Its Me

Yes I thought I would pass by and say hello. I am working on a cunning plan, only I am working on it very slowly, as I have never been one for rushing about on the grounds it is not good for you. Now that I am old and battered I can't rush anyway, but the fact I am old and battered does tend to prove not rushing about is not a bad thing. Anyway I am in the process of writing a book, I have so far written two, one of which has been proofread and the other is in the process of being proofread. I am also drawing images for a friend who is writing the second book in a series about a cat. So as you can see I am a busy chap

This is one of the pictures I drew, but it was not suitable, and it does have a few issues so there is a second version of it for the book about the cat which will be tweaked to look posh and hide any mistakes (the images not the book).. I never mind too much. One other interesting thing I have done today is make a tall marble run. I bought the thing to keep my youngest grandson amused ages ago, only he has not seen it yet, however it keeps me amused from time to time, and is an entirely stress free pastime 

 

Everyone Loves a Chap with a Fine Line Pen and a bit of spare time

I am quietly working my way through a few well known paintings although I'm drawing them rather than painting them which would take far too long and I am far too old to do such things as well as not having the patience to complete such tasks. Anyway my last picture was American Gothic. Not really a lot of room for Artistic Licence with this one so I stuck fairly close to the original I have now started on my next drawing of what is a very well known painting here in Britain it is The Monarch of the Glen. Not what I was planning to draw but it turned up on a TV show and I thought OOOooooooo that is ideal.

An A to Z Coronavirus observational guide. . . X

X

Factor X

Yes I bet you were all wondering how I was going to deal with X  . . . . So was I…

Factor X you see refers to all those odd thoughts and anomalies that have cropped up since Britain and indeed most of the world have had to cope with Covid-19 and Lockdown. As there are little things that crop up from time to time that make me ponder; sometimes a bit and sometimes a lot. From the irrational panic buying of toilet tissue at the start of our journey; I notice toilet rolls are now quite common again. To the way some TV shows have tried to cope with the fact they have to undertake them from the disadvantage of having half the folk trapped at home in lockdown.

And that brings me to my own first and rather curious observation. You see on TV right now if you watch news or interviews or even at times the weather you find as a result of isolation you see someone in their own home in front of the wall of their home office, Kitchen, living or dining room and rather than listen to what they say I find myself thinking stuff like. . . . . . What a boring room or what a terrible picture or as I thought only the other night that’s an odd way to hang your pictures.

I was also slightly curious that we have been told vitamin D is good for us however sitting out in the sun which is the natural way to obtain vitamin D has always been frowned upon in the past because of the risk of skin cancer. Only it seems this is now a good thing, but because of lockdown we are not allowed to sit in the sun. . . . .

There are many anomalies and curious things that crop up in connection with Covid-19. I still find it curious that ethnic minorities appear to be suffering badly and as yet there are no obvious reasons for this.

It is also interesting that some folk seen to be driving like mad looneys on the roads I noticed that one was recorded at over 130mph in a 40mph limit the other day . . . . . Why? That’s madness. 

And folk are home baking like mad and also knitting a lot more, even I have made flat bread recently

A hat in a different light can be a grand hat

An A to Z Coronavirus observational guide. . . H

H

Hands

Folk might say to you

“Here exactly how do I catch this Coronavirus thing called Covid-19”

Well just reply to them “Hands” if the answer is “My names not Hans” best to just explain that it comes from Mars or Venus or something. And tin foil wrapped around their head is useful.

However if they say “Hands?” then you can explain the following

You see this virus prefers to be inside the human body rather than out of it. Once inside, it then has a battle with the body’s own immune system and all being well the body wins and the virus is defeated. The tricky bit for the virus is being a virus it lacks stuff like legs or wings. The best it can do is float about in the air for a bit and then end up on some sort of surface for a while hoping to catch a ride on a new victim.

It can get out of the body fairly easily as we cough sneeze poke at our nose and stuff like that. So the virus takes a sort of leap of faith so to speak. Now you might breathe it in if you are right next to the person when this happens which is why we all need to keep a decent space between us all. But much of the time the virus will end up on things like doors, hands. Money, cups, plates, the cat, in fact anything but it prefers hard surfaces rather than stuff like wool or cotton because it can survive a bit longer.

So the issue is if you touch a surface that has been contaminated by Covid-19 and then touch you face, eyes or nose then you are at risk. And we touch our faces subconsciously a lot. No seriously we do it far more than we realize, particularly if you are wearing one of those masks. They may help if you are in close proximity to someone with the virus, but out and about it is your hands that are the dodgy thing so . . . . . . WASH YOUR HANDS . . . . Yep if you go somewhere wash them as soon as you can after touching things and try and avoid touching your face before washing your hands. . . . It is important. Lots of folk are wearing gloves but remember the virus will happily sit on the outside of those gloves and if you consequently touch the outside and you then touch your face you gain nothing.

