A Brief Guide to the Principles of Evolution, Biodiversity and the Herd Instinct

I can hear some of you saying . . . How come we humans have two legs and two arms and a head and stuff. . . . .  and it’s a good question. You see it’s all to do with evolution and although humans are a smug bunch who like to say to every other beast on the planet Ya Sucks Boo the truth is we are not as unique as some would have you think. You see just think how many critters have four limbs and a head at the front end, and dispose of food at the other, the list is huge.  Even birds have four limbs; it’s just that two have turned into wings giving them a rather clever method to get about. Whereas in our case the front limbs are arms and the back ones legs, allowing us to do stuff like ride a bicycle and poke about inside our ears with our fingers or type blogs about Evolution.

Evolution of course is a long process it takes time. . . . (I say time but as we learnt previously time does not exist it is merely a ratio of the movement of individual things in relation to the movement of other things as defined by the movement of a particular object used as the standard. . . . . but folk call it time). . . . . . . . Man now sees himself as Top Dog in this process which is very silly as we are not dogs, and shows the foolishness of us humans.  You see mankind is a relative newcomer to planet Earth and some critters have been about for ages and there are more of them too. But in most cases these critters are small, big critters have certain issues in terms of survival, they need space, they are susceptible to environmental change and humans like to eat them or jab at them with pointy sticks a bit, as its fun.

Now as time passes evolution would normally predict that biodiversity will increase, but us humans are always keen to eat new species so most of the meal sized things are sort of becoming extinct.   One of the odder aspects of man is that we are critters of habit and could be classed as one of the worlds herd animals like Cows or Wildebeest, an old survival instinct from the days when we were shoals of fish and huge prehistoric scary things ate us.  This is why we tend to take revenge on big beasts now and get our own back by eating them, but our in built herd instinct is also why we all wander round IKEA and huge shopping precincts in a rather predictable way allowing ourselves to be brainwashed into buying loads of rubbish like plastic dinosaurs.               

One final experiment you could try yourself, get two friends to dress up in raggedy clothes and cover them in tomato sauce, then get them to stagger out of the public toilets on a busy street as you shout Lookout Zombies Zombies run for your life . . . . . .  I think you will find folk will run on mass in the opposite direction much like the Wildebeest do from a Chinese herbalist.     

What is Time . . . . A Simple Guide to the Origin of Time

I not sure about you lot but in this part of the world it is getting distinctly darker earlier in the evening meaning that summer is over and Autumn has arrived. As it happened today was a nice sunny day and the fact it is just after seven o’clock in the evening as I write this (I will be eating my evening meal soon so bear that in mind)  and getting darker by the second shows us that the year is rapidly vanishing into winter.

And this made me think about time, yes this really is a Big Question today, although it’s not as complex as you might think.  You see if you think about what mankind has used as its reference of time over history.  Starting with rising of the sun and the summer and winter solstice, which is why many of the old sacred sights such as Stonehenge are large clocks aligned to these events. Of course things have moved on and we now have time based on the caesium atom which is seriously accurate, you will never be late for meeting using a continuous cold caesium fountain atomic clock.

However all these clocks sort of miss the key issue involved in time, they all are based on moving things even if these days it’s tiny really really tiny. So the point is TIME can only exist while things move, even if the things moving are tiny like atoms or electrons.  In other words time does not exist it is merely a way of expressing movement from point A to Point B.  Remember the Big Bang theory says before the Big Bang time did not exist (I’m not making this up) and that is because nothing moved not even atoms. But even the tiniest movement of a single electron (or Chicken) would create (time - movement) and the Universe all in one huge explosion.

Which brings us to chickens they understand time better than you think; what is one of the earliest forms of measuring a fixed time . . . .? The Egg Timer . . .  a device entirely evolved by chickens. And that old saying which folk can't ever answer. . . . Why Did The Chicken Cross the Road. . . . It was a way of travelling a fixed distance to access the accuracy of the egg timer, allowing the calculation of the horizontal movement of the chicken at a fixed speed against the gravitational forces on the egg timer.  It is a little known fact that chickens were the first creatures to attempt time travel. . . . OK YES they were rubbish at it but they tried.  

I may be up for yet another Nobel Prize again. . . . 

Perpetual Motion Machines and Naked Charity Calendars analyzed . . .(PART 2) and introducing Professor Brian Cox

After craftily skimming over all the issues involved in creating the ultimate nude charity calendar of Scientists and Perpetual Motion machines I think it is time to deal with the whole subject in more detail, fundamentally getting to the Bottom (no pun intended) of things.   Interestingly there are two very difficult issues to deal with in creating this particular nude charity calendar that need to be discussed. Firstly the Perpetual Motion Machine is a tricky device to create many have tried and failed, and secondly Scientists generally don’t appear on calendars naked.

Starting with basic principles we all know that a perpetual Motion Machine is a closed loop device and in order to work 100% of the energy in the loop has to stay in the loop. In the old days when man made rather nice Victorian looking machines (The so called Victorian Era) many a chap would construct things that had gears and weights that moved about in a grand fancy looking loop. Simply put they all worked on the same idea. . . .The thing being pushed or pulled was pushed or pulled by the thing pushing or pulling it . . . . (Remember for later)  Simple yes but flawed because of the unseen losses in the loop none of the devices were true closed loop systems. They all were subject to the laws of physics and so gravity results in friction, heat loss, energy lost to the outside environment in small but significant ways, resulting in a less than 100% energy transfer around the loop and failure.

