The Coronavirus observational guide . . .

Here in the UK lockdown continues to be eased as the number of deaths falls. This is good news, although I still have doubts about the effectiveness of the systems put in place to ensure we don’t get a second peak. There is a track and trace system, but we hear little about it. And Coronavirus testing numbers look good but it is not the number of people tested but the number of tests. It also includes tests sent out in the post on that day, but we never know how many get returned and used.

I still think we may be at a point where other issues such as folks income and savings could turn into a major issue very soon. 

The incident in the USA where the black man (George Floyd) died during his arrest where the police were very much in the wrong has had worldwide implications. The Black Lives Matter protests have seen thousands of people protesting and the destruction or removal of statues of those who were in some way involved with the slave trade; and in several countries.  It is good that there is a possibility of a change of attitude. But there also needs to be something to remind folk of the past and what was done during the slave trade removing all evidence without replacing it with something that shows the barbarity of what happened risks removing the events from history.

An A to Z Coronavirus observational guide. . . J

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Journalists 

Journalists and news reporters are always looking for that next big story to report on and there is not one much bigger than a pandemic causing chaos across the planet. However it could be argued that in their enthusiasm to chase the story and grab the headlines they may have caused some of the mass panic by the public. Early on in the first few days when some were going mad in supermarkets it certainly did not calm folk down by reporting it on television, radio and social media telling us all the shelves are being stripped bare.  That is the best way to ensure even more folk rush out to buy even more stuff to avoid the risk that they might run out of food and essentials. This then gets reported and we end of in a cycle of fear and uncertainty as several people fight to the death over the last pack of toilet rolls or hand sanitizer on prime time television.

I don’t want to appear critical of the journalists are they try to report the latest news on Covid-19 because that is what they are paid to do. Just at present the world has become a single issue news story, let’s face it as time passes the news media are desperate to chase every possible angle to catch the public’s eye. Sadly the public tend to be attracted to the more doomsday and sensational stuff. Which is why if a car crashes everyone stops; gets out their smartphones and video’s it, not really what we are meant to do.

I guess the one thing that journalists will have to be aware of is that the masses can only take so much news about a single issue for so long before they get weary and their minds start to wander. I have noticed this myself, I have a look at the BBC news site for an update and that’s fine. But then the news on the radio or TV will cover the same things for hours. Still these are strange times and things are not going to change for a while yet.

As I’m writing slightly ahead I can now add that the Prime Minister Boris Johnson has been moved to ITU so I suspect the news will be rather focused on that for a few days now. I am not a fan but I hope he is OK.

Brussels, terrorism and the ramblings of an old man

Today has seen yet another terrorist act in the world this time in Brussels, but behind each of these events is a complex and often distorted set of viewpoints by those who commit these acts.  One of the great anomalies of mankind is the difference between those who have and those who have nothing. I am lucky I have a nice home and eat well and have the opportunity to learn and give my opinion. Hundreds of millions of people don’t get the same chances in life; many millions are often given little or no choice in even the basics of life.  Just look at the present state of Syria, hundreds of thousands of ordinary people are desperate to leave a country consumed by war and hate and see the rest of Europe as a possible safe place to go. Yet the rest of Europe are now looking to find ways of stopping these people arriving, with politicians justifying their reasons to refuse to help with various excuses and paying other countries to deal with the problem in order to be seen to be doing their bit to help. Events such as today's make it even harder for ordinary refugees from Syria to get to Europe as people become increasingly paranoid about the Muslims that live in Europe already.

Of course this is the very point of these bombings, they are perpetrated in order to encourage fear and hate between countries and religions which sadly appears to be working as time passes. I don’t know what that the answer is to these events as the people who undertake these terrorist acts do it because they believe they are right. Let’s face it no one is going to blow themselves up for a cause they don’t believe in.  Which brings us back to the great inequalities of the human race across the world, I can’t help but think part of the reason for extremist starts with a feeling of social injustice. The leaders of many terrorist groups prey on the vulnerable who feel pushed out of society or that society has suppressed them.  Maybe if there was less inequality  in the world it would be better but then groups like IS (ISIS or ISIL or whatever) appear to have little interest in inequality within their own group and seem to want a world based on fear and hate.

If we must have a world based on one religion and faith then in my opinion the best choice is Sikhism, it seems to tick most of the boxes to a better world. . . . . . . . .I think.