Wearing masks by the way out in the world while you are mingling about are useful if you have the virus as it will help stop it leaping about a bit. But on the other hand you should not be out if you suspect you have it as you could potentially  make a lot of folk very poorly.



Since writing this the question of the importance of masks has cropped up again. Some are now saying the public should use them. However personally I tend to think wearing a mask will make folk a bit more complacent and realistically you should wear a new one each time you go out. And they are not easy to buy unless you pay silly blackmarket prices to dodgy folk and I am not doing that. 

An Update of an Ever Unreliable Diary about Stuff

MMMMmmmm Hello yes I know it’s 2020, how did that happen. Well as you know our cat Sooty had a terrible accident and that was the last post. Since then many things have happened. From Boris Johnson becoming the new British Prime Minister and then winning an election. From a personal point of view I think this will not be good, but who am I to know; I’m just a chap keeping a low profile in a world that us humans are and have made slightly worse than it was before we arrived. Although that is entirely subjective depending on your view point. Dodos however think humans are terrible things, or they did before we ate them all.

Right back to the point we have also gained a new cat something we said we were not planning to do. What we decided was we would not look for a cat, but if a cat found us we would look after it. And sure enough as a direct result of our favourite vet we ended up with another black cat which we have now called Snowy. We were told it was about 5 but we suspect it may be nearer 10. It is certainly very quiet and chilled and does like a good sleep and is often in bed till about ten thirty in the morning.

We have had a couple of trips to hospital and the Ghost Writers wife is due to have a new all singing and dancing hip in a few weeks.

There is a tiny leak in the workshop and also the summerhouse, the result of a rather wet winter, but these can’t be fixed until the rain stops. I have a feeling that it will not be long until something rather profound happens on the planet that will have folk saying . . . . . . . WHAT . . . . How did that happen . . . .

I don’t know what this will be or when but I do think it will be sooner rather than later. However as I have already said I am just a chap and know nothing.

Right that’s it I’m off now. Not sure when I will return, but if something profound happens I’ll be here saying    . . . . I told you so and being all snug while fending off an Alien, Zombie or squid with a pointy stick.

Not really Groundhog Day and Ice Cream . . .

(30 . . .)

It's strange how a chaps day can sort of take on the feeling of Groundhog Day. Although it was with different wood 6 years ago and I did actually have the tools and also did some shopping. But apart from that, and eating different food; and several other things, OOOoooooo and I achieved something today which was good. BUT apart from all that my diary entry of six years ago has an uncanny resemblance to today  . . . Although I am seriously older now; back then I was the Young Eccentric Child of Cyberspace, but I probably just grumbled too much and the secret of my old age became known to all.

And I have also discovered today that ice-cream is regarded as a highly processed food and will reduce life expectancy. Unfortunately I have just finished a large bowl of ice cream having put walnuts, chocolate things and maple syrup on the ice cream. On the positive side the nuts are good for me; the maple syrup is the real stuff as is the chocolate. The ice cream was also good quality vanilla ice cream. I do have a theory that as long as you eat real foods not cheap rubbish then you can eat what you like and it is OK. It’s a good theory and serves me well. Plainly you should not get too carried away with eating too much that would not be good.

Right that diary entry from way back for you to read.

Six years ago today

I have not achieved a great deal today, it has been that sort of day I looked at a little job involving some tongue and groove panelling but did not have the things I needed, so sort of waved the various bits about shook my head a lot pointed and said OOOOOO SORRY MADAM IT NEEDS A NEW THERMITECHNIC SCREW ADJUSTER like all good plumbers and then said I WOULD BE BACK TWO WEEKS NEXT THURSDAY. However mum said I was not a plumber I was an IDIOT and sent me out to do things elsewhere, but I knew where here was and I knew where there was but I could not find elsewhere. Despite asking everyone I ran into (I say ran into I was walking and did not make any physical contact) such as the Banshees and the Lemmings of Petrograd, who were playing leap frog ( Lemmings, leap frog . . . . .HAH HAHAHHAHAHH HAH ha hah ah hah ah ahahhah ha ha ha) a few Zombies, a few Cows, a Raven, The Dark Creature of the Undergrowth, Mr Jones, Esmeralda and Freddie. Who have formed a new group called ‘Watching Alien Invasion Tactics’ or WAIT for short. Apparently Mr Jones often chases aliens through the woods shouting WAIT  . . . . . . TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER.

Hang on what was I saying  . . . . . . AH YES elsewhere; when I asked everyone I was looking for elsewhere they would generally scratch their heads ask if I meant here and when I said no they would suggest over there but I was not looking for there I was looking for elsewhere. I spent a lot of time doing that until I worked out I had been here there and everywhere, although not elsewhere.