So I can here you type if you are such a smart arse what is the solution to these issues that have left the world of science and even that Professor Brian Cox floundering about scratching their heads and saying . . . . . It’s the engines Captain they’ll nay take it. . . . . Hang on that’s not right.  Well the solution is simple yet extremely difficult and very small. Yes there is only one way to beat the world of the basic laws of Physics and that is to use Quantum Mechanics and make a Sub Atomic Particle Perpetual Motion Machine.  It sounds tricky you would need better eyesight than I have but once you get that small stuff changes and gets weird really weird. Particles can be made to be in two different places at the same time. Remember what I wrote earlier . . . . The thing being pushed or pulled was pushed or pulled by the thing pushing or pulling it . . . . Well with a Sub Atomic Particle Perpetual Motion Machine it changes to . . . . . .  The thing being pushed or pulled is pushed or pulled by two things that were pushed or pulled by it. . . . . . In other words it has a boast of energy in the loop in order to keep it going for eternity or in other words Perpetual Motion or Perpetual Energy. It is why atoms never stop moving and stuff like that.

            

OK tomorrow we can integrate this into the bigger picture for June on the ultimate nude charity calendar of Scientists and Perpetual Motion Machines, and then I will be available for a Nobel Prize round about Christmas. That’s if some Scientist does not nick my idea first, mentioning no names Mr Professor Brian Cox. . . . .  or Mr October as he is know.

A new colourful theory about Neanderthal man and the origin of Art

Last night as I struggled to draw something interesting like a mad dog eating a Vampire Lemming that had been distracted by the arrival of Mechanical Zombie Aliens riding giant Goats. The thought went through my mind that where did all this drawing stuff start. The reason I thought that was because my drawing was taking on a distinct prehistoric image, more dinosaur (the Fidosaurous) than dog. The earliest drawings of course being those of strange beasts on the walls of caves by Stone Age man some ten thousand plus years ago.

As I pondered this thinking why would they suddenly do this (draw and paint on cave walls), after all Lions and Bears don’t, I had this sudden flash of genius. You see if you look at the last few ancient tribes that live in the world today, one of the things they like to do is dress up in costume and paint their faces and bodies.  Most folk even now like a good party or carnival and will paint their faces and dress up in fancy dress and feathers at the drop of a hat.

So it is a small step from covering yourself in paint and leaping about with your mates to using the paint on the walls of your cave to cheer it up a bit. . . . . This may not sound very exciting but it is, because what it implies is early Neanderthal man was not just a hairy club carrying grey sort of chap, but was a colourful and bright chap with each tribe doing its own distinct thing to distinguish it from its rivals.

Now some of you will be saying that is all well and good but so what . . . . . Well I am letting the world know of my theory of the origin of Art and the shock news that the very early ancestors of mankind were in fact a jolly colourful bunch. . . . By announcing this now I should be in time to get some sort of award before the end of the year, something shiny with my name on it is large letters. . . . . A Nobel Prize for History would be good, to go with the one for Science. . . .   

Rotation biased management in the working environment and the life story of a chicken

I have spent the day doing practical things such as drilling holes with a drill screwing screws in with a screw driver and sawing stuff to the right size, when I say the right size I really mean it is righter than it was before I attacked it with a saw but it is not exactly accurate. You see accurate is an abstract concept, as different things need a different degree of accuracy and I in general try to stick with things where I can go OOOOOOooooo that’s about right, after a wave of a finger and making a few Guesstimates with a pencil. Do you know that in nearly half a millions words of writing my diary that is the first time I have used the word Guesstimate (OK twice now).

While doing all this stuff with Esmeralda and Freddie and his ferret and various other pupils from our posh (well the facade at the front is posh) Academy (school to us normal chaps),   I noticed that most folk are right handed and a small percentage such as myself left handed, but I also noticed something else a result of using power tools with long cables, there is another factor it appears we are also either clockwise biased or anticlockwise biased. If two clockwise biased people use the same power tool the power cable will get all twisted up which is dead annoying but if an anticlockwise person works with a clockwise person the cable will not get twisted because there is no overall rotation of the tool or the cable. So the perfect working relationship for doing DIY would be left and a right handed people, who are also clockwise and anticlockwise biased. I think this discovery is highly important to the workplace; and my observation of rotation biased management in the working environment should win me a Nobel Prize for sure, well it better or someone will not be happy.

One small thing has come to mind over the 500,000 words or so I have so far written in my diary, I am not including comments and my responses to comments that would be just scary, is I have used loads of different words.  You see yet another one used tonight (Guesstimate) and I have used loads over time, much more than that William Shakespeare chap who surprisingly used fewer than most people suspect,  and he made a few up. I believe it is said he used 31 and a half words in total and wrote a total of just under 900,000  in total, so I have used loads more words than he did and done it all in just one diary…..   

If anyone is wondering why the picture is of the chicken tonight he has also written his whole life story in 31 and a half words……. When asked how he felt about his publication he said . . . . . . . He was just a self of his former shell . . . . . . HAH HAHAHHAH HAHAHH Hah hah ah hahah hahah ah hahah ha hah ahhaha hah ha hah ah ahhah hahah ha hah ah hah ha hah ahahah a