The F Word. The Devil and a Moorhen

Well its over and we will not mention the F Word again . . . . . NO not that F Word, but the Football F Word. Now look I have mentioned it again and it is entirely the fault of you lot, but that is it once and for all (Well until next time).

So what happened today. . . . . . . I played football. . . . .HAH AH HA HA HA HAH HA hah ah ah ha ha ha ha ha hah ah a hah ah ah ah ahha hah ah ha haha hahah ah ah ah ah aha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha . . . . . OK only kidding. No I woke up this morning to the voice of Radio Four and the Today programme; sometimes it is full of interesting snippets of information and news and sometimes it is not.  They waffled through the latest government reshuffle and the news that the folk of Gaza and Israel hate one another loads, well the powers at the top do; plus and the problems of loads of us getting old rather than dying just before we get to retire.

They then suddenly announced that the Church of England is doing away with the Devil, apparently he will no longer exist and we will just have evil instead. I am not entirely sure what it is connected with, but my old mate Napoleon Beelzebub (the Devil) will be well annoyed, you just cant go round saying he does not exist its not fair. After all he does not go round making folk be evil he just sort of smiles and prods them loads with pointy sticks when they turn up at the door in the afterlife.  As he says folk always say . . . . it was the devil he made me do it. . . . But they are lying he merely ensures they don’t have fun in the afterlife, and would argue that some folk would see him as very useful. There are some folk in the world who are simply bad and Mr Beelzebub ensures that they spent eternity NOT having a good time. OK he has nicked all the good music but that’s not his fault, God has always been a bit more Val Doonican than Ozzy Osbourne . . . .

Anyway as a sort of sign that I am entirely right when I got up and sat and ate my breakfast a Moorhen walked past the window and half an hour later I saw a Narrow-bordered Bee Hawk-moth. . . . . . . You can’t argue with that Church of England people, I think you need to give us back my old mate the devil (Napoleon Beelzebub).    

Further Shock News From Brazilian World Cup

After the shock news the other day of Germany’s disqualification for playing an Android, the world of football today has been turned upside down yet again by the news that Germany has won its appeal. It has been decided at the highest level that the rules do not say that players must be human and so Germany have been reinstated.  But shortly after that news was announced at a press conference in Brazil early this morning, further new conferences were called that have rocked the world of international football further.

Shortly after Germany were reinstated America announced that their first true international Soccer star, striker Dell Drone was in fact entirely made of carbon fibre and operated by Nano-technology designed by NASA. This was closely followed by the news that Italy’s Fiato Florentine was a Fashion Mannequin with Ferrari built mechanics.  Then Japan admitted that their entire international woman’s football team are Androids.

Even here in Britain, England has confessed that the last full member of the England Football Supports Club Mr Tim (the Spectrum) Sinclair is in fact a modified Reliant Robin. . . . . Come on Tim. . . .

Later when interviewed at his home Roy of the Rovers, one of the last living members of England’s 1966 squad said. . . . . . . Its disgusting they are all a bunch of big girls Blouses, that Tommy Dorsey would be turning in his grave. . . . . . Call those football boots they are rubbish. . . . . . Here I met that Diana Dors once . . . . . didn’t she marry that Benny Dorm bloke. . . . . . . . .

Germany disqualified from Brazilian World Cup. . . Android Shock News

In what is said to be one of sports biggest ever shocks, Germany have been disqualified from the 2014 Brazilian World Cup. It appears that one of their leading players, I think his name is Muller Cogs Lightberg or something similar, has turned out to be an Android and not human.  

How ironic when only the other day I was discussing the origins of the term Android and its forgotten inventor Augustus Von Androidus. But it appears that the Great Great Great Great (or something like that) Granddaughter of Augustus Von Androidus still had his original plans and drawings and someone hit upon the idea of recreating one of the Androids to become the heroic leading striker of the German National Football team. 

It does explain the reclusive life style of the player and his constant clicking, grinding and hissing noises on the pitch which many other teams had officially complained about and which the German manager has always said was rather bad wind. And no one would have noticed if he had not pulled his fake latex chest up over his head along with his official team shirt after scoring the winning goal during their first World Cup game.  The Germans at first said he was not an Android but a cyborg (not the IKEA set of draws but the man machine thing) and mostly human; but after tests it has been found he is definitely non human in every respect except image and a strange obsession to kick a ball about for 90 minutes in a game of two halves.