 You can see how a chaps day can vanish like sand through the fingers of a little old ladies hand when pursuing such a task. Strangely it is the sort of task (searching for elsewhere not pouring sand through fingers) us chaps will do for hours and women tend not too, even for five minutes, although I don’t know why?

.....................

My diary is a lot more rational these days, not like it was back then. . . . . . Sorry about that.

Mmmmmm My feet

The predictability of the predictable and parallel universes

I know it has nothing to do with the subject

As the British all head off to vote or have voted or are not voting, I was just thinking this is one of those points in the history of a nation where a parallel universe would be damn useful. You see one of the great dilemmas of the stay/leave EU referendum is that no one for sure will ever know exactly what the outcome would have been if instead of stay the leave vote won (or visa-versa although I suspect stay will win by a whisker). You see which ever option wins folk will say in a few months or years . . . . There you go I told you so. . . .  But you can only do that if you know for certain what would have happened if the opposite thing had happened, only it didn’t. . . I hope that makes sense, sort of.

History is scattered with events where a small decision here or there changes the course of world history.  Sometimes it can be something where the consequences of a simple choice cannot be predicted either way. To me the EU referendum is such a choice. We can say many things and make many assessments but if ever there was a good example of Chaos theory in practice it has to be the workings of the European Union. It looks like it is an organised structure but under the surface are a million individuals all doing there bit to make a decent living, pay all the bills, look after their families while trying to hold the whole EU thing together while the politicians and the public complain. Some are honest some have their fingers in the EU till some are efficient and some are completely incompetent, that is the way life works when lots of folk all work together in one organisation. Just look at the National Health Service. I have had more than my fair share of being poked about by the NHS in the past stitching me back together and I can say with some certainty the staff are an eclectic bunch of mixed abilities from the brilliant to the terrible.

Anyway back to the point tomorrow as we wake up and think. . .  OMG we voted to do WHAT?. . . .  don’t worry because in a parallel universe somewhere there is a you that voted the opposite way and has woken up and is thinking. . .  OMG we voted to do WHAT?. . . .  An for a brief moment in time the two universes will converge before heading off in opposite directions never to be the same again.

I would love to see the outcome of both in and out in ten years time so that I could go . . . . well I did not expect that to happen but I don’t think I will. . . Well not the same me anyway and the other me will not tell me a thing (he is as grumpy as I am)   

Ooooooooo sorry damn I got slightly distracted by things so my post is a bit late and it appears the voting is done and the win for stay now predicted . . . . . don’t you just hate the predictability of the predictable. Still in the end a bit of chaos theory will have us saying . . .   OMG WHAT?. . . . but maybe not tomorrow.        

How I never became a Hero

Today I plan to tell you a true story of a heroic nature, OK I think it was heroic because I did the heroic deed. It is an event that happened many many years ago as in a seriously long time ago when I was about twenty or there about.  At the time I was an Electro-Mechanical engineering apprentice, well either that or I had just finished my apprenticeship and I worked in a lab in a huge engineering business in one of those post war new towns. The fact it was a post war new town is important because this particular one had a network of cycle paths and footpaths that weaved about under the roads with nice wide sloping grass banks to keep the cars and pedestrians apart. All part of the optimistic design ideas for post war towns at the time.

Now living in this environment it was not uncommon when the weather was nice for me to walk home from work even though it was about a mile and a half. It was still quicker than driving due to volume of traffic. Well one particular summers evening as I was wandering under one of the pedestrian/ cycle underpasses which went under a dual carriageway a rather formally dressed chap in front of me who was just emerging out of the subway set off running like a bat out of hell. Not something you see every day and that’s for sure, well as I was a few feet or so behind him as I emerged to my left coming down the hill and bouncing out of control on the grass banks was a large truck with no driver. Luckily as I watched it heading towards me it ran up one of the grass banks stopped and then rolled backwards before starting to continue its trip down the hill. This gave me the opportunity to run up and leap into the cab before it gained too much speed and I was able to hit the foot brake to stop it just before it attempted to go under one of the pedestrian bridges. That was just as well as the truck cab was about three feet higher than the bridge and I might have got a bit squashed. Well as I sat there pondering where the handbrake was the driver turned up, apparently he had got out of his cab to ask directions and his truck set off without him. He was very panicked so I had to sit with him to get him back on the road and to the factory he was delivering too.

Once I got him there I then wandered back home thinking OOOOooo very heroic maybe I will be in the local paper looking heroic. . . Well about half an hour later the police turned up at the scene of the accident as it was visible from where I lived, so I went and said I had stopped the runaway truck and had taken it and the driver to a local factory, they then sped off without even asking my name, and that was that.

