How to time travel though time using a blog and cyberspace and a large rope

Two years ago today I posted this post and it is rather interesting because I make the point in it . . . . . . . .. Would my diary exist if it was an item of pure functionality with no need for the frivolity of imagination and un-practical reams of gobbledegook; you see my diary is just like this huge monster rope (Note Mr S’s shoes by the rope) of no practical use and frayed at the end. . . . . . . . . . .. A point that is even more valid today (two years later) than it was two years ago, so I thought I should repost the post to make the point  and the post of greater significance. 


So let us travel back in time exactly two years to 5th June 2013 . . . . . .  



It has been a funny old day, the weather here was very overcast and sort of OK but not like yesterday or tomorrow (I have kicked the weather machines side panel) hot and sunny, and my day has sort of ticked along with the usual quantum physics and woodwork plus the rather more useful lesson of locksmithing,  and the skills of unlocking locks that prefer to remain locked. Of course this is a huge area of expertise because not only does it include the humble padlock but of course there are many unseen mathematical locks, things that appear to be physically locked to something by forces unknown.  

For example Miss I and Mr S have told me that they were unable to collect a huge rope from the beach because if was locked to the beach by fate and the Micro God of Beaches, and apparently it was also very heavy.

But using the great skills of Locksmithing it would be possible to untangle the forces that held the huge rope to the beach and transport it many miles to me, where I would look with wonder upon the huge rope while the massed masses looking would say WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THAT . . . . . . . . . And I would reply AH?

People do things like this all the time when folk stumble on artefacts of wonder which are of no practical use what so ever, they ask but what do you intend to do with it. But you see this is what makes us humans what we are, the ability to appreciate the great possibilities of completely useless items. Would my diary exist if it was an item of pure functionality with no need for the frivolity of imagination and unpractical reams of gobbledegook, you see my diary is just like this huge monster rope (Note Mr S’s shoes by the rope) of no practical use and frayed at the end. Well when I say of no practical use I lie as it is my long term memory,  well when I say long term I mean more that three days ago.

Farwell rope I hope the world treats you fairly and does not just string you along . . . . . . . . . .HAHAHAHHAH hahah ah ah haah hahha hah ah hahahhahah hahahah hahahahhah ahhah ahahhahahahaha

it’s a joke but Knot a good one  HaAHAHAHAH ah hah ah ah ah ha hah ah hah ah ah ha hah ah ha hah ah ah ah ahha a   

The Micro God of Beaches, ropes and locks

It has been a funny old day, the weather here was very overcast and sort of OK but not like yesterday or tomorrow (I have kicked the weather machines side panel) hot and sunny, and my day has sort of ticked along with the usual quantum physics and woodwork plus the rather more useful lesson of locksmithing,  and the skills of unlocking locks that prefer to remain locked. Of course this is a huge area of expertise because not only does it include the humble padlock but of course there are many unseen mathematical locks, things that appear to be physically locked to something by forces unknown.  

For example Miss I and Mr S have told me that they were unable to collect a huge rope from the beach because if was locked to the beach by fate and the Micro God of Beaches, and apparently it was also very heavy.

But using the great skills of Locksmithing it would be possible to untangle the forces that held the huge rope to the beach and transport it many miles to me, where I would look with wonder upon the huge rope while the massed masses looking would say WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THAT . . . . . . . . . And I would reply AH?

People do things like this all the time when folk stumble on artefacts of wonder which are of no practical use what so ever, they ask but what do you intend to do with it. But you see this is what makes us humans what we are, the ability to appreciate the great possibilities of completely useless items. Would my diary exist if it was an item of pure functionality with no need for the frivolity of imagination and unpractical reams of gobbledegook, you see my diary is just like this huge monster rope (Note Mr S’s shoes by the rope) of no practical use and frayed at the end. Well when I say of no practical use I lie as it is my long term memory,  well when I say long term I mean more that three days ago.

Farwell rope I hope the world treats you fairly and does not just string you along . . . . . . . . . .HAHAHAHHAH hahah ah ah haah hahha hah ah hahahhahah hahahah hahahahhah ahhah ahahhahahahaha

it’s a joke but Knot a good one  HaAHAHAHAH ah hah ah ah ah ha hah ah hah ah ah ha hah ah ha hah ah ah ah ahha a   

.