There is talk of a German protest at the disqualification decision on the grounds that nowhere in the rules does it say players need to be human and it has been pointed out that back here in Britain in 1912 Scragend United played a duck in goal for two games.     Although it was done for a bet when the manager was drunk at Ye Olde Pig and Trolley Inn, and the duck let in 132 goals, But the Germans still claim it set a president.

The Principles of War . . . A Conspiracy Theory

Have you noticed that throughout history from the very first days of mankind us humans have had a bit of a habit of fighting one another, at a local level we fight one another outside the local pub. But we also fight in gangs running up and down streets and we then move on to the big stuff where huge groups fight one another over countries and finally countries fight one another with pointy sticks and large scary things that make large bangs.

Have you ever wondered why, well the first reason is it is a DNA thing we cant help it, it is a deep dark basic instinct from the days when man was still a small sea based beast doing his bit to survive. But there is another reason, well certainly one linked to the reason counties seem to attack one another with great gusto every now and again on the flimsiest of pretexts. . . . . . YES we are talking conspiracy theories (I am rather good at these).  

You see if you run a large country full of folk and all is sort of OK-ish all that happens is folk start fighting each other. They can’t help it, it is as I have said DNA triggered and beyond control. If you are in charge, it is not good having folk fighting because they start to blame you, the weather, the buses, taxes, seagulls, or the state of the economy.  So to avoid the masses turning on you and making life difficult the solution is to point the finger of blame on another countries, this has advantages for the leaders of the other country too, who can distract there own folk by blaming  you back.  Have you noticed that at any point in recent history there has always been a bad guy, until the mid eighties the East and West could blame each other or both point at China. Then that all sort of fell apart we all became friends and China made all this cool stuff dead cheap, them we had Iraq, Iran, Syria and the middle east, but that has all got so complicated no one understands it anymore, there was Afghanistan, but it is rocky bleak place and the folk there have been fighting each other for over two hundred years and will be doing so for at least the same again whether we like them of hate them.  We have even all blamed North Korea but  . . . . . . and I mean no disrespect to North Korea as a whole  . . . . they are rubbish and run by a tyrannical despot who is a mad as a hatter (purely my own option and I may be entirely wrong).

So we have been put in a situation where the political leaders have been worrying for ages about who we should shout at and attack next, in order to keep the folks at home happy. Who could possibly be the next bad guy.  I suspect at the last big meeting of the G8, G10, G20 they were all talking about the good old days of the iron curtain when folk knew where they stood, and them over there were the despicable rotters and we could build big walls and spy on one another and march about and wave flags.

Then some bright spark thought Hang ON CHAPS I have an idea what about if we have a bit of a crisis in say Crimea . . . . . . . . . . And all the leaders cheered and said we could build walls again and point pointy sticks at one another and build huge scary things that go bang. However President Putin said I don’t suppose there is any chance if we CAN leave it until after the winter Olympics, I have spent loads of money building stuff and everyone agreed it would be for the best, but as soon as they were over it would be tally ho with all guns blazing . . . . . . . . .

   

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The worlds most pointless invention and dogs

I was not planning to write anything tonight after all I did say that I was not going to write things everyday and  today would have been a good day to start as all I did was move some wood I got back in the spring to a dryer place and sweep leaves. Although strangely sweeping leaves is a dying art since someone invented the leaf blower which is almost the most pointless invention in the world; using loads of energy to blow leaves from point A to point B so that the wind or your neighbour will blow the leaves back to point A, your neighbour of course using his leaf blower to do this. Using a yard brush sweeping the leafs into a pile and then putting them on the compost pile is for more eco, OK less fun and much harder work  . . . . . . . Hang on I want a leaf blower.