I never got to be a hero. . . and although it sounds a bit scary to tell the truth I did much scarier stuff when I worked offshore in the very early 1980’s when it was still a bit gung-ho.

But if that had happened today it would be all over YouTube and social-media and I would be able to look heroic and say . . . No it just all in a day’s work.  Being somewhat old and knackered now I suspect I would never catch a runaway truck these days and folk would point and laugh, But I did have the satisfaction at the time to note that everyone else ran screaming and panicking and I as a stubborn rebellious bloke (always was and always will be) did not.

Now this story is entirely true in every detail it all happened as I have detailed and I never became a hero, which makes you wonder just how many folk do heroic stuff and never get any recognition for it, I bet it happens most days.

An almost rational reason why I plan to vote to leave the European Union

I thought I would have a quick break from Poetry today and do Politics (sorry about that).

Have you noticed that here in Britain the great debate about should we vote to stay in or leave Europe is starting to look slightly silly as each side raises the stakes like a mad game of Poker. . . . I will match your World War Three and raise you pestilence and Armageddon as a result of aliens from Venus.  It is getting harder to get any real idea about what the best thing to do is. Certainly the stay campaign has the greatest clout because the bulk of the establishment are scared of change and the unknown, so they are doing a great job of ensuring that leaving looks like total madness.

Well it may surprise some, but I plan to vote to leave and there are rational reasons for this and also one very non-rational reason. Firstly I need to say as I have said before I am a bit left wing (not very, just a bit) and unlike a lot of the out voters I would be happy to let more refugees into the UK, particularly from Syria. Ooooo I get annoyed by British politicians and now the EU with feeble excuses not to help people who are fleeing a terrible war, most of whom are just decent ordinary folk.

In theory the principles of the EU should appeal to me, I mean I voted to join in the first place (OK yes I’m a bit old). I believe in equality and a level playing field in life for all, and that we should protect the vulnerable and the weak. All stuff which the EU is meant to stand for. When I voted to join all those years ago I was hoping we would be part of a single currency, and that it would be possible to travel about in Europe as easily as nipping up the road to Scotland. We would be one big happy community, smiling hugging each other and having a good life.

But is that what happened No the EU  has turned into a huge bureaucratic semi opaque monster, I don’t know if money is spent wisely or not and there seem to be more dodgy deals and . . . I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine stuff going on than one can shake a seagull at. The politics of Europe are becoming polarized and based on self interest with the Euro on the brink of yet another crisis. In fact I suspect the Euro crisis may have been delayed a bit until we have our vote, or am I just being a bit cynical. . .maybe.  So my main reason not to remain is that I do not believe that the long term future of the EU is looking good. The stay in campaign say we would enter a recession if we leave, but if the Euro starts to fail and we are part of Europe then that will happen anyway. Right now I just feel Britain may have more control of its economic future and the well being of its population outside the European Union. I am just an ordinary man on the street I may be wrong I don’t know, but I can only do what I feel is right long term.

I did also say I have one very irrational reason why I am voting Leave, it is a very simple one. Both David Cameron and Tony Blair have said they intend to vote to stay in . . . I do not know them personally but Oooooooo they both annoy me with their smug I am better that you attitude

OK there you have it I will vote Leave I don’t know it that is right or not but I suspect Britain will Stay in just on the shear amount of doom stories the government is managing to get into the news. And even I am not of fan of the . . .  . We don’t want all these foreigners over here . . . . attitude of some of the Leave supporters. Why is there a them and us approach to all this; Britain will not sail off into the sunset and we will still be part of Europe come what may.

If we do stay in and the EU economy very quickly starts to go into crisis I promise not to say I told you so. . . . . when I say promise I am in fact lying. . . . I will  

Another day in the life of a blogger

Yesterday Mr Chris our friendly builder and master of many trades arrived about half an hour before we were due to head off for an Indian meal with friends; he had arrived with a vital part for the central heating.  Luckily although we did not have time to change the vital part we were able to remove the old part (the motorised valve drive) to prove that my assessment of the fault was in fact correct. Then before Mr Chris ran away he left the valve fixed in the central heating only position. This means the central heating is working rather well and not being overridden by the hot water thermostat, so although today has been rather chilly the house is nice and toasty and the office radiator is seriously hot. This is rather novel and has not been the case for months.

My trusty vehicle which has been at the garage for a couple of days has returned a bit dented on one of the front wings and although I don’t mind as the car is old, it is a bit annoying as it drives rather well now. The garages are really good and have said they will investigate and will give the car a look at next week.  I have said many times to many folk, never get too attached to a car as scratches and dents are an everyday hazard and if you get worried then you will go mad each time they gain another small injury of some sort. To tell the truth I never clean or wash the car and it is usually full of rubbish and stuff such as an axe, a crowbar, gloves, bits of wood, several small cheap kites and maybe a plastic rat and various things of the unknown.