The Wrong Osborne and a Gooseberry Bush

Today was the first day of spring so I thought it best to add a few more layers of clothing because it was jolly cold, and while on the subject of jolly cold there was also a budget by Mr Osborne the Chancellor of the Exchequer. Now when I say Mr Osborne I do not refer to Ozzy Osborne because I think his budget would be a bit different and certainly far more entertaining, but sadly just as pointless. I have heard rumour that Poor old Ozzy may have finally lost the plot, well I guess he has had his moments over the years, but here in Britain he is a well loved institution and most folk will overlook the bad stuff. 

However George Osborne the Chancellor of the Exchequer is a less loved institution and most folk don’t overlook the bad stuff and shout at him loads and quite often think he has lost the plot. He always seems a bit strange to me and I have never entirely worked out why, maybe it is because he reminds me of one of dads Steam Powered Zombies that I mentioned last night, but to date he has never turned up at the front door and hugged dad and said HELLO GRANNY. The other thing I can’t hear is if he hisses you see steam powered Zombies do hiss due to the steam, but the problem is people keep hissing at him and so if he does hiss I can’t hear it.  Mum says he’s mad but the theory is that only someone mad would want to be Chancellor of the Exchequer  . . . . . . Well mad or a zombie, me thinks.

  

In less interesting news I was attacked by a gooseberry bush today which was not nice those things have spikes all over them (the bushes not the gooseberries) I think it may have been protecting its young because under the gooseberry bush were baby gooseberry bushes, maybe that’s where that stupid saying came from about babies and gooseberry bushes that meant our class spent several days crawling about in the mud during the sex education lesson sometime ago given by Miss Davies at school, who finally cracked after a school inspection and ran off to become a nun. Actually I think the final straw may have been accidently running into Mr Jones the Alien hunter in the woods, apparently she told the headmaster she saw things that night she would never want to see again.

And finally I have caught the Ghost Writer disease and cant find a couple of cables that I thought were in my bag of important things, that has things in it although not two cables that I thought were…… I will blame the Cat because its smaller than me, or better still I will blame George Osborne everyone will believe that and BOO at him (again). 

.

.

.

The Temple of Emperor Curisitytea Confusionox

It appears that things have sort worked against us today as I spent a good deal of the day helping the Ghost Writer hunt for a couple of IT discs. Neither of us have found the discs and we are not sure why. It is a tricky situation because the Ghost Writer is as scatty as I am and really cant remember what he did with them, but on the other hand he tends to do all his serious IT stuff in the same place, so there is little reason for the discs not to be there. Luckily they are not particularly critical discs but it is all a bit strange that they are not easily to hand, and this sort of thing happening does mess with the Ghost Writers head, he thinks it’s all part of a conspiracy theory to drive him mad . . . . . . It appears to be working rather well if it is. Anyway that took care of much of the day although the Ghost Writer did manage to do some proper work too so that is good because I did not.

This evening I have been drumming with my drumming colleague and it will be a few weeks until we get together again now, as he is off jet setting to the Turkish Syrian border for a holiday to look at the ancient ruins of a secret temple built thousands of years ago by a secret society who it is said liked to build secret temples to confuse mankind thousands of years in the future, much in the same way as my diary; so that when they are reading this in five thousands years they will think it is all true word for word unaware that my diary  makes things a little more flowery and exciting than they maybe are. So as long as no one spills the beans so to speak and says things like Zombies are really all quite harmless and are really vegetarians, eating the spilt beans all will be well, it would be amusing to think that in thousansa of years time folk think Zombies are scary . . . . . . .  Still me and the Ghost Writer are real enough although I am not sure about his discs.. … . . . I think he is going mad, hopefully in five thousand years he might have found them.

Oooooo and don’t worry too much about my drumming colleague, he says he will not be too close to Syria but he will be at a secret temple, but not drumming.  Just think only last week he was in Birmingham, so he certain lives a jet set life style these days, although he says the flight is with Easy Jet so he is taking his own sandwiches with him for the flight.

