Godzilla meets Where's Wally in Harry Potter and the Dark Clouds of Doom (Part Three).

Link to Part TWO

Thanks Hagrid for ridding me of those terrible Wicker men says Harry Potter as he extracts himself from under his desk.

Well it is amazing what a gallon of petrol and a few matches will do and those Wicker men do burn rather well

It is probably best if we don’t tell Miss Lily Luna about it. she will only get all upset and start screaming a lot and we don’t want that do we.

With that Lily Luna runs into the office shouting Where’s Wally . . . Where’s Wally . . . Where’s Wally . . . Where’s Wally . . . Where’s Wally . . . Where’s Wally.

We don’t know what happened to him says Harry. He vanished when the large Wicker man strangely went on fire . . . . James Sirius Potter had followed Lily Lunu into the office and looking slightly puzzled says Well Hagrid had him, we saw him scurrying off with Wally and a can of petrol towards the woods.

Where’s Wally . . . Where’s Wally . . . Where’s Wally . . . Where’s Wally . . . Where’s Wally says Lily luna looking at Hagrid and adding and you know that your eyes go red when you lie to me and they look a bit pink already

AH says Hagrid Harry made me do it he made me set him on fire and I flushed his ashes down the toilet. . . . .

With that Lily Luna Screams and Screams and demands a new pet straight away insisting that she is going to call it Wally after Wally the Wicker Man.

Hagrid says I will take you to the FOREST right now Miss Lily Luna How about a reptile they can be fun you could keep it in a big glass tank and watch it eat stuff….

OK but I get to choose which one I want says Lily Luna.

After several hours Hagrid and Lil Luna return to Hogwarts with a new Pet, Lily luna looking very pleased as they arrive back in Harry’s office.

Have you got a new pet then Lily LunA

Yes

That is good and what kind of Reptile is it Hagrid

AH . . . it’s a muggle one, but it’s a bit big

When you say big,I do hope you dont mean like a komodo dragon

Ah . . . no it’s a bit bigger than that

Not a huge great Python I hope

AH . . .  No it’s a bit bigger that that

O dear I can see those Dark Clouds of Doom looming again . . . what sort of Muggle Reptile is bigger that a huge great Python

AH . . .  IT’S Godzilla

WHAT?????

AH . . . can I join you under your desk Mr Potter, I DON'T think it likes being called Wally.

 To Be Continued (maybe)

Link to Part Four (the Concluding Part)

The Wicker Man Returns or Harry Potter and the Dark Clouds of Doom (Part two)

Link to PART ONE

As the huge Parents of the baby Zombie Eagle circle over Hogwarts making a terrible noise the baby Eagle is getting more and more agitated and after a very loud burp it suddenly regurgitates a decomposing goats head and then poo’s all over Harry’s desk ruining a whole load of important paperwork.

Ooooooo Yuck says Lily Luna no one told me eagles did that Yuck I hate eagles the smell is terrible I think I’m going to be sick.

Harry opens his window and above he can see two huge and rather angry birds circling and below he can hear the voice of Hagrid as he staggers out of bed still half asleep.

Hello Polly whats up. . . .whats that you say someone has stolen your baby and it has been hidden in hogwards. . . . . hang on I will go and see Harry potter and make sure who ever it is punished.

With that Hagrid vanishes into the building below and Harry and his children hear the footsteps of a large man who is not as fit as he should be making his way as fast as he can up the stairs while muttering about installing an elevator.

Harry’s office door busts open and Hagrid staggers in, out of breath shouting. . . .

Some idiot has stolen the baby Zombie Eagle what sort of fool would do that we need to find it and return it quick. . . . . As Hagrid looks up he sees the baby Eagle sitting on Harry’s desk eating inkpots and trying to swallow the decomposing goats head again.. . . . . . AH its here we need to get it home pronto or its parents will pull the building apart.

Yes Hagrid I quite agree you can do that cant you, I will try and clean the mess up here said Harry

As Hagrid carries the baby Eagle back to the wood Lily Luna looks out of the window and says

I hate Eagles I really hate Eagles they smell.

The following day peace had come to Hogwarts yet again although as we have learnt life in a school full of kids is chaotic enough so when they are wizard kids and the academy is a weird castle in a land full of magic peace is a bit like unicorn teeth or chicken horns, not very likely. So it is not a shock to most of you to learn that as Harry works away in his office while drinking a coffee he is interrupted by his daughter Lily Luna, saying.

I don’t need an eagle or anything like that anymore I have made my own pet now called Wally

Well that is excellent well done and what is Wally

He is Wally the Wicker man

WHAT  . . . . . . .