Funnily enough in the post this morning arrived one of those Car Digital Vehicle Recording camera systems, so if I end up in a bump I will have recorded evidence of what happened. In the old days folk would be honest and admit things but sadly those days have long since become a thing of the past. Now folk blame the other driver, seagulls, trees, snowmen or Zombies.

My eyes seem to be a bit better now than they were and I am also feeling a little more bouncy again and with luck a decent spell of spring weather might turn up soon too.  Finally I noticed on the Midlands news that the British Quidditch Cup is taking place this weekend, now personally all I can say is a sport designed to be played on a flying broomstick either needs to be left to wizards or they need to lose the broomstick entirely. Just a small personally view point that will not make a blind bit of a difference to anything.   

Wizards, Ravens and Old Age

I was planning to write something witty and clever tonight, maybe a cunning tale of a wizard who having got trapped by the general day to day life in the world of wizards decides he will go off and pursue the fabled Ravens of Infinity. Interestingly one of the big issues about being a wizard in the world of wizards is you are just another wizard, but that is not exactly the point, the point was it was my plan to write about him (the wizard). Well it was either write about a wizard or it was to write yet another poem that would leave everyone stunned thinking . . . .Well that was a bit of a shock. . . .  However as you can probably tell by now neither of these things has happened and you might be wondering why. . . . OK I plan to tell you anyway.

You see just at present various important parts of my body are not entirely working as they should be, this is very annoying indeed. I mean I appear to have a doggy liver, dodgy eyes and a dodgy brain which is probably not helped by having dodgy eyes. Having a dodgy liver is rather annoying as someone who never drinks and never really has, but apparently as we get older stuff packs up. Which seems a bit unfair exactly what was Gods idea in doing that then, just as you get the hang of life bits of you start to fall off.

So rather than some brilliant post about something brilliant today's post is in fact me having a bit of a grumble. I did have a kipper for lunch which was rather yummy although I suspect the kipper (herring) might argue that it is alright for me to complain but someone ate him/her and that is just not nice. To tell the truth I don’t entirely disagree with the herring, but life fundamentally eats life and it’s no good saying you are a vegetarian or vegan because plants are a life form just like me. Even the humble salted peanut given a bit of a chance would have preferred to grow into a small planty bush sort of thing.  Mind you plants have one advantage over me as a human they can lose the odd branch or two and will not complain about it a lot. Even insects have the ability to replace various parts with time.  Unfortunately all my dodgy bits are not easily replaced even though there are those that insist my brain has been rubbish for years and I probably would work better without it.

Don’t worry though because I have a pointy stick and I plan to wave it at God for at least the next twenty five years or so demanding that he sorts out the laws of nature logically so that all those nature programs on the tele where a cute thing (me) is eaten by a thing that is not cute (not me) become a thing of the past.

Now all I need to do is come up with a clever poem for tomorrow. . . . . no rest for the wicked or folk with dodgy parts. . . Actually I really need to get new glasses at present too because it is getting to the point I cant read what I am writing or drawing so can only do this is short spells.  I mean my typing was bad when I could see what I was typing so this is a wing and prayer stuff at present.

Not Winning the National Lottery

I will be back here in June, its a grand place

near Inverness

Once a week I buy a Euro millions lottery ticket on a Friday and a national lottery ticket on a Saturday. Now you might say that these days since they sneakily added extra numbers as well as increasing the price to two pounds, the odds of winning as so long that it is almost pointless doing it. Well I would entirely agree with you except for one small issue which now has me trapped. You see since the lottery started a few years ago, probably a few more than I think. I have always used the same numbers on the grounds that based on the principles of probability I would win a modest sum sometime in the next thousand years.  Well that would have been true until they added all these extra draws and then added extra numbers, which now means the principles of probability state that I am more likely to win a tap dancing competition on the moon that win the lottery in the next five hundred thousand years even if I bought a thousand tickets a week.

I refuse to buy more tickets but if I don’t buy my ticket on Friday and Saturday how would I feel if the numbers I use and have always used actually win . . . . I would not be a happy chap so I am well and truly trapped not so much by the dream of winning but by the dread of not winning on the basis that I might actually discover that my numbers did come up on a week I did not have a ticket. I bet (no pun intended) there is a fancy technical name for this but sadly I don’t know it.