Talk of leaves is not why I am here however, I am here because of dogs who as it happens like to run about in leaves and chew leaf blowers and yard brushes. You see I was eating food watching a bit of TV as the dining table is covered in faulty cardboard birds at present and they happen to say that a huge number of folk do not have any savings (hardly news). They then went on to say ideally everyone should have enough money saved to live for six months  AH HAH HAH h ha hah ah ha haha ha ha ha ha ha yes we wish. They then went on to say folk could make some extra cash having car boot sales, making cakes, or dog walking which will pay about fifteen pounds an hour . . . . . . . . . . . WHAT FIFTEEN POUNDS AN HOUR, I think they must be the wrong side of the Watford Gap somewhere down South in London as up in these parts you can buy a whole pack of dogs for fifteen pounds. I told the Ghost Writer who is the IT Guru for a local charity and he was dead upset he gets less than that per hour for IT and said people must be barking mad and it is a bit Ruff for those of us in the real world.

Just to add to the annoyance I was feeling about this it appears the head of a large bank was filmed buying or using some rather serious illegal drugs, but its OK because he has apologised.  Quite frankly he should be sacked and told to take up dog walking as the fresh air will do him good, but I suspect it will all end in a golden handshake and a  pension…….. GGGggggrrrrrrrrrrrr…….

Woof

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The Great Storm of 2013 and a leaking sun roof

As many of you will know there was a terrible storm due in Britain last night and this morning and for many there was, but as it happens it did not get very far northwards. Here in the borders between England and Wales in Shropshire it was very calm indeed and inspection of the garden first thing this morning revealed that the car sun roof had leaked slightly. In fact the weather was calmer here during the storm than it was the few days before it. I will say that although it was bad along the south coast of England and four people have died the BBC news keep talking like it was the entire country and the reality is it was not and that up in Scotland the wind reaches the same sort of levels most winters and wind speeds of 70 to 80 miles an hours are not abnormal in the far north and would never make the news. Maybe the BBC News folk are all excited because it has happened on their doorstep so to speak in London. I sort of thought they were getting a bit stretched for new stories when they showed a film of a fallen tree that nearly hit a car which would have injured the driver had the tree hit the car.

Anyway the storm did manage to stop trains and has turned the power off to a load of folk down south but not up north.  Those of us that live north of the Watford Gap have long considered life up north is much better that life down south, so I think many will feel that has been reinforced a little in the last twenty four hours.

I also moved a Shrub today and poked at a hole with a pointy stick and have been drumming tonight which is why I am in a rush and running a bit late. As it happens I have worrying news about tomorrow as I am off to see the dentist, who apparently still has power although he might lose it due to unexpected gust of wind blowing a pointy stick into his fuse box, that’s the buildings fuse box not his personally I don’t trust android dentists one bit.  

Autumn, floors and the closure of a large place

Today was without doubt the most Autumnal day of the year so far, indicating that autumn really has arrived. Here in Britain that means that the temp in about 12C to 15c it is very very grey on account of the fact the sun is hiding behind a thick layer of grey cloud and it is also slightly drizzly and the hills are shrouded in a layer of mist. Still it could be worse……..

Anyway I was doing practical things at school today as the headmaster insisted or he said he would send me home to mark exam papers from this years new intake of pupils. So today I started to put down a new school staff kitchen floor to cheer it up and make it more colour coordinated… With luck it will be finished on Thursday and we can then play chess on it.

I noticed on the news this morning that the United States of America has closed as a result of a political stalemate in their equivalent of the House of Commons or maybe Lords (Congress). As it happens the real reason that American has closed is that it is broke, yes sadly the country has less money than a lonesome tuna fish in an aqua theme park which has now closed till further notice. But although broke America also has all the really scary weapons, so it will be OK because we will smile and lend them some more, it is always good to be friendly with the man with the scariest weapons. I could try waving my pointy stick, but I feel it will not have the same effect.

So all in all I have not had an exciting day and neither have folk in America, it must have been like the old days in Wales on Sunday’s before IKEA…..

Snowden, GCHQ, NSA or Mt Snowdon and the Four Eyed Devil Beast meets IKEA

Although I have been busy I do not appear to have anything tangible to hold up and say AH YES look I created this huge thing today with pointy teeth and undulating legs that can scurry about in small spaces, which is well cool for a huge thing. Only it is not a cool thing because it does not exist. So far today I have not be able to return to the Animal-Scope (mark one) to do stuff, I have added mark one because I plan to build the more complex mark two Animal-Scope very soon.