Yes look and with that Lily Luna pulled am eighteen inch high wicker man from out of the bag she was carrying

PHEW . . . . . said Harry just for a moment I though you were going to tell me it was twenty five feet tall and in the courtyard.

No Daddy I’m only little that would be silly James Sirius and Albus Severus made that one. LOOK IT’S looking at you through the Window.

AAAAuuuuggghhhh said Harry dropping his coffee, I don’t like wicker men we had a bit of a misunderstanding in the past so maybe we could set fire to them a bit.

As Harry moved away from the window where a large pair of eyes were looking at him Wally the Wicker man was biting his leg and trying to set fire to his shoes with a box of matches. Then Hermione busts into the office and says

Dear God Harry have you seen what those kids of yours have made in the courtyard it’s a bloody great wicker man , its apparently called Wiki the Wicker man what kind of stupid name is that

I thought of that name said Lily Luna bursting into tears which in turn really upsets Wally who shouts stuff at Harry and Hermione which Wiki the Wicker man hears and gets all angry about as he rips out the window of the office.   

I THINK THIS MIGHT BE ONE OF THOSE DARK CLOUDS OF DOOM again says Harry hiding under his desk.

TO BE CONTINUED

LINK TO PART THREE

The Greatest Harry Potter Halloween Story Ever Told. . . . .Starring The Wicker Man

Once upon a time when it was trendy to send young wizards off to Hogwarts Academy, before the incident in the long hall with the cat and the large jug, a young farmer arrived from the mountains of Transylvania called Frankie Moon-star (yes it was the sixties the days of silly names). He was just an ordinary chap not a wizard so was mocked and laughed at by the pupils of Hogwarts and told to go away.  So he set up a smallholding on the outskirts of the magic forest growing organic vegetables and suitable canes for wands.  He was quite successful in business and this was resented by the young wizard pupils of Hogwarts because he was what they called a muggle. And they really thought he should not even be there.

He was left alone most of the year but at Halloween every pupil at Hogwarts would turn up as dusk fell and make his life hell. In particular a Mr Harry Potter and a Miss Hermione Granger would shout and scream all sorts of stuff at him (like Mimiosso Ayucky poous) and do stuff like turn his courgettes into pigs, tomatoes into bananas and turn all his clothes pink. They did this because they said Frankie Moon-star was a very silly name.

Then one year Frankie made a huge Wicker Man out of Willow from the Magic Forest in a desperate effort for a quiet time, it was dead scary to look at and he placed it at the entrance to his small holding.  What he did not know was that because it was made out of willow that came from the Magic Forest the young Wizards were unable to pass. O yes they tried all sorts of spells and stuff but the Wicker Man stood his ground. Every year after that Frankie Moon-star would make a new Wicker Man and no matter how hard the young wizards tried they could not get past.

The years passed and Frankie got older and older, but he was happy now because the young wizards never came and annoyed him ever again.  Frankie often passed the time with Lord Voldemort who also complained about the young Wizards and said they were ruining his reputation as a Magic act for children’s parties and it was all that Harry’s fault.

Then one day just before Halloween Frankie died, but he was very old and life had been good, however all the pupils at Hogwarts led by an ageing Mr Harry Potter and a Miss Hermione Granger decided to take revenge. With no Wicker Man to stop them they set off through the Magic Forest (chanting Gump Gump Gump Gump) all the way to the house and formed a ring round it (The Wizards Ring of Fire), and then sent fireballs into the house using their wands, setting it alight. They laughed and laughed in a mad wizard way, but never noticed all the Wicker Men slowly creeping up behind them. By the time they did the Wicker Men had linked arms meaning no one could escape. All the young wizards screamed and shouted and ran about and Harry and Hermione hid in a water barrel but it was all futile. The Wicker Men slowly shuffled towards the house and as they did got hotter and hotter and started to burn.

The following morning there was nothing but a large charred patch of land all the Wicker Men, the Wizards, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger and the house had all vanished. Hogwarts of course never really recovered from the loss of all those young wizards and after the incident in the long hall with the cat and the large jug it had to close. It has been turned into a theme park now and it is perpetually full of muggles pointing at fake wizards much to the amusement of the Ghost of Freddie Moon-star who likes to pop by every Halloween to snigger at the waxwork of Harry Potter. Who unable to move says . . . I sugose you gink gats gunny. 

A hint of Harry Potters Terrible end. . . . Its the Wicker Man

Look out Harry Potter its coming to get you

It's the Wicker Man

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