O course we all have our little dreams about what we would do if we won the lottery although I do have to point out we should all pursue those dreams as best we can and not think . . . . When I win the lottery I will. . . . . As I have stated you could wait many thousands of years.  But even so, I do have my little dreams about what I might do if I won.  I would not move house I am lucky to live in a nice place but I might buy a small second home near the coast up in Scotland. I love the sea and worked offshore while living in Scotland so it sort of makes sense to rekindle some of those old memories of being an old seadog leaping from boat to ship to platform to crane barge and back again.  And although it’s a stereotypical thing to do I would buy a posh new car. No not some stupid supercar that you cant even get a cat basket in, but a decent 4X4, I have owned a couple in my life and in both cases they were great but as fickle as a car can be, and if I was not nice they would do odd things. They never actually let me down and the V8 Range Rover was a hell of a beast as long as I never ventured far from a petrol station.  It once saved a wedding by ferrying everyone between the church and a house deep in the winter snow.  Sadly Range Rovers have gone all footballers’ wives in their image these days so no good to me.

I would also probably have to get a haircut as it is likely I would be told I could afford a decent haircut, and I suspect protesting would not convince my family that I would be much better as a wild reclusive and slightly mad lottery winner. No they would point at my shiny new posh car and say . . . You can’t drive that with hair that looks like an electrocuted ferret that has been run over a few times by a bus. . . . . . . . You see there are some things even winning the lottery can’t change . . . . Remember money will not make you happy, but it can make it easier to be happy you just need to know what is important.  And even if you do win I suspect you will find you still have dreams that you will be chasing it is sort of what keeps us going. . . . .

A Day in the Life of a Blogger and other events

Yes this is a snowman and a vampire drawn by a small child

The Vampire is the one with the ears

And they both look a bit evil to me

This is my drawing of Thomas the Tank Engine

I was told it is rubbish by a Small Child

I think the addition of the Owl and the Pussy Cat

Confused the Small Child

I have had a busy day that involved my attempt at making a gate for outside, I say attempt because it is a bit rustic, but looks OK and it will do the job required of it. Which is to stop the winter wind sneaking round the corner of the house at the back and laughing at me. It has done this for a couple of year now and I have threatened it with retribution at least once, but all it does is howl a bit and carry on. So that is that, it has had its last chance, mind you I did not get to put the new rustic gate on its hinges as we had visitors one of whom was a small enthusiastic and noisy child.  I am not that good with small children with their leaping about having a good time and it is much worse when the little critters like you, which makes it much harder to scare them.

To try and keep this small enthusiastic child quiet the pair of us did a bit of drawing. Now I don’t know how many of you have experience of drawing with small enthusiastic children but they are to put it bluntly not easy to keep focused on what they are drawing. We started with Thomas the Tank Engine, well he told me it was Thomas but it looked a bit like a demented mad axe murdering train to me. And I know it has been a while since I have seen Thomas (I prefer Ivor the Engine it is a million times better) but one thing I know is it does not have 14 pairs of wheels. I tried to help by drawing the Fat Controller. . . .I suspect he is not called that now. . .  but my controller was actually rather thin and looked like a priest out of some old western with a parrot on his shoulder. The small person then drew the fat controller but it looked a bit like Edward Scissorhands to me but very very thin and sort of tree shaped. . . .  Small people are (not to beat about the bush as the saying goes) total rubbish at drawing and trying to explain the principles of perspective is like trying to teach an Earthworm to climb a ladder.

The Small child soon got bored and decided it was time to leave and head off for his Sunday roast while I now slightly the worse for wear headed out into the cold wind that was still laughing at me even though it could see what I was planning to do. I then managed to hit my thumb with a hammer which was a bit sore, so I shouted at the wind a lot and waved my hammer at it in defiance. Starting a small stampede among a passing group of elderly walkers I had not spotted until then who thought I was mad. And a man on a bicycle fell into the hedge thinking I was the God Thor arriving to attack him, apparently he said he has been expecting it to happen for some time. I tried to tell him I was not Thor but it is tricky when you are holding a large hammer in the air and shouting so in the end I agreed and said he was now free to cycle in peace. . . .sort of. 

Some days never quite go to plan  

A Message from South Wales . . . . And other stuff

I know what you are all thinking . . . . . where has he gone. what is he doing, do any of us care

Well I will be back next week and will get back into the swing of things as fast as possible, although I do have to run away on Wednesday so even next week is not entirely chilled.

So far this week I have seen some goldfish, listened to a singing fridge freezer which is now ticking. . . . . I dont know what that is about but it is a bit odd. I have looked at some plants, eaten food including a huge plate of fish and chips which was huge but good, but was huge. And found and then lost a very interesting shell on a beach. 

I am also very busy making a very late wedding present that needs to be sent to the USA only it is a rather fragile paper sculpture picture type thing so I need to use cunning to make sure it can travel that far without damage or falling apart. . . . I Have A Plan.

So all in all the Blog and cyberspace are suffering or some might say improving, but I will return soon very very soon. I should write a poem for Poetry Day only it is late now and I will leave this until I have more time. I am even pondering entering a poetry competition where I will be a bit rebellious and do a sneaky with the theme as I have thought of a clever way to turn the subject matter of Flowers into Zombies . . . . Yes I will come last but its not the winning its all about being ones self and saying . . . . . .  This is me so YA SUCKS BOO . . . .but in a nice poetic way. Mind you I do have to pay to enter so I will write a damn good Zombie Poem.