As it happens it is also Sunday today and coldish and wet and traditionally in Britain that means either sitting about doing not a lot pointing at seagulls and wood pigeons in the trees and saying things like OOOOOO LOOK A PIGEON, or spending the day in IKEA, but that is far to far away to go to from here just because it is wet. In the old days of course folk would head off to church but it is not as popular a pass time as it used to be and the local church regularly has a congregation of two, the vicar and the organist. It appears that someone said that the rumours of the strange Four Eyed Devil Beast were in fact just rumours and it was not going to eat everyone who spent their days frolicking in IKEA. You can see the advantage of Micro Gods they are far more comprehensive; having just the one God means that once people think the Four Eyed Devil Beast is not going to get them they lose interest in singing in a large cold building to save themselves.

  

Talking of Four Eyed Devil Beasts and being saved I notice that Mr Snowden man who let slip that we are all being listened too by NSA in the USA, and GCHQ in the UK (hello Charles and Quinton) has had to sneak off to Russia now after King Kong (sorry Hong Kong, his sister) got all confused by a large pile of paper sent by the American Government. Well if you sent a large pile of paper to China then the word Origami comes to mind and so you really need to make it clear or the whole international legal process becomes a Plague of Frogs, several Biplanes, a swan eating a leopard and the Chinese speciality with reams of legal documents, a Giant Panda hiding in a Bamboo Thicket on a Mountain (an origami favourite). Ironically it was only after making the Giant Panda hiding in a Bamboo Thicket on a Mountain, that an official noticed the word Snowden on the mountain and realized their error because of course the rather famous Welsh mountain is spelt Snowdon, But by then Mr Snowden was in a plane (not a Biplane) and heading to Russia where President Putin is lets face it not going to help the government of the USA much after he was made to feel rather uncomfortable at the G8 summit, so I think we can safely say that Mr S will be off again soon in his bid to outrun the  Four Eyed Devil Beast.

Oooooooo yes one small thing it is OK to use the internet on Sunday because they don’t work in NSA or GCHQ on Sunday’s, they tend to be in IKEA, except Charles and Quinton who are getting paid double time and like reading my Sunday diary entries (well done chaps). 

President Obama, Prime Minister Cameron, President Putin, The G8 summit (2013), Bovril, Kendal Mint Cake and Grizzly Bears.

Yesterday I happened to suggest that it was no coincidence that President Putin of Russia had turned up only days after my original President Putin picture had been shown in my diary in cyberspace. And many of you have said things like Run for the hills or Hide in the Patagonian Embassy for a few weeks till it is safe or Rob Who? never heard of him, he is no friend of ours. Now I know he has to pop over to Ireland to join fellow world leaders for the G8 summit to discuss important issues, which as it happens the leaders all have different views about. So some sort of botched statement will be put together to make it all sound like it was a useful meeting and worth every penny of the X million pounds it cost.

I think it all goes wrong because they call it a summit when it is plainly held in a posh hotel on the flat with no mountains anywhere near. Lets face it food is always much better on the flat rather than the top of a mountain where it tends to be bully beef, Kendal Mint Cake, and hot Bovril, not the food of world leaders, OK President Putin is the only one who might be up for it, climbing fearless up into the unknown chewing his bully beef and laughing in the face of Grizzly Bears.

OK yes where was I (again), President Putin and my picture, now what I would like to know and it is important; exactly where has he got to today because he seems to have vanished. There is talk in the local village of a huge bullet proof car sitting in a lay-by with a group of suspicious men in wearing dark designer sunglasses and drinking Vodka and feeding Caviar to the ducks in the duck pond.

I did notice in the news while I scanned for news for you know who that President Obama of the USA and Prime Minister Cameron of Britain have announced a multi-billion pound trade deal to sell each other loads of stuff. So America will make loads of stuff and sell it to us and we will make loads of stuff and sell it to them and everyone will be happy. Sorry call me stupid but most countries I thought were in debt and all the folk in the countries feeling the cold mountain winds and the smell of Bovril mixed with the far away singing of a Russian fighting Grizzly bears. . . . . . .  Who has all this money to buy all this stuff that we don’t need. Ooooooooo sorry I have gat all political again that’s not good for a witty block buster movie about an eccentric and sadly I now have no time to tell you what I did today as I need to go and make a cardboard Dragonfly, (part of a trade deal worth absolutely nothing).

