to hang about near the back end of the school goat and the like, not pooing on windows or re-enacting the battle of Britain in the middle of the kitchen while we pick off the stragglers with a rolled up newspaper. Just as a matter of interest which way up does a fly, fly in space in a weightless environment, I bet they still have agro with flies in the skylab kitchen.

 No Link just a song from my good friend Ian the Musical Hat Maker (Ian Gomm)

Sunday, 17 June 2012

Buddha's head and fairy lights

It has been an interesting day and this afternoon we had a family barbeque under the canopy I made (showers all day so it was useful), it was a good BBQ I think although we did discover that the gas BBQ had as good as run out and in fact did run out during the cooking. And the instant disposable BBQ’s were in fact rubbish which might explain why they were dead cheap. This did not ruin the event but the masses did start to stir a bit because it took rather a long time to cook everything. Hopefully OK but you know what family are like they are kind and would not say, well that was rubbish.  

Apparently it was father’s day today………… AH that was a bit of a surprise but luckily for me the family got dad a huge silver Buddha head for the garden so he was well happy and we left him saying “A Gottle of Gear”  and reading the Alphabet “A Gee C Gee E Eeeeefff Gee Gayh I Jay Gay L M N O Gee etc” . I still don’t think dad knows its fathers day yet but he cant remember his birthday either so that’s OK.

It is getting late so will keep this very short tonight and go and watch fairy lights…

I was trying to think of BBQ music and for some weird reason the only song I could think of was this one, does this make me mad?

Saturday, 16 June 2012

Martha, school dinners, horses, Mr Steven Spielberg and Harry Potter

I do not wish to be grumpy but I have noticed something….. It first started with that Harry Potter and all his wand waving saying silly words, OK it is not his fault after all he is not even real, he is merely a figment of the imagination. He really should have stood up for himself a bit better and made sure he got a cut of the royalties. Anyway the point is everybody loves B******* ********* Harry Potter and he is read by millions Ya Sucks Boo.

Then just as Harry vanished off to settle down in domestic bliss, I thought that nice Mr Steven Spielberg will be thinking of making ‘Rob Z Tobor the movie’ when some sneaky horse turns up and offers him a deal he cant refuse, taking him for a ride in the process. Yes I know I have done all this before, but there is a point.

Today on the wireless and in the newspaper I hear and read of an eight year old girl called Martha whose blog on school dinner has had something like two or three million hits….. WHAT? I am sure Martha is quite a nice little girl; in fact she appears to have got the better of the corporate wheels of the local council, so well done. But as a blogger in the darkest corner of cyberspace what is it with the general public that a blog on school dinner is a smash hit while I’m left with a small band of loyal followers. I say loyal but most of them will desert me for a bar of chocolate or a packet of salted peanuts, Its no good denying it.  So am I down hearted NO although I might mention school dinners a bit more in passing, things like tapioca pudding…… OK maybe not YUK.

OK I have almost finished the make shift canopy for the family Barbecue tomorrow to protect us from the elements. However in the process I have tried to saw my finger off with a wood saw, dropped a twenty five foot by five inch piece of hazel on my head which also twisted my finger rather badly  and then got stung by some sort of hornet . The good news is everything happened to the same hand so the right hand is just hunky dory. The bad news is I am left handed. 

Friday, 15 June 2012

The Monty Cardboard Robot Club and the Olympic Sculpture

 I am off out very shortly to a preview to am exhibition where the Cultural Olympian is being exhibited. Strangely this is not the Olympic part of the exhibition but as it is finished it is in there doing its bit (the cardboard Olympian).  I think there was meant to be slightly more Olympic based art in this exhibition but artists are reluctant to do that as the market for such things is rather limited.

the Cultural Olympian  has since moved to the middle of the hall
and quite right too

We are also off to sponsor someone who is off to the far reaches of the world to do good deeds and the like and maybe have a good time; I think you are allowed to do both.

I will try and get a decent photo of the Cultural Olympian as I mingle drinking champagne and eating posh stuff on little crackers….. Ah apparently I am not allowed the champagne …………DAMN I have been informed that The Monty Cardboard Robot Club it tea total which is very unfair bearing in mind I am the only member. It also appears that champagne is not an official Olympic sponsor so I am not allowed to be associated with it, I didn’t have this problem at the International Implausible Gallery of Insubstantial Rationality although not be real very few people turned up and I did get into an argument with that Andy Warhol who was standing on an invisible plinth with Marilyn Monroe sticking his tongue out at me.  