OK I am off now to draw and sleep and tomorrow will be in the sun on the beach of Saundersfoot . . . . . I will be the one shouting LOOK OUT ITS A ZOMBIE SEAGULL . . . . . 

Goodnight.        

A short list of What I did not do today, and things that did not happen

Over the many years I have been writing my blog I have told you of the many things I have done, as well as write the odd fable, fairytale and poem. But tonight I plan to do something entirely new. You see tonight I will not be writing about what I did but will write about what I did not do today; amazingly there are a lot of things I did not do today far more that I realized, so this is just a small list merely scratching the surface so to speak

I did not actually scratch the surface (despite the old saying which implied I did)

I have not watched a small snail travel across a large stone

I did not sneak up on the international space station and shout BOO at the astronauts

I never waved a pointy stick at a group of little old ladies who were chasing swans

I never ate a large snake

I did not run about shouting QUACK

And I never stood on my head on the ridge tiles of a very tall building

I did not wear a very very bright pink leopard print cowboy hat (AH DAMN actually I did do that today sorry)

I did not draw any pictures

I never spoke to a strange Zombie like creature who juggled mice and laughed in a hysterical manner

I never climbed a large mountain in a wet suit and slippers

I did not mutter under my breath at a load of cyclists on the road (AH DAMN sorry I did that today)

I was not caught leaping over the moon in a superman outfit

I never bought a superman outfit

I did nothing what so ever that had any link to anyone remotely resembling superman

I did not pretend to be a chicken and try to rob a bank

I never fixed a broken pen (OK I tried but it was futile)

I never did anything futile (AH DAMN AGAIN)

I did not see a submarine or a seagull

I did not sing old sea shanties at passers by

I did not deliberately avoid the cracks in the pavement (well not today)

And I did not sell any snow to penguins who might have been hanging about

I did not hang about

I did not write anything that might be considered remotely sensible by either that very nice Steven Spielberg or Mrs J K Rowling who its starting to think I'm mad

Neither Steven Spielberg or J K Rowling phoned me up to say . . . Nice Blog Rob, sorry about the injunction but you know what its like. . . . 

   

I was not bitten by a vampire bat or a Zombie

I never ate the tortoise. . . .Honest

I did not get wet

Anyway this as I have previously said is a very short abbreviated list of what I have not done today and I may tell you again at some time about what I have not done or I may not.

A Simple Guide to Jeremy Corbyn, the New Leader of the Labour Party

Here in Britain we have a new leader of the Opposition Party (The Labour Party), his name is Jeremy Corbyn. He is on the left of the Labour Party and has shaken up much of the established hierarchy of both his own party and that of the Government. And is seen by many ordinary folk as the Peoples Politician, however there are those who have louder voices in the world who are implying that Labour is now led by some mad leftish lunatic with mad ideas who will given any opportunity destroy Britain, if not the entire world.

Well if folk in power think like that there must be a damn good reason, and I think we should look at one or two of this so called deranged madman’s ideas, I think he has lots so I will just mention a few of the simple ones I know about.

First he says we should all work for world peace and he wants to give up the British nuclear deterrent. . . . This is plainly madness ever since the invention of nuclear weapons, every leader of every country in the world has been keen to have a big red button to press.  What sort of a game of chicken can world leaders play if they cant smile and tap at the big red button a bit saying stuff like I’ll hit it a bit harder if you don’t sell me some of that biological weaponry.  So I think we can say a leader bent on world peace is not good.

He also thinks that every one should be equal. . . Well no one is going to agree to that, well certainly not all those in positions of power and authority with loads of wealth in one form or another. So this is yet another foolish idea of a madman.  Not helped by the fact he looks just like some ordinary bloke in the street. Surely an expensive designer suit would not go amiss and maybe some very expensive hand made shoes, in several colours to match his mood.

He also wants to renationalise the railway system arguing it should be there for the good of the masses and not run as a profitable organisation to make a few folk loads of money. Well that shows a degree of madness that has not been seen by a politician in years.  No wonder no one voted for him. . . . AH DAMN no hang on they did. What is happening to us all, this cant be right.

Apparently he also thinks we should do what we can to help the Syrian refugees, WHAT surely not help folk from another country that cant be right. I thought we were just meant to send them some money and sort of sweep them all under the carpet so to speak (its one of those sayings again). Where will it all end, we cant go round having politicians folk can trust and who keep liking everyone or the whole fabric of society will fall apart. The next thing they will be telling us is he is not planning to milk the expenses’ system for every penny he can . . . . This is not the sort of politician we vote for normally and it needs to stop before they all go nice and honest on us and we are left with no one to hate.