.

Ooooo I love this little song I used to play it very loud in Australia 

.

Cats and Cables and The End of the World

Oooooooo the world has suddenly woken up to the fact that the world is due to end on the 21^st December, well golly gosh and not before time after all I have explained exactly what to expect (cheese, gulls, aliens maybe a chicken and yod) but have the masses paid any attention to my detailed analysis of the situation, no.  Its really strange its almost as if they think I am mad or something and just talking a whole load of rubbish.

I will admit I think I might be going a bit mad, my spat of loosing things is not going well as I lost a key piece of paper today it was the piece of paper with a secret code word on it, apparently if we all shout this code word on the 21^st Dec it will trigger a reaction that will halt the End of the World but as I say I have sort of put it somewhere safe. I am not sure where this safe place is but I am beginning to think it must be a decent size because every day it appears to have more stuff in it. The dog has said it is probably best not to tell the world that I have sort of mislaid the piece of paper that would save everyone because they might get a bit annoyed with me and shout a lot. Shout almost everything in fact except the right word.

One of the great frustrations of the last few days is that I appear to have lost more than I have achieved. The dog has expanded this principle into his own theory on The Great Apocalypse and thinks it will all come to an abrupt end not because of Huge Cheese Slices, Space Gulls and Angry Aliens and just maybe a Chicken, but as a result of me putting the world in a safe place. I have told the dog it might be a good idea because if the world was in a safe place the aliens would never find it and it would be safe, and even I could not loose something as big as the World (I think).

We also think that Harry the Cat might be in cahoots with the aliens because he has taken to watching us from round corners, lurking in the shadows and just wagging his tail. Cats wagging tails is not like dogs wagging tails, cats wagging tails is not good, this can confuse a dog who will think the cat is happy and wants to play.  So I think we all need to keep our eyes on cats for a few days to make sure they are not part of The Apocalypse

I am told that another telltale sign that the End is Nigh is scrambled cables, cables of a certain length can pick up the oscillations that are emitted by encroaching doom and will twist together for protection in the same way eels do and cows when being stalked by rabbits (hang on that sounds wrong. This encyclopaedia might have been cheap but its rubbish). Anyway I noticed evidence of this effect today and have recorded the photographic evidence for you all to see.

.

Can I find the lost world before the end of the world . . . and fairy lights

I spent much of the day searching for the thing I could not find, and believe it or not did not find it, typical.  But being resourceful I was able to do an improvised option that is almost as good as what I was trying to do in the first place, so that was sort of good. However I then discovered that my trusty old hifi was using a fancy low profile power connector, something I did a long time ago to save on space in its cabinet, but guess what I can not find the other half of the low profile connector. O really this is very frustrating for a simple scrambled brain, I have seen it somewhere maybe it is in the safe place with the other item I have put in a safe place. One of the problems is that we have loads of stuff (no really I mean loads), we tend to look after it so as time goes by it forms large piles. I think one of the reasons that things do get looked after is no doubt the fact that for most of the life of the item no one knows where it is.

So I am now almost exactly where I was yesterday only the part I am looking for is a different part, please note laughing is not an option or when the aliens turn up on the 21^st to instigate the End of the World I will be giving them the names of anyone who sniggers.

In other news we noticed tonight that the house on the little hill across the road a bit, appears to have gone into competition with fairy lights, well sort of competition as they have one long string of lights (say 150 to 200) that flashes and does other things where we have just over 3000 so no competition there me thinks. OK ours are white and just sort of stay on, glowing at the world but then 3000 plus fairly lights flashing might mean we get confused with the aliens on the 21^st  and that would never do. I was rather pleased to see that at least one of two mainstream media companies have finally taken note of the 21^st,  and so far it appears that the worlds most authoritative expert of the events that are due to befall us all on that date is me.  I have written down everything in great detail about the End of the World in a special notebook and put it in a safe place so it does not get lost . . . . . . . . . .AH DAMN.

Oooooo and I have just saved someone I think from a dodgy solar panel salesman who wanted to charge loads for solar panels that would end up pointing north, why do some folk have no consciences and will con people, even little old ladies.