Steven Spielberg, the making of Tinker Tailor Rob Z Spy, and monitoring social media

As my very long term followers will be aware I have had many run ins over the past nearly three years with forces that lurk in the shadows; dark forces that can sneak up on you and suck the brains out of even a fully grown antelope or brown bear, yes we are talking Zombies, Ooooooo no sorry we are talking Spies. Yes those men in the dark designer sunglasses who on a rainy day in Britain stand out like a sore thumb as they stumble about unable to see where they are going. Those of you who remember the Einstein Cube or the Jules Verne Pocket Oracle and Prophecy Machine will know of my many run ins with the CIA, MI6 and various other security forces including the KGB in the past. So I have to say that as the eccentric child of cyberspace using the world of social media to write my diary I must confess that the recent news that certain forces are monitoring the world of social media is not new to me. In fact I feel I may owe you all a bit of an apology for bringing them here in the first place.

If you think about it poor old Charles and his mate Quentin the back room boys at GCHQ, which if you Google tells you their address and telephone number, which is silly (hello chaps) who are monitoring all the chit chat of social media have a terrible job, just think how boring it must be to sit and monitor stuff without ever being allowed to make the odd comment on a Facebook page or follow the occasional blog making witty remarks or say even start your own blog chatting about life and stuff, Zombies and maybe take the cunning disguise of say an Eccentric Child and part time Pirate in the strange twilight world of Cyberspace, lets face it spies, particularly the back room boys will work much better if they are happy in their work, and a bit of interaction with the punters is just the ticket.

Anyway as Charles and his mate Quentin would say themselves if you can’t trust a man with an original portrait of President Putin, (a gift from the Kremlin) hanging on his wall then who can you trust. And as I have said elsewhere tonight when the nice Mr Steven Spielberg makes the film Tinker Tailor Rob Z Spy from my rather popular serialized diaries the security forces will deny everything, well everyone except Quentin and Charles who may be allowed to be extras in a dramatic scene where the hero and his trusty Lemmings confront the arch villain, a man called Moriarty who has accidently run onto the wrong set.   

A fairy tale and the the Death of you know who

My diary entry as a fairy tale  . . . . . The news of a certain death

A long long time ago back in the days of the Roman Empire there was a small country called Britainium, it was a strange little country split in two by a huge wall, one side of the wall was called the Right and the other the Left. Just occasionally someone would stand on the wall in the middle but everyone would throw rocks at them and laughed.

Britainium had always been controlled by the Right because they were wealthy and had the Bankors and the famed Financial Wizards to keep the armies of the Left suppressed. But the Left found a hero called Athurious Scargilious who with his fanatical army of Minors laid siege to the grand castle of the Rights power house. The Right was frightened and for a while did not know what to do, but then they found a new champion  called Maggium Thatchosismad who lead her army of Financial Wizards and Bankors into a terrible blood thirsty battle against the brave (by mad)  Athurious Scargilious and his Minors, the battle raged for many many months but at the end of it most of the Minors were dead or wounded and Athurious Scargilious was a broken man and would never lead his troups to victory ever again.

Some thought that Maggium Thatchosismad should give the Left an olive branch to heal the wounds and unite Britainium, but Maggium Thatchosismad turned the olive branch into a crown as worn by the Roman leaders and declared herself Emperor of Britainium. She then gave more power to the Bankors and the Wizards of Finance, and crushed the Left in order to destroy it for ever.  But she became even more power mad and would crush decent even from her followers on the Right so a plot was hatched and one day as she was playing a fiddle on the steps of the grand parliament a group of Senators ran up and stabbed Maggium Thatchosismad in the back.

 Maggium Thatchosismad was confused and distraught, her dynasty that she thought would last a thousand years was over in a mere handful. She retired into obscurity and a new leader was elected called, I Major or I Claudius as his friends called him. The Wizards and Bankors rubbed their hands and bathed in the gold and wealth of Britainium until one day it all went horribly wrong and the Bankers had to say . . . . . . . . . AH DAMN; still I have always got my ceremonial golden hand, that’s worth a few pounds. . . .PHEW.

Then Maggium Thatchosismad died and the Right all said What a Great Leader, best we have ever had, forgetting that they had stabbed her in the first place, and the Left celebrated with bacon butty’s and threw the last lump of coal in Britainium at the grave of Maggium Thatchosismad.