Anyway I am sure there will be many in power who will be telling us about the evil Mr Jeremy Corbyn and his mad ideas and how he will destroy us all, so I don’t think I need to.  As it happens I think he seems like a nice Chap. . . . So you see he is already undermining my view about politicians and he has not even been leader for one day yet. . . .

I know it is terrible.     I wonder if he can improve my typing. 

The loss of cyberspace and the survival of a goldcrest

As I type this it appears I am devoid of access to the wondrous world of cyberspace which means that I cant annoy anyone what so ever in the cyber-world, not that I was planning to go out of my way to do so in particular, but being a grumpy chap one has to be prepared for the unexpected. Talking of which I have just saved a tiny Gold Crest from a fate worse than death when it hit the window right next to me as I was disposing of a few Bay Leaves having just given the bay tree (bush) a bit of a prune.  The poor little Gold Crest was well stunned so I had him, her, it, in my hand to keep it warm while I did stuff, although it does mean it is covered in plaster dust. It is not easy to do stuff with a tiny frail little critter like that in your hand so it has been put on to the summerhouse roof to recover (hopefully), I will check in a bit.

I have also just this second had a phone call to inform me tonight I am drumming so come 7.00 pm (in a couple of hours I will be engrossed in the rhythms of Africa as I play Djembe to the great gods in the sky. It is important to play to the gods and one should never just make a lot of noise for the sake of it, I mean only an IDIOT would do that . . . . . . AH DAMN. 

Well it appears the little Bird has flown off so must be OK and the internet appears to have returned so all is well again despite the fact one of the cats is wagging its tail, but it always wags its tail . . . . . . AH no hang on take everything I said about the internet being back, back. It is not back. . . . .  The joys of technology, do you know that my faithful African Drum has never once failed to work when I play it and there is not a single bit of modern technology in it.

Last night as I was about to vanish off to bed I suddenly found that my Twitter account was being followed by JK Rowling; well that was very very odd indeed, but when I checked this morning I discovered it has been followed by the wrong JK Rowling who appears to look like the other one and talks about old Harry Potter like they are old pals from the days of sitting in the café with a trusty ball point pen.  I have to say it is just a bit odd and given the choice I would prefer having a real one rather than a fake JK Rowling following me on Twitter.  Anyway there is no challenge in making a fake one like seagulls, stroking their heads as they recite . . . . Who’s a Pretty Potter then . . . . Harry wants a peanut. . . . . . .

OK well that’s about it for tonight I will be off to have a Baked Potato with cheese salad and various dressings. . . 

All I need to do now is wait for cyberspace to return.

Well that took a while and that’s for sure. . .  

Blogging, Free Speech, and Reasons to keep your Blog Active

Has the world of blogging ever got you slightly frustrated as you try to encourage a few visitors to stop by and go Oooooooo I might read this from time to time and make the odd chirpy comment? As we all do our best to increase the profile of our blog among the 200 to 300 million other blogs around the world. Well I would be lying if I said that every now and again I do question the point of it all and what I am doing, Lets face it mine is a bit of a quirky blog and of acquired taste, much like myself really. And the world of blogging seems to be rather quiet at present (or it is for me).

I have to say I don’t think I am the only one who has these little moments when I question my reasoning for doing this after all I am not someone who is trying to make an honest crust out of my blog so the incentive of loads of money is not one I am pursuing (much). So should I give it all up and return to the real world full time to make more arty things and give up all this writing into the black voids of cyberspace. . . . . . . .Well NO.

YES the answer is NO and here is why, you see us folk in the decadent West who are moderately well off such as myself (OK it does not always feel like that but the truth is I have a fairly pleasant and chilled life) have the choice to have a blog. We also have the choice to blog about most issues we choose. Yes I think if I was telling you all to up rise and attack sheep with AK47’s and then tell you all how to make a nice bomb several chaps in suits would batter my door down and ask me questions.  You see one of the great paradoxes of free speech is that in order to maintain the values of free speech you need to act against those who are against free speech. They in turn then say they are being suppressed and that our society does not allow free speech because they are not allowed to put forward their views against free speech.  It is all very complex indeed.

In some countries bloggers have died because of their views and in many cases the views they are supporting and blogging about are moderate such as Women’s rights, Equality for all or the right to have a different religious or political views to that of the majority or the state. These bloggers are brave indeed and the minor concerns of some of us in the West that our blog is not as popular as we might have hoped may seem a little trivial to them.  So  I will do my bit for free speech even if its mainly gibberish that almost no one reads or cares about and carry on blogging and point two fingers up at all those who think that only their views are right.  Once you think that only your own views are right then you know for sure that you are wrong, . . . and I know that is right.