By the Way does this link work for you lot...... it does for me but I have tried it with other blogs and they are not so happy 

 A Jolly Good Link to Me, I think

much later..................

By the way I really don't know who the people are in this picture
they were  at the preview 

So here I am much later having been to the preview where the cardboard sculpture of the Olympic torch bearer otherwise known as the cultural Olympian is now centre stage and having also been to another event to scoff curries and gooey puds with cream and meringue and chocolate. Somehow I also ended up winning a small grey kitten, but after a bit of wheeler dealing I ended up with a rather good bottle of wine and five magic beans…… I don’t drink wine so just as well I got the magic beams really. The dog is muttering something about I should have got magic mushrooms but they are hardly going to grow into a huge beam stalk. And mum has called both me and the dog IDIOTS now?  

Thursday, 14 June 2012

rain, hazel, stone paint and H G Wells, the first man in the moon,

yesterday was sunny

 The Ghost writer kindly did a last minute mad dash to get a tin of the stone effect paint for the plinth of the Cultural Olympian today. It was the last tin as it happens, so it better be enough to finish the job. Then after he dropped it off so he could continue his intrepid journeys and I was thinking OK right lets finish this thing off, when it started to rain some serious rain. Im OK with rain but a sculpture made of cardboard is not.  I can’t use spray paint in the house I am banned after accidently spraying the vicar red, it might have been OK if the dog had not sneaked a pair of horns on his head and a pointy tail on him.

Anyway I have now managed to spray the plinth in the garage workshop and spoken to the man that matters and everything will start to fall into place tomorrow. There are many things that are happening tomorrow so it might turn into one of the very very very rare occasions where I an unable to do a daily diary entry, but you can never tell.

To tell the truth I am not entirely sure if this omission will be noticed anyway, so we will see. It does not help that I have single handed been pulling a huge heavy canvas tarpaulin over my improvised hazel structure in torrential rain and high winds. It was decided by the dog that this was the work of an IDIOT as only an IDIOT would try and make something that is not needed when it comes to the nitty gritty, in torrential rain particularly as I can not be sure that the wind and rain will not destroy it before I get the chance to finish it at the weekend.  Dad says he thinks I should have built a steam powered dome based design based on H G Wells, the first man in the moon, not easy to do using Hazel and canvas.


Wednesday, 13 June 2012

method learning, Hazel and the the Spanish Inquisition,

So the year slowly passes and school is getting into that time of year when everyone is panicking about exams, I never panic about exams because I studiously revise and remember everything. No, that’s not quite true, the dog studiously revises and I use mums spy communicating devices to communicate with the dog who tells me all the answers, this is called method learning or as the headmaster likes to call it cheating…. It is not entirely cheating because the dog does do some swotting for the exams.

Anyway school is getting quieter and so I will expand on my next little project to make a huge canopy that a large number of people can sit under and party. Ideally I would love to build this in bamboo but you just can’t get decent bamboo in the UK, not the thirty foot long and four inch in diameter stuff. It has always puzzled me why that will not grow over here because most of the other bamboo types seem too.

Luckily we have something that sort of works. although not as well, and that is hazel, no not hazel from school because she is structurally unsound. By that I mean she will move about so trying to make a building out of her is near on impossible. We are talking Hazel as in the shrub tree thing, it is a classic old world building material and going back a few thousand years the Brits would make houses out of hazel covered in a mix of mud, dung and straw. I have no plans to do that I will use canvas. It will then be lit with a million fairy lights and some seating. There was a time I would make seating, but I have been banned now after the last garden bench which mum and dad said reminded them of the Spanish Inquisition. It was made out of hazel which is interesting because Hazel at school is doing a project on the Spanish Inquisition, nobody expected her project to be the  Spanish Inquisition there was certainly an element of surprise involved……….. Hang on that has a familiar sort of ring to it

OK I’m away

Ooooooooo I should just say what a lovely warm sunny day today so please note BBC weatherman NO NOT RAIN,