Oooooo I failed my history exam at school by the way apparently due to technical inaccuracies, it appears the dinosaurs did not become extinct as a result of a alien battle fleet........ DAMN.    

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The Comet Store did good

The Start of the day was a bit of a shock to the system as we all had to be up bright and early (before 7.00am . . . . .O my god)  because the Washing Machine and Tumble Drier were due from very very early in the morning to very very later at night. Rather a large window of time, and as the small print says if no one is in then they will not return ever, even if you plead and say nice things. It was also grey with cold wet drizzle falling so looked horrible like the darkest moments of winter.

As the day progressed it became very sunny and the birds sang and all was well and things were looking like it would be OK, but then it got grey and started to get darker and no sign of a washing machine or tumble drier. It was not looking good; my bet with the dog was at risk, the dog was feeling very positive indeed, so I phoned Comet again to see what was happening and to my surprise a man answered and was rather upbeat about it all and said I would win my bet, maybe, sort of . . . . . . . AH ……

Then about half past three a man on a mobile phone rang and said ……. “hel……0 this is………..t we ar……………15……….e ……….but……… so………………. It………bad………ine”

Then they arrived with a washing machine and a tumble drier and were friendly and chirpy, did their bit and then ran away again as they still had another three washing machines to fit before dark, bearing in mind it was already getting dark. They say Comet is trying to do its best to supply everything although there will be no home delivery service in a few days so they could well be made redundant very soon, so being as chirpy as they were was a surprise really.

Anyway the key issue in all this is that I have won my bet with the dog and he owed me loads of money, well he did until we did double or nothing on a game of Paper, Scissors, Stone . . . . . . . . AH that was a bit of an error. So I now owe the dog 500 large bones and a jar of peanut butter. And to make matters worse all my clothes are going to be put in the washing machine to make them smell nice apparently. . . . . . . .. YUCK.

Still on the positive side I now have somewhere to hide when the End of the Earth arrives next year when the other Comet hits the planet. 

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the BBC News Interview about the Comet Store and the End of the World

A man from the BBC phoned me today, he is doing an in depth news report into Comet (the Store)  and wanted my opinion, something I am always happy to give even when I don’t know what I am talking about.  At the time I was talking to the dog about the end of the world and so the conversation did get a little confused because I got my Comets mixed up a bit and was talking about the end of the world to the BBC man while he was talking about the shop so the conversation sort of went like this

BBC Man  . . . . .  I believe you are expecting things from Comet,

Me . . . . . . . . Yes, I think we all are.

BBC Man . . . . .  Well I don’t think we all are, but when are you expecting it to arrive

Me  . . . . . . . . . I think its due in the middle of next year

BBC Man   . . . . . ..  Are you sure that seems a long time to wait

Me  . . . . . . . . A long time…… it is only just over six months away

BBC MAN  . . . . . . .  That’s seems a long time to me, surely you would like it to arrive earlier than that.

 Me . . . . . . . . . . But it’s the end of the world that’s terrible

BBC Man .  . . . . . . Don’t you think that’s a rather extreme view we are only taking about a few shops

 Me  . . . . . . . . .  This Comet is huge I think we are talking more than a few shops

BBC Man  . . . . . . Well OK maybe a few hundred shops at the most.

 Me  . . . . . . . .  But what about all those people that will die in all the Chaos

 BBC Man  . . . . . . WHAT? I don’t think people are going to die we are only talking about shops

 Me  . . . . . .. . . But if people are in the shops they are all going to die

 BBC Man  . . . . . . WHAT?

Me  . . . . . . . . . . Well I don’t see how the end of the world will only happen to shops, We are talking a huge massive fiery comet ploughing into Earth.

BBC Man  . . . . . . . .  WHAT? But what about your Washing Machine.

Me  . . . . . .  . . .. . I could hide in that, do you think it would help. Trouble is it is due tomorrow and the company we bought it from is having a view problems, so we might not have one, you know the company what’s it called again  . . . . AH YES  . . . . COMET. . . . . . AH

BBC Man  . . . . . . . .. IDIOT

BBC MAN  . . . . . .hangs up.

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China, Umbrella's, Politics Football and Syria...

