How fast are we all going. . . . The Big Question

Have you ever wondered about how fast you are moving, well its time to think about this because it is important? Because it does not matter how slowly you try to travel it turns out you are travelling much faster than you ever thought. The average person walks about at about 3 miles an hour going backwards and forwards and eating stuff during pauses, it does not sound impressive. But of course the Earth rotates, so someone at the equator is rotating with the Earth at about a speed of 1000 MPH which is impressive although you need to remember you are only travelling 3 MPH faster than a slug and you might even be travelling slower that a slug if you are walking against the ration, so heading west I think. Of course you could be sneaky and stand on one of the poles (the Earth's poles not a long stick) and then you will just be slowly spinning on the spot.

Well that would be fine except the Earth rotates round the Sun which is why we have years so even sat on the North Pole you are still moving through space while rotating slowly so now we are all moving at 66,500 MPH. I mean that is fast but remember that slug is still sat next to you looking smug (A Smug Slug); all this speed it relative to everything else.

So far it has been easy even the slug is fairly chilled about this, although slightly concerned about how fast he/she is going but it is going to get much faster, you see the Sun is in one of the arms of the Milky way our own galaxy (no not the chocolate) and that is also moving as well as rotating and it appears that the result of all this is we are moving in relationship to the Cosmic Background at a speed of 1.2 million MPH.  Now that is fast, very fast and what it means that ever hour of every day we move 1.2 million miles in the universe so if you go out for the day, say shopping and arrive home 10 hours later your home has moved position in universe by at least 12 million miles. Now that is a long way.

And to make things even worse it might just be that the Cosmic Background Radiation that is used as the reference to tell how fast we are travelling could be part of a moving universe. And bearing in mind each step involves a huge leap in speed then we could be travelling seriously fast indeed within some sort of unknown dimensional thing. I say some sort of unknown dimensional thing because I reckon my guess is as good as that Professor Brian Cox chap, and yes he smiles a lot, but he is a clever bastard and that’s for sure (OOooo sorry about the word I had that Ian Dury song in my head)

What this does mean though is that you are never in the same part of the universe twice and nor is the slug even if you think you are because all the other stuff is moving too. You need to think of the universe like a huge motorway that we are hurtling along as fast as we can in the fastest car you can get, blindfolded and with no brakes. This is fine until say a goat or something similar (maybe an Armadillo) wanders out in front of us (you), when it suddenly all goes wrong and that is the End of Everything. It is also the point when you realise just how fast you are going as bits fly about in random chaos.

 Talking of the end of Everything . . . .  I have mentioned that the 21^st September is the End of the World, and now you know why . . . . . . . Damn those Cosmic Armadillos. 

Can we beat the Laws of Probability. . . . . The Big Question.

Here we are again at the very edge of yet another Big Question one that folk often asked in many a scientific research establishment or the great corridors of the worlds Universities or even the slightly dark and dodgy looking bookie just off the high street. You know the one with the nondescript window and fading sign. What they all want to know is . . . . Can we beat the Laws of Probability. . . . . Yes folk have been working on this since the beginning of time and the answer is complex to say the least.

The simple answer would be. . . Yes and No but not always . . .  But that is not the sort of answer you have come here to read about is it. . . .  But if it is well mmmmmm that’s it then you can go now and do exciting stuff. . . . . . .  .

Well we all know the principle, toss a coin into the air insuring it spins and the Laws of Probability will state that the likelihood it will land either heads up or tails up proportionally will be just under 50/50.  It is just under 50/50 because the Laws of Probability state there is a very small possibility it could land on its edge. Do this four times in a row and the probability of getting the sequence right is (4*4*2) + (4*2) +2 plus the unknown element of the coin landing on its edge, something that is unlikely but possible. (OK I have done this maths in my head so if I’m wrong YA SUCKS BOO)

Now turn this into a horse race where there are a huge number of significantly substantial variables which affect the result and it is possible to see why bookies are well off and gamblers are poor.  But of course the Law of probabilities can be applied to many highly important aspects of Science not the least of which involves two rain drops running down the window of a Nuclear Research Laboratory where the scientists have to calculate the angle of the wind and the pattern of the other drops of rain on the window. Remember each rain drop will collect more rain as it descends.   And therefore Science will tell us that the drop nearest the centre of the window will be the 5 to 1 odds on favourite to win the race. Allowing Professor Clarke to recover his losses from his impetuous bet in the snail race along the reactor floor, after his foolish bet on the larger British Garden Snail.  It is a common fact that its larger foot would make it susceptible to increased heat from the reactor. Had Professor Clarke applied the Laws of Probability to the snail race correctly he would have know this and not lost 87p betting on the nose.  The snail has since became a superhero due to unforeseen and highly improbable side effects worked out to be 119,5555,321 to 1 making the research establishments tea lady a very rich woman.  She never did understand the Laws of Probability, but likes to read Marvel comics.         

So can we beat the Laws of Probability, well the answer we can now see is clearly . . . . .

Yes and No but not always . . . . . . . . . . DAMN.

Perpetual Motion Machines and Naked Charity Calendars analyzed . . .(PART 3)

As I stated yesterday, clearly the only form of Perpetual Motion Machine that is going to work is a Nano Sub Atomic Particle Perpetual Motion Machine, but it is never going to be any good on a nude charity calendar of Scientists and Perpetual Motion machines so ironically science is left with the only thing it can do and use those classic old Victorian Machines which although failing to perform as Perpetual Motion Machines do have a classic beauty that the working machine would lack. And they are just large enough to keep some modesty.  

However a terrible dilemma indeed for Science, as in order to produce the perfect calendar it is necessary to use a device that any scientist who knows their stuff would know does not work.  In particular the Newtonian Speak Your Weight Perpetual Motion Machine as demonstrated by our substitute nude Scientist, Miss Traction Engine 2014 winner of the Cleethorpes Spring Steam fair. . . . Scientists are never going to appear nude with a novelty machine like that.

As someone once said in a film about Science . . . . Beauty Killed the Beast . . . . . It appears Miss Traction Engine 2014 objected to the Newtonian Speak Your Weight Perpetual Motion Machine shouting out 15 stone 10 pounds. And I think I have now said more than enough on the subject and will now move on to new and as yet unknown questions of our time.  DAMN I need a new Question. . .

Ooooo I may have finally sorted a very troublesome computer, they can be stubborn things. I have noted my new idea looking at the great questions of our time is going down like a lead balloon with the punters, but I am not yet deterred, I just need a few popular issues to discuss. . . .I’m not good at popular, you should see me at parties.

Perpetual Motion Machines and Naked Charity Calendars analyzed . . .(PART 1)

As you all know in my new professional role as a professional blogger I am dealing with the great questions of modern life.  Now in the old days these questions would all be profound ones like. . . Is the world Round. . . .  Where can I find the perfect vegetable to create the chip butty. . . . What are those small wiggly things in that pond?  But most of these questions have long been answered and dealt with in great detail. So the big questions of today are a strange mix.

Having dealt succinctly with the issue of Zombies riding a bicycle I am moving on to two new Questions that arose as a result, as this is how my blog now progresses.  The first of these two questions is can you resolve the issues connected to perpetual energy and the creation therefore of the Perpetual Motion Machine. A device which has eluded the efforts of man for hundreds of years (until now or maybe PART 2).  The second question, and this is where the ways of modern life have changed what constitutes the big questions of the day. . . .Is. . . .  What has brought about the perpetual increase in nude charity calendars at Christmas?

 Some would say the issues thrown up by the two questions have little if any common ground but nothing could be further from the truth.  Both involve the desire to do something rather voyeuristic in its nature, lets face it most of us are unlikely to take our clothes off and appear on calendars (although the numbers appear to be growing). And the Perpetual Motion Machine is a rather voyeuristic device as it has to recycle all its energy and therefore is ultimately pointless, making it the greatest most useless invention in the entire universe.

But it does mean that the ultimate expression of voyeurism that anyone could express today would be as a naked Scientist depending entirely for any modesty on a Perpetual Motion Machine on a charity Calendar.   Now where is that Professor Brian Cox when you need him? Weirdly he turned up on Radio 4 this morning . . . . Well spooky, bearing in mind the timing of my drawing (Last Night)……  

Well as you can imagine I was left with a right old problem drawing that picture I don’t think the massed masses of the general public appreciate that sitting down with a bit of paper and a ballpoint pen at eleven o’clock in the evening for half an hour or so to draw a naked scientist and a Perpetual Motion Machine is harder than it looks.

I feel I need to deal with the technical detail of the Charity Nude Calendar in PART 2   

We sadly had to go to Fred’s Funeral today. . . . So Farewell Fred, A man of many talents who enjoyed a Bacon Butty.