Today is Friday the thirteenth and is traditionally regarded as a day of bad luck in Britain, yet I have been told many times over the years that in China, Friday the thirteenth is a day of good luck. Interestingly I have learnt today that my very good friend Captain Nessman of the High Seas is to go to China for a year on a great adventure in August. Learning of this today makes me think this is a good omen for Captain Nessman and he will sail into a fair wind making his fortune in spices silks and gold. I will give my good friend a word of warning though, never gamble with the Chinese, many a westerner has left poor and destitute thinking they could win big time with one more roll of the dice. I am not sure of the world of cyberspace in China as it can move in mysterious ways; however access to my trusty blog is available across the world as luckily none of the powers that be understand a word of it…… PHEW…….  

I took my snakeskin lucky charm with the shrunken human head attached to it today; just to be on the safe side which as you know from the past has always had consequences and yet has always remained lucky for myself. Like the incident previously when the man painting the school windows who saw my lucky mascot, screamed and fell off the ladder, well it is easy to get a snake with a human head and a politician mixed up.  

After yesterdays non uniform day we decided that we would all take umbrellas to school  then when the 53% of school pupils went to visit the fish and chip shop we could attack the 71% of little old ladies who attacked the pupils dressed as The Blob with our umbrellas. It was difficult to work out which little old ladies represented the 71% so we decided to attack all 100% of the old ladies instead with our umbrellas.   It may seem harsh but these little old ladies need to learn there are repercussions to attacking an innocent monster eating fish and chips in the bus shelter.

It is very wet again, very very wet again as it happens, which is wet. I will go now as it appears the ASDA home delivery man, delivering the groceries has just met my snakes skin lucky charm with the human head and is screaming so he must think it is a politician as well.  
   

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POLITICS

I don’t often do politics but I feel tonight I should after listening to the news. The main story here in the UK is that a footballer called John Terry is an Innocent Man and not a racist as he would swear at everyone with the same viciousness and venom irrespective of race or colour, so that is OK then…. Over the last few years some effort has been made to make football appeal to a greater audience and yet highly paid footballers seem to have what talent they do possess firmly fixed in their balls and not their brain.

I would normally show no interest in such events or mention it here; except the second issue on the news has been Syria and the death of at least two hundred people reputably by the Syrian Army. So Syria slowly continues to be destroyed while the UN bickers over the personal interests of individual countries rather that resolve the problems of one. What has annoyed me in particular and thus this bit of politics in my diary is that all the news programs see the pathetic ranting and swearing of a so called celeb footballer as of more importance that the continued destruction of a country and the death of a large number of ordinary people caught up in a civil war. Maybe someone should tell the people of Syria that their lives are less important that a footballer’s reputation who as far as I can tell appears to think he has done nothing wrong…..      

Photo-voltaic panels, deadlines and a nice curry

It has been an eventful day as the men and the Photo-voltaic panels for the roof turned up to start fitting the fittings and then the panels.  It is all go because there is a deadline set by the government which says, you must meet a deadline for a prize (A good prize). But if you miss the first deadline a man will say you missed the deadline, but we will give you some money (a bit), but not as much as you would have got. But if you miss the second deadline well then there is no prize and you do not get to pass go.

On top of that mum and dad had to drive in a huge circle that took almost half the day to do so that they could arrive back where they started.  Actually mum is at Napoleon Beelzebub’s Very Strange Victorian Curiosity Shop as it now only has three weeks left before he returns to the underworld, and the curiosity shop turns into a shop.

The good news is that we are all off for a curry tonight at the very nice Indian restaurant in Monty with Mr Charlie and Miss Jane to discuss life the universe and stuff. So tonight’s diary entry is shortish.

The bad news is its  Valentine's Day which dad always forgets like lots of chaps, because as dad says it is what men do, forget stuff, like birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas and well loads of stuff.

And bad news for those of you planning to put solar panels on your roof. It appears that after the 1^st April (I think) unless your house meets rather exacting standards in efficiency regarding electricity use, insulation etc you will not be allowed to add them. As there will be someone going out to inspect the house to ensure it meets these rather demanding new standards (I say all this but I know nothing, so best to check).  I only add this last little paragraph in order to be informative and useful to the great British public, sort of.

Please note that last paragraph will be removed in the block buster movie

The Ghost Writer has promised to take me to Brecon tomorrow, Well Cool maybe, as long as he is not grumpy (OK he will be grumpy). 

